Ep. 85: Vanilla Dinner Turns Porn Party

Specifics. We don't give a fuck. Uh, we started. Lauren, welcome back.

Hey, it's, uh, Richard. Hi, Richard. You know what I just did in my head. Tell me if you say anal backwards, it's Lana.

Way to open the show, Lauren. Why was anal on your mind? Because I was thinking about what the last episode was and how to, yeah, and how to like hashtag anal on Instagram without it being anal. And then I said, what is it backwards?

It's Lana. But I'm happy that anal's on your mind before we go anywhere anally or vaginally. I just want to say we appreciate everybody listening and thank everybody for their support over all. years, but just listening is, it's like Lauren just tickling your balls.

Or it's like Richard just kissing that inner thigh, but just never getting in there. Get in there. Stop kissing. Stop.

So go over to room 77life.com and become a member. Join us in our private group chat on Telegram, get discounts on events, get access to us. By the way, fun fact, our private telegram group is. Is the only place on the internet where you can find nude images.

That's the truth, and I don't even know if I'm allowed to say that or if we're gonna get shut down after. You will see nude images. There's some nudities in there, Lauren. They're gonna become members.

Meanwhile, who are the people that decided to go balls deep? They went all the way in. Thank you, Scuba to Jeff, Brenda, Hottie Milf and Captain Coattails, the beaches, us. Skirt 77, Mrs.

Wild Kitty, Jeff, Katie, barge Captain, and Lex, thank you guys for your support. We will hopefully see you in the Telegram chat room naked. Last episode about menopause. Are you still in menopause?

I am in fact post-menopause. Yeah, that's how that works. I am still posting. Yeah, this episode, the story of redemption.

It is not a story. It could become a story of redemption. But it is in fact it's a story of loss. Lawrence.

Oh no, Richard, I don't know if I can handle one more. It's a beautiful story, but it has porn in it, so that'll be, yeah, that makes it better. It's got two sort of themes in it. One is about porn in your life and making a fantasy a reality.

And when those two things meet, I don't really think that it's that possible to ever actually meet the expectation of our own brains. And number 2, a little bit about the social anxiety that I carry and I believe that a lot of people carry in just being out in the world and how far you have to go sometimes to make yourself do things that are uncomfortable and the payoff that you get. If I let my brain do the talking, my penis never would have been rewarded. There you go.

We had to go to Florida, so we have to fly all the way from Cancun, like 500 miles to Miami. It's basically for a drug run. We had to get some hormones which we barely received because our doctors are forgetful and irresponsible, which are the two qualities that you hope your doctors have, which are immediately following dishonesty and clumsy. But we got those, so good for us.

We get what hormones were sent to get piles of shivers. We are drug cartels for shivers. We're also there for we're gonna make some, yeah, we're gonna make some content. This lovely Patreon, actually, we get a call with your friend.

I have been making friends with someone, which is, I mean, it's not easy for me. It's, it's very hard to get to know me, and I kind of joked with this girl a little bit because she just kept reaching out to me. They're supposed to have like a birthday party or something while we were there. But instead they they wound up doing this like little dinner party and we're like, all right, we can, we got a pretty busy schedule while we're there, but we will squeeze it in.

I'm just freaking out by it. There's no other way to make me more uncomfortable than to put me in a room filled with strangers. Yeah, and I'm like, oh honey, it'll just be a couple of hours. It'll be fun.

Yeah, it's so fun freaking out inside. I wanted to turn around and just drive back to the hotel and just be like, oh, maybe it just brunch is better. And try to do brunch, but no, we came here. I have to not be the reluctant dragon.

We got our shivers because we're coming to Mexico to come up against the, uh, Mexican cartel. You know, it's time we've grown, ran out a little bit. You know what the Mexican cartel is afraid of is branding lawsuits. That's really.

So I think we got him in that. I think we're gonna corner him in that. Yeah, we're a step ahead. It's gonna protect us.

So we take our shivers for the dinner party, of course, not while we're driving, maybe while we're pulling up. So now ultimately when a couple invites you to a dinner party in a porn version, the porn version of this would have been us pulling up and immediately we would have had sex with the couple immediately like a is there a doorbell or anything like and it quickly ends with somebody slurping up cum and then you turning to me going, I told you you'd like my friends. But this entire night ends completely different. So we get there and we meet these lovely people for the first time.

We knew what they look like. Gave her the biggest hug like I had known her for a really long time and in the same way, and that's one of the things I love about lifestyle people. So she had been hanging out in the Telegram chat group, just basically been stalking you as a human being, which I appreciate. Because you don't have many friends and you need them.

I'm completely blind. The, her husband, her friends. I have no idea, right? I mean, I just have a sense of them.

I just have a vibe. That's really all I have and the vibe was good. I was getting a good vibe and it was even more lovely meeting them because I was like, yes, this is sort of exactly who I imagined it turned out that. We actually knew some of the same people like we had worked with some of the same people and we knew that we're in some of the same circles.

There was some kinship there, bringing up some really, really old memories and talking about some stuff that I don't really get a chance to do with a lot of people. Yeah, it was really nice conversation. And her husband is too smart for me to talk to, so. He's so fun to watch, and we have to get ready there because we're coming from something else.

