Ep. 4: Slap Her On The (Censored)

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. Views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Fed up with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

We do what we love, work, party, and play at the Desire resort. After 15 years in a lifestyle together, we thought we saw it all, but we were so wrong. So wrong. Oh my God, so wrong.

Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day. So come to room 77. Let's play. We have started.

Bear with me. We've been avoiding this because you've been sick. Yes, now I gave it to you and now you gave it to me. So we're doing this because we're running out of time and our listener needs another podcast.

Yes, our listener, we have a kind of a lot to talk about. A lot has happened since the last time we spoke to one another, which is we only speak to each other when we're doing the podcast. Only on through microphones. It keeps it fresh.

So we went to a wedding at Desire. That was our first. We've been at the hotel when we've seen other weddings. We've seen them from afar, yeah, from afar, but this was our first one that we attended, um, friends of ours, yeah, friends, uh, Jay and Emily were getting married at the hotel and they invited, uh, a kind of a small group of people.

It was really nice, except for the one couple that we hated. You know, I knew this wedding was coming 678 months ago, and I knew they were going to be there, and I just, I. I just hate that awkwardness. Well, it's a couple that we met at the hotel who we never had sexual encounters, thank God, but they did come to the workshop.

They did come to the workshop and we befriended them, but then the friendship fell because in my opinion, she's a crazy person. But this happens to people. It happens to a lot of people. I actually heard it yesterday that are friends with her.

No friends with couples they've met at the resort and then they have a falling out and then they have to avoid each other. Oh, sure, sure. Anyway, you went out of your way to avoid them. I went out of my way to avoid them, and then they talked to you, while I wasn't there, and you ruined my whole evil plan to not talk to them.

He caught me off guard and I'm, well, they made sure to do it while you were here and then I was like, OK, whatever. I don't want to talk about them anymore. No more energy devoted to them. One of the things that I loved about the wedding, besides the two of them being blissful.

in love was DJ Willis. I love DJ Willis, uh, the DJ over at RM, one of the DJs. He's just like, I don't know, you can find him on Facebook, you can find him on the desire website. It's, it's, he's just the coolest motherfucker.

He's on SoundCloud. He's, he's a DJ, wears those straight brimmed hats. He has like cool jewelry, a lip ring, he paints half of his nails black. I would encourage people to seek him out at at.

Desire. Yeah, he was also on the cruise this past cruise. He's really, really talented and he's a cool motherfucker. So while everything was going along, the wedding, I mean, we were over, yeah, everything went over.

Everything was so the time, by the time she actually walked down the aisle, we were already supposed to be up and sitting dinner, no, starting dinner, starting, yeah, and they went and took pictures on the beach and it was taking forever, so I disappeared. And wound up on like the chew or something where I was just eating everything made for that night and I was stuck at that point. I didn't need dinner and I felt bad for you because I knew you were hungry. Yeah, but that I was like, save yourself at that point and just ate everything, a little taste test with this private tasting with Paris.

I did. I had a private tasting with with Paris. I think that you went up there because this little, uh, Venezuelan dancer who had been standing off to the side. In her tiny sequined shorts.

Oh, and you were like, I can't wait for her to start dancing anymore. I keep staring at her. I need to take myself out of the situation. I'm going to go eat with Paris.

No, that's not what happened at all, but I do want to speak about her. Her name is Millie. I feel like Veronica Flores. I think, I think we broke up.

Yeah, well, I feel like maybe you're on a sabbatical. I don't know, but I feel like we broke up because I've, I've, I've reached out to her a couple of times now and I haven't heard back, so we're. They're fighting or we're over. Anna has moved away from the hotel.

I have not heard from her since, not a text. Well, you never got her number, so it's hard to stay in touch. That being said, I found someone else, and her name, her name is Millie. Millie from Venezuela.

Yeah, so Millie is going to be my new favorite girlfriend, but she's also my favorite girlfriend, which I rarely, rarely have. This girl Millie, who does one of the shows at. Pearl or both. I don't even know.

Oh yeah, I don't know if she does both, but I know she's for sure Pearl. Oh my God, yeah, she's so hot, but we have one problem with this. She only likes women. She only likes you.

I just don't think that she's very interested in me. I cock blocked you. Yeah, but even though I don't think that like the two of you went off and I was talking to her producer who spoke English. She did not.

Speak any English and I was really tongue tied with her so my Spanish, which is not great anyway, was extra poor. So I was talking to her producer and he's like, um, oh no, it was DJ Willis and she said something in Spanish to DJ Willis and I'm like, what did she say? And he goes, she thinks you're smoking hot. Oh my God, what is wrong with you?

Why are you not why I grabbed her hand and we went to the. The altar where Jay and Emily got married and she bent down and I'm pretty sure we got married. I threw rose petals on her. So you guys, so I for the rest of the night was calling her my wife's wife, yeah, even though she didn't speak English, but um this isn't like a polygamy thing though.

