Ep. 97: Cap d'Agde (A Sport F'ers Paradise) No Cap!

All right, this is Eric in Chugwater, Wyoming. He asked, we've never played with a couple before and I haven't used a condom since high school. I plan on buying some to practice in. Do you have any advice on other ways to practice having sex with a condom?

Yeah, you're, well, you can practice all you want. You're still not going to feel anything. That's kind of true. Do you have any advice to help Eric?

I would just practice getting it and putting it on. That's half the problem. And maybe even try it one-handed because it could be busy using your mouth. Try.

Trying to do that. It's the same reason firemen practice getting dressed before hopping on the truck. Very good point. It is very, very stressful situations with a lot going on where you have to put a lot of things on in the right places, in the right direction, in almost emergency situations.

What I did to get ready for these situations, I just carried around a bunch of condoms at all times, right? And I would just, anytime that I would see something, I would just wrap it up in line at the pharmacy. I had nothing to do. Bam, wrap up a bag of Skittles.

Suddenly it was safe as shit. I got so good. I did. I got so good at this.

By the time we were with the first couple, I wasn't only wrapped up, I was also able to put a balloon jester hat on her head right before I fucked the shit out of her. Yeah. So it was also, it was also a party trick. You're welcome.

Good luck, Eric. We'll be back to everything you want to hear right after this voted the number one podcast by our friends. Here's the cheat sheet, guys. Hot bikini equals hot girlfriend.

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Yours. All this information is always in our show notes right below. All right, Lauren, by the time everybody's listening to this, we'll be loading up a truck heading off to Isla Mujeres. So we wanted to tell everybody what's happening for February Flirt.

How many rooms are left? There are 10 rooms left for Flirt in February. It's the 11th through the 16th, and you better come grab one now. Make sure to look on your social medias and our live feed of sin.

Do we have a live feed? Sure, I don't think we do. We should, we should have a live feed. 77 is how it is said in British English, 77.

In American English it would be pronounced as 77, 7777. All right, Lauren, we gotta hurry this up because I'm hungry. How are you? I'm good, Richard.

How are you? I'm hungry, evidently, yeah, I got that noted. Are you cooking or am I cooking? You are.

Oh, OK. Should we stop right now and eat and then come back? Do you want to get pancakes? Yes, I always want pancakes.

No, let's just do this. Let's just do this because, but it's gonna be a long one. This is important for everybody. This is about.

Oh, did you understand that? Cage. Did you figure out how to spell it yet? It's got a G in there somewhere.

We went and honestly, I thought that we would never ever go. One of the things that never really had on our list, but a couple, two couples actually were like, Hey, do you guys want to go? And we're like, Hm, not really. And they're like, uh, too late, we bought your tickets.

So, uh, we wound up there and we want to be able to give you the information. This is the guide for the person who worries more than the average human being. It's going to be not for those people who are like, oh, I'm winging it, and let's, yeah, I heard it's cool. I'm just gonna pack a couple of things, doing a carry-on, travel around the world all the time, just do stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys are good. You, you're good. Not for you. Just fast forward, yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you're scared of life, this is the episode for you. If you ever looked at cop and you're like, it looks interesting, but I have this overwhelming feeling that I'm gonna die of embarrassment and insecurity, this is the episode to listen to because we're just gonna answer those questions that are probably on your mind to say them out loud, you know, so that's, that's the did the research for you. We did a lot of research before we got there and then we did the in-person research and we're gonna document it here. Yeah, and I'm just gonna tell you right now, we don't have all of the, the information.

There's no way. There's absolutely. No way. We are not the people to come to for all of the information.

We'll explain why a little bit later. Now, we're going to take you through our entire trip. We're going to go through day by day in sickness and in healthy and go through exactly what we went through to explain cap first of all, to the people who don't know what cap is, because I did send, and I don't know about you, a few messages to some people in the lifestyle. I was like, oh, we're on our way to C and got a return message, message that was just a question mark.

And I thought, how can you not know? How can you not know? The mecca, you know what I mean? It's like Catage is a, a city, uh, a town in France, village, a village.

Can we just call it a town? Yeah, it's a town. Let's not use the word village. It makes it sound like there's horses and carriages, and a village within the town.

I get it, but that's we'll get there, OK? They're not churning butter though. OK, I don't know what their kinks are, but that might be one of them. I'm trying to give people information here.

You're being disruptive, and I will not have this in my cap class. By the way, our new business, giving instructions, because there's no way to prepare for this, how to go to cap. I even have a name. It's going to cap, no cap.

How to go to cap. No cap. You like it because now I got the, now I got Gen Z on board. You know what I mean?

Like, oh, I didn't know about it. But now, because yeah, he gets it. No cap. I'm, this is, I'm on board with this.

That dude is so cool. Yeah, he's. He's got riz. I don't even know what that means.

All right. All right, so Cobb is not a village, it's a town, OK. Cobb has about 3500 residents in the entire cap, and it's, it's divided into two different things. This is where your little village comes in.

There's there's Cobb and then there's a naturist village inside of, of Cobb. Inside of the naturist village, permanent residents, you're talking about between 500 and 1000 people. That's crazy. Exactly.

I have no idea. The nudist village part grows from that. 500 permanent residents to 40,000 people. So this isn't, in fact, like any resort that you can go to.

There's no real way to prep for this. There's no way to compare this to any place that you've ever been to before. You will get a lot of advice, but it's never going to translate. Yeah, this, it's not going to satiate your needs, especially if you're an overthinker, and there's no way to mentally prepare you.

