Ep. 14: Roofies, Reviews, and Rapey Ray

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Fed up with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now. We do what we love. Work, party, and play at the Desire resorts. After 16 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all.

We were so wrong. So wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day.

So come to room 77. Let's play. All right, are you ready? I think so.

All right, this is, uh, it's gonna be a tough one. I don't know what we're doing. I don't know how, how was your day? I discovered we have a leak in the window.

I went to play it to fix a tire, and then I didn't want to break down, really. I just wanted you to tell me, like, in general, it was boring, but I did like driving and listening to my music. Well, that's sweet. Let me tell you a little bit about my day.

Tell me about your day. Now, I don't really, I'm not quite. Sure what furlough means, but the United States has been using the words. I've been seeing it in the news.

I just want to be a part of it. I mean, we have not been working in two weeks, and this has been, I think, our longest, really, yeah, it's like almost been as long as the, it's like we've been exiled. I feel like I was put in, um, isolation, yeah, a little bit. I had big plans for today.

I had a lot of stuff I was gonna get done, honestly, at 3:37. I looked down and I was still in my underwear. And I was like, I can't be in my underwear at 3:30. This is just not right.

So I was like, I have to get on with my day. I went upstairs and put on some crappy shorts to just get on with my life. Never left the house. There's no reason that I should have soiled a pair of shorts today.

You should put those back on the shelf. We have been on furlough. Almost two weeks off. Yeah, so a friend tells us this is perfect.

Uh, we have a place to go use our timeshare. So we're like, OK, let's, the stars are aligning. Let's do something. Yeah, we'll have a staycation.

This is fucking awesome. It's at a hotel. It's really close by, really beautiful. I mean, nowhere near cheap.

Pack up all. All of our recording equipment, all of our clothes, and we're supposed to stay there for like 3 days, and it starts pissing rain. It was hard to see. We're driving, driving, driving, and boom, boom, two blown out tires.

That's how everything starts, you know what? Not ruined. We drive the rest of the way to the resort 30 ft. It took us a half hour.

We drove super slow. We were drenched. Great, whatever. So we get into the room, we walk in, and we're like, this room is huge.

It was beautiful, beautiful. The first thing I wanna do is have sex in public. It's the first, it's my first thought, but in this situation. There are children around.

There are families around. I don't want anybody to have a heart attack. So I'm like, all right, the porch is, is, it's doable. It's doable to do you.

So I wait till nightfall, do this under the cover of darkness, and they've installed floodlights. On the, I go through every switch in that goddamn room. Is that it? Is that it?

Check it. Is it off now? Check it. Every switch off now.

Now did that one. No, I went outside, tried to unscrew bulbs. Can't, no. Can't.

So it's like a federal prison outside. Oh God, it was really bright. I'm like, Oh, we just have to have regular sex. This is just weird.

How do you do that? I don't know. So we did. It was amazing for me.

I don't know. I don't know what you did. Two things that I really enjoyed that happened while it actually was in the same night. I mean, we watch movies, but we don't really snuggle and watch like sweet movies really because I don't like.

And we watched the uh Star is Born. Oh my God, so many tears. Like I could not stop crying. Couldn't stop crying.

And that night was that red moon, super moon, super blood wolf moon, wolf moon moon, which I of course had to read about, and it was like really positive things. It was like, uh, good change is coming for me. You and I connect. I don't think it was the moon.

I'm serious though. Like that moon was really powerful. I mean, I'm not saying that the moon doesn't have an effect on I was like people, but I think that maybe they just wrote a really good film. I don't think it was the moon, honey.

It was, it was, it was nice sitting and just reconnecting and really getting out of that world of so physical and so sexually charged, slowly just started to let myself go. I think I gained 100 pounds. I've not groomed myself, which becomes a problem in and of itself. Oh my God, that blocks me.

From initiating any of the sexual behavior. Welcome to being a woman. You're calling me a woman. No.

Why do you feel like you have to be perfectly shaven for me, for you? Yeah, well, I don't know if it is for you really, completely for you. I just, you feel sexier. I mean, it's not like I'm walking around.

I feel pretty sexy because my balls are completely shaved right now, not like that, like during sexual activity. I want to be ready to teabag you, right? We should be lasering. We don't have the money to laser.

Not that if people do have hair down there and they enjoy hairy balls on their face, that's one thing. I just would not enjoy hairy balls on my face. It's a preference. But what do you do for me?

Do you shave your choo choo ho ho cha? Do you shave it? Did you shave it today? No, you're disgusting hairy beasts right now.

