Ep 43: How To Accidentally Join An Orgy | How To Not Break Your Penis

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Better with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we do. We love work, party, and play in the middle of paradise after 18 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all, but we were so wrong, so wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day.

So come to room 77. Let's play. Alright Lauren, I gotta turn down my level. Yeah, mine are really loud too.

The voices, the voices. Hold on, hold on. I don't like to hear that much of myself. It's too much.

How are you? Look at you over there. All the way over there. How are you?

Tell me a little bit about how you feel today. How do you feel right now? I am actually excited to be in front of the microphones. Oh, for what I say.

That's great. Well, and I say that I don't want to rush you, but keep it under 10 seconds, OK. I mean, that's it. It's just because I get anxiety.

I know you do. A lot of people don't know that you are super, super camera shy and were a model, and you don't like being having a microphone in front of you. Bro, I do well, but video or microphones scare me. Yeah, I know.

People are like, Hey, Richard, shut the fuck up. I'm like, No, you don't understand. She doesn't want to talk. So I just keep going and filling in the holes.

Great segue. This is a very special episode with Richard and Lauren. Lauren, I'm going to ask you a question. I need you to be honest with me.

I'm always honest with you. Lauren, are you in the closet? I am, Richard, and feel OK in here, but if I need to go out. I'd like that opportunity.

Well, you will be welcome, but I am here to tell you that I also am in the closet with you. That's why this special episode. But we're going to come out of the closet as soon as we're finished this recording, not episode. As soon as we're finished this recording, we're coming out of the closet.

Why are we in a closet? We're in a closet because we moved. We moved locations and we've downgraded our studio from a, a state of the art digital Dolby sound Lucasfilm. Skywalker Ranch type setup to a closet.

So now we're in a closet and also on the Patreon version, what we had sent out, we had told everybody there's also a window in our closet that looks into another closet, which we still haven't quite figured out, but uh we're working on it. We have a lot to talk about. We don't have a lot of time. I don't have a lot of time.

We have a lot of things to cover. Hold up, I gotta change my level again. Hold up, it's bothering me. I hate myself.

Don't hate yourself. Alright, how does that sound? I'm talking to myself, not good. Is that any better?

Uh, I'm just gonna go with it. So, these are the things that I wanted to talk about. We had the Richard's birthday bash at the villa with a bunch of people. I wanted to talk about that.

I wanted to talk about Antigua and I wanted to talk about Dallas because the last time we were there, we had a big party. It was also the end of days. So we went there, but the good news is we are coming back to Dallas. Going back to Dali, Dali.

Yeah, we're going in June, right? And we're gonna do something summer. And fun and sexy. That's all we know so far.

We don't really know where, but is it June 12th? Did I just make that up? Oh, I feel like you're right. Don't look it up.

We don't have time. We don't have time for you to look up records. Who knows? It's around there.

Anyway, we'll make it June 12th. So there's that. So expect us back in Dallas for Down and dirty Dallas or Dallas Dirty Down and dirty Dallas. Anything with alliteration dirty, dirty dicks in Dallas.

Look on our calendar, which we don't have. Don't tell people to look at our calendar. No one does that. Go to our website.

I go to the website and pretend there's a calendar, and then you just click around. There's a menu, and you'll click on where menu. That's what I meant. They know what I'm talking about.

They love it. They know. They understand me. It's just you don't understand me, uh, and then the.

The other thing that I wanted to talk was about Antigua. So we are over halfway full. Also on the calendar. Yeah, also on the calendar that we don't have.

So look in the menu. So Antigua is, we're almost, almost booked all the way. We have our theme nights. You go to our website and also look for this.

Good luck and So we have white night. We have sexy swimsuit, sexy swimsuit. That's what it's called. Don't make it so gender unfriendly for men.

It's just you're right, sexy swimsuit, zero fucks given, zero fucks given, which is I'm really looking forward to. That's when I'm gonna get my pink tutu. Uh, that's slutty slumber party. I'm really excited about that one.

Yeah, I want you to come. In little girly panties and a teddy bear and I want your hair in pigtails. Can I buy a wig, like a pink one, or do that. So we have that.

We also have a photographer that we're bringing there that does this really cool special thing. His name is Colin. He does these really cool underwater photos, and this is gonna be cool. He's gonna do regular photoshoots and stuff.

This thing has to be scheduled, so if there's only a limited amount of space. So if you do want. a really sexy photo of you underwater, naked, floating in a lit up underwater, I don't know, just look at the pictures, you know what I'm talking about. It's like channeling your inner mermaid.

Like a mermaid, yeah, that's perfect. If you want to get a picture of you like a mermaid, then sign up now because I I think they're all gonna be gone, all their spaces are gonna be gone. Also, helicopter rides, which I found out, so you can go on a helicopter and just fly around the island. I'm sure you can.

Fly it. I'm sure someone else is flying it. My God, I hope so. And then there is an island that the hotel owns called Prickly Pear.

Prickly Pear Island is their island. We're really looking forward to that because you get boated out there. It's like, I don't know, 2 minutes or 5 minutes boat ride. You bring booze out there and you just party at this this cove, which is gonna be really, really cool.

It's gonna look like Fire Festival, the promo video. Oh my God, I bet it will without the pigs. I wish someone would bring a pig. We have, there's horses on the beach.

Why can't there be pigs? I just like farm animals at my parties. Spaces are going fast and the, the high-end rooms are almost gone. Almost gone.

Yeah. All right, so now let's go talk about Richard, how much sex he had at Richard's birthday bash at the flirty down dirty villa extravaganza. Oh, you were an entire year older. Like, how did you do it?