Or, um, except to actually experience it. Yeah, and we met a listener there from Minnesota. This guy, huge podcast fan, listens to every episode, knows everything about us. We didn't know we should be flattered or if we should get a restraining order.

But anyway, he was like, I'm just really into sport fucking. And we're like, we're not really into that. We're not really sport fuckers. Happy you are.

That's cool. You do your thing. It is. I think that this is the sport fucking mecca.

Like if you're gonna, if you're gonna go to a place to literally just lay down, have sex, this is the place for you jam. This isn't a place for relationships. This isn't really a place to even, I don't want to say relax, um, it's not, it is to go for debaucherous, hedonistic behavior. You have to go with a really, really open mind again.

Shout out to our sport fucking friend. It isn't like nothing you've ever experienced before. It is a circus, but not in a crazy way, more of like a, like a fever dream kind of way. Whatever mission you go there for, but you, there's something for everyone.

You said it's like a carnival and a convention. Meet, yeah, meets a convention center because there's so many at every place you look, it's filled with something. Right, which is also a good time to bring up. I would not do cap silver or.

If you are sober, good for you. But if you're not, I would definitely plan on doing it under the influence, which is a great time to bring up shivers. Bring your shivers with you, because going to Cap without any substances or planning not to at least drink would be like going to Oktoberfest and only ordering Diet Sprite. Wouldn't really make sense to experience the whole thing.

I think that may be part of it. We're not, if you need something good to bring with you that's safe, that takes off the edge, this is a good choice. I think it's a great choice. It's packable and it doesn't, you're going to need both, both for the energy and for the open-mindedness.

Yes, because with jibbers with every purchase, it includes fewer fucks to give. So where do they get their shivers before they travel off to France? We have, uh, everything in the show notes. Go to shivers.store and this month only you can use the code sin 25 and you will save 20%.

It's a one-time coupon code. So load up now, this month in October with the code sin 25. All right, so one of the first questions a person asks, and I'm going to ask this in the vein of your annoying husband. OK.

Oh, that's going to be hard. No, it won't be because I just replay everything that I said. I don't know how to pack for this. What are we going to do?

What do we do? I don't know what to do. Am I bringing clothes? Am I'm not bringing clothes I'm already naked?

Am I naked all the time? I don't know what to do. Listen, I can't express to the listener how stressful it is. I mean, this was starting, I think at least 8 weeks before about the packing, about the, are there theme nights, are what parties are we going to?

How do we dress, shoes, all these things and I'm like, Oh my God, honey, literally, let's just go. But let's just tell the people really quickly, these are the important things you should know as, as a worry wart. Uh, pack your, your voltage, charger, doohickey things. That's important.

I, I know there's some Americans out there that think that the plug in your wall is the same across the world. It's not. Some electricity out there works at 220 volts, which means if you touch it, you're dead. Get a roaming pack if you don't have one already because your, your phone's not gonna work there, make sure you get that.

So you may want to pack like a beach towel or a pool towel or an extra towel for yourself. Pack light. You're either gonna be casual or you're gonna be decked out in something that's really sexy. Um, the guys don't really do themes there.

So, unless you're going to the fetish places. The dress code is, is pretty strict there. So you need long pants. No shorts, you can't wear sneakers.

You you sometimes need a collared shirt or, you know, a nicer shirt. You just have to look respectable. You have to adopt sort of a little bit of European as you're going over there with all of this. Of course, that also includes for our American audience and some Canadians lose the baseball cap, you know, it's a flag.

It's not so much about, you know, disrespecting your culture or disrespecting your. Country, you know, one of the things as people who live outside of the United States, always remember that you're a guest in someone else's country. The least you can do is little things, try to blend in with their culture and not stick out like a sore thumb. It's just a gesture of adapting to the culture of where you are.

And I promise you, you will not see baseball caps there. They already know you're in America. You stick out like a sore thumb. All right, what do you do?

Cap, no cap. Well, first you take, you take a flight. I mean, unless you live in Europe, then you don't have to. Tell them about our flight.

We actually had a nonstop and everyone was jealous who was traveling from the US, so we had it easy. I'm just saying if you want to fly down to Cancun, you can nonstop it to Barcelona in our private jet. Yeah, it is a long flight. It was like 10 hours from here and also no.

Wi Fi. You just download movies. I took so much Xanax. Oh my God, you are killing me because I thought I was going to sleep the entire way because it was lined up with our sleeping hours.

So I took a Xanax, I took another Xanax, and it just wasn't working. And I wound up putting myself into like this weird Xanax coma, zombie-like state where I was awake, but I wasn't really awake. I was cleaning my section. Which is weird.

There was an empty seat behind us, so you moved seats, so we weren't actually sitting next to each other to give each other more room. It wasn't horrible. I mean, I will say that it's long for you. Yeah, it's long for you.

It was over 3 hours for Richard is long. Well, you don't follow the rules. First of all, there was one point where, uh, you were up searching through your bag because you left it in my section, which, if you listen, if you're gonna change seats, bring your shit with you. I wasn't committed, Richard.

So you changed seats. You leave all your stuff in here, you get at the one our wonderful pilot, which got us all the way across the Atlantic, puts on the seatbelt sign, and you get up and you start searching for, I don't know, a pen. I don't even know what you're looking for, something just ridiculous, lip balm, who cares? The, the, the seatbelt signs on, right?