In this next segment, we'll be discussing rape as a fantasy. If this subject matter is a trigger for you or makes you feel uneasy, please stop listening or fast forward to the next segment. Thank you. And let me tell you what happened last night.

So we go out with friends, at no time am I thinking, sex is odd, yeah. No, I don't think it's gonna happen. I think we're just gonna go out and, and have some drinks. I love, I love it.

Yeah, they're really sexy, wonderful people, you know. One drink turns into two drinks, and then, then she starts talking sexy, throws a nasty curveball. I have a fantasy. And they're like, You do, huh?

What is it? She's like, I, I'm not saying I actually want to be roofied, but I would like to have a roofied fantasy. My brain just goes clunk and go on. And she's like, I just kind of want all of you sort of in and out of it while people are taking advantage of me.

I'm like getting hard. But I can't do it. I have at least 25 to 30 minutes of grooming. The, the house isn't clean.

You said that. I said, I was like, I, I, I'm not physically prepared for this, but I would like to roof for you. Can we do some sort of rain check with? Is that something that would turn you on?

Well, my response to her was, I get it because it's about a dominant submissive role. You're role playing in a way where you Don't have any control. You don't have a voice to say yes, is basically what you're doing. And so, yeah, if you are in that situation where like she said, I have to really trust these people, of course, your wingman's there with you.

So it's not really that scary to do with a couple. I mean, I wouldn't say, let's you and I both get roofied. I would be OK like checking out if I knew you have had me there. You know what I mean?

You'd be OK with me literally roof roofieing you, yeah, because I trust that I trust you. I find it really interesting, and this isn't really something that I want to get into because I don't know enough about it, but when things on one side are so horrific, that slightly in another way could be a fantasy. It's the power of, yes, you're saying, I want this to happen. It's my fantasy.

To see, I'm giving you this power. It's actually my power. I'm saying yes, yeah, I agree with that. How does that mind shift over to that place where if that actually happens to me, I will be damaged for the rest of my life.

But in the, in the correct circumstances, it is a turn on. You, no one would be like, Hey, did you hear all that Bill Cosby stuff? Really hot, huh? So we just did that last weekend.

Really great erotica literature. erotica. No, no one's gonna say that. No sex with someone under the influence, that's not an obscene act.

I understand that, but this is, this is one of the things that she had said. A guy comes up behind me in a bathroom at a club, and he just shoves me up against the sink and just starts fucking me. That's so hot, but it's also rape, right? But she said, Obviously I would never want that to happen with a stranger, but it sounds really hot.

Where are the two connected? I need a psychiatrist or a psycho. I need a scientist on the phone. It's just gonna come back to control.

I get it. Like, I get that. Why do you have a rape fantasy? Because you get to do the fantasy.

But have control over the, the rate. What I don't understand is why it's fantasy to begin with, fantasy to begin with, damsel in distress. It's a whole category. What do you think damsel in distress is?

Oh my God, she's tied up on the, the railroad tracks. I better go over there and rape her. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's not.

No. Oh my absurd. OK. Oh God, rape doesn't seem equally a fantasy equal for the men.

I don't know. I mean, I don't know what guys really feel about rape. Guys don't like rape. I mean, unless they're rapists.

That's what they are. Who can't talk about this anymore. Dirty doctor takes advantage of patients. sexy in real life lawsuit.

So why, what is the connection? That's, it's that I can't grasp onto. It has to be something that's in our intrinsic wants, otherwise they wouldn't make it illegal. Yeah, I mean, I get that, and that's the whole, yeah, the whole Britney Spears things.

oops, I, I'm not gonna try to do my Britney, which is fucking spot on. Um, but you know, here you are, this girl in a crop top in pigtails, a schoolgirl. There's There's a schoolgirl night theme night, and I say, when I go around the corner to the school and look at the schoolgirls? No, you don't say that.

Well, you tried to say it at the staycation. That was a mistake. That girl did not look like a teenager. She was not wearing a schoolgirl No.

She, she was tall for a teenager, and I saw her from behind. Yeah, well, I mean it. I, she had pretty hair. That's pretty much what I go off of.

You have pretty hair. You caught my eye. I mean, I, I get her, her fantasy. I do.

I get it. Yeah, I do too. It's about pretending you cannot help yourself but devour and want to have sex with this person. So it's kind of in a twisted way like the.

Ultimate compliment. Ray Donovan in that TV show, if you don't know, he's very aggressive when he has sex with, right? All right, yeah, I mean, look, get it, you're getting wet right now. Relax.

I'm just talking about something. Hold on. You take a scene, Ray comes in, and there she is by the kitchen counter. She walks in, she drops her keys, and they get into a fight.