This is just like it's the two of you running off into the sunset sort of thing. But I'm like I get so nervous and I'm such a chicken. You have to do something. I know, well.

I tried to, I tried. I invited her to dinner. I wanted her to come up to the dinner, and her producer said no, it's unprofessional, which I'm sure it is, but I wanted to, I wanted to kidnap her because you already ate. I knew you weren't eating at dinner.

Yeah, I, yeah, she cut my chair. Yeah, so he said no. So he, she had to sit in the disco, which was freezing for the whole time we were gone. So I checked.

Why are you not closing the? Deal on this. I don't know how clothes deals with women. This is a topic we talk about all the time.

This is, uh, there's a whole different podcast. It is. I suck. I suck at stage one and I suck at the closing stage, whatever stage that is.

All right, well, I don't care what you do. I need to touch her ass. And you're laughing naked or with my tongue. I need to, oh, no, no, I either will do.

OK. I'm touching myself right now. Yeah, I need to, I need to, I need to touch that. I don't care if we have to do it in a way where I'm hiding in the room and I come out and just touch it, but whatever it is, I know we don't really play alone, but the, the all, all bets are off with this one.

You guys can. She's so intimidating to me when it goes to flying solo. I don't know. How to roll with it.

And then she was in the, yeah, the whole time we were at dinner, she had to sit in the disco by herself freezing, right? So while you were in there saving her from hypothermia, I was giving you time, like I was staying outside giving you time because there is a possibility you'd end up in the playroom naked, that you'd wind up in the playroom naked or something. But you know, I love how your brain works, but it doesn't happen. You bring your tea.

I bring her tea. Like I like I'm so, I don't know why I get so intimidated by women. I don't understand, but it look, it doesn't matter. Well, can we talk about how I, she kept asking if I was going to stay for the show, stay for the show, and I thought that's because she wanted me made it worse.

I thought she wanted me to stay and like watch her dance. Like watch me dance for you sexy. And I'm like, Yeah, I want to stay for the show. She brought you up on stage, undressed you.

She's naked. You're naked. I pulled her hair. She rubbed, she scratched me with her nails.

Like she was like, Oh, I'm the Dom and you're my little bitch. It was so hot. Point is, the future is about me and Millie. OK, so whatever your past habits have been, put that aside for the.

Greater good of the tongue touching the ass. Yeah, it could just be a finger. I just need you to understand that this is what the universe wants. The universe wants the two of us together, and if that takes sacrificing you to be uncomfortable and more aggressive, I, I'll try.

I'm going to go every night that she does the show. What night does she do the show? Tuesday. That was a Tuesday.

Well, anyway, it was really hot and I'm not going to be happy until I stick my dick in her. Was that the rule? Yes, that's going to happen. So I'm here with a beautiful young couple who just came to the art of Tooni.

You can say hi you guys. It's not like we're just all here, we're just all here on a small phone. I just want to tell you guys that you warmed my heart so much but when you said that you listened to the podcast. And you're first timers here and it actually eased your.

It did. We, we're the newbies that did tons of research. Part of the research was actually the desire forums. Somebody mentioned your guys' podcast, and so we had a long drive after dropping off our kids and wait, after or before?

After dropping off. OK, good, because I just wanted to make sure that you didn't listen to a bunch of sexually explicit podcasts with your children in the car. No, OK, good. It was after and we were driving back and we listened to all the podcasts, and it was amazing for my wife.

It was actually what eased her into anal. Yeah, no, she's good with that already. We loved it. We were excited about coming out here.

And then when we did get out here, we felt like we already knew what to expect. And we made sure that we, we have to be at the class. It, it just, it made, it made it easier for me. You guys' class was wonderful.

Like, as soon as we walked out, we went back to the room. My wife was like, feel my panties. And so I took them and they're so wet. I rang them out and it was like a faucet.

And I was watching you. I'm talking to the wifey. I revved up on you. There was this intensity that sort of came over you like what went through your brain?

I'm like enjoying myself, but I wanna do the return favor. I enjoy pleasuring him big time. It it's just watching him have the amazing experience. It makes me happy.

Well, welcome to your second home, your house of debauchery, and we are happy. To have been a part of your decision making process, we hope that more people like you that are young and hot, just ready to sort of embrace what the, it doesn't necessarily mean the lifestyle is about, but what the hotel is about desire is really special. It's a special place. Everybody at least should come here once and they will be hooked for life like us.

And you have no clue of what to expect until you get here, you know, it's completely different than what you think it is. Everybody is just amazing. We've met so many people, we're not pressured into anything. Like we actually haven't done anything with anybody, just enjoyed each other big time.

Once they get to meet you once or twice, they know you by name, they greet. when you walk around, it just, it makes you feel like you're home and it's just amazing. I thought it was just going to be a full out swinger fest and, you know, I'd have to protect my wife and all of that, and it's not. It really isn't.

It's just people coming out and enjoying the ambience and everything that this place has to offer. The staff is amazing. The pools, the beaches, the classes, the workshops have been extraordinary. The food here is top-notch, and all the alcohol, like, we've had some drinks that we've never had before.