So we had asked, Can we take a shower there because we have to get ready there. They're like, Yes, you can take a shower here. That's totally fine. So you had told me that, are any of these people in the lifestyle?

And you said, Absolutely not. No, I said she's the hosts are barely even in the life. Yeah, they're barely in the lifestyle. I'm like, OK, I can deal with this.

I've met vanilla people before. I know. They exist. It'll just be like going to dinner and leaving.

So she brings someone, one of the couples brings them up in conversation, and I said, hold on, by the way, I have to ask you before people start showing up, can you give me a list of the cast, basically, of who's who's coming? And she says, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. So she starts talking about that the first couple, and she says very casually, we met them on SDC and I went, Whoa, stop. What do you mean?

What do you mean you met them on STC? She's like, the website. No, no, no, I know, I know the website. I said, just let me, let me hold on.

How many people that are coming tonight are swingers? And she went, Oh, all of them, slow burn to you. And you look at me and you just go, oh. Oh, I just left that part out.

I don't know. I don't know what's the difference. What's the difference? This is, this is a big difference, Lauren.

Well, I just did that thing where I made an assumption in my head, and then the assumption was my conversation with myself that was they're barely in the lifestyle, so I bet the people are just vanilla. Yeah, well, these are facts that you have to find out. You're showing up to a didn't even ask casual dinner. Party you have to know what you're playing here.

Michael Jordan, he, he's gotta know what bag to grab on the way out, you know what I mean? What if he shows up at the court with a baseball bat? That doesn't make any sense. You're just like, why did you bring a bat to a dinner party?

But Michael Jordan, being a pro, would have that information. Oh, I'm going to the diamond tonight. I have to play that game. But Lauren, as my manager, is fired.

Shit. And that aside, it's not working out for my porn fantasy either, because in a porn fantasy, everybody that's coming in my porn fantasy should be a virgin, a nurse, a librarian, maybe an uptight couple who's having problems in their marriage, maybe some farmers just, just to throw in some characters in there, a priest, a pilot, flight attendant with a layover. I don't know, but you can't, you can't set up a porn with all swingers. You just let all of the air out of the bag.

All right, OK, ruined. Totally expected. Everyone knows you're gonna have sex. Anyway, I'm still stressed.

God, thank God I travel with everything always because, because I'm a pro swinger. That's why. And you even had your new lights that Bikini Addiction gave you. We find out that everybody's in a lifestyle, yay, us, yeah, yeah.

So now a shower includes a shave. Oh, anxiety level 100. So now I'm like, oh man, oh man, yeah, shave it neck to nuts. The first girl shows up and it's just a single girl and I'm like, alright, I like the way this is going so far.

This girl is just dynamite, right? She's maybe 4'11. Yeah, she's completely your type. Like she's a tiny spinner, she's like a spinner.

She's adorable. She's got a great personality. All I want to do is grab her and run away with her. She's like, bye, Lauren.

This is the one. I'm so sorry I led you on these past 20 years, but it must have all have been to meet her. I'm so sorry. And then you do some sort of like cheerleader toss and you toss it up in the air, and yeah, maybe we would have choreographed something, some sort of routine to send you off.

That would have made you smile like, like, oh, good luck then. Yeah, he really broke my heart and ruined my life, but God, they put a lot into that last cheer. so good. Um, I really enjoyed her.

In fact, I would really enjoy seeing her again at some point in life. Yes, uh, so she shows up and I'm like, alright, so maybe not so bad in the porn version. Little hottie shows up and this is how it goes. It's just in my mind I'm just spitballing here.

She shows up is maybe a female on female scene, you know what I mean? Guys go into a back room, you help her with some bags, talks about how her back hurts from the long drive. You start rubbing her and boom, you guys are scissoring. I love your porns, they're so great.

Well, I'm just, I'm going through the process, but in actuality it turns out that uh this particular beauty was completely straight and no girl on girl was ever gonna happen. Damn it. The next thing I know, I have to get into the shower because it's shower time. I turn the shower on, I'm just in a towel and I'm walking from the room where I'd just taken my clothes off to the bathroom and as I'm in, I only have to make it 3 ft in a public area, that's it, door jam the door jam, right?

And I walk and when I'm in that doorjamb, as soon as I hit that doorjamb, a girl walks through the door, she's like, hi, and I with my towel look dead at her in the eye. She looks dead at me and I go, Hi. Oh damn, I just go, I think everybody's outside. I mean, do you start a porn any better than that?

That's so great. So I walk right into the bathroom. I'm like, that girl is really hot. Like, what is happening?

This is, I have a question. Go on. Did you look at yourself in the mirror and hold the towel how you were holding it when she saw you and be like, oh yeah, my body looks OK. Lauren, I'm not a crazy person.

Of course not. There was no full length mirror in the bathroom, so I went to the bedroom and I did it in there. But of course I did. I even did the point.

I even did the point. I wanted to know. OK, good. I reenacted the whole thing, and not just once, by the way, no, a couple of times, a different lighting situations.

What did I look like to her? Well, this is, things are looking up, right? So now I'm showering with a quickness. Shaving your nuts.