They barely sort of know each other. They've never even kissed, and he grabs her, shakes her by the arms, rips down her shorts, and has sex with her, and that is something that you found. Sexually arousing. Yeah, yeah.

Now if I took that same footage, put different music to it, a little bit of a different tone to it, I could make that scene very disturbing. Oh, absolutely. The foundation of it is still the same. How you were presented with it made all the difference in the world.

That's why I think Rapey Ray Donovan gets away with it. Everyone perceives his just drunk, aggressive sex as just he's so. ravishing his life. Just this animal instinct is overcome somebody that they just cannot help themselves but want to fuck you up against the wall right then and there.

Boom. It's just about that ultimate feeling that you're sexually desired. Does that make any sense? It does.

And I don't know what it would be equivalent to in a man world. Would it be like that you're covered in like 16 women? To me, that looks like me laying on the ground with 16 golden retriever puppies. It's just frantic.

There's puppies everywhere. They're stepping on you, licking your face. Maybe one of them pees on you. You're like, No, I'm not into that shit.

My fantasy is I get thrown in the back of a police car because I get caught for it doesn't matter you're already turned on. You're so disgusting, right? You get thrown into the back of the police car, right, and this, this hot policeman comes back there and he's like, I, I can give you a get out of jail for free card. I'm like, stick it in.

You're in porn. I'm in like I'm on Netflix. Slow down. You get thrown into the car.

You, you're on the way to the hospital because your husband needs you. Dirty, disgusting sheriff stops you, and he will not let you get to your husband to save his life unless he violates you. My policeman was a lot hotter than the sheriff. Yeah, this one's not.

OK. So what I did there, I put the same. Action. I presented it in a different way.

One is horrific. One is sexy. No, you shouldn't agree. No, it is.

I'm just, I don't understand. I can't sometimes if our brain perceives it in a nice way, then it's can be stimulated. That's probably just the same way it extremely stimulates or extremely triggers the alter emotion for that. I don't even know what you just said.

I don't really know either. You know, I did say to her last night when she was talking about her fantasy, Do you want us to like tell you to like shut up, quiet? And she was like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, don't be mean. That was so funny.

I'm like, Oh no, no, all right, fine, fine, fine. Well, don't be mean. And then I was like, Oh, OK. So then we'll be, we'll be like, Oh, you're being so sweet.

Oh, just lay down. She's like, Oh no, don't be gross. I'm like, I don't know where to go with this. I am someone who gets turned on by hearing people's fantasies.

That's what turns me on about. She's like, Oh, I want to do this naughty thing. And I'm like, Oh, I will do that naughty thing to you if that makes, gives you that feeling that I know that I like, right, right, right. Um, what is that line?

Why do we have it? And, and then you had said something about, uh, our brain just skips over that line. Our brain for some reason in a very efficient way able to separate what is horror, tragedy, and trauma, or what would be someone's nightmare to what could be someone's absolute heightened fantasy filled with ecstasy. I don't even know how to sum this one up.

I'm pretty sure the FBI will start watching us. It's just it's a search warrant. I think that's how this ends. All right, we are here with another pedantic review lever, lever, submitter, submitter, that's a better word.

This is why you made it through college and I barely made it through high school. We're gonna call him Jeff. Everyone is Jeff. I'm gonna start with really quickly reading your interview.

Reading your review. What did I say? Interview, Jeff. I'm really sorry.

I drank a lot last night. All right, so I'm gonna read this interview. Review. Jesus Christ.

I mean, all right, first of all, good news, we got 5 stars out of 5 stars. That's awesome. Thank you so much for that. I started listening to Room 77 after being featured on another podcast.

First question, what other horrible podcast was that? Uh, I don't think that's my review. I wasn't featured on another podcast. Oh, sorry.

Oh my God, you, yes, wow. Wait, did you write this? Yes, you guys were featured in Doctor Jess podcast. Oh, OK.

When we were featured. All right, so that was the Doctor Jess, uh, swinging. What is her podcast called? Shit, Sex with Doctor Jess.

Sex with Doctor Jess. So I read that wrong. I probably typed it wrong. No, I started listening to Room 77 after being, let's not correct him.

I'm not. happy. I'm not gonna fight about it, but it is his fault. All right.

The next part is from the get-go. Amazing capital letters L and R are absolutely hilarious combination of witty, funny, oversharing in the best way, and often pedantic. Without knowing anything about you. We're gonna ask you some weird questions and you answer them and then we're gonna give you our interpretation.