And you don't get to experience that, you know, the all-inclusive is really where it's at. So she has already said that we've had, we have to make this, uh, yearly vacation. We would be so happy to have you back. Check.

Is that how loud you're going to talk? Uh, no, that was I, because I was doing, I was doing chocolate Rain because I needed to take a breath, but I didn't want to lean away from the microphone and take a breath like chocolate Rain. What it feels like to me is you before you left, because you did leave right before you went upstairs and you came back downstairs. To me, it seems like you went upstairs, took a Quaalude.

And came back downstairs. That's how you're acting. I wish we had Quaaludes upstairs. I almost died this week and I feel like our listeners should know that I almost died from a cold.

You're still, you still sound a little nasally. I am a little nasally. True story. You went to the doctor and he gave you a shit ton of medicine, antibiotics, and steroids and steroids.

I went to the doctor and he gave me two Advil. He gave me like Claritin. And and some ibuprofen. Um, all right, so how was your day today?

We went up to, uh, to desire on our day off, which we haven't been able to do lately. And we went up and we got uh some sun, which we needed because we were way too pale for naked sex workers. Yes, I think that's a prerequisite is you should have a nice tan, and not that it was a contest of who got more sun today, but I won. No, yeah, I think I won.

So the other thing that happened to, we went up there with one intention, which was just get some sun, possibly get an interview from a couple up there, and we didn't know any couples, and we wound up having spontaneous, almost anonymous sex with a couple. Love it. Yeah, so that happened. It's my favorite.

That just happened. Yeah, like 2 hours ago. Yeah, like 2 hours ago, like so fresh. Yeah, I haven't even showered yet.

I haven't showered since Tuesday. I, we ran into this couple that we saw back in March, and we're like, hey, what's up, do you remember us? And they did, and I don't know, we were laying out all day. So we met, we met this couple and we were like, hey, you remember us?

And they're like, hey. Yeah, and again, not swingers. So we, again, once again, have somehow had full penetrative sex with non-swingers. Full swap.

Swinger, non-swinger, yeah, full swap non-swinging swingers. Um, they, uh, but they, they were fucking fantastic. It was really hot. It was really fun.

It's, I think it's what you were talking, remember when you were talking to, I don't remember who it was, and you're saying living on the fringe is the best place to be. I think so, yeah, when you're sort of 1 ft in, in that, because you're perpetually sort of living in that, oh, yeah, oh, this is. Exciting as opposed to let's go on a date and a meet and greet, which can get pretty fucking boring. Yeah.

But if you are not really in the lifestyle, you just, it's everything's sort of spontaneous. Well, it lives in the fantasy, right? It lives in your head. Everything stays in fantasy world between the two of you anymore with them.

And we took that fantasy and we made it reality. Fuck the shit out of them is what we did. If I could reach you, I'd high five you right now. Your pussy was great.

Pussy was great today. That's what I would say to my team. Good team, good team. Good, good job.

Good game. Good game. Good pussy. I'd slap your pussy like a baseball player.

We should start today. We should do that. Can you imagine if we did that after, after class? Good work, after a non-swinging full swap.

Yeah, good work. Good work, slap them on the pussy. But I think we're gonna, we're going to wind up seeing them again. But they, they, I told her she should do the class with me and give you a day off.

Oh yeah, I don't know if that's going to happen, but we'll see. So, but I think their expression, their eyes were so wide afterwards, and they just stared at us and they went, holy. Shit, I never ever thought that we were going to do something like that. I, and we said we have to go home.

She said, don't leave. Don't leave. We're going to feel weird if you leave. No, it was like, um, it's not like we raped them.

I mean, I don't want it to sound like that. No, no, no, no, no, it started playfully on the bed on the beach. So we're on the beach and it started because they came over and she was talking about how his Dick gets hard if the wind blows like that expression, like if the wind blows, he's, he's hard. He's hard.

And she said, I'm sure he's hard right now, just standing here. And I said, take your pants off. And he said, take your pants off, prove it. It's fucking hard.

So then she told us, uh. That uh he gets hard. He comes 5 times during a fuck session, which is like, I'm dehydrated just thinking about it. He's never not hard.

Well, he can, he's one of those that can come and then give him 5 minutes and he's ready to go again. And he did. He was always hard. He was, and he came and I didn't know that he came because he just kept on fucking her.

He needed like, did you do like a scorecard or something? ding ding ding. That was round one. Something.

I didn't think anything was going to happen. I just wanted to see his cock because I had already seen it by the pool and I was like, what a perfect opportunity to make him take his pants off so I can look at his cock again. Oh, that's weird that you make guys take off their pants. I mean, it's not it's a nude, it's a nude place.

Yeah, but it's not normal. It's not like I meet a girl and I'm like, what's your name, Michelle? Michelle, take off your tongue. Michelle, I'm gonna have to see your tits.