How did you have the sex? I have no idea at that age. I'm getting faster and faster at sex. I don't know if that's a good thing.

It's not like racing. It's a goal. I'm super fast now. I could get it done in like 7 seconds.

Yeah, you know, I wonder if there's a Guinness Book of World's Record for that. I could submit. I'm sure I'm in the running. The party was great.

There was a lot of different types of people there. Like this one was very, very eclectic, but I thought it was gonna be the same because when everybody booked, we noticed that sort of everybody in the photos was wearing a cowboy hat and we're like, what did we do here? Are we having a rodeo or is there a party at a villa? Everybody was on different ends of the spectrum of the lifestyle.

There are certain people who are in the lifestyle, but their rules are very, very strict, or they've only done it one or two times, right? So they say, yeah, we're in the lifestyle because we've said yes. Have you played with anybody yet? Not yet.

We're in it to win it. And then there was one couple that was in it. Have you done anything? Yet we have not, but we are, and you are gonna make it happen at this party.

So there was on one section, the first night, I think it was the first night, 1st or 2nd night, I think you started to have sex on a bed with that was the first night, yeah, it was naughty Jim people, right? So you're on a bed with naughty Jim, and I walked over to that particular couple, and I'm like, Have you ever seen public sex before? And they said, Nope, this is our first time. And I was like, OK, awesome.

I'm gonna watch you now because I want to watch you watch this, right, and I'm glad you were spreading yourself out there both figuratively and literally because we're trying to cover so many points in the party. So you were over there having a lot of fun and they were having a lot of fun watching you. Now I had this one little vixen that I have may or may not have had sex with before. She may or may not exist on the podcast as.

The Terminator of sex because she will fucking ruin you. She wanted to ruin me. She really did. That was her goal and I was really busy.

I was like, I'm really busy. Listen, Terminator later, I wanna fuck you. I really do, but I'm really, really busy. And she does this thing, and I had said it in the last podcast.

She, she gets off on going like, I want you to stick it in me, and then you're like, All right, come here, I'm gonna stick it in you. And she goes, nope, not yet. Not that easy. So she does this tease that makes you want to, I don't know, it drives you crazy, and I, I think I raped her because at the end, she started whispering, this is after you had had sex.

She was on the bed and she was whispering all these things to me, right? And I just threw her down. On the bed and what I thought was me being in control. I was never in control of that situation.

Oh, you sucker. That's why I'm laughing so hard because I know her so. No, I know. And she was doing this thing at the end.

She was like, Don't you dare come in me. And I'm like, Oh, I'm coming in. She's like, Richard, don't, Richard, don't come in me. And I'm like, I'm gonna fucking come in, you bitch.

Oh, I'm gonna come in you. She's like, don't come in me. Don't come in me, Richard. No, Richard, no.

Now I thought it was the wrong thing to say. No, I had a vasectomy. It's OK. Yeah, no, it's safe.

It's good. I, I don't think that's the, that's part of the game. I think we're both sort of really Fucking with one another, I did come all over her stomach. I did not try to have a swinger baby.

So that was night one. But then the couple that had never done anything, they wound up going on a bed a little bit later on and having sex in front of everybody and not with anybody, but in front of everybody. I thought that was a huge step up. I mean, this is a person who, when, when they got there, didn't even take her top off because she was like, I know, I forgot.

I'm not ready yet. And I was like, come on, show me your titties. No, it wasn't like that. But she, and she has a smoking body too, right?

So when I'm always like seeing people with smoking bodies, I'm like, why are you not always naked? Come on. I mean, you should be proud of yourself. You look fucking amazing.

In fact, there were some veterans there that were hard to corral. It's like we need a cheap dog. So you had that part of it who was like, hey, I'm just taking a slow. This to be our first time and then we had pro card swingers there who literally at 9:30, so the lights start going, the music starts going, we had just set up and he calls me over he's like, Richard, Richard, uh, question really quick.

And when I say this, he was dead serious. I mean absolutely dead serious. I'm like, hey, what's up? He's like, uh, so when usually does everybody start fucking?

Dude, it's 9:30, they just finished dinner. I kind of like that because that's just him. It's zero fucks given. Now we had another couple there that are really, really good friends of ours, really, really sweet to us, really, really generous, and I just love being around them.

Now they had brought their Sybian with them to the party. I think this is night 2 or 3. I can't even remember, and they brought the Sybian with them, so they're like, Hey, I'm gonna set up the Sybian in our room. I just want you to see how it works.

This wasn't a ploy. In any way, because they've had sex with us a million times, there's really no, no reason to, yeah, no, they literally brought it for the party, yeah, but they wanted to show in this particular instance they wanted to show everybody the Sybian, right? So they set it up in the room. Who wrote on it first?

I can't even remember. Um, hello. That was the whole like my thing was like he said who's gonna get on it first, and it was like crickets, and I'm like, well, I guess that's me, and I just jumped right on. It was either.

You or naughty Jim? Yes, girls, either the two of you had to go. Now at this point we had had an extra member at the party because we had a dancer there. It was at my actual birthday and I had a performance there of these two incredibly hot strippers.

Uh, well, they weren't really strippers. They were actual dancers, right? And one is, I'm just in love with her so much. I love her.

I love her. I, I want her here right now. That's how much I love her. And she left her shoes and I'm still.

hoping she comes by to get her shoes, but anyway, she stayed, right? She fucking stayed. This is unbelievable. I didn't know what to do with myself.

This is unbelievable, right? So we go into the Sybian room now. There's the dancer and her maybe boyfriend. I don't know.