Of what kind of swing. These are the categories you could fall into. Number one, vanilla, vanilla curious, vanilla swirl, deep denial swinger, semi-flaccid swinger, full-blown, full swab swinger, or a walking orgasm. Those are what you could, and then we're gonna give you a swinger footprint, sort of like a carbon footprint of some sort of arbitrary number that we will assign to you that means nothing at all.

Are you ready, Lauren? Do you want to ask the first question? Are you married? I am married.

And how long have you guys been together? Wait, I gotta give you do this every time. You don't give time for the point part. Oh, that's right.

OK, I'm sorry. All right, you get 5 points for that. Second question, how long have you been together? We got married in July of 2018, and we've been together for 4 or 5 years.

I'm giving him 28.6 points for that. Do you sleep naked? Not anymore. Does your wife sleep naked?

They got youngins. How often do you go to bars or clubs? A N. B.

Once within the last 6 months. Or C, we have to wrap up this interview now because you're next on the pole. I'm next on the poll. That's awesome.

All right. Do you want to ask the next one, honey? When is the last time you guys had sex outside of your own home? A within 1 week, B within 6 months, or?

I am currently getting banged in an office and stationery section of Walmart. Well, I'm sitting outside of Walmart alone, so I'm gonna go with in the last 6 months. I'm giving him 57 points for that just because I heard him have the thought of having sex in the parking lot of Walmart. That's what I heard.

Yeah, me too. When is the last time that you or your wife received a lap dance? Uh, when we were in Mexico in the fall. Very interesting.

69 points for that. Do you have anywhere on your property a jacuzzi or a hot tub? I do not. It's a low footprint.

Since you're in the car, when is the last time that you've had sex in a car? He's not in a car right now. He said he's in the parking lot. I am.

How much would we have to send you through PayPal to start masturbating in your car? Uh, nothing. Please do not get arrested. Please, I'm gonna tally the numbers up, my dear Lauren, and just hold up, hold up a hand.

Really? No, no, I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that. Lauren believes that you are a deep denial swinger.

I believe that you are a vanilla with a swirl with a footprint of 763. I think the math stands for a reason. 0.6. She forgot you gave him 0.6 points.

We, I, I, I rounded up. All right, so where do you fall that list? Right in the middle of both of the categories you guys picked is pretty accurate, really? You're smart.

Have we met? We have not. So you have never been to desire. I have not, and we have never been to your house.

I'd be shocked. Or have you and your wife played with couples? Couples, no, we've played with one other individual that's still ongoing. Uh, that was one time we have talked on and off about more play dates, but we've just really never worked anything out yet.

Now, would you say that you, you and your wife are equally on board with sort of the same things, or is this something that you're trying to get more involved in? And one or the other is sort of saying, you know what, hit the fucking brakes, man. I think we're both in the same boat. We both have different days where like, we'll be talking about stuff and then, yeah, one person will be like, Whoa, whoa, throw the anchor, and then there, there's other days where we're both 6th gear, good to go, right?

It's, it's a give and take, depends on the day. I mean, like I said, we've only had one encounter. Was it a good encounter? Yeah, it was great.

This person that you play with, was it a friend of yours? Was it somebody that you had known? Yeah, it was one of our best friends. Is he still your best friend?

Oh yeah, he is. This is the, the part I fucking love. I'm gonna play with my cock because I always am anyway, but I gotta play with it extra hard now. That's OK.

I'll just take a picture of mine while I'm in Walmart parking lot. Yes, do that. I will here, I'll take, I'm taking mine out. Hold on, OK.

She's taking a photo. Did you take it yet? Make sure you use the lens where it looks bigger. OK, I took it.

I hope I sent that to the right person. Oh God, I hope you didn't text your mom. Well, who is he more friends with, you or your wife? So I've been friends with him for years.

We worked together when we were in high school, played football together, and him and my wife started working another job a couple of years ago, and then that's how they kind of met, and then we met after that, like my wife and I. So, I mean, he's been friends with both of us for quite a long time. Did you, was it something that you said to him or he? Said to you, did you get an idea?

I have been known to say to almost complete strangers, I'd love to see you fuck my wife. Uh, so yeah, so this was an alcohol-induced endeavor. When we went to Mexico, we all got a suite. So we had our own room, my wife and I, and we were in the middle of enjoying ourselves, and my, our buddy walked.

In comes over and he opened the drawer that we had, like one of the bedside tables, and just started throwing some of the sex toys that we brought on the bed, and he's like, Use this now, use this. And then he started to leave and I said, as he's almost out the door, I'm like, Where are you going? He goes, What do you mean? And my response was, Well, if you're going to be a pussy, you can leave, or you can put your cock in my wife's mouth.