It seems to have to see your tits. I'm gonna have to see your tits and then I slap her on the pussy and send her on her way and say good job. All right, so we, uh, I'm going to get into more of the podcast stuff and launching and all of that crap later. I can't right now because we've got so many wonderful messages and, and stuff from a lot of the podcast community and and and a lot of others, but.

I don't have everybody's name straight with the shows and what they said. I wanted to have that in front of me, but um I'm not ignoring everybody. I'm gonna do it next time. So what else?

Uh, we really have no point in recording tonight, just that we had cool sex. We are going to play, it's like the newlywed Game. We're calling it the, let's see if we get divorced game. Alright, so we, we both wrote out some questions.

We're going to see how well we know one another, how well we, uh, how healthy our marriage is. I mean, I don't know if it's really healthy a gauge for health. I just think that it's, we're doing a theme, we're doing games this, this. We are, but we sort of fell flat because we're going to play 3 games and we only have 2.

I don't want to talk about it. I failed. Failed everyone. Yeah, so we have 5 questions for the game, and we're going to ask the question and then they'll catch.

I think they'll get it. So the first question is, at the hotel, staff or anybody there, if you had to marry somebody there, who would it be? OK, I'm going to guess what you wrote down for yourself. What, what do you think I wrote?

I think you wrote Rocky. Rocky, I did. Rocky, the front desk guy with the two different colored eyes, Yes, who walks and breathes like a 7 year old. Yeah, I would take Rocky as a son, but not like a pet, but not as a wife.

OK. I wrote Josie. You did. Yeah.

Do you want to know why? I almost wrote Hoy because you get along so well. I feel like she would take care of me. Oh.

Yeah, I do. She would. My guess for you is Paris, the chef. Paris is the number 2.

I wrote him in. You don't get a 1. I wrote him in parentheses. Who is your number 1?

Hayley. Hayley, Hayley at RM. Yeah. Why?

Because she's hot. Yeah, and I, you suck. I feel like we, you two would be a mess together. Yes, that's why I.

Hailey, you guys would be dead inside two hours you'd be dead. Thelma and Louise on a fucking hot titty mess of excursion. I want to remind you, Thelma and Louise drove off a cliff at the end they did. We would maybe do that.

You don't know. All right, second question. OK, but I did have or parrots in parentheses. All right, well that I win.

I win that one. All right, question two, when I see a naked man or when I see a naked woman, the first. The thing that I look at or notice is what? Now I think that you wrote anus.

No, you don't. I wrote eyes. Oh, tattoos, tattoos. I look for tattoos.

That's the first thing I look for. I don't know why. I always, my eyes always go to ink first. If I'm just looking at someone physically, like how some people are like, Oh, I look at their tits.

If this is naked, tattoos. Listen, a lot of people have sunglasses. I don't know who you are. I we might get a divorce.

That's how this game ends. All right, what is mine? You look at their ass. Ass.

That is correct. That is the correct answer for me because I am your husband and you know what I like and then man. You, I almost wrote eyes, but then I was like I need to be more creative because eyes isn't really like you're going to Sturgis on a Harley. Haley and with Haley and Paris and the sidecar with Haley.

All right, question number, question number 3. My biggest turnoff is what my guess for you is bad teeth. Oh God, so here, what did you write? Put in the what did you for the, what did you write?

Body hair. Holy shit. No, that's for you. Body hair is for me.

Yeah, that's my biggest turnoff. Oh no, wait, I wrote body hair for me. Yes, by the way, your biggest turnoff is people who eat the buffet to pieces. No, that's a, that's a personality type.

It's true, but that is a personality type, you know, Body hair is, is, is a viable answer. Although I don't meet a lot of hairy women. Oh no, that's my turn off is body hair. No, you have one more chance to save our marriage.

By the way, there's no way if we're doing this as a percentage. We can't even pass this test at this point. I can, you can't. Go ahead, one more guess.

What is my biggest turnoff? Um, stupid jewelry. Oh my God, I couldn't give a shit about jewelry. No, overly drunk people.

Overly drunk. People forget it. Fucking forget it. That's the same as people.

That's a personality trait. Someone that I meet and I'm like, I'm just turned off because she's too drunk. How many times have I said that? Does this sound more familiar?

I'm just, I'm just turned off because she's hairy. She won't remember. Alright, fucking number 4. Alright, this, this is going nowhere, this one.

Here we go. This is gonna be a tough one. Alright, if you were a plate of food, what kind of food would you be? You would be a sausage.

I did not put a sausage. Why? I, I don't know, maybe I should have put sausage. I put cheesesteak.

I don't know why. I don't know why. This one's a hard one, but for you, I put ice cream. Oh, that would have been so good.

You didn't put ice cream. I put a salad. Oh my God, I would be a salad because I'm cold, but with many ingredients and fresh, fresca. I don't know.

It's the first thing that came to my mind. It was a really hard question. It wasn't that hard. You should have been a sausage.

I'm going to blame it on you. Last question. I wish that we would spend more time doing blank and less time doing blank. Wait, we, oh shit, I, I, because I did me.