He came to the party. I'm like, have a drink. So he's there, and then, um, the newest couple, right, who just had sex for the first time in front of people. That's all they've done.

And then it's me, you, naughty Jim, and I don't. A couple of letters. Procs are in there, right? Procard, by the way, naked before anybody, stroking his cock.

Let's do this shit. Who's taking this first? I'm not kidding. I got undressed to make him more comfortable.

Not that he even probably gave a shit. God, that's hysterical. He was the only naked male in the room, and I looked at him and I'm like, this could be uncomfortable for you. So I am going to get naked, sir, so at least there's two naked males.

Me, I was the one getting naked and getting on the scipient naked males. There were guys in there that were taking it slow, except for him. He was like, and clothes are off, dicks out. And I was like, I'm gonna try to balance this out so it doesn't look like he's a fucking creeper in this room.

I just didn't want to give anybody an impression because there's not a lot of people who drop their pants and stroke their cocks like that, right? And then I see new couple. Who's sort of off into the corner and you're like, hey, do you want to try? Do you wanna try?

Do you want to try the Sybian? And they're like, Oh, I'm gonna wait. And then there's the dancer and her maybe boyfriend. I see a frightened look on all four of their faces, but I'm not going anywhere.

Look, right. What I didn't plan on happening was it turning into a gigantic orgy. So, but like when you look back, you're like, what the fuck did you think was gonna happen? So there's 123456789, 10.

There's like 10 or more people in that room. But you always kind of feel like maybe it's just gonna end up being like high school party where everyone is there hanging out and no one makes a move. So it doesn't necessarily, you're like, Oh my God, it ended up in a gigantic orgy. I always feel like you're gonna go in a room and then no one's ever gonna make the move, right?

This was not that, but the sibian helps. So I get on the bed with someone. I don't really remember who I'm playing around and I'm sort of keeping the new couple. They're just sort of watching the dancers watching me and I mean secretly I'm like, please come over here.

I've always loved you. Please, please say I've always wanted you, Richard. That did not happen. I think at some point the couple left because I think it got a little too intense, which, by the way, I don't blame them.

It got too intense for me. I left. Yeah, you looked at me and you're like, I'm gonna put my clothes on. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go. This is a lot of people having sex right now and a lot of things are happening. Happening not in a bad way. I just get overstimulated very easily, but I did fuck someone while I was there.

I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you this real quick. I, I was hard. I, I don't know who knows what was happening just I was and I remember a gal who's blowing her man and turning around and her blonde hair sort of flipped across. It was almost to me it was in slow motion and.

She looked me dead in the eye and she went, fuck me, right? And I'm like, Oh yeah, I will. Now the guy next to me had a huge cock, huge. He also had a condom on, so it was debatable who is she talking to now.

I thought in a very selfish way, I'm gonna be honest with you, I am entering her before him because you don't want to go downwards, you know what I mean? Like, start with me. And then you can have this guy next. Sure, sure, that's how they sell anal plugs, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, I made her come, uh, 60, 70 times at least, at least. I asked her, I said, Did you come? She was like, Yeah, that's how she said it. Yeah, like why would you not?

I'm like, Ah, because I can't make my wife come. That's why. Oh, it's hard. I'm sorry, I'm not a vaginal person.

I understand if you want to take your cock and rub it on my clit, I can come. I will do that. Look, me lasting less than 3 minutes is not helping the situation at all. And by the way, all I'm doing when I'm having sex with these ladies is concentrating on not coming.

That's all I'm doing. I'm gonna prescribe you like times in the day where you have to go masturbate. I should be masturbating 78 times a day. I don't know.

It seems like a lot. Like twice. It's like Vicodin. You should be only taking, you should be taking at least 7 a day.

That's what the doctor said. Yeah, the LA doctor, yeah, no, no more than 7 a day. OK, so 7 then, and I've stayed on that regimen since. Uh, one of the naughty people at that party gave me a half a bottle of Vicodin, and I took a half before this recording.

Why? Because I don't want to feel. You don't feel the closet that you're in. I just don't wanna feel anything.

No, I thought it'd make me better. Just do better. The Vicodin looks at me and it says, do better, Richard. So I take some.

So now look, I'm having a great time at the party. It's my birthday. It's my fucking party. What about the extra birthday surprise that you got dance?

She birthday danced the fuck out of me. She, that made me feel so, well, let me tell the whole story. She had had this whole dance for me. It was.

So sexy. She's so sexy and she's so sweet and so easy to talk to. I love her and she had this whole birthday dance that she had set for me, right? The girls came in to dance and they are like trained awesome dancers.

So she like went afterwards and she was like, Yeah, I'm not doing the dance now. I need a break between their performance and what I'm calling my performance, and we'll separate that shit. So she, but she did though. She got dressed up.

She brought a bunny costume and she was like maybe put the DJ put on 50 Cent and your birthday, and she danced this so good. It was awesome. I can't wait to see her again. One of the things that I, I sort of brushed over the hot.

dancer that wound up at our party. You did you make out with her? That was so funny because you're like, go ask them if they want to stay. Ask them if they want to stay.

Bring them out on the dance floor. Make them feel included, smash cut to her being in the jacuzzi, like the jacuzzi, non-jacuzzi, and being like, come over. Yeah, she gets naked and jumps in the jacuzzi. And so I'm like, well, obviously I have to go.

I didn't even get to come to you and ask you, Hey, honey, I'm gonna go get in the jacuzzi with the. Answer, but it's OK. It's OK. You have a pass.