Oh fuck yeah awesome. He froze for about 30 seconds not knowing what he was gonna do. Wait, so hold on, I gotta back up because I'm so excited so hard right now. So look, does your wife, your wife had already, have you talked to her about this?

Uh, we had talked about going to some of the Like, uh, lifestyle clubs and possibly going to desire before we had been to this trip and then this just kind of came up and we both just, but as long as she wasn't like, uh, honey, what the fuck are you talking about? No, no. All right, you say you either be a pussy and leave or come over here and stick your cock in my wife's mouth. We are spirit animals because that is exactly something that I would say.

He freeze. What happens next? He slowly works his way over and then puts his cock in my wife's mouth. Are you inside of her at this point?

Yep. Oh yeah, you're fucking her, and this La's favorite thing in the world. Yeah. What position are you in?

We were a missionary at the time, uh, so when he came over, her, her head was off of the side of the bed. Oh, that's my favorite. Oh, right. Oh this is the best.

I wanna have sex right now. I know it's so hot. I love that your first threesome was with a man because I is something so hot about that. The majority of people do threesomes with women.

I don't agree with that. I really, well, I think the majority of people talk about threesomes with women. Yeah, finding that second female is harder than finding a second. You could throw a rock and hit 20.

I mean, it's, uh, there's, there's a love that we have for threesomes with other men, and it's mainly because of my insecurities. So we have some of our best experiences in threesomes with just men. I enjoy them because of nothing more than a relaxed brain. Does that make sense to you?

Yep. Oh, I get it. I'm still in high school. Like I'm still, it doesn't matter where I'm still that freshman in high school.

School that's like, can I touch your boob? No, no creep. Does it escalate at all from there? Does it, does it go any further?

Oh yeah, it went from there. Uh, they were together for a bit, then we were together for a bit, then we all ended up in the shower at one point. Wait a minute. Hold on.

Stop it. Goddamn it. You're moving way too fast. You too.

I'm gonna escalate him on the scale. Listen, he needs to be up on the scale more. No, no, no, he's, no, no, no. He's, you're right.

You're right. There's, there's a deep denial. He's right. He's in a vanilla swirl, deep denial swinger, uh, because the reason is because this was a friend.

Anyway, you're getting off topic. You're, you're, you're screwing me up. Do you remember when you're like, this is what I imagine you said, because everyone's Jeff. I have to call him Kevin.

That's my second go to name. You look at Kevin, you're like, All right, Kevin, fuck my wife. Do you say that, or does it just happen? I think he asked, What did he say?

What did he say? Would it be OK if I fucked her? You said, yeah, sure. You're already in.

You're already in here. Yeah, you're in. What are you doing while, while this guy is fucking your wife? I walked for a little bit and then I joined in as well.

Yeah, then we went DP. Jesus Christ, Jeffrey, this is the best marriage ever. This is Karen's awesome. I love Karen.

Yes, hats off to Karen, right? DP vaginal or DP anal and vaginal anal. God, Karen, she's almost airtight. If you can bring your friend, we have enough cocks to airtight you, honey, and they have experience.

They have a resume that I don't even have. This is true. What position are you in doing the DP because, uh, we get a little confused with what the best DP position is side by side. She was riding him and then I was behind.

Oh God, so fucking hot, so hot. I mean, I think I just need to have sex right now. That's amazing. All right, so how does it end?

Please tell me it came on her face. No, we were both so drunk that neither of us could finish. The line that finished off the whole thing was, Jesus Christ, there's two cocks in the shower and no one can come. Is there something that you and your wife want to get into but are a bit hesitant or you have any questions or there's something that you specifically like?

Um, well, my wife is bisexually charred, uh, so I mean, our ideal, like you were saying before, is the talk is usually with a second female. That is one thing that I believe is probably next or soft swap, I would think, but again, that would be more stuff that we'd have to talk about. I'm so happy you shared that story with me. I'm not kidding when I say that story made me hard.

As soon as we hang up, we're fucking. I, I totally support that. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. We really appreciate you taking the time to write that.

Just thank you for that. Uh, we hope you continue to listen. No, thank you. I mean, your podcast is great.

I'll tell everyone to listen. Tell your lovely wife we said hello or you could just surprise her with this broadcast. I don't know. I think I'm leaning a little more to column B.

All right, man, now if you need to finish off in that parking lot, you just take your time. Just take a picture. I'll just wait for all the other cars to clear out or not, or not. This is what I would do stroke it a little bit.

Open your window, look at them and go, You're welcome. I bet you won't stick this in your mouth. Maybe that's my new life. That is it.

Again, please don't get arrested. I will. All right, have a great day, guys. And we've started.