All right, I wish I spent more time doing blank and less time doing blank. OK. What did I write? What is my answer?

You wish you could spend more time at the gym and less time worrying. I put, I wish I could. Spend more time sleeping and less time awake. Oh God, that's not what you have on your paper.

No, I put, well, for I, I, I put originally, I, I not you. I didn't answer your question yet. 00 yeah, you have to guess, right? And if I get this, then I win.

Yeah, if you would get this, you wish that you could spend more time at the gym. I mean less time at the gym and more time traveling. Oh my God. Traveling, and less time doing bills.

I was going to write bills. I almost wrote the gym. You should have wrote Jim. This is all your fault.

All right, well, you've seen it. We just got married again. That was such a great reunion. It's beautiful when one person loves another.

Person to know things about them. Almost get it right. It's, it's beautiful. It's that I got some right and you got, hold on, let me count you up.

Let me count you up sausage, none. You got none right. I didn't get anything right. No, really?

No, Harry. That game was a good idea. Can you imagine if it was a drinking game, it would be so fun. Well, it's now it's a drinking game.

It's me drinking away my sorrows. Millie's gonna be so knowing all of the answers. Millie would have gotten more right. She would have, she would have written it in Spanish, and she doesn't know me or speak English.

She would have got more right. That's it. To our listener. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm available. Beautiful. We're on the beach right now.

We're enjoying this time together. You guys have been married for how long? We have been married just over 5 years now. 5 years, 5 years, and you think you know each other?

Oh yeah, absolutely. I think I do. How about him. I love him.

I hope so. He just got you a beer, so be nice. All right, so we asked a few questions and you guys don't know the answers to each other's questions, but I'm going to ask you for your hubby, we asked him if you would ever have sex for money, and if so, how much would that amount be? What do you think his answer was?

I think his answer was no because I would never do that. That is correct score. Yes, you can kiss. Here comes the bag.

We asked her the same question about you. What do you think she said? God damn, I'm thinking probably not, absolutely not, not for money. We're not about money.

Here, here it is. She said no. Yay. Hey, you did not get divorced yet.

Try not to get divorced. Let's not get divorced again. That's what we're going to call it. All right, so second question we asked, when you think someone is attractive, what is the first thing your eye goes to?

So we asked both of you the same question. Now you, what do you think that your wife said is the first thing that you look at? What do I think that my wife says the first thing that I look at? I don't even understand what I just asked.

What part of the body? You guys, wow. Not getting a divorce so far. All right, now what did your wife say when we asked her?

Oh, I am totally a fucking wiener watcher. Oh my God, you guys, you're killing me. That's the first thing I look at. Oh, hell no.

Oh, you're killing me. We should like cut this shit off. Right, I know, no, we need to keep going. You guys are gonna go 4 for 4.

We're gonna go turnoffs. We asked both of you what your turnoffs are. So my friend, my amigo, what is her biggest turnoff? Just like a loud, boisterous, can't quit talking personality that just like trying to talk over everybody.

You got your first one wrong. It's smelly people. I don't like smelly people. They, you know, smelly people are disgusting.

I don't even wear, I don't even wear cologne. All I wear is like deodorant. She means like stinky, like naturally smelly. I didn't know that.

You're enriching our marriage. Now we know. OK. What is the thing that turns him off?

I snorted. I snorted. What is it? Loud, boisterous personalities that just like can't quit talking.

It's really? Oh damn it, damn it. So the papers are out. I'm getting it, but not necessarily more.

This one's an easy one. You're coasting together. Here we go. here we go.

Ask you both the same question. We said, finish this sentence and we said, I would like to spend more time doing blank and less time doing blank. She would like to spend more time at her home in Montana and less time at work doing what? Oh, more time fucking and less time fighting, bitching.

I'll take that. I'll take that. I will take that. I just put bitching.

There you go, more time fucking, less time bitching. Yes, you're 7. I thought we were the same. I thought it was more time fucking and less time bitching, more time.

That's what I meant for I said fishing, more time fishing and less time working, yes. That's exactly what I said. They're both orgasmic experiences. You guys did amazing.

Thank you so much. All right, so how was your day? We've started, by the way. Yeah, we started.

I, um, I think I had a hole in my cup in the jacuzzi because it went out really fast. So I had two drinks in the jacuzzi after the workshop. It was kind of the perfect day for me, except the only thing that ruined it was that jack off who grabbed you in the jacuzzi at like the very end of the day slash night. I mean, and you fell.

For it hook line and sinker. I was like, hey, I thought he was just in the workshop. Nope. No, he was not.

No, he was just Mr. Grabby hands. Hey, And the pickup line, which by the way, if you're out there, if, if someone is actually listening to this, and you say to a woman, or you have the inclination to say to a woman, I like women who keep in shape. Oh, just shoot yourself.