The closest we probably got to actual porn was right there. I mean, we could have boosted it up a little bit in my mind. Uh, she comes back in, maybe peeks through the door, watches me in the shower a little bit, brushing against each other in the hallway like a tight squeeze. No, no, God, you gotta watch more porn.

No, this is the scene. She's watching me in the shower. I'm oblivious, right? There's some really bad shots of me showering, right?

I'm obviously fluffed, but on her side, the lighting's completely different because it was shot on a different fucking day. You can't, you can't hear the shower on her side. The sound is completely different. There's no water running, but on yours it's overpowering.

Yeah, you can only hear audio. You can only hear the water on her side. There's no water, right? And she just starts licking her lips or something, right?

It's really bad innercuts. Like it's the only thing I would have inserted in that, in that particular part, you know what I mean? It's like you're showering off to the, to the left, but she's looking all the way to the right, and you're like, the geography doesn't even make sense. But you, you take, it's porn.

That's what you do. Oh my sweet lord. One other couple that came there, they were a very, very impressive couple, but it was just more of the intensity, thirstiness. I don't know what you're talking about.

You're just saying words aren't even remotely attaching to the story. This isn't pyramid like we're not. Yeah. Oh God, thirsty.

I wish you didn't do drugs before this episode. That would have been awesome. Uh, so the night goes on, my nerves are calming, right? So now I'm like, OK, things are good, you know, the hosts are really nice, the people are really nice and kind of sexy.

I'm not gonna lie, we're on a little bit of drugs and we have these lollipops, and these lollipops are filled with a substance in them that also makes you high. I'm on my 2nd or 3rd 1. I can't remember, and so is everybody else. So this girl, not the spinner, but the other one, what is the one who saw you in the towel, but she was like a HIT instructor.

Trainers where you you just insane train. Yeah, and her body looked like it too. Like she was just she was tight, young, and her ass was amazing. Her legs were amazing.

He stomach was amazing. She was just all, all put together, right, you know, we're just all talking and mingling and as things develop, uh, we wind up naked by the pool. I look around and I realize that the male-female ratio is 5 to 3. There is 1.6 women for every man.

OK, I like my odds. It's good. It's great though. I can have over 1.5 women at this party for myself, all for myself, all to myself.

Love it. Best party ever, yeah. I'm kind of dancing in my head. I'm naked-ish.

I'm naked a lot. Some other people are naked-ish. There's like this outdoor cabana area, so there's a roof over it, there's a pool, and there's this little outdoor area that one couple's in the the pool and there's another people are sort of in the jacuzzi area, the sort of. Hot tub area, but nobody's really doing much, right?

I always leave it to Lauren and Richard to corrupt everybody, but we didn't, so nobody's really doing anything now. If we were smart, what we should have done is taken all the, the shivers that we picked up when we got to Florida and just used all of them to drug everyone like Bill Cosby. I think that would have got things started a little bit, a little bit quicker, maybe what I was just gonna say just casually placing them around like the, the little packets around like and if it meant if our listener doesn't know a shiver is a THC gummy that makes you really horny. It's like Spanish fly.

What I'm working on now. Now maybe what we should have done in a bigger plan for a smaller town, and I have some schematics for it liquefying shivers and crop dusting an entire town, we're gonna field test this by reverse trick or treating one day and handing out shivers. We're gonna hand out the shearers with an address. Are your parents?

Yeah, well, if the kids answer, of course we'll say, what does your mom look like? With a note attached to it that says we're at this address. When it hits, you'll know, you'll know what to do. I'm not.

That's the test run. After that, then we go into crop dusting, OK? And you know what I mean the crop dust and we, we is a town we don't live in. We just roll in like 45 minutes after we crop dust.

Oh yeah, no, we can't live there. In fact, we're gonna have to have an evacuation plan because I'm pretty sure this is highly illegal, yeah. But yeah, I know a few pilots. I think we can get this off the ground and forgive the pun.

So if you, if you want to be a part of the, uh, Shivers THC enhancement experiment, where do they go to get, to get started, Lauren? Go to shivers.store and use our code R77 at checkout to save 10% on your gummies. And if you can figure out how to liquefy it so that we can in fact put it in a plane and chem trail it. Let us know.

Maybe we'll throw you a few, a few packs for free. So this is the point, you know. Everybody, all the, the entire cast is there. This is the end of the porn, right?

Yeah, well, it should be. Everyone's on set. This is how it should end. Um, I'm standing there.

Uh, all of the ladies are in bikinis and they're kind of oily and glistening. I may also be in a bikini. I don't know, but. My, my abs are glistening also, and the, the hit girl walks over to me and she's like, your abs are really glistening.

That makes me wet, which is a really weird thing to say, but she says it, yeah, and we're there to get weird, so weird things are just happening. So we start dancing a little bit, we start touching a little bit, and then there's a little girl on girl action that starts and then you bring me over and I take out my enormous cock. Of course my cock also glistening for some reason. Everyone is glistening.

It has its own light. Then that couple in the pool, they get out also glistening. And then they start to join in, starts to become a little orgy, right? Then soon the couple from the hot tub, they get out and they come over and they say something super cheesy like we never did get dessert at this dinner party and then I say something worse like I have cake if you want to eat it.