So I give you like, I don't know, a minute or two, and you just keep searching. You're the only one up in the plane, honey, like the, the seatbelt signs on and you look at me. As if you, you own the airline. Like, I, yeah, I, I don't know what to tell you.

Like, I'm, it's a suggestion, Richard. I'm, it's, but whatever, like that's the rules. It's a suggestion. It's not a requirement until FAA, until we hit a pocket of air and you slam your head up against the, the ceiling.

That's my own fault. I wasn't wearing the seatbelt, right? You think I want to be in cap alone. I don't know.

Maybe you would have had a good time. Just follow the rules. OK. Seatbelt on.

Don't stress me out. Oh, Richard, the rule follower. But anyway, uh, it was a long flight. Thank God you had movies and your earbuds and your new neck pillow and too much Xanax that got you through.

So if you know me, I'm very excited to get off of this steel tube. I'm the annoying guy when the plane lands. I'm like, everybody up. Let's go, let's go.

Let's go. Get it, get it going. Let's get it going. Get your bags down.

Come on, get it. I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's get going.

Let's start moving in the direction of exiting. When we were in the air, and we were getting our stuff ready, I took the earbud out of my ear and it fell into my chair, but not just into my chair, it fell into a little tiny hole that went into the cushion. So I pulled the cushion back and what I realize is, is it. Fell into a hole under the cushion, which went into the mechanical device of the chair that I can't get to.

So I'm digging my finger into the mechanics of the seat at this point. Yeah, I feel like it was the mechanic, the box that old life vest used to go in or who knows. It was welded together, the box. It was 1 in a million chance that I made a swoosh into that little hole.

I get the flight attendant. I'm like, Hi. So, um, then there's like two flight attendants trying to get it out, and then they say, we're gonna have to get a maintenance crew up here. I'm like, Oh my God, I am dying on the inside.

You know me. Like, I'm just like, I'm fine. Thank God I didn't have to pee. I was like, I'm relishing in this moment because it's such a Richard moment.

Yeah, so they say the the. The words they're like, so we're gonna have to wait for everybody to board. And then they're going to come on and they're going to deal with this. And we actually have a photo of me all by myself on the plane just looking down at the guy who had to come on board and fish it out of there.

I had all kinds of tools and even he was stumped. There was so many moments. Honestly, if we were anywhere else, we weren't in Europe and going to cap. I would have been like, fuck it, I'll just, I'll get a new, I'll get new pixel buds.

I know they're super expensive, but I don't care. But I was like, because we were going there and I know the noise is a problem and sleeping is a problem, I need these earbuds so badly. Like I can't not have them. So yeah, that's how we started.

Uh, it should be a great trip. Better than American Airlines. That's all I have to say. Everyone was so nice.

Uh, so we get there and we did not take a train, uh, or anything. We rented a car, which again, I was super stressed out about, shouldn't have been, it was fairly easy. We got this really nice car. It's a really nice easy drive there, you know, you have navigation, that's all sort of set for you.

It's like a 3.5 hour drive. Uh. It's pretty easy. Yeah, there's some tolls.

Again, you play, you pay the tolls with a credit card. Card there. Needless to say, credit cards are your friend. Yeah, I was surprised.

I was so surprised. Tipping in Europe is not really a thing. That does not negate the fact that Europeans know Americans tip. Exactly.

So don't forget that, and I don't care where you are in the world, a little bit of Greece helps everywhere. So make sure you have a little bit of cash for the bartenders for the things that you want to move forward, have some cash. Before you get there, everywhere else you can tap your card. Every place takes takes credit cards.

So don't stress about that. Like Richard, like it's so stupid. Like why would he even do that. It's the first time I've driven anywhere or we've driven anywhere and been like, oh, castle.

So we finally, we make it there. And now, we have to get in. Yeah, our navigation takes us to a gate and we're stumped. Just a gate.

Our friends are like, Oh, just show them your reservation because they had a driver. Right now again. You know, they don't speak, they don't speak English, so you're just trying to pick up whatever. So we show him the, the, the reservation and he makes a motion.

What it actually meant was park, go into the office, pay your fee, and then come back here and I'll let you in. What I read it as was, go away. You're in the wrong spot. So I politely smile and drive away, then start driving down the wrong lane of traffic.

They come out and they're like, no, no, no, don't go down that lane, and then I pull over and I start questioning our lives at that point. I'm like, should we even be here? Should we just go back to the airport. I don't know what to do.

The navigation was turning into dots. Like, just get out and walk, people. You're so close. I don't know what to do.

So we, we said, All right, all right, we know it's back there. We know we're supposed to be there. Let's go back there and try again, I guess. So.

So I find a parking spot and then we figure it out and then we go in. I was like, Here we are, we're in naked town. There's going to be everybody's naked. Nope, wasn't like that.

So funny what our minds can go to and make up in our heads. You had me on a mission to go buy sarongs for you for like 2 weeks. I, I didn't, I didn't know. Like, in fact, when we, when we checked in, I thought everybody was gonna be naked in the hotel, but that's just not the case.

So I did get a little bit nervous, but I got to tell you, so, so I answered that question that probably everybody asks. It's not mandatory at all, and I'd say less than 50% of the people are walking around naked. It's, um, I'd say less than that, less than 50%, yeah, yeah, for like maybe a third you'd see this some people also have bicycles're like, oh. Let's live here.

So it's a very sort of get naked when you want, not always being naked. It's not like, you know, oh, the water delivery guy here, nice cock. Like it's not, it's not that. And again, this is what what we witnessed and we went in in the end of August, but I thought it was going to be a little bit more like those strange documentaries they do on those nudist resorts where you're like, I do not want to be a part of that community.