Just before you say it, stick a gun in your mouth, just blow your brains out. But then he tried to like shovel himself out and say, you, and then he was like, you guys, you both obviously keep in shape because what I've started to do now, like when you wear your invisible cloak, I start to like do a spin like I'm a football wide receiver. Yeah, but then I said to him, because I was like, I'm going to be a dick because this guy's kind of a dick, a dick. So he said, Well, you and your husband, I guess, yeah, whatever, whatever he said.

And I looked at you and I went, Who is your husband? I know you are. I'm like, Oh, and his response doesn't have to be. And I fucking spun out of there, but I squeezed your shoulder, whatever, dude.

Oh no, I already knew like after that split second of thinking, I thought you were in the workshop. That's why I gave you a hug, and you weren't, and you just fucking took advantage. Of it and I was like, I'm out. All right, so tonight you're going to just go into it like that.

Yeah, because I don't want to give them any more of my energy. Oh, but why do we have to go right into the project? There's other things about the day that, oh, that were nice. We played.

Yeah, we played beer pong with our friends. You won. I did win because you're the winner winner chicken dinner. Yeah, I mean, it's just a good day.

I think I enjoyed it because I didn't go to the gym. I mean, usually we go to. The gym, work out, and then go to the pool. And it's, it was just a little bit more mellow.

We had more time, showed up, didn't have to rush anywhere and there was no band. Well, that, yeah, I gave it like a normal day where we could hang out by the pool. And Fridays and Saturdays are fun by the pool. Yeah, I like, but when they have the band on the beach, it takes out the it takes the resort away from us a little bit.

Yeah, that is selfish. You know, it's selfish, but we're only there for. or 3 hours. So if a band plays 1 hour and a half, and those 3 hours, that's half of our time.

You should complain about your job and where you work. I'm going to write a letter. You should write a strongly worded letter. And we met a few people, met that guy who was sitting next to us, and you sat down and started talking to him, and he started getting an erection while you're talking to him.

I love that. I love when that happens. I love it. Um, and he wound up coming to the workshop, having a fantastic time.

As far as the other workshops. This week, one thing that I want to touch on was not really touch on, but I don't know what the moon and the stars are doing right now, but there's a lot of people crying in the workshop. That's the name of my new album. There's a lot of people crying in the workshop.

That's a long title. Well, maybe it's just a song title then. Maybe a working title. All right.

But anyway, and moanners and moanners, not boners, but people like moaning like. And I'm specifically talking about the guys on because it's something that I get such a rise out of. I get so tickled. I know, because I can't get you to leave because we have to move on to get to the other people.

And if you're with a moaner, you like staying with them. To make them moan more and like, yeah, we have other fucking people to do here. Yeah. All right, so one of the things that you and I talk about all the time is we get bombarded with a lot of questions, and rightfully so.

People are like, you're here every week, and you speak English, so I can ask you a bunch of shit. We get a lot of weird comments about the resorts, uh, that we often hear, um, and sometimes we're surprised by them, sometimes we are put off by them, and I don't think we're even going to be able to cover all of the things in one segment. I have a whole page full. I have like 9 pages of chicken scratch that is completely.

I don't know how to describe my handwriting. I just was like, well, I'm going to have to cross that out. And I did mine in print, this one word, and then I did, but not the first letter, and I'm like, it's still, I can't read it. But mine goes between a chimp that was trained how to use a pen.

And then sometimes a high school girl like writing a note in high school, like chemistry. Do you dot your I's with little hearts? Sometimes. That's sometimes they're little circles.

Yeah. I'm not even going to get into the spelling part. There are words where I start writing them and realize I don't know how to spell it, so I just stop. So it's.

I just, I just stopped. All right, anyway, you have your set of questions. I do. I, I wrote my set of questions on my half written, half torn piece of paper.

I have my set of questions. We're going to ask these as true and false to one another, and then we're going to have to answer them. And I don't know what your questions are. I mean, yeah, I don't know what your questions are.

I have not seen mine. I have not seen yours. You have not seen mine. Uh, if we have the same one, we'll.

Can we make like a buzzer sound like a game show if you want to. OK, only if you really want to. I do. OK.

OK. So who starts? Rock, paper, scissors. You want to do rock, paper, scissors?

Yeah, throw on 31230, I did it wrong. OK, you lose. I go first. That's how that works.

Yeah. If I say throw on 3 and you throw on 4, then I automatically get to go first. I can't count either. No, God.

OK, there, true or false? True or false, false. You are forbidden to use electronic devices by the pool. That includes Kindles, iPads, iMacs, no, MacBooks, iMacs, that is giant servers.

That is false. That is false. You can use, and people do use, uh, electronic devices, including phones by the pool. They're reading them, they're on them, they're texting.

They sometimes bring their entire laptops down to the pool, which is something that we're not really. fond of, but everyone's aware. Everyone's aware, right? But it's not like, oh, I can't even send a text.

I can't read an article. I can't, I can't answer this text from my secret girlfriend back home. Whatever you're, whatever you're doing. That is false, I think.

All right. All right, my turn into true or false. You'll get into a lot of trouble if you get caught having sex on the beach. The answer is false.