Nothing makes sense. And then it just erupts into this gang bang where the 1.6 girls are all over the guys, right? And then we, we're all coming all over each other and you're just laying on the ground rubbing your tits or maybe you're on the ground just rubbing your own tits. I don't know, but that's, that's how it ends.

But we all looked phenomenal anyway, as I'm standing. They're about to start my amazing performance for my final scene. People are sort of talking in different areas. I start to feel, whoa, I start getting hit by all of the concoction of drugs.

I was in a corner dancing to either music in my head or music that existed. I wasn't. Absolutely sure. So is Hi girl.

We'll call her hit girl. So I walk over to hit girl. This is what I ask people when I'm really high. What I'll do is ask other people, how are you feeling, mainly because you want to see how, how bad they are compared to you.

Yeah, how are you feeling? What I'm saying is, are you higher than me? That's what I'm really saying. You should.

I should. Are you higher than me? That'll really fuck him up. What I realized immediately, and I can tell by her look, oh, I'm way higher than you are.

She's barely here, barely here. And if she could have said shut the fuck up so I could enjoy this high a little bit more, that would be fantastic. So I immediately just stopped talking and then it's just the two of us just sort of bouncing and staring into space next to one another. So then you're, uh, you're like, OK, how are you feeling, Richard?

I'm like, I'm really high. And you're like, alright, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm just sort of alone. There's just sort of the three of us.

You're like, Are you gonna be OK? And I said, Yeah, I think so. So you take me over to her. She's sitting on one of those, uh, like a patio furniture set, like a sectional thing.

Yeah, it's like a sectional couch, but it's outdoor, and it, it wants to be wicker, but it's not. It's that plastic wicker. Call it whacker. Yeah, they do.

I just called it that. Well, that's where the story's going. So I'm like, here, can you babysit each other in in Highville while I go pee, and I'll be back in 5 minutes. I just sit there, right?

So she's like lost in her songs, and you go off and then she starts leaning back into me and she sort of using her fingertips to sort of touch my skin and I'm like very tactile, very tactile, and I'm like, oh, this is so sexy right now and I'm just like looking at her body and I'm like. By the way, we're really flirting with anyone up until that point. It just sort of most people weren't, yeah, so I started like, uh, skin tickling her back. I honestly, I don't know really what she's into, what wasn't.

Conversation at all. This is solely drugs at all. No. No conversations of like, so what are you into?

Nothing literally anal nothing. What is your experience? Are you bisexual? Can you send me some nude pics?

Nothing. So you're tingling and while that's happening you start walking back. Thank God I don't immediately stop like vanilla couples would do. I had that moment.

I was like, isn't this great? Like I can just keep doing what I'm doing and I don't have to worry about being caught or whatever. So I'm looking forward to you seeing what's happening when you arrive back. So you come back.

It was like the sectional was all ours. And just to see her pressed on you like I don't get to see you. So I was wrapped in a towel again, full circle with the girl who saw me just in a towel as she walked through the door, and that's how it happens. Go on.

So you walk up the deal, uh, yeah, so I walk up and I get to see that, and it's just, it's such a sexy sight. Like I just, I find you so sexy to see her body. And just vibe of letting go uncomfortable, and it was a big turn on for me. And that was immediately drew me in.

I just wanted to be part of it. I just wanted, so I immediately grabbed the pillow and threw it on the ground and was like, I, I'm in this energy. I went immediately to like start kissing what was ever right in front of me, which was like her upper thigh. And stomach area because she was stretched so far back.

And I just started just to see how she was going to react. And every time you touched her, it was like she was filled with electricity, like her body would arch and pulse. It was like everything was to the 1,000th level. Like you would touch her and her, she would just shiver.

She would actually shiver. Yeah, and I ended up going up and making out with her a little bit. I went down on her. I'm doing my best imitation of a recliner.

You were, you were holding a great. I don't want to do anything, and then it's that moment of like, because I don't want to ruin, even if it was just like stayed right there. It would have been totally fine, right? And you start going down on her, I think.

Did you put your fingers inside of her? I did. You didn't tell anybody that. I, I was just addicted to her.

Like her energy. It was like I wanted to please her. I wanted to watch her at that enjoyment. It was so stimulating.

Things are sort of crescendoing up, up, up, and the music is swelling up, up, up. It's just getting hotter and hotter by the second, and I'm like, and now. Her hand is going towards my cock and I can feel myself getting hard and I'm like, oh, she's like she's not afraid. And as it's getting to that point where there's going to be a transition of something happening like boy on girl action because I'm like, do I take my cock out because that's a bold move at this point.

Like, do I stay in the towel? Do I not? As soon as that moment. Came up, the music changed from really awesome house, house music to, I believe someone's voicemail.

I think it was a podcast or a podcast or something. So it's like the right or the serve it broke everything and I just scream out like, can someone change the music? Like, we had hired a DJ. Well, someone had their phone Bluetooth.

I was like, is that someone's voicemail? Like, I was so confused, but I didn't want to ruin the moment either. But it was already ruined. Yeah, but how do you not yell at management?

Like this is unacceptable at this point. I didn't know who was doing it, so I did. I called over to the people and I was like, Can someone change the music? I'm trying to do stuff right at the moment where I take my towel off or not.