You're good. So I'm like, well, I mean, he's not gonna be like, Where is she? Oh, she's with her cunt. So I went over there.

We were just talking and crying, and I don't know, it's weird. Like we love each other in a weird way, like, uh, special way, in a special way that I lick her tonsils. But why, like why in that situation do you not just say, all right. You know, I'm just going to start licking her pussy.

That to me would be a logical next step. Like you had a makeout session, right? Yeah, yeah, I'm not, it would, it would have to not happen in water. I think that was, and also, I'm super like protective.

And I don't want to ever push anybody past their boundaries. And, and I know that her and her boyfriend, no boyfriend were boyfriend. He was new to it too. But they both wanted something to happen, so I made it happen.

And then I just kind of floated over and left and left them to do their own thing. Like I just got it started with a little, you know, playing and kissing. How was the makeout session? It was so hot, really.

This, when you were making out with her, were you like, I cannot believe I'm making out with her. Yeah, but I also felt like, why are you not here? Did you feel her boobies? I didn't.

I touched her boobies. You did not touch her boobies. No, I was touching her vaginas. You did with like, did you finger bang her?

No, you're just like rubbing on top of it and just like grabbing her and sort of, I guess maybe I did touch her boobs, but could you tell if she liked it? Like was she into it? Was she into you? Or yeah, she was really into it because she was doing the thing where they go.

Obviously she was in a pool so she was wet, right? So wet, so you never entered her though in any I didn't. Was she wearing bottoms? No, no, yeah, she was completely naked.

Oh, she was. What was she shaved down there? Oh my God, I can't believe I missed her completely naked. No, I can't believe either.

God, did you feel her clit? Well, I just was like, so. I would put my hand over her and then I slip, like press in the middle finger and just split her lips open. Oh, did you feel her clip?

Well, I wasn't like rubbing it because that doesn't feel good in water. I was touching her in a way that she wanted. You just knew, yeah, it's like you don't always, it's not always about rubbing and pressing. It's just about like caressing and saying like.

While you're kissing someone and rubbing them at the same time. That's how I make out with people anyway. For me, when I'm down there, it's like rolling dice. I'm just, that's why I'm explaining my way to you because I know it's completely different for a man.

I wish women were like up and to the left by half an inch right there, perfect pressure, steady, don't move. I want you to keep it there for 32. 1 and we're moving on. Like that would be awesome, right?

I mean, it's not sexy, right? But I think that it would be, it would be really rewarding, be super beneficial if it's just instruct me the first time and then I'll just repeat it next time. I'll have a pattern. I'll know what to do.

I'll hit all your parts. I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything that you said because I was. The dancer. Great.

Awesome. It's just like wrapped all around her leg and I was like, were you talking? No, it's good. You should do it again sometime.

You, her, maybe your boyfriend. I don't know. Uh, but we did have one drunkie monkey at the party, one drunkie monkey. Now listen, this is a very, I don't wanna scare anybody, it's a very safe environment that everybody's in, but there were a lot of injuries.

It's a lot of injuries at our party. I'm not gonna lie, OK? It actually, there were so many injuries that we seriously Said, baby, we need people to sign waivers. Like this is no joke.

This guy who was drunkie monkey came in the party with such a great attitude and to have a great time, and I swear to God he left in crutches, which, by the way, gave him priority boarding. You're welcome. But we have a waiver now that people have to sign. It's gonna be his name.

Fell off a wall, dislocated two knees, uh, twice. They blew out two knees. Uh, I don't even remember what else he did, but he's just all banged up. There was another sexy lady there that accidentally, and this is hard for me to talk about, accidentally.

ripped out her nipple piercing and we're done with that. But we had the doctor come over and it's a doctor that we know. He knows sort of what we do. He knows the party situation.

He's never really been in the environment. I was like, hey man, I need your, I need your help here. Somebody may need some medical assistance. He's like, I'll be there.

When do you need me? You want me to come now? Come now for free. It's for free.

I'll bring everything. It's all for free. When can I be there? I mean, when do you need me there?

Can you send me a photo? Yes, he sent me a photo, so he did, but he is an amazing doctor. He did an amazing job, but he, he came with all his stuff, all his tools. This guy, no one smells better than him.

His shirts are always pressed. He always looks like a. a million bucks. This doctor, you know what I mean?

Like he's, he's the guy that we all strive to be. You hated him in school because he's like overachiever, good guy, smart, successful. He dresses well. He's not only dresses well, but he smells good.

He's got great skin. He's always just really well put together. He always has on fantastic shoes, right. So he texts me and I'm like, hey, we're on the beach having dinner.

This is just an example of how sweet he is. And he's like, hey, no, no, no, no, amigo, don't worry, I have all of my stuff in a little box that travels with me. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not worried about her. I'm worried about your shoes, man.

Wear bad shoes or something. He's like, no, don't worry about it, I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine. And then somebody else cracked their head open and didn't tell us, by the way, so by the latter half of the party I started to get a bit, uh, stressed.

Yeah, I mean I was, I was super stressed because when we went out in Playa there was also we had Drunie Monkey with us. The thing is, is like you pay for this trip and there are certain parts like dinner and stuff, some. Alcohol when we go out that you have to pay extra for it and people pay us afterwards. So we're like, listen, this is how much it is.

We all split it. We'll split it, we'll Venmo it later, just contact us. And this dick hole keeps paying every fucking check. I'm like, stop it.

Stop paying every fucking check. It is fine. We will work it out. I'm like, this isn't your party.

Stop it. This is one of the quotes I remember, if it gives you any, any indication of him. It was like, my wife asked, why do you have to carry two knives? And he says, well, I got two hands.