The answer is false. It is true that. They hang that rule up only if someone complains, and even then they're going to say, uh, just don't, they don't care. They don't really care where you're having sex.

They really don't care, except in the water, except in the water because hygienically, it's kind of disgusting. It's a problem. Yeah, I mean, people just don't enjoy your bodily fluids in their fluids, in their surrounding fluids in their surrounding fluids because we have to share that fluid. So yeah, so everywhere, but the pool and in the jacuzzi is game on.

All right, what is your next question? True or false. Everyone in the hotel is either a swinger or is in the lifestyle. Absolutely true.

It's fucking perverts. No, it's false. It's false. I'd say it's, it's less than 50/50.

Is that possible to be less than 50/50? Maybe, if it's not a full occupancy, it's like 40 that makes sense. I don't know. No, but it's not true.

I'd say it's half half, really half half. Well, we talked about this. I mean, I think in another segment that there's people who are not being honest with themselves. I have no idea.

I'm not good at, I'm not a statistic person. It's my turn. All right, true or false. Sometimes when you go to Mexico, you get kidnapped.

Maybe true. You said sometimes. That is true, but mostly false. Mostly false.

Mostly false. It is not really common. Kidnappings are common here. They're they're a great way of extortion.

That being said, it is not easy to collect ransom from an American or a Canadian or a Canadian, a foreigner. It is just, it is not easy for them to collect. They want bank accounts there, they want family members there, uh, so your chances of being kidnapped in Mexico if you are not from Mexico are pretty slim. You are a bad target for them.

You're a bad target. Uh, all right, true or false, you should be aware and respectful if you're a guy and you get an erection, you should be courteous enough to cover it up. No, why would you do that? I don't know.

Some people, no, so that's fine. Listen, if I'm by the pool and someone stands up with an erection, I'm going to be like, what was happening over there? You know, whatever. I want to know.

Do not cover it up. If you are naked, whether you're in the lifestyle or not, and you get an erection, just what is good, be proud. Yeah, what is good? Next question, true or false.

I cannot brush my teeth with the water in the faucet in the hotel. Wait, you can, I cannot. I should not brush my teeth with the faucet water in the hotel room. That is false.

That is false. It's false. It's, it's a, the fluoride will kill most of the bacteria, but the parts per per million or whatever it is, as far as the bacteria in the water here, uh, it's not enough, but That doesn't mean you can drink the water here because you can't. All right, but you don't have to use bottled water to brush your teeth.

OK. All right, I have one. They're true or false. There's a secret number that you can call at desire where they don't answer with the name of the hotel.

That is true. All right, 3, true or false, threesomes are allowed in the hotel. That's true. But what do you mean specifically threesomes?

I think you should rephrase that. OK, um, true. Fault, you are allowed to come to the hotel if you're a threesome. You mean bring an extra person.

That is sort of true. And why is that? Because in January and August you can bring threesome, you can have a threesome. Yes, that is true.

All right, um, true or false. Someone wearing a black rubber ring or a black ring on one of their hands means that they're a swinger. Um, false. It's actually It's still in that rumor stage.

Some people believe that if you wear the black ring on not your wedding hand, on your other hand, if you wear it on your right hand, it means you're in the lifestyle. Oh God, true or false, we see that all the time. We see it, true. We never see it.

When have you seen it? I don't know. Am I not winning? No, you're not winning like me.

I'm winning like beer pong. No, we've never seen it before. No, I see a lot of people with rings. All right, I mean, this is like another divorce that just has to happen immediately.

We've never, we've never seen it. I, I don't know what you can't say never because there's like during music festive it's a lot. OK. My next question is true or false.

The rooms at RM are way smaller than the rooms at Pearl. That's true. That's true. Unless you have one of those pimp rooms.

Yeah, those pimp casas, what are they called? I don't know what they're. I don't know. They're fucking awesome.

Super villas. All right, hit me with another question. The true or false, uh, we are in May right now of 2018. Uh, the seaweed problem is unbelievable.

Unbelievable good or unbelievable bad. I used the word problem, so you did, yeah, I said the seaweed problem is unbelievable. It is. I said problem, Your Honor.

True or false, there is a huge seaweed problem at both hotel beaches. That is true. However, I don't think there is a, however, it's yesterday, Thursday, it was the beautiful blue sea, sort of. It was.

I know, but it's kind of gross. I mean, from the non-winter months, the seaweed is a problem. It, it most of the time is disgusting. However, you can get on the low boat and if you seriously, if you go out like, well, you go.

To the dock, and hurl and swim. Yeah, it's just that first like 10 m or so. But yeah, that is for me, it's true. I mean, there's a huge problem and it is unbelievable.

True or false. A bunch of people are always walking by when you're lying out naked on the beach, people from other hotels. A bunch of people is very vague. Um, but there is foot traffic.

Definitely foot traffic. Uh, this is at Pearl, more so because town is really close. RM, I'm not so sure that there's as much foot traffic on the beach. There's so much more foot traffic at RM.