And I think they're aware of the situation, and they're like, Anyway, moment was sort of lost, right? So she winds up sort of floating down. Dancing again a little bit. Did you even get up?

Yeah, I got up. Yeah, I was walking around a little water break. Yeah, there was a whole commotion, yeah, because then the music ended up sitting back down in the same, yeah, yeah, yeah, because then the, the music started back up again and it all was right in the world, right? Yeah.

And then you started to go down on her again and then I started thinking, did I blow you first? No, were you there? Yeah, I just listen to the story. You're gonna love it.

Jesus, someone else just laughed because they do the same thing as me. I was there in the exact same position, so she's on the thing leaning back on me, right? And then you're on the ground playing with her nether regions. I immediately think in my head, because the nerves are starting to kick up now, Richard, shoot your penis with Trimix.

Go really fast. Go now. Go now, go now. Go now and come back here because, because that, that rise up was really great and I was hard and then after it broke the moment I was like I don't know if it's gonna come back like the moment was broke right?

and then I started to get into my head a little bit and that's gonna just and I was like well just go, go be sure, right? Just go, go shoot it really quick you know where it is. It's in there, right? So, so I'm like, I'm gonna go to the bathroom really quick.

I go like throwing things around like to get. To the thing like, where's a motherfucker get it shoot my penis, come back out. When you do the shot, it takes a good like 3 to 4 minutes for it to work. It's not like instantaneous, right?

So I shoot it and go right back out, right? When I go back out, you're going to town, sister. I mean, it's, yeah, I mean, we're talking less than maybe 1 minute it took me from shooting to get back out there because I figure. For some reason I'm gonna wind up in a sitting waiting Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon situation so I'll have time for it to kick in.

I sit down next to you guys. I'm gonna wait for the injection to kick in and she grabs me and she says something and I'm like, What? And I just sort of touch her and she takes me close to her mouth and she says, Put it in. Oh my God, it's so hot.

We'll be right back. All right, Lauren, you know what I think you need to do something for your ass. I do. Everybody needs to do something for their ass.

It's bikini addiction time. Do something good for your ass. That's what people used to say to me. Do something good for your ass.

Yeah, when I was growing up, one of the good things they can do for their ass is buy a bikini addiction just in general because it is run by a couple. That is married legally in some states and they are wonderful. Each piece is meticulously designed and constructed just like this sentence to make you look and feel great. You know what else is great for your ass?

What your ass. Your ass is great for your ass. They have 5 bottom styles that can work all the way from show them everything to cover it up vanilla. Those Karen's whispering.

You have an open marriage. You're just jealous because your husband can't stop looking at my sweet ass and my husband's bulge. It's OK, Kevin. We know what else is good for your ass.

Saving money that's good for your ass. That's good for your ass. Yeah, Bikini Addiction is reasonably priced and they fit better than all competitors. It's true.

Show off that beautiful ass. Save your ass and save some money. They are designed to fit like a dream so you can strut with confidence. Make sure to support a semi-hoory, maybe married couple's business.

Go to bikini Addiction.com. use code room 77 at checkout to save 10%. Uh, taboo. I didn't sneeze.

I said taboo like taboo toys. What do you got in your hand there? I am holding intimate Earth's plush super thick anal glide or anal loop. I know you like it super thick.

What is that used for? It's like a new anal lobe, and you got to get the hybrid lobes now because everyone's using the silicone toys and you can't have silicone loops, silicone toys. So I got this one does the silicone. To lube due to the silicone toy.

It just makes it deteriorate over time, ruins it. All right, so we have to use this thick, long, fat lube, girthy loop. Yeah, just get a hybrid loop. What is it called?

Called Intuit Earth plush, super thick hybrid anal glide, and it's great for my anal. I mean, it's made for anal because it's thicker. It's creamy. What I liked about it is it actually did stay on the toy and it's not sticky.

I don't like stickiness when it comes to lube because sometimes I like to put it all over my body. They just people get mad because they're like, that's my fucking lube, dude. I'm like, I know, but don't I look great? Look how glistening I am.

Yeah, I'm very glistening. Let's all roll around. I do that a lot. What is the lube that everybody should get for the anal?

It's called Intimate Earth. It's called Plush is the one that is for anal, and it's amazing. Go grab it at tabootoys.com and use our code room 77 and save 15%. I'll put the link in the episode notes.

Put it in. Oh my God, because I had her going for you did it, but like, talk about porn. This is right out of porn, you still, you still had your towel. I still had my towel on too, but the trimix has not taken effect yet, right?

I'm like, come on, little buddy, are you able to keep track of time correctly or no, absolutely not. That was the main reason I wanted to take it because I knew I was so high that I knew I would probably have penis problems. It's a stress reliever to have. I ripped my towel off.

Luckily, the height of excitement of it had gotten me hard, right? So I turned to you and I say, that's when you say blew me. No, I didn't say blow you never blew me. Yes, I did.

Not yet. 00 my God. Well, that's the part I remember. Oh my god, it was so after this story.

Literally different chapter, different book. OK, go ahead. So she's, I'm on top of her. She says, put it in.