Please don't stab anyone tonight. I don't know how to talk my way out of that one, and I don't have that kind of money to pay off a police officer for murder. Naughty J was sort of working for us at the party, not even sort of. They were actually working their asses off.

They came in a day early to help us set up. They stayed a day later to help us break down. They, they helped a lot while they were there. And then the last night they were in there, I was like, we're gonna have a lot of sex because we're gonna be all alone.

It's gonna be the 4 of us in an entire villa, right? And I'm like, we are going to, I'm gonna fuck for hours. Right, we have some leftover molly, and we are going to fucking do this, and, uh, Richard gets a migraine and ruins the party. Unbelievable.

But it was all of that party stress that was just like and release. I'm so pissed off because that was one of the things that I was looking forward to was just sort of being with them when there wasn't anything to worry about and I get hit with a migraine. I'm like, I can't, I couldn't even go to dinner with you guys. I had to stay.

Well, we had no problem leaving. You behind. That's how inconsiderate we are. I was like, Hey guys, you can go with the door without me.

Bye, bye. I'll bring you something. Bye. You know, you literally didn't say goodbye to me that night.

You said goodbye, and then, but you didn't say goodbye one more time before you left. That's how fast you left. Goodbye. Uh, yeah, you didn't give me like a, all right, I'm leaving, because you usually give me like a I'm leaving, and then you go, OK, baby, bye.

But there wasn't anything, you know, I just heard the door close to do. I probably thought you're peeping already. I was, and I was even trying to route like I was there. I was like, can I still make something happen?

One of them came home and took a little molly. I'm like, What are you taking molly for? I don't know. I just wanna.

You ever taken it before? Nope, I just wanna try it. All right, try it. Next morning.

How was it? I haven't slept yet. What did you? It's like we had so much sex.

What did you do after the sex? I just stared at the ceiling. I had weird thoughts. I had lots of thoughts.

I'm like, oh my God, I had a full night's sleep and I'm exhausted. Well, it was a great time. We hope people come and are interested in the next villa bash party that we have. We hope you join us.

Uh, reach out and we'll tell you when we're doing our next one when we know when we're doing our next one. Maybe in what did we say, maybe September, October. Maybe September, October, we'll do it again. All my love to Pedro and Coco.

They're really the only reason that I do these things is because I love them so very much. And if you can't do the villa party, get your asses to Antigua. Yeah, get to Antigua. Honestly, uh, not really for you, but for us.

We're gonna need help. There's a lot of stuff to do there. We really don't know what we're in for. So it's like trying to do Disneyland in one day.

You can't do it all in one day. You can't do choppers, private islands, swimming with sharks, uh, stingrays, stingrays, whatever, same thing. Riding horses, feeding pigs. Photo shoot, uh, bonfire, barbecue on the beach.

DJs, parties can't do all that. I'm exhausted. I'm not even going. Forget it.

Sounds like too much. The other day you said because you could go 5 nights or 7 nights and you're like, I'm only going for 5 nights. It's too much. I'm exhausted.

I'm only doing 55 out of 7. Yeah, 2 of those nights, no one will see me. I have to go because that Vicodin really kicked in. I just and I was just staring at the wave forms on the computer and I've never been happier so I'm barely listening to what you're saying because I'm still thinking about the dancer in the jacuzzi.

The, the only reason I stayed in there is because it was amazing. It was fucking freezing. It was cold. Where are you going?

I didn't say cut yet. Look at you. I'm like I need a break halfway out of the room. Yeah, I'm like, peace out.

Bye bye, everyone. everyone. All right, Lauren, we left you last time and you were running out the door because you needed a break. Are you feeling more awake?

I am. I'm awake and I'm ready to finish this. Let's give the people what they want and get it out there. I can't give them what they want anymore.

They just want more and more and more, and I can't give it to them. Don't they understand we're moving. This next segment is given to everyone by our lovely Patreon family. The Patreons are the people who go to Patreon and give us.

Money because they love us, but they got this particular segment first. They, they've heard this already. Why? Because Patreons are special.

Yeah, they're VIPs. Yeah, and they get shit. All you have to do is go over there and support us. Patreon.com/room77.

If you're feeling it inside of you, driving or working out or masturbating, whatever it is you're doing, and you're like, you know what, I do want to give them money. Where do they go? Go to patreon.com/room77. Uh, so this next segment is us in Dallas before everything.

Went to holy hell. Well, actually, while everything was going to holy hell, we ran into average swingers. By the way, Patreons, I know you already heard this, so you just fast forward all of this stuff, you just go to the end part. Everybody knows and loves Average swinger, Jay and Angie.

We only knew them over the internet. So we met them, they are definitely not average, they're super cool, and the one thing that we know about Jay is Jay lived through my nightmare, which is breaking his penis in half. Oh, we didn't need that sound effect. It wasn't a sound effect.

I just broke my penis. So talk to him about his penis breaking and he is known as Robocop so you can, is he really known as that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, yeah, I didn't know that was their pet name in bed. I mean, it's not like he's known as like in other countries and internationally.

It's not like he's a country singer or anything. It's his robocock. We got to pump him up. We got to release him.

We diffused him all kinds of waves. We sat down and we talked to them. We want to thank average swingers. Go over and listen to them, check them out.

They're wonderful people. He has an amazing cock that works on demand, really. So who are those Patreons who made this possible? Thank you to Beau Blow, Happy hippies, Char, TW Anonymous, Andy and Sarah, David, Sherry Baby and Spider-Man, Cliff, Luis, Paige, Hell and Wayne, and Zach.