It's 13 o'clock at night. I mean, I can't function like this. I, I can't, I can't do this. I need a sound engineer, a roadie.

I need a roadie and a webmaster. This is all too much. It's a lot. When I said move down here, I thought we were just gonna lay on the beach a lot, be naked, and, and do a little workshop.

Yeah, this is just too much work. I don't mind working. But speaking of work, did you get your Malibu? Strings.

I have not got my Malibu strings. You have not, no, but they might be coming, so we still have to promote them. This is true. So Malibu strings, when you want your swimwear to express the feeling, yeah, I put out.

That's great. Yeah, I think they should use that one. I really like that one. You're welcome.

Did you work hard on that? Uh, not that hard. Here's the thing, I feel that I am very good at reading people, especially when they lie. It comes from being paranoid.

You are convinced that it has to do with acting because I was in. Because I was an actor, yeah, I don't. I think there's a big difference between lying and acting. When you're acting, you're telling the truth all the time.

So you came up with this something. I wanted to make a game that's sort of in between your past life of acting and your current life of sex world. OK, so I. I took different clips of porn movies and and movies, but bad acting movies.

There's porn movies and there's regular movies, right? So I'm gonna give you a choice of three clips and you're gonna tell me which one of those is a from a porn. So I have to pick out the porn actors. It's not to say that all porn actors are bad actors.

I just pulled, I pulled the extremes on both ends. No, no, no, I think that most porn actors are bad actors. OK, I'm already nervous. Richard, are you ready?

I am ready. Give me the first one. We are going to give you 3. Here we go.

OK, this is the first one. OK, no, Ali, don't go in there. You didn't see anything. All right, 2.

OK, number 2. So what do you guys wanna do now? Something good? Something bad, something with my penis?

I love that one. OK. All right. And 3.

Your eyes are a lovely dress. I don't know, I don't know, look, you're not the only good looking woman in the universe, you know, it's. All right, I'm gonna guess, I think that the second one sounded like Chris Pratt, so I am gonna guess that the first one is the porn. The first one.

Is the 2013 fateful findings, not a porn. Not a porn. B is the porn. The one that he's playing Chris Pratt is called Nardians of the Galalaxy.

He's doing a fucking good Chris Pratt. All right, so that's one down. What's next? OK, here we go.

Choice number one. You have nice pets. You have nice packs. That's what I heard.

And 2, Excuse me, miss. By the way, what's an all-American girl like you doing with a geek like this? That's gotta be pouring. Let me hear number 3.

Let me hear number 33. I see you don't have a lifeguard here at your beach. I'm not at the beach is a bathtub. No body of water is safe without a lifeguard.

It's 2 ft deep. Wait. What are you doing here? Oh man, this is hard.

Only one of those is porn. Holy shit. Uh, um, I'm gonna say number 2, which one was the porn? The porn is number 3, the bathtub with only 2 ft of water.

Oh God, that is boob watch. OK, Baywatch. Yeah, no, I get it. All right, what is, what is next?

Number 1. All right, number 1. It's a good score It's very newspapers say you're a criminal. What are you for?

I think you saved her. What I think, I think you saved my life is petered out on at the end. I mean that score sounded pretty good. It wasn't a bad score.

It was a little, a little hot. What do we got next? What's, what's the next one? Number 2, what is that noise?

I think they call it music Was that, was that all of selection B? All right, that's all you get on that one. All right, now, move on to number 33. Oh hey dude, type up naked college babes.

It's just to see what comes up. Those are such losers. How'd you like it if we watched naked guys? Yes.

I would like it very much. Um, I feel like that that one is definitely C. That in fact is a Hallmark movie. Called cyber seduction.

Oh, what was the porn? The porn was the one with the score. Spider-Man XXX. OK, here we go.

I think this is my favorite segment. OK, here we go. Number one, my husband is having an affair with your wife. I don't think we should talk about it.

man. God. All right, what's number 2? OK, here we go.

Now I'm in your ass hair. I'm fucking in. I'm gonna sweat. I'm gonna come.

I'm gonna get on your bum. I'm gonna face you, girl. You're gonna know I'm gonna rock your world. Yeah, here we go.

33. I've broken your car. You broke my car? Yes, I broke your car.

So what? I'm not happy with you. I mean, it's got to be number 1 is the porn. It's got 2 is too ridiculous.

Actually there are 2 porns in this one. There's 2, yeah, there's 2 porns. What is number 2? So we actually we're gonna pick the non-porn.

Number 2, that is fucking porn. It is. He is fucking her and singing, and I could not stop watching it. That's not their review.

No, it's the other one that I just handed you. Yeah, this one, yeah, and it goes onto the back. This one, OK. Could you have used a smaller font?