I turn back to you and I say to you, she said, Put it in. I rip my towel off. I have like 3/4 of a heart on, but that's enough to make it work, and that's enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's enough.

That's 3/4 will get it in. Depends what happens next, but 3/4 is enough to get it in, right? If you work with balloon animals. And you know how to do it, then you can, you can get it in.

And then after that it's up to you to do the rest or her. So you look at me and I give you a thumbs up. I didn't really wait for one, to be honest with you. I just said she said put it in.

I didn't wait for an answer. I was, to be honest, I was gonna fuck her. I'm inside. I was already inside of her, really.

I put my penis in. Her vagina, you were fucking her good, yeah, I was. Yeah, I was. I came right away.

No tell the people, so I, uh, I start to fuck and immediately she says harder, and this is missionary on a sofa, right? Like, well, this is she's on the, the sofa and I'm sort of my knee is on the sofa. As well, missionary-ish, missionary-ish, yeah, I'm just looking down at her abs and her stomach, and she's just like, fuck me harder, she says harder, so I start fucking her harder, and I think she was handing me her legs like she wanted to be held down and I was like doing stuff to her mind you, she's still uber sensitive, so she's every time you fuck her, she's like, oh. Uh, like she's just really like your fucking electricity, right?

So I'm fucking, she's like harder, harder, harder. Now I think every guy is gonna understand what, what I was going through next, OK, because while I'm fucking my right leg is digging into the plastic part of this goddamn furniture. And I weave my knee is in such severe pain. All of my body weight on this knee, yeah, it's pushed the cushion off like you're not doing that anymore.

You're trying to get stupid, stupid plastic. It's digging through me like I'm getting shanked in prison, gut-wrenching, suffocating your skin, killing my, my knee, and I'm just, she's saying harder, harder, and I'm like, I'm gonna cry. It hurts so bad. So I keep trying, I go for as long as I can until my brain goes, you're gonna pass out from the pain.

Like this, it hurts so bad. Because your brain is like just keep going, you just got to deal with it. I mean, you just got to deal with it. You just gotta deal with it and fuck her.

I don't care if you get shot. You're just gonna have to keep going, you know what I mean? Somebody comes and puts a knife on your back, you just gotta keep going. That's just how it works.

Yeah, I had no idea that you were going through this because I was whispering and saying really dirty things to her and I sort of learning what her triggers were, and I, the dirty talk I was doing to her, she was just as sensitive to as she was physically, and I would say things and she would. React and I was like this is so hot for me so I was having that and you're down there dying and I had no idea. My experience is going off the rails at this point, right? So I stop and I say, can we change positions really quick because I'm just, it really hurts, right, which by the way, in, in actual porn is something you hear guys say a lot.

This really hurts. Can I change positions. You always hear that. So I mean I'm just I'm killing it at this point.

Yeah, you're such a pro they're probably calling you. Yeah, they're probably like, were you adult film star? Uh, she gets up like a trooper and she takes a, a cushion off of the couch and she just throws it on the floor, gets on all fours, doggy style, and is like, fuck me. I'm like, oh my God.

This is what I remember as you walk over and you're like, and she gets on all fours and she covers the entire cushion. She covers the entire cushion like, well, that's just, where are my knees going? You literally it's very chivalrous of her. And I just start laughing.

My knees go from hard plastic to hardwood floors, and now I'm like, this is really gonna hurt. So I go down on the floor. I start fucking her. I start fucking her, fucking her, fucking her, fucking her, fucking her, right?

And I try to come off my knees like a professional porn star because I'm like, well, I'll take. Take all of the weight off of my body. Wow, I'm an old man. Like I can't.

I can only do that for, for so long, right? Then I'm like I gotta get her on her back, push her on less cushion, get that cushion for my knees, right? It's a hostage negotiation. at this point to take over her territory.

I'm gonna turn you around and I get up, spin her around, and while I'm spinning around, the one couple I glance at, they're in the pool and they are watching me. They're not doing anything. You're not adding to my point. 0 points for you.

So I put her down in, in missionary position now again, but she's on the ground and she's still fuck me harder, fuck me harder. And I remember having the thought this girl does cardio for a living. You are not winning this contest. There's no way.

So I'm going again. I'm going as hard as I can and she had stopped for one second and I was like, Are you OK? She's like. Yeah, I'm just wondering if I'm too loud for the neighbors.

She started laughing and then I started, I started laughing. I mean, she could have screamed as loud as a tornado siren. The last thing I would have thought of was the neighbors. You were concerned about yourself and your knee.

Oh, absolutely. Could have been being raped by the pool couple. I wouldn't have. Noticed I was laser focused on my mission, a mission or a pain?

Well, my mission to try to finish it. OK, OK. Most everything is solved at this point. Go, go, go, go, go, and I keep going and then that's when I realized it's 90 degrees in Florida and you're overheating.

And I'm covered in sweat. You're sweaty. My body is just shutting down now. There's one thing that will override Trimix dying.

Like when you're close to cardiac arrest, your body will take the blood from areas of your body. I start losing my heart on. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was so physically hot and stressed out at this.

Point that I ruined my own porn. She was like, that's OK. And she just went back to dancing. She's like, that was amazing.

I'm like, I'm so sorry. I I kept apologizing. She's like, I was just worried about you. Don't be worried about me.