It wasn't, oh, I feel out of place because I'm not a nudist. It was like very welcoming to lifestyle and you just. Felt like, oh, this is fun and whatever. And, and by the way, don't forget a lot of the people there are nudists.

They're just nudists. They're not in the lifestyle, but there's a self-governing, self policing of separating the two. The nudists don't really partake in the lifestyle activities and the lifestyle people respect the rules and the people that are around them, where to stay. That's another question.

I just say where we what's it going to be like. Now, our room was nice. Our hotel was nice. Yeah, it was very nice.

Yeah, because we're posh. Yeah. Yeah, because we didn't book it and, uh, that's, that's where they, they, they put us. God bless them.

I must warn you, we only have a little bit of information here. We don't have a lot of information here because we only have the place that we stayed. We only hear certain things again, like a lot of places that are selling just a concept, you are going for the concept. That's what you're going for.

So if you're expecting 5-star accommodations, you better reset, reset your expectations, you know, set it at. Trailer park and then, yeah, or camping, yeah, or camping and then you're going to be like, oh, this is so nice. I just shower. Where we stayed, they just renovated the hotel.

So we got a little bit lucky. But we hear that a lot of the places are hit or miss, especially if you Airbnb, if you rent some of these condos, some of the places can smell, some of the places, you know, have you got to make sure you have AC. Ceiling was really low, someone said. Yeah, so as a general rule, I would say just be prepared to just make sure you're OK with a livable situation.

Yeah, the first night we were there, we didn't, we didn't go out. We had, I think we had been up for at least 24 hours. We had some dinner, said hi to our friends, and we're like, we're going to need it, we're going to need to sleep. We wake up and the next day, the first thing we do, what did we do the first day?

We had breakfast and went shopping. Yes, that's when we went highly recommend the shopping. Our friends were like, there's tons of shopping. And my first thought was like really expensive shop after expensive shop, and it wasn't.

This was bodega after bodega of just Places like nooks and crannies, everything from booty shorts to bras to cool fetish wear, and it was all like 20 to $30. Like everything was super reasonably priced and there was so much stuff you don't see here, which I really enjoyed. And I think you need like a whole day just to shop. It's like if you, if you jumped inside Sheehan or Timu, jumped inside of the website where you're like, you see all that crazy stuff and you're like, oh, I'd look great in a see-through cat bodysuit.

It looks great on her, but it's right in front of your face or like, oh, that cock holder looks great on that mannequin. May I try it on? And then I had the stupidest thing where I'm like, Should I look for a dressing room? No, because it's, it's a clothing optional village.

You just change right here, you stupid dick. Strange how your brain works. It's so funny. And then that night, there's a party in the actual hotel.

Yeah, our hotel had a downstairs party. So we shop until that happens, until we're waiting. The problem is, is it was raining that night. So usually the party's on the roof, but they, so they moved the party down into the lobby.

We had gone out to dinner. Now our friend tells us she's educated on cats, she's telling us the rules. She's like, Listen, is this is what you do? This is how you deal with the French.

They're lovely people, but they don't want the people that complain and they will weed you out. This is my rule, OK? When you sit down at a restaurant, they may not wait on you right away, but they're waiting. They're waiting for you to complain.

And if you complain, you'll wait 30 minutes more. So just wait it out. Don't say anything, be pleasant, and just sit there and just wait. And then once they realize, oh, they're cool, you'll get excellent service.

I say, OK, well, it sounds logical. It sounds abnormal, but logical. OK. So we go to our first dinner, we walk in the door, we sit down.

Inside of 3 minutes, she says, I'm really hot. Miss, can we move tables? I'm like, what? You're breaking all the rules.

You just broke the first, the first rule. You literally complained inside 3 minutes. After dinner, we go back to the hotel and the party is starting in the lobby. It's set up and we have to go upstairs and change.

No one is with their respective spouse spouse at this point. You're walking with someone. I'm walking with a. me and just another guy.

And then there's another single guy behind me. There's like everybody's walking separately. So you walk in first, right? I walk in first with a different husband.

And I had the key card and I walked right past the thing. I flashed my key card. I say hi to the little girl that works at the front desk. And we're at the elevator, right?

I walk up and I feel a hand on my chest. I look up and there's a seven-foot man going, Where do you think you're going? And I was like, I'm, I'm going, I'm going inside. I'm going inside.

That's, that's, I'm going inside. I'm going in. Where's your key card? I was like, I don't, my wife, my wife has it.

That's why I'm pointing to you, and all I can see is the back of your head, and I know you're laughing. You're laughing at something, cause you always are, and I can't get your attention cause it's loud. And I'm like, well, that's, that's her, that's her. Finally you saw that I was stuck outside.

You come out and you're like, that's my husband. And he did look for a second like, no, I don't believe you. I'm not buying it. And there was, we were with someone who didn't have his wife with us.

She had stayed in the room because she wasn't feeling well. And, um, and so he didn't have a key card. They were like, You're not getting in ever. He's like, Can I go up to the room and get a key?

Yeah, yeah, it was, it was difficult getting him in. The point of that is, is the security was no joke. No joke tight. They take it very seriously.

We thought we covered it on the way. Yeah. And you know, again, we didn't learn that French phrase. So shame on us.