Anonymous, I know who you are. Thank you so much, everyone. Enjoy A swingers telling you about a very traumatic, traumatic experience. All right baby, I am super, super duper excited because there is somebody here that I've been waiting to meet for a really, really long time.

Yeah, they're. They are super average, but in that phenomenal fucking way. Uh, this is average swingers that everybody knows and loves. There's not a more beloved couple on social media than the average swingers, and I think one of the reasons is because he has a robocock, robo penis, robo penis.

Oh, it's called robocock, Robocop's the name of my penis, Officer Murphy. Oh my God. It's saving lives every day. One pump at a time.

Now, this is what he promised us. He promised that he would give us a showing of taking his penis out. I just want to point out there are 1234. There's like 20 people in this room right now, and he gives zero fucks.

First of all, I walked by them twice and said, hello, strange people. I know, because I was in the middle of a cluster fuck, and then halfway through the day I was like, hey, when did you guys get here? And they're like, uh, we've been here for hours, you asshole. You've already said hi.

We didn't say asshole. We kind of like we're used to it. We understand. We're just average.

We, we fly below the radar. Yeah, we, you did an amazing job. You really did. You should fold me.

Yeah, you should be spies, honestly. All right, so I wanna start this off by seeing this cock grow before my eyes. So right now he is going to take down his pants. I have to change chairs so I can get a better, all right, the, the, the cock is out.

It is ready to go. Oh, there we have. There we have the cock. Where we have the cock.

Do you wanna blow it up for him? No, no, he can, but she can touch this part right here. OK, I'm gonna reach over and touch his balls, but my hand. Oh, this is amazing.

This one now just make it go, squeeze that. All right. And then, all right, it's just keep going. Just squeeze, just squeeze it.

It's getting, it's getting bigger. It's getting bigger. Oh, look at that. Oh my God.

So I'm actually squeezing a pump pump inside where a testicle would be. My hands are so cold and numb that he's getting bigger and smaller at the same time. It's almost, it's, it's 2 up, 1 down, 2 up, 1 down, 1 step forward, 2 back. Oh my goodness, look at it grow.

Look at it go. Look at it go. It takes about 12 to 15. It's growing an inch every pump.

It takes about 20. Sorry, it takes about 20 pumps. This is holy shit. Yeah, look at that.

That is fucking. And he has a 3rd testicle. So that, yeah, that's the pocket that holds the liquid that, yeah, you have a liquid. It's what fills the tubes to make his penis hard.

Now that penis is just rock solid, so it's what fills the tubes to make the penis hard so that it can get hard, and you can feel the tubes on the side. I touch it. He, he's had many, plenty of men touch it. I might be better off touching it with my mouth.

Oh yeah, you can definitely do that. He likes that too. Now you have to touch the pump. Honey, yeah, it looks like a little mini hand grenade.

It looks like a gummy bear inside of his testicle, but like a giant, but if I showed you the picture of it, you would look at it and then go like, it looks like a little mini hand grenade, but it's just inside his ball sack and everything around it, so it's so much liquid, it's hard to grab on that. What was that? It's what it kept doing to me and it scared me. Yeah.

Oh my God, that's amazing. I feel like now he's got to release it, so there's a valve. He's gonna deflate it for us as well. Oh, his balls are all twisted.

Before you release it, can you come on Lauren before you just come all over, and then I don't know if he can damn it, I would have liked, he's not a come on demand. I would have liked to see two releases. That's a button. You see it?

Push it. She doesn't see it. She needs to feel it. All right, let it go.

Oh, it's vibrating. Just push it once and then let it go. And now you guys squeeze the shaft and you'll feel the liquid. You're you're holding it, yeah.

Do you feel it? I feel it vibrating. Yeah, well, that's liquid leaving the shaft and going back to the reservoir All right, does this also have like an on-star system where if you're, it's not, it's all manual yet. They haven't quite made an automatic pump where I can just say J, pump up the J, and it happens.

So now it's all still manual. This is amazing. That was, I can't thank you enough for showing me that displaying his penis. Yeah, he loves that, and I got to touch it, which is, you know, well, everybody can say I think they touched Jay's penis.

So at least in the last 8 months, yes, uh, that was. That was fucking amazing, Richard, when he was even recanting the story of possibly breaking his penis, that he was just getting squirmy even talking about it. But I will talk about it because I love medical shit. Does the fluid expire?

Do you have to get refills? Is this like a Walgreens thing? It's like, uh, it's like breast implants 10 years or so. Might have to get it redone.

Upside, if I get it redone, I might be able to go larger. Is that true? Shut up. Oh yeah, it's true.

Yes, I had to go girth-wise. Or link both actually. I may break my penis tonight. Yeah, you're fucking doing it, yeah.

And then 10 days later I'm like, yeah, it's done. I need a new one. Let's, let's go larger. I want, yeah, you can have this as elective surgery really if you want to.

And how much is that? About 3000. Uh, $30,000. That's in the states.

You live in Mexico. They're not doing this in Mexico, trust me. Yeah, in Mexico they'd put the penis like attached to my left ass cheek. This hasn't hindered you at all in your life.

Has it enhanced or, or hindered? It was a mind fuck losing about 2 inches. a dick. Yeah, that, that is a mind fuck.

I mean, and I am on the positive side, it actually works now. Actually, what I tell people when we first got into the lifestyle, we were talking about penis size. One person who, who was, who was 15 years in, this is a person that started the lifestyle when they had to answer ads, classifieds in newspaper, and he taught me something that I never forgot. They don't love large penises, they like hard penises.