She's like, I just, I just wanted you to come. I'm like, Don't, no, don't worry about me. I'm on so many drugs. I won't come until next week.

And you were like, did you come? And she's like, like 5 times. Yeah, I came like 5 times. I'm like, All right, good night.

Then my job here is done. There's no need for heatstroke. Just so you know, there was a moment in there where we were going to try to go again, and I said, Can you come over and try to get me up. Oh, that's when I blew you.

That's when you blew me. Oh yeah, you're right. I'm glad that you remember that was after you cooled down. I went into the pool, literally steam came off of me.

I walked out and then I was like, get my cock up, please, please. Thank you. But at that moment everything had sort of been, yeah, the energy had definitely shifted. Yeah, like people had gone to bed.

They were like, good night. Thanks for the show. So there, it turned out exactly like the shivers porn fantasy, almost exactly like it. And by the way, I just want to bring this up.

It took me 3 times as long to tell that story than the actual action took place. Meaning I only fucked her for about 2 minutes, do you think total? Yeah, yeah, I think it was. I think it was, I think it was about 30 to 90 seconds between there, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, it was longer than that, maybe 3 minutes tops, including all the shifting around and and choreography, yeah, different location location moves, yeah. I, I think 3 minutes tops. Yeah, yeah, it definitely, yeah, it was a short period of time because that's why it needs to be a story of redemption. Do they make porns as shorts?

It could be a short film. Yeah, if someone got it on film, it's almost a gift. We could enter it into Sundance and people would be like that was the saddest short film. I've ever seen him a Maserati, who is that actor.

Because I really believe that he's someone could suck that bad at sex. There is that whole thing that you said earlier about when the porn fantasy hits, hits the real world and how it, how it executes, and I think that sometimes watching a 20 minute porn, you're just like, skip, skip, skip, skip. I just want that like little blip of something magical. And like for me, it's one of the hottest experiences just because it was so random, so unexpected.

Like, again, we don't get a lot of females, and she was, you know, young and hot and fantasies live in our head, and I don't think I've ever lived up to an actual fantasy where the reality has been very close to the fantasy because life always gets in the way of those fantasies and makes it part of what real life actually is. We put this TikTok filter on fantasies. They just sort of blur any. Whether they blur out any imperfections, they blur out personalities a lot of times like they'll blur out somebody just being complacent, just something, just something as simple as that.

There's so many things about a perfect situation, but at the same time it's these imperfect parts of situations that make it memorable. It's imperfections, these, these fuck up. That's what makes it so interesting. Sometimes to navigate these things, it would be like playing a video game with nothing that's in your way.

And I actually really interesting way to put it. I actually always think FOMO is a lot of filters on things. Oh my God, of course, everything you think you're missing out on has like 10 filters on it, but you'll never be able to have that perfect fantasy play out in the way that you thought it would, and you should embrace the differences. And then the other thing.

I I I think for people that do have social anxiety out there, it's really important to remember that I really have social anxiety. But I've understood enough to know that I have to push through that anxiety to get any life experience out of life. If you stay safe at home, you never wind up with any experiences and safe can't be the winner in life. But for those of you who do suffer with that.

Anxiety of like, I don't like being constricted or at parties or, you know, at a place I'm not comfortable with. You even read it when people want to go to lifestyle resorts, right? They want to go to desire and they're just like, wow, what's it gonna be like and I'm so scared. This is the same anxiety, it's just I have it every day with everything.

Um, you have to push through that to be able to get the things in life that are worth having sometimes. So I'm really glad that I did push through. On this particular one because everything inside of it was like, no bail bailing on this dinner party thing. I don't know anybody there.

I'm gonna have to come up with a cover story. I don't know what I'm gonna tell these people. Forget it. You just put it very well and you gotta do some experiences because listen, you could end up in a threesome.

Fuck me harder. You still have a scab on your knee, a scab that opened back up when we were fucking, and I bled and it looks like you perioded all over the bed. But anybody who listens to the podcast knows that that wouldn't be possible because you are post-menopause. and you're not functioning anymore, but they wouldn't know that.

They would think that you just perioded all over the place, which is what I told the housekeeper. God, Larena period. Toto la cama. Oh my God, stop it.

Total period. Total mucho mucho sangre pantalones nomas in the basora. Yeah, that's what I told her. I have to go, Lauren, OK, Richard, to go find more dinner parties to go to.

There's a party in the streets in the Before we get started, make sure to go to room 77life.com and check out Flirt, the greatest party in Isla Mujeres, Mexico. Get your spot February 12th to 17th. The rooms are going really, really fast. We will see you there.

You can go to room 77life.com or room 77 events. Dot com. Alright, Lauren, we started. We go to Florida obviously for drugs and sex.

That's what people do in Florida. That's that's why they brought it into the union. I think it's on their flag. That was their pitch.

Uh, what are you guys bringing? Sex and drugs. Alright, you're in. Um, so we go there.

One of the things that we're going to do is OnlyFans content. And once again we reach out to single guys who are like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, we're gonna do it. And we are, I don't know, like 0 for 6 now. No single man will show up.