It's just what it is. All right, guys, so I have the review that you left. I want to read that out loud for our listener so he or she knows what I'm talking about. It says, listen to your podcast when I was getting ready this a.m.

That's not in the review. It's just part of their email. I just want the iTunes review. Well, I didn't find it on iTunes.

That's the email. You just have to keep reading. Oh, OK. This is our favorite podcast, the one we listen to as soon as it comes out.

The humor and self-deprecation is fantastic. I had the pleasure of meeting Eleanor prior to even knowing they had a podcast. My statement to my wife was, those two should do comedy. We're trying.

Dying is hard, comedy is harder. That's what they say in the entertainment business. I would have to say that their podcast is just how they are in person. They're funny, authentic, and free-spirited, dare I say pedantic.

I won't take that as an insult because I don't know what it means. Still, they cover. Relevant topics and they have a unique view of the desire resort that is valuable for those that vacation there. Do you think it's a value to those who vacation there?

Yeah, I, I think so too. That's just my opinion. I'm gonna, that's what I'm gonna put in my review that I leave myself. All right, so this is completely blind.

I, I honestly, I don't know if we've ever met before. My first question is, are you married? Yes, 28 years. He's just saying whatever she said.

That's what I do. Good pattern of behavior. Next question. Do one of you sleep naked or both of you sleep naked?

Both of us. Both of us. Where's my pen? I gotta write down.

I gotta give them arbitrary numbers. Do you have a jacuzzi? We have a jacuzzi tub. All right, that gets you 0.5.

Do you have a pole in your home? No, that's a good question, Lauren. Where were you when I was writing these? I just do it on the fly.

When is the last time that you had sex outside of your own home? Within 1 week? Within 6 months, I'm currently getting banged in the office and stationery section of Walmart. I'd love to answer C, but no, within a week.

Within 1 week. Really? Really? Oh, that's outside, not outside, outside of their home, not outside.

It doesn't mean they have to be outside. I'm just double checking there. I'm giving them 87 points for that. That's a lot.

You don't know how, how high my points go. How often do you find yourself naked in random places? A, once a year, B over 6 times a year, C almost every night. Over 6 times a year.

Over 6 times a year. Jesus, I love you guys. You get 78 points for that. All right.

When is the last time that your wife got a lap dance or her husband got a lap dance? 2 months ago. I'm giving you 44 points for that. How many apps on your phone require a password to open up?

Lots, OK. How many photos can people see from your vacation? A, 25% of them. B, 50% of them.

C, we tell people we dropped our phone in the pool. Lately, lately it's been we've dropped our phone in the pool. OK, I think I know where this is going. You get 200 points for that.

All right. Have you ever had to call a friend looking for a piece of your clothing? I usually just leave it behind. Just it's theirs now.

It's your laundry now. Do you own more costumes than a Halloween store? Yes. I'm gonna stop there because I'm gonna tally up my numbers of your swinger footprint.

And that could be vanilla, vanilla curious, vanilla swirl, swinger double D, which is a swinger in deep denial, a semi-flaccid swinger, a full-blown, full swab swinger, or your top prize, a walking orgasm. I am saying that you guys are walking orgasms with a footprint of 508. Now, have we ever met? From what I understand, Sarah Clayton, the, the Playboy girl who Desire brings down, she came and she did a workshop how to pose like a Playboy model.

You guys were present. We thought it was a really fun, amazing workshop, but more importantly, I feel like I was the winner of that workshop. I don't think there are winners. It wasn't a contest, but yes, you were the winner.

I did right. Thank you. Thank you. Like, that's how I feel because you guys were on the bed right next to us and you were doing extremely well, right?

And you were, you were taking it very, very seriously. My wife, however, was not taking it very, very seriously, and I had to take her out. It was like taking her out of the game. What I remember, you were fortunate enough to watch me display my talents.

I'm not just saying this, but maybe, maybe I helped a few women in there. I can, I can attest that you helped at least one. And in heels, by the way, I put heels on at some point that you, you're trying to squeeze into Lauren. She was quite the feat, no pun intended.

Um, Sarah was great, by the way, loved her, sweet person. So here I am taking a class with a Playboy model and an international model. And I was like. What the hell?

It's just not fair. And I remember making some comment when, when you guys came down and Lauren was like, Oh, I'm sorry, we'll leave. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, right? It was, it was slightly intimidating.

Now, I would say Lauren took it seriously. There, there was one pose that I just could not do. She's like, no, you need to rock your hips forward. And I was like, OK, yeah, I just like this is too hard.

You nailed it. I nailed it. I nailed it. What you say as Lauren doing a good job, I see more as show off.