He went through about 8 to 10 months of it not working for it to actually start working for him to have the surgery. And then he went through about 6 weeks of not being able to do anything with it because you have to wait so long before you come back. He went through a lot to get there, but you had to let the stitches heal before you pump it up. And then pumping it up is still an act of itself because you have to do it so many times before you can actually use it.

So it wasn't like the rehab on this is what you're saying, the rehabilitation 2 to 3 months. And was your rehabilitation nurse person, therapist, was she hot? Angie's horrible at this. Were you?

I'm not a good therapist for Jay. I'm a good therapist for everybody else, just not Jay. She's horrendous. So you were doing his therapy.

No, he did it all himself. And so when he, when he broke down and lost his shit and started crying, I was like, OK, you need to fix yourself because I can't deal with you crying. Anybody else, I would have been all in, like, OK, but he, now he's my rock. So when he, when he breaks down, I'm like, OK, this shit does not happen.

And how long have you had your robocock? Almost a year. February 18th was a surgery last year. About 3.5 days from his 1 year anniversary, but it went out of commission on when did the accident happen?

May, May 18th, I think it was May 18th. And who broke it? Well, he broke it twice, so he shot it with Trimex. He shot it with Triume, and I remember when I shot my penis that, that did not end well for him.

He had an allergic reaction, and so it was hard for 10 hours, and he wasn't getting the tip hard, so he lost a sensation, nerve damage. He damaged his nerves in the head of his penis in August. Let me sip in, OK. After I damaged it, whenever I got hard, it hurt.

It's really hard to maintain an erection when it hurts. So, about 3 months after that, I was drunk and I was having sex with a, uh, a girl. I was drunk and I was hard and she was hot. I was in there.

Katie Freckles on Twitter, she was nice. So I was banging away at her from behind and then, um, since it was going like halfway limp, it turned sideways and snapped in half. No, so you, you actually broke it in half, which was Richard's fear, but you broke it first with the injection. When I snapped it in half, I ended up with Peyronie's disease.

I had a 90 degree bend in my dick. No matter that lasted for 8 months. That in itself solidified the surgery. Yeah, I'm gonna walk away now and that you broke your dick in May, but you damaged the nerves.

I damaged the nerves in May. Broke it in August. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it was already damaged.

It wasn't working well. So the Peroni is actually what made them do the surgery because they were gonna have to do surgery to fix the, the bend because it needed to be fixed. The doctor touched it and goes, you need surgery. He didn't even need to pay attention.

He touched it once. He's like, that's messed up. And then you broke it and went in the next day or, or hours, minutes. No, I was already going to the doctor because I'd already damaged it.

The shot. And then when he broke it, his urologist said, Yeah, you really fucked this up. You need to go to this other guy, this other specialist. But you weren't in the emergency room after breaking your penis.

I didn't realize really. I kind of knew it was broken, but it was a drunk night. So we're like woke up the next day and said, Oh yeah, guess what happened? Did you pee?

Yeah, I could pee against the wall. I can still pee pee in his own eyes. Here's something you'll enjoy, Richard. I can.

have an orgasm without a heart on. What? Why, why bother pumping it up? I'm not fucking anybody with it.

I just jack off with it limp. Wait, you can jack off with it limp? Oh yeah, still comes, no problem. Actually, a girl gave me a blowjob without pumping it up.

Really? So the brain just still interprets that feeling. The body still interprets it as, look, it's hard, but it's that sensitive now that it can be done. So it's all brought back to life.

It's like Frankencock. Well, it is. Well, I still, I still have some pain issues even when I get excited and pump it up. I still have pain issues.

Did you have pain issues when I touched it? No, that's all I care. I'm a good lover. That's why.

Well, you are the art of touch. We are, which. Which is why, yeah, this is why we teach now, uh, since I've had this done, I've had more men touch my dick than I've in my entire life before that. So over the last year I've had like 5 different guys who grabbed my Richard's gonna get it just for that reason.

I just want everyone to touch my. So just on a PSA note, we actually showed the, uh, pump itself to our friends who do EMTs in case they ever run into a guy who has pumped up his penis and can't release it. They know how to release it. You are giving back to.

The community, we know a lot of EMTs, so we figured that was helpful. All right, so when I went to the doctor the first time I had to pump it up, the doctor actually pumped it up to show me how to do it. Yeah, he did, right? Yeah.

And then, he pumped it up. He was not very gentle about it, and then he hit the button to show me how to release it and just squeezed my dick, and it's sore. It's, it's like 2 weeks after surgery. It's, you know, it's 6 weeks after surgery.

It was sore. He just squeezed it and then he pumped it up again, let it go and squeezed it, and then the doctor's walking out of the room. Angie, what did I say when the doctor's walking out of the room? Hey, Doc, that's the first time any man has ever given me a heart on.

I want to thank you for that. What did Doc just look like? Uh, let me write that in your chart. Well, Jay had it done at a student university, which is not far from here.

It was actually a student who he told that to. Yeah. As soon as he walked out the door, he, Jay was like saying that and then he started busting out laughing in the hallway because I think that Jay was the only guy ever comfortable enough for him to say that. That's amazing.

It is such a pleasure to meet you guys finally in person. I'm super happy that you're even here. When I saw you guys add yourself to the list, I got super excited because we share a lot of mutual friends that are both podcasters, non-podcasters, and we always hear the most wonderful things about the both of you. Always.

We trust the words of our friends. So it is an absolute pleasure to, to finally meet you guys. Well, there was a couple that's here. The only reason we knew about your.