We're like, Hi, we're going out to dinner. When we come back, will you remember us? They were setting up like the ropes and the desk and everything to charge the people and we're like, Oh, we're leaving, but we're going to come back. And she's like, uh-huh, yeah, yeah, nodding, nodding.

Yeah, we're making sure that we were covered and she nods, nods, nods. What we didn't ask is, do you speak English? Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Because I'm looking at her while I'm being denied.

And she's looking at me like she's never seen me before in her life. I'm like, I talked to that girl right there. She said it was OK. She's like, you're not on the list.

She didn't understand a goddamn thing you said. If you're trying to get out of trouble, yeah, it's gonna be really difficult to explain your way out. I barely speak Spanish. I can.

Kind of speak English. Uh, I don't speak any French. I don't even know how to say hello in French. Bonjour jour.

So how are we going to communicate when we're there? Like I'm really, and then you hear all of these stories that French people hate you for not being able to speak French, which You know, they don't like it when you don't speak their language in their country, right, which you have to respect. It's yeah, so you get a little bit nervous. I did find that being one of the biggest stresses.

However, the vibe overtook everything and you can use the sign language to get through it. And most of the people were like, I totally get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or they just don't get it at all. Um, are they going to know English?

No, not. A lot of them, some of them, some of the workers will, but the people around you, no, don't expect people to speak English. They, they won't. It's not, you know, it was a, it was a bonus if they did a bonus if they do.

Some of the workers do, and some of the shops did. Yeah, they don't speak Spanish or Italian either. Well, why would they? It's France.

I was trying to speak Spanish. Why would you? And you're in France. I know.

And they were like, we would rather you speak English on those. Why would you even try to speak Spanish? I heard you doing that. I'm like, what the actual.

Because it's right next door. I thought maybe it'd be like. Yeah, that's what I do. So we go to the party that night in, in the lobby.

It wasn't great. I think the rain had a lot to do with that. It wasn't well, the DJ was good. Our friend wanted to leave and walk around in the rain.

I almost had to bribe her husband. Please get that thought out of her head. But she was like, no, it'll be fun. It's not that far.

This place is a fucking Hunger Games. Are you kidding me? Here's the other thing that annoying Richard sounded like. Where's the stuff?

Like it looks like it looks like a fortress. Like I don't even understand how, where, where are the clubs, where the, I don't get it. The layout. Good luck.

I can't help you there. Listen, it's a fucking maze and you are on your own. I don't know what to tell you. Buy a drone.

Get a map, getting anywhere in, when, especially when you first get there, you feel like you are, it is the backdrop and you're running from bad guys in a Jason Bourne film. Like everything is just backwards and turned around and little alleys. And nothing makes sense. Bring a compass.

It's very confusing. Just that's our message. Like I would look at a map, just be prepared. If you get lost easily, bring a buddy.

That's all I have to say. Yeah, I was on, I have a good sense of direction and I was using Google Maps just to walk to go get a sandwich. So it's, yeah, so if you're looking at a map and you're like, Man, I think I got it. Yeah, Take your phone just in case you don't.

This is where the steward takes a sad turn, mostly for me. We'll be right back. Taboo toys, what do you have sitting in front of you? The new Melt 2 clit sucker.

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And to prove that this is an exceptional toy, put it on your clit. OK, I've pressed go, put it in your clit, go. I'm going to play with my dial here. Even that just that just feels good, just like that.

All right, I'm going to move there. Oh God, I don't know what I'm doing, but, it's so good. It's strong. Are you making it fast, stronger, or are you, oh, bringing it towards the center.

Oh, bringing it down. OK. Down there. Oh, that's a, that's a good one right there.

Yeah. Oh, I am virtually sucking your clit. Oh my gosh. Oh, I love the clit suckers.

00 my. Oh God. Yeah, 00 my, 000 man, yeah. Oh my.

00 God, oh God, I'm coming. Oh my, oh. Oh, hot. Oh God.

Oh fuck, that was hot. Oh, holy shit. What pattern and level was that? I don't know.

Random. Where, where, where do they go? Taboo toys? Oh, yeah, I'm gonna put everything in the show notes for this.

So you just have to click the link and go to taboo toys.com and always use our code room 77. You can save 15% off of this magical glitzer. All right, grab a water. You did great.

Thank you. I know what most of you are thinking. We want more. You always want more.

God, you people are insatiable. But you can just become a member and you can talk to us and our friends every single day. What do they do, Lauren? Go to our website at room77life.com and on the upper right click Become a member.

If you want to hang out with us, we chat with you every day, not in person. We chat with you in our group and you get to know all of our best friends. Yeah, it's like a family in a weird way. Yeah, we don't like to talk about them though, just like your own family.

Boom, boom, boom. You support the podcast just like these people did. We want to say thanks to Udo, Andrew, Victoria, Demetrius, really just for kicks, and Ann and Mike. We go to bed.

And I turn to you right before I go to sleep and I go, my throat's a little scratchy. And you're like, yeah, you'll be fine. And then I wake up the next day and like I'm legit. I came down with something, probably malaria.

I don't know. But what I do at that point as a man is demand. That you go out into this foreign country and find me medication. Everyone comes and donates meds and then you're like, that's not enough.

I'm gonna need this and sends me out. Yeah, I wanted to get the antiviral medicine. I wanted the antiviral. I want to take it, whether it's viral or not.

I just want to take everything I can to try to get rid of this as quickly as possible. It was a miserable sickness. Um, you went out, you did so much stuff. I can't thank you enough.