Really? Who do you, I honestly, I don't, not very observant. I can't play this game. I'm not playing this game.

I'm just cutting. I'm cutting the whole question. I have more. True or false?

True or false. There are ghosts at Pearl. I don't know how to fucking answer that. Yes, true, true.

That's true. You shit. No, it's a true story. There's a little girl and she goes, You've seen this girl.

And then there's a chef, or not a chef, there's a cook in the kitchen and the cook goes, All right, yeah, it's just, uh, I haven't seen any ghosts. And then put it on there. All right, true or false, it is dangerous to walk the beach for long stretches in Mexico at both desires. That is false.

That is false. That's false, right? I mean, the most dangerous thing that we ever encountered was getting tied up in someone's fishing line. I was gonna say.

Yeah, I mean, that's like the most dangerous. The thing was like at night, oh my God, I can't see the fishing line from these fishermen. And I was afraid I was going to get clotheslined. But we've walked a lot on the beaches in Mexico, both at night and during the day.

It's, it's peaceful. It's really peaceful and safe. All right. True or false, RM is younger and crazier.

I mean, it's true. I mean, the crowd is a bit younger there. They are a bit crazier there. I mean, I think it's true.

I mean, it does skew younger over there. They are a bit crazier, but the crazy is such a broad, I guess I think a general term for crazy would be they stay up later and drink more. That's true. That is true there.

All right, that was my last one. You said I could only have one more, so you, you have one. All right, true or false, people will immediately know it's your first time at desire as soon as they meet you. Yes, true.

Why? Because when you check into the hotel, they give you a nice bright yellow band. Well, we all have bands. I mean, we, everyone has a band.

It just depends on what color you are, and they've singled out, newcomers with yellow instead of white. Yeah, so unfortunately, or fortunately, I don't know, maybe, maybe people like it, maybe people like that. I don't know. True or false, I should pack workout clothes.

You personally, no, not from my trip. For the listener, for our listener, when they plan the trip to desire, true or false. Well, it's subjective. I don't know.

Do they want to work out? Well, yeah, basically what I'm saying, is it worth it? Is it worth bringing, you know, those tennis shoes that take up a lot of room? Should I actually pack that, or should I just say fuck it?

I say true, you should pack it. Yes, yeah. The gyms are actually decent there and there's cardio equipment. They're in the AC and they're nice.

And clean. So do it. Get a few days in. Oh, I have a good one.

I think I might be out. You are out. True or false? Yes.

Sometimes people go to desire with their family members. That's true. That's true. That is a true story.

That is true. Sisters, brothers, sometimes it is, it is absolutely true. So it is not unheard of. Don't freak out if somebody's there with their sister or their sister-in-law or It is Everybody has their own.

Everybody's got their own comfort level, and uh that is absolutely true. True or false, it's all inclusive, so we don't have to tip the staff. That is so fucking false. All right, so you, um, you're going away.

I'm gonna be leaving you. You're leaving me. You're finally leaving. I am leaving.

I can't believe you're leaving. I am gonna come back hoping that you pick me up from the airport still. All right, how many times have you guys, how many times have you've been here? This is 3, 3rd time here, uh, how many times have you been here?

For our listeners, there is a random lady here, Susan. Random who, uh, don't say. That's good. I don't care.

She doesn't care. Susan is a honey badger. She doesn't give a shit. I don't give a shit.

All right, here we go. Are you ready? Sex on the beach at Desire is forbidden. True or false?

True here at Pearl. It is false. You can actually, you can, it is, it is they, you will not get in trouble if, if, if you have sex with them. They will allow you to do it.

Do it the next time. Extend your trip. All right, true or false, sex. In the pool or jacuzzi is forbidden.

True or false? That is true. Thank you. Thank you, because we share all of that fluid as a decent human, we share that fluid.

It's not right. We appreciate you keeping your fluid separate from ours. True or false. If you're walking around in public and you get an erection, the polite thing to do is to hide it.

False, true, false. Don't hide it. Wood is good? No, advertise.

True or false, there is a ghost that lives at the hotel. Oh, True, I want it to be true. True, but I can't prove it, but my wife claims that there is a ghost that lives at the hotel. True or false?

I enjoy nipple play. True or false? True. It's false.

I, I don't love it. I don't love it. My wife thinks Eminem is hot and would fuck him in a second. True or false.

else. Unfortunately it's true, it is true, she loves Eminem so much. I know, no one can explain it. That's why I put it on the list.

When I was in high school, I attended a Rick Astley concert, true or false. True. It is sad, but it is true. I did.

Never gonna give you up, never gonna, yeah, yeah, yeah, it is true. Susan has the question. All right, Susan, here we go. You ready?

Have they ever had sex scuba diving? True or false, have they, have these two ever had sex scuba diving? True. I would say false because it seems kind of impossible.

No, not with these two. It's true. It is true. Yeah.

And that about does it for us. For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast.

Now get your clothes and get out.