Thank you guys for being really great sports. It's nothing if we don't have an audience when we're being clowned. So we're really happy that you guys landed next to us, and here we are all talking together and hopefully we can do it again sometime. Yes, love that.

I'll help you as much as I can. So how long have you guys been in the lifestyle? 2 years. Fairly new.

Whose idea was it? First? Really? How did it come up?

What did she say? Hey, I call everybody Jeff. Jeff, I wanna have sex with other people. More, I like to be naked.

This place sounds really cool. Did you start at Desire? Yeah, we were completely vanilla when we went down, and I corrupted our marriage. It's been great shit.

Hold on, stop right there for a second. All right, so you're there. Do you have any indication? That she may go this way.

You see a couple and you're like, yeah, that's what I'm talking about, Jeff. Jeff's having a good day. Did you approach the other couple or did they approach you? I mean, for the initial, we had dinner, we went back to our room to change.

We went to the disco, and this woman walked up and was sort of standing talking to Jeff and, and I looked over and I went, wow, they make a really nice looking couple. What was that thought I just had? It was really. It was really sort of this interesting moment.

And then I was sort of like, this could be really fun. Does it happen that night or do you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it was 6 months later. It's when we came back.

All right, so you go back there the second time, you know that you're going to see this couple or no? We didn't plan it that way. Does it happened that first night back. One night and I just literally was walking back from the jacuzzi at, I don't know, 2 or 3 in the morning, sort of singing.

I kissed the Girl and I liked it, so. How did you feel about that, Jeff? Is that something you enjoyed? Yes, yes, yes.

He also liked it. Is there anything that you would offer to somebody that was probably in your situation? They're thinking about it, but who are afraid to, to, to maybe jump in. We never in our wildest dreams imagined how authentic the people would be there, even within the, within the full lifestyle.

I mean, but and just it wasn't intimidating for us who'd never, we. Just went to have a naked vacation. Very welcoming by everyone. We appreciate that.

I mean, that was, you almost have to go to know what that's like. Well, my walking orgasm 508s, we appreciate you taking the time. Thank you so much for the review. We really, really appreciate it and we appreciate your podcast.

It's, it's a lot of fun. I have probably, I don't know, 20 podcasts downloaded on my phone, um, and yours really is the podcast we listen to the day it comes out. Oh, see, I should read these reviews. No, I read everything.

I do. I just don't know who belongs to what. It's like Twitter. They're like, Hi, I'm PP 93.

I'm like, I don't know what that means. You have a free pass to, to do whatever you want to Lauren. Am I allowed to offer that. That is your prize.

That is your prize. The biggest winner. You're the big winner. No, we'll see you at band class in April.

So what have we learned? I know what I learned. I learned that I would make a terrible rapist, and I think that's actually a count in my favor. I think that's a good thing.

Hi, my name is Richard. I'd make a terrible rapist. Oh, lovely, come to my party. You're invited.

What have you learned? I learned that I missed being at work. I miss being at the hotel, and it's not because I don't love you, because I do love being here with you and doing whatever we've been not doing and doing. I miss naps and I miss TV.

I really enjoy that stuff. Yeah, simple things. Uh, I also learned I still don't really know what pedantic means. Anyway, we're retiring.

The word is done. We've milked pedantic as far as it can go. I know what I learned that I cannot delineate a bad actor from a porn actor, porn movie from just a bad movie. I've learned that I'm not.

Not as good at editing as you are. Yeah, it's not easy. You should have a whole new appreciation. I, uh, I absolutely do.

I appreciate you. All right, so last thing, the affiliate program, we wanna thank everybody. Boris the spy, who's somebody who emails us all the time, just emailed us. We stopped the podcast to help him because we thought he was having trouble with the affiliate program, and I just wanna explain to everybody one more time, if you don't understand what it is, if you haven't been the desire, you haven't.

You're not a premier member, book through us. It's nothing more than hitting a banner on our website that brings you to the desired reservation sites and you make a reservation, and then we sort of have this special connection with you. We make a 10% commission off of every booking, and then we really try to spend time with the people that book through us, especially if they're new, because it's, I don't know, it's turned into this little special thing. I love it.

If you're in that position, make sure to click on. The banner because that's how we make money to pay the children that work in our factory. Make sure to follow me on Twitter and make sure to follow Lauren. Where do they follow you?

Room 77 podcast on Instagram and we're on Facebook too, but that's like the stepchild. We don't really talk too much and you can just email us too. That's what most people do, or just call us or just show up at our door. No, don't do that.

That's creepy. And that about does it for us. For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77.

We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.