Um, I honestly, I'd be dead without you. You just ran around and you got us food, you did everything, and I just laid there sleeping constantly. I was so tired and it really sucked because you're just like, FOMO, I can't even imagine exponentially. You can hear.

The town partying around you, you know, and you've been waiting. We've been literally waiting, and it's day 2. It's day 2. Damn it, Richard.

I know Day 3, we're out. Day, yeah, day 3. So I say, all right, well, what I'm gonna do is I'm going to try to go to glamour. The glamour foam party, for those of you who don't know, is there's, there's two clubs.

There's glamour, there's nighttime in the daytime. The glamour foam party is what one of the big parties that we were told to do not miss this one. It is something that they have a VIP section. They have.

A regular section and then they have a foam section. And it was, it's something you, you cannot miss this. Yeah, you can't really explain it. It sucks that I was only at 50% while I was there because I was, I was still dying at this point and everybody there is naked inside, it's like everybody's naked and just being sexual.

When you get people who are like, I'm afraid to go to an event or I'm afraid to go to a resort, it is the epitome of that vision that everyone is afraid of. You are looking for that leveled up. Everybody's naked, everybody's around you fucking. Everybody is being sexual around you in a place that is built for a giant fuck fest.

That's it. I was a little bit chilly, running a slight fever, but I do want to go back. I didn't do anything the next day. And poor you, just sit in the room with me and watch Netflix all day while the party is happening all around us.

So that's why I said maybe we're not the best people to, to give you all of the information. However, if you are sick. There, get in touch with us. We can help you.

Yeah, so the next day after the foam party, our friends were like, we're going to go walk around the town. We're going to go walk the beach. Why don't you come with us? And I was like, um, OK, you're just going to walk it.

You're not going to like stop on the beach, right? You're just going to walk and then maybe go have lunch. OK, I can do that and I think I'll be OK with that. So you're like, please go, honey, please go.

And I feel bad leaving you, but I'm thinking you're going to be asleep and I'll go. And we did. We walked the whole beach and I'm glad that. I did that because we are nude beach people, you know, we love playing around on the nude beach and I got to scope out, make sure it was, that's how I discovered the order.

It's family first, then nude couples, and then lifestyle couples, and then the gays. And I come back to the hotel and I'm like, Richard, you will not believe how busy the beach is. It's insanity. And I'm trying to describe it to you.

Yeah, you told me you're like, it's really crowded. I'm like, OK, it's crowded. Got it. We're going to try to check it out as soon as I feel better.

Noted, OK, you know, the layout, so much time on my hands. I'm looking at Google Maps. I'm doing everything I can at this point. Yeah, I was like, oh, it's like 10 minutes away.

I was dumping all medications in my body and then finally it was one night at about 6 o'clock. I'm like, OK, I feel OK. And that was a night that they were having a roof party. The party was really fun, the way they had it set up out there.

The people were handsome, wonderful. I was probably the only person there that was more interested in the haze machine and the lasers than watching tits and ass. So after that, we moved to a bar called IStar in Heliopolis and I spent an entire podcast on that place. I still wasn't feeling great, but this place was.

A trip that right across from that place was the gay bar. Interesting. Again, there's a mix of everything there. Yeah, so we walk in IStar.

I actually wasn't my best that night. We look over, the first thing we see is a girl and there's another girl on the floor licking the toes of the girl that's on a leash. But then we realize, oh, that girl is 6'5 and has a penis. But a great rack.

Which is fine. I have whatever. You, you, your brain has to be very open minded because this is this surrounds you. It's everywhere and we saw it on the beach, you see it everywhere.

Oh, that's a penis and tits. Look at that all together in one spot. This is what I took out of that particular night. One, soda, just straight soda by the glass is very expensive.

And 2, a person who wants to transition into a woman can in fact get a great set of tits and grow their hair out, but nothing can seem to stop her from dancing like a linebacker for the New York Giants. She was so feeling it. She was feeling it. She was loving that DJ and just having a fucking blast, man.

She was feeling it. So fun. It's so fun to be in that world of everything at once. Everything everywhere all at once.

That's what I feel like it was. That's what it was. And it was funny after, after she was finished licking the toes, what I thought was really amusing is she walked over to the entrance and started dancing and then just lifted her top up. So she's just, she had, she had an outfit on, but then she's just like, I'm gonna dance.

I'm just gonna lift. I'm not taking my top off. I'm gonna let my tits out, right? Which, by the way, if I had a bigger dick, I'd do it with my dick.

I let my dick out. If I had tits, I'd do it all the time, all the time. Yeah, that's so funny. Again, be prepared for everything, everything, everywhere all at once.

Take it in, man. It's, it's fucking beautiful. We walked home, we, I think we did have sex despite my weak, frail body. And then the, the next day is the last day we're there, right?

Yeah, yeah, so this is the day that we have to go to the beach. We have to go to the beach day. I'm panicked about I'm packed about everything. I've never gone to a nude beach with more anxiety in my life, but I had to go.

I have been watching the beaches of Captayage for probably 20 years. I've always wanted to go. Um, you told me it's crowded. How do we get there?

First, I have no idea how to get anywhere still after a week, so I have no idea where I am. that is. So we get to the beach. We get to like the family section first, you know, because, you know, because there's kids there as well.

And then you get to just couples, and then it gets into where it's like the racier couples swinger section. The beaches, just so you know, they, we have noticed that it is a global standard. They run exactly the same like they do anywhere. Lauren and I have been to millions of beaches, nude beaches, uh, vanilla, family oriented, swinger-ish, racy, and the gays.