And not only do they not show up, they are so confident and so excited up until they flake and ghost, and it is so utterly annoying. Um, you start to get used to it, and this does really give a bad rep to, to single guys. Because you really start almost hating all of them. I mean, you just start going like, what is wrong with you?

Also, I still don't know what's going on. We reached out to our Telegram group, and it does happen often. It is something that that frustrates people. I just don't really get it.

And I don't think a lot of people do get it. So I, I sort of deep dive into stuff and, and I will start thinking about it and reading about it and I've come up with 22 conclusions. But how does it make you, you feel? I think you handle it better than I do.

This guy in this particular circumstance, not much like the other one, but this guy was absolutely insure positive once again. And, um, I'm not going to give his SDC profile name. The word German is in it. You find it, it's up to you.

Um, but what a douchebag. Like what another utter do because in the end, what they do is they wasted hours of your time, energy. They've fucked up your schedule. Yeah, absolutely not.

of care in the world for them. How does it make you feel because you did most of the talking with this douche. There's, I guess, two things that sort of happened. It's, it's like, did I not push enough?

Was I not chatty enough? I saw where you did, where they just got disinterested. Or is there something that I'm supposed to be saying that makes them feel more committed? No, no, no, I don't think so.

I think it falls into two categories, and I think this douchebag is one of the 21 is fear. I think absolute fear sets in. I think they live in a fantasy world, and it feels really erotic and the thought of it is really enticing. When the reality starts to set in, I think it becomes really scary, really fast.

And I, if I had to guess, I would imagine there are cave drawings of a man and a woman with their hands up, one with a heart on, symbolizing what happened to that single guy that didn't come to our cave. They're like at a cave door, but there's no one outside ghosted. I imagine that's how far it goes back. I don't think it's anything new.

I think there's that much fear. I think the other thing possibly just complete and utter narcissism. They get off so much on getting their own ego filled. That's all they needed.

Thank you very much. Because the other common thing you read, and I'm guilty of feeling this way, although I've never put it out there, but a lot of times you'll, what you'll see the husband say is that guy has no idea what he missed. Or who would turn down, who would turn my partner down. And there's ego involved in both sides of that, right?

So there's an ego narcissistic guy who's just getting his ego filled, but your ego is also involved because you're treating this person like he has some sort of control or some sort of value in your life to be validated. You're allowing this person to validate. You and your wife in some way, shape or form. You're, and like I said, I'm guilty of this too.

It pisses me off for different reasons. I'm never really like, my wife is beautiful and you should be lucky you should be lucky to have her. I'm more like, fuck you for wasting our time, you utter douchebag. Yeah, that's more how I think of it too.

You are a reprehensible human being. Like no normal human being that walks the planet does that. You have severe social problems. Or if you're absolutely scared, you're just a coward.

You say something, just send a little text, right? But even if you can't, at the worst, you're a narcissist. You're just a pathetic human being, right? At the best, you're just a coward.

It falls with one of those two. So the trick is basically don't let your own ego get involved in these things as much as you can. You have to just protect yourself as much as you can, like, take it with a grain of salt. Like this may or may not happen.

Try to secure it as much as you can, but really keep it as transactional as you can. Don't get attached because I understand that some people don't like to keep it transactional. You'll have that chance to make it non-transactional when you meet buddy. Up and have a drink and get to know them, but until that point, under these, these scenarios, keep it transactional because the more transactional you're going to keep it, the less it's gonna hurt.

I'm thinking about starting a group just for men, single men, for people that are looking for. I'm sure they exist, but I just have a good name, certified male. Male is spelled M A L E. Yeah, certified.

Yeah, but in my group, if you ghost, we're gonna trash you. You get demerits or well no they post your, your profile photo, like anonymous, yeah, anonymous, you know, anonymous, the group on, yeah, no, we're not hacking anybody. No, no, we're just like, hey, this guy, uh, this guy was really great, and, uh, he's certified, he showed up, he's certified male. And uh this guy, not certified male we can rate them like Ubers yeah we give them stars, you know what I mean?

Bob only has 2 stars couples out there. This goes for couples too who are who because couples ghost as well. There are couples out there who do the same thing. It's one or the other.

They're either scared or they're a psychopath. It's one of the two things. It's not hard to figure out, but it's hard to just. It will be hard to distinguish.

I, I, I imagine you would know as soon as you met that person in person, if you ever you know immediately you'd be like, Oh, you're a psychopath. So like there was this guy that he reached out a month, a month later, and was like, hey, I just want to apologize. And we're like, what? OK, then write it.

And he's like, I don't want to write it. I want to call you and talk to you on the phone. Like. And he never did.

OK. And then he just never called. It's like, oh my God, he ghosted. You doubled down on your fucking ghosting.

What an utter douchebag. He felt. What a douchebag. Oh, shame on you.

I didn't fall for it. I don't know why you're saying I fell for it. We gave him the opportunity again to make a phone call and he didn't. I left my phone on.

What does that even mean? Oh my God, it's so stupid. What was the alternative? Change my number?

OK, it's a bit extreme. If you want to join certified male. I bet certified male turns pretty gay, pretty cool. That's it.

I'll, I'll add in some other stuff later. OK. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to go leave a positive review. Or for more information, go to room 77life.com.

Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.