Party is before you posted on SEC or anything, a couple of contacts because, are you guys going to see Richard and Lauren when they're in Dallas? I went, When are Richard and Lauren coming to Dallas? They were in that, uh, naughty gym group. Oh yes, yes, yes.

He told me that. I was like, when are they coming to Dallas? He goes, Valentine's party. I was like, I don't, first I've ever heard about it.

Yes, well, we're, yeah, we're we're not the best at, at marketing. Um, well, like 2 or 3 days later I got the thing on STC. So, yeah, I, I, yeah. I mean we tried, we really didn't think that that many people would show up and then it just sort of exploded and then you came during a historic ice storm.

Yeah, you fuckers need to go back to Mexico or take your cold with you. We, we will 5 years since this last ice storm has been here. We like everything that we do to be completely different and not mainstream, so any sort of average weather like normal is good. Average is good.

Average is great. It's not. We roll. So, um, we're glad that you're here rolling with us, not on Molly, but maybe later, you know, we're gonna get in some masks later.

Just so you know, I've already been naked in your poker party. You have. You did. Did you lose that?

Well, I lost. I only won one hand, but I had to win with a full flush, not, not what did you win? I didn't have to take an article of clothing off. It was you didn't get a consolation prize.

Well, no, that's the only time I want you a bikini. The addiction hat. I was the first one topless. Then that's what you win.

Doesn't that always happen though, Andrew? Aren't you always the first one topless? I've learned to try. My, my goal these days is to beat Jay being naked because generally he's always the first one naked.

I mean, we've, we've literally witnessed that. I mean, literally, it's the middle of the day and he just got naked in the middle of a ballroom. Now tits are out, so this is just, you guys. I wish you were here last night.

I mean, well, somebody had to work. All right, well, I hope to get to pump you up later, and, uh, I wanna see this. I'll pump him up all day long. I pump up the jam.

Would you? I've been saying that since he's gotten it. I'm like pump up the day, pump up the day. I love it.

I, I think we should get a little salt and pepper and put you on the stage and pump up the J. Oh yeah, he'll probably pump it up. He shot it on stage. He can probably pump it up on stage.

You did. Yeah, that's what I did. You're a rock star is what you are. I'm stupid.

Later on at the lodge, I'll show you pictures of when it was really fucked up. You're gonna, you're gonna show her. You're not gonna show me. You didn't want to see it.

No, I don't. It'll save me. Richard's not gonna wanna see it. I'll probably just vomit my dinner right back you may.

You may. No, I actually would like to see it because I find stuff like that. Yeah, she really does. Thank you guys so much.

Hopefully you'll have an amazing time later and thank you so much. Thanks guys. Hugs and kisses. Alright, Lawrence, so we move.

We are in a new place. We're in our brand new state of the, I wouldn't call anything about this art, uh, we're in our new studio and I'm doing, I'm doing air quotes. Uh, how are you feeling about the new room that is a closet? There's a rather odd smell in here today.

I mean, it's usually an odd smell, but it's, it's pungent today. I tried to pour some like orange, vanilla, and whatever oils in the drain. Yeah, it didn't. Not helping.

I tried. I have to get used to here is the sound of other people because we live next to nobody. We lived next to an Airbnb that no one ever Airbnbed, so we were always sort of alone and we got very, very used to that. So I'm still getting used to the sound because we live in a condominium now.

And one of the things that I have to do is play music. I've found this new sort of addiction, electronica music, and I don't mean like the heavy like I mean like the house sort of chill music. It's all new. There's nothing in there that triggers any emotion.

It doesn't trigger any memory. So I really enjoy sort of listening to it because it doesn't make me have a memory of anything. Does any of that make sense? I mean, music is tied a lot to memories, but I think it's funny that your brain goes into overdrive from the memories instead of just like letting it wash and then go back into the music.

I'll hear a song and be like, Oh, I remember that bitch. And then you're reliving it all over again, screaming at her in her head. That's so funny. That was 30 years ago.

If it reminds me of something, I'll remember it and then I'll be like singing the next 3 words later. That addiction reminds me of bikini. Addiction. Bikini Addiction is where you can get your amazing swimsuits.

What is it? 10% off? Yeah, you get 10% off and we get a commission too, so it helps support us. They have crystal back ones, which are my favorites.

Let your buns hang out and have some jewels around them, make them all pretty. Bikini Addiction.com and use promo code room 77. You'll get 10% off and free shipping. Check out Lauren's Instagram.

She's wearing them all over the place. Don't forget, if you want to go to Antigua, you want to go to Dallas, check out our website. We'll be in. Antigua with a full takeover in July and we'll be in Dallas in June.

Yeah, that's correct. If you want to travel anywhere else in the world, call Lauren up and say, hey, I wanna go somewhere. Yeah, you can find me on Facebook. A lot of people are sending me messenger or if you want to just go to our website, you can go to the Contact Us page and send me whatever you want, and I will find you a place.

I am a real travel agent now, so I can do all kinds of fun stuff. Yeah, go to Facebook and join our private secret. Group. I don't know how you find it because it's secret, but it's called, what is it called?

Desire and Room 77 playroom now with more Gary. Yeah, so go check that out. We are going to get on a plane, we hope kind of lost our tickets on a plane to Antigua in the middle of the month, so we're gonna do the workshop, virtual art of touch from Antigua. We hope.

I'm assuming. I'm just assuming they have internet there in Antigua, yes. Yes, yeah, right, yeah, they got it. People live there.

Do they have windows in their closets? No, no losers. We will see you next time. Thank you all for listening, and that about does it for us.

For more information, visit us at room 77life.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.