It always is in that order. The further you walk. Once you make it to the gaze, you're at the end of the nudie beach. Once you make it past the gaze, I don't know what's actually the gaze.

It's like the end of the universe. I don't know if it keeps going. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know what's there. I think you go into another country. I don't think everybody, anybody's ever made it past the gaze. When I say there's 1 ft of space between couples, that's about all.

That's about all you got. And I was like, oh my God. You were like in awe of both good and bad. I was like.

I don't know if I, I don't know if I could do this. I don't know if I could do this. I'm trying to find a place to spot to sit. And I'm like, I can't, I don't even know how to do this.

We keep walking, we keep walking. And I know eventually we're going to hit the gay section because that's just how it works. The gay sections next. As soon as it turns into all guys, that's the last section.

We don't want to be in the gay section, but then it thins out and it's all men. I'm like, all right, well, we've hit the gay section. So there's this little space where it's like it turns into the gay section, but it's still the couples section. I'm like, all right, well, we'll go on the border.

It's like the DMZ of, of the nude beach, swinger zone and gay zone. We're in a gray area. We go all the way in the back. Now, obviously, this is how it works.

Every nude beach, you have your couples and you have your single guys who are stalking the couples, and as soon as you make a move like a zombie, they will attack. Now, where do the single guys usually sit? They always sit in the back because that's where they have their best vantage point. They're able to.

Take the bleacher seats because they can look forward and see everything that's going on. They also travel very, very lightly. Yes, just a, just a sit towel. Very easy to spot.

They're usually the guys jerking off. So, so I sit down and my instructions to you are very, very plain and very, very clear. Don't fucking touch me. Because as soon as you start to touch, it gives them reason to start to attack.

Not that we've never done that before, it's just very intimidating here because there's so many of them. And then to our right, we see it start to happen. Which is what you can find on the internet if you look at the dunes or the beach at Cap is this huge circle of people surrounding what must be a couple having sex. And I'm like, oh, look, it's happening over there.

And you say, I want to walk over. Are you out of your mind? You want to just told me not to touch you and I was so curious because it's like you wait so long and you see it and you just, I just wanted to see it. OK, well, not today, maybe the next trip.

I'm still not, I'm not 100, 100%. No, you're not, and your penis is not gonna be penis is it doesn't want to be at the beach. It just wants to be, it wants to take everything in. So we stayed there and then to our left, I feel bad.

There were two guys having sex with each other. There was one guy, 3 guys, 3 guys, not that I was watching, but I totally was watching. You were completely obsessed with that, but they didn't get a crowd. They didn't get any audience members for, for the gay sex that they were having.

I don't know why. Maybe I should have walked up and gone and stood over there. I would have had a front row seat. Yeah, you would have.

You could have got tickets to that concert. I don't know why you didn't go. I had a pretty good view. Usually what happens is, and again, this is global because we've been to them all over the United States.

We've been to nude beaches even in, in other countries, but this makes it official. What happens on these, these types of nude beaches is that about 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock, there's a, we call it the, um, shift change. I was trying to explain this to our friends as we were walking the beach and they were like, well, oh, there's a time. Yeah, because you have the people who like to play on the beach, play around, but then the hardcore people start to arrive like get the sun.

I don't need it. I don't need to get dehydrated. I just want to show up. We're just here to fuck and fuck around and that is what we are here for.

And I said, All right, we're probably going to stay till like 3 and then on the money, 3 o'clock. They start arriving, but I remember when we first started, we were like, why are people showing up? Why are so many people showing up at 4 o'clock? This is so odd.

Little did we know. We're such babies. Um, so that was an experience that we'll go back and we'd be, uh, better prepared. Now, we did something that we've never done before, which I thought was really smart, and oh look at you patting yourself on the back, but no one else is.

What I said was, uh, you know what, we're going there with the rules that we are not playing with anyone unless it is super easy, super convenient, like falls in our lap, every all the stars line up, like, but we are, we are going there and not playing with her, and the reason we did that is because we didn't want the added pressure of enjoying ourselves, having fun at the parties, and having to take extra time and energy thinking, are they hot? are they interested? Are they interested? Because that stuff can really take away from the experience itself, but If you want to go there for just sex, you are going to the right place.

Yeah, there were like our hotel had a really great playroom. Everything is day clubs have hidden playrooms that we, we had no idea. They were like, Oh, it's behind the planter. Everything is built for, for couples fucking.

It's just, it just is built for lifestyle. Yeah. Before I left, I was like, Lauren, I just gotta let you know people are gonna rape you and I'm just gonna watch. That's how it is in Europe.

They're gonna come up to you, they're going to rape you, and the husbands just watch and sometimes they masturbate. That's how it just works. No, but we were told what the, what the parties were like. I got to say, I think the most impressive thing about those parties is for every person, for every person, when you say it's like you, the spectrum of people is everyone.

It's absolutely true. And every preference or kink or, you know. It's not like there were a gang of six guys, single guys hanging out, but it was not all couples, not a lot of segregation. Yeah, it was just, it's it was just very sort of inclusive.

It was very sort of people are very, very in tune with having a great time listening to the music. The music is very, very important there. The DJs are amazing, some of the best DJs we've ever heard. So they're very, very into having a great time.

And they know how to party. Oh my God, it's next level. So bring your game. Yeah, it's like Miami hours.

That's kind of what you got to get used to also. The, uh, the clubs that we went to, uh, Melrose was great. It's packed. It is elbow to elbow.

Uh, the music was fantastic. If you want to experience that, experience that. Again, there's way more out there than we're telling you. We're just telling you about what we experienced.

And that night we wound up at the club Melrose. Yeah, which you don't have to be super fancy, but everyone still looked nice. He got a little. There was, there was this girl that came in and I was like up against the table and I was like dancing with myself and with you.

You were behind me. And this girl came in and she caught eyes with me. And like I looked at her and I was like, oh, she's cute. And then I thought, oops, oops, I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have done that because they are a little more aggressive here, right?

And I'm like, I don't really, really want to pursue anything. Obviously, she is. So I, I just like, I just go back to minding my own business and, um, and then she walked away and I was like, oh, thank God. And then she came back and I was like, oh, no, she's stalking me.

So she came back and she starts dancing and she starts dancing closer and closer and closer and closer, but her back's to me, right? Like she thinks I'm an idiot. Uh, but again, she was cute. She really was.

And she was with a group of people, which made it a little bit more intimidating because I don't want to make a lot of friends, but she starts looking at me more and then I'm like, I'm not looking at her. Like a dog that got in trouble. Like I'm just trying to avert my gaze. Did you do this?

Did you do this? Yeah, I was just trying to not look at her in the eye. And then I do the most pussy thing in the world. I turned to you and I'm like, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, help me.

And you're so in your own world. Uh, you didn't even know really what was going on. And then I went, I think I hid behind you. I was super intimidated by it because it was for, for a girl to do it.

It was, it was just, it was, I don't know, I was just, uh, I was scared. I wasn't prepared and I was, I was a little intimidated, but it is a different energy. When you have to leave at 8 in the morning. Not only that, I just, I don't know where any of this.

I don't think you would have had to work for that. I mean, she was, she's just waiting for you to put your hands on her ass and then she would have been like, yeah, then what like then what? And then she rubs her ass on your pants and maybe pulls your cock out. I don't know.

I don't know how stuff works. Right? That's exactly what I want is my cock out in Melrose. That's my goal.

So yeah, I mean, that was that. Everybody's having a really great time. Um, our friends actually hooked up with a couple while they were there. I think one of the coolest things that I saw was they have the really high bars and it's not just a like table, it's a whole bar section.

And there's a few of them scattered around and they encourage you to stand on the bar and dance. It wasn't New Orleans Mardi Gras kind of thing where if you stood up there, then everyone's grabbing at you and pull like sticking. Fingers where you don't want it, people would just let you get up there and dance in your own world. And I, and I fucking loved it.

I didn't do it. I was too chicken. I was still trying to take everything in, but I loved seeing people. And again, it was all kinds of people dancing together.

Our friends that we were there with, they wound up with another couple. We like, we're like, good luck and sort of jetted out of there. And we had to leave the next day and checked out, got in a car. Hit the 3.5, 3.5 hour ride back, which was actually, I mean, it was a nice drive again, nice drive back, missed, missed an exit, almost ran out of gas.

I started flop sweating because I was like, we're gonna run out of gas. I don't know what to do if you run out of gas here. I have no idea. I don't know who to call.

What do I do? Then we got to the gas station and we're in, uh, Spain now, so I can kind of speak Spanish. So I go in and I'm like, how do you work the pump? And she's like, Oh, just I'll go turn it on for you.

And I'm like, we pump the gas and like we put the card in and And I take the car out and I'm like, I guess it paid and I'm about to drive away and she's like, yo, get back in here and pay. I'm like, oh God, I almost stole the gas too. They're in prison because they, they stole all the, all the fuel. Last bit we get to the terminal and um we're trying to drop off the car.

The navigation is taking us to the to the return, but it's not actually. So we're close to it. We can see it with our eyes, but we can't actually get to it. By a giant double esplanade of concrete and the navigation is basically going, it's right there.

And we're like, we can't get to it. Can I put on my hazards and flag someone down? So after like 9 circles, and I'm like, oh, forget this. So I get, I park in the middle of the road at the side of the road, I cross the street, I walk to the rental car place.

I walk in the place again, thanks for a little bit of Spanish, and I'm like, hi, um, I'm over there. How do I get here? And that was it. Took the flight home.

Flight home is longer, felt longer, is longer. Could not fall asleep to save my life. I couldn't fall asleep either. We looked at each other like, I hate you.

Like, I hate you too. No, none of us slept. I watched again, watched more bad series, and that's it. That was our trip to.

I hope we can make it back. I really do. Uh, I think it'll be better next time and, uh, I hope we answered some questions for you. Yeah, there's not a way to explain it, except don't be scared like we were.

Don't go with these crazy ideas. Just know that it's such a great, beautiful vibe. And it's welcoming and you won't be able to take it all in. You go there knowing that everybody's there doing their own thing.

There's not like one thing to do, multiple things happening at the same time. So every day of the week. It's devoid of FOMO because there's not one group doing one thing. So it's hard to find that in this, in this lifestyle world when you go to an event or you miss an event or whatever.

It's devoid of that because there's so many things to do in so many places. You find your fun. You go to the place you want to go to, you're you're in a party somewhere. How many people go again?

How many does it turn into? In which part in the in the village part where all the hotels and the clubs. 40,000. Yeah, so picture that.

Just remember you're in a place of 40,000 people going to parties and clubs in a teeny tiny square mile, miles of places. Strap in people. Yeah, you won't be able to get it all in a week. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to go leave a positive review.

Or for more information, go to room 77life.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.