Ep. 44: How To Talk Dirty | How To Finger Bang

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Better with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we do. We love work, party, and play in the middle of paradise after 18 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all, but we were so wrong, so wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day.

So come to room 77. Let's play. Alright, Lauren, here we are back in the closet. I can't take it.

If I go on Amazon and search recording studio, oh, there's your vagina. You just flashed me. What happens if I go on Amazon and search recording studios, sent to my home Prime? Do you think you could buy something like that?

That'd be a new thing for Dr. Dre. Come up with a line. It's just like in a box, boom.

Yeah, or IKEA, one or the other. I would like to see it. So, uh, welcome back. How are you?

How are you feeling? Your vagina looks great. I saw that already. How's everything else?

How are you? So good. I'm excited that we're going to go to Home Depot tomorrow and get some shelving and And you get to what and I get to see the Botox doctor and ask him when I get more frozen juices into my face. Oh yeah, you love asking people when they're going to put juices on your face.

Yeah, I am always excited about Home Depot. There's never a point where I'm not excited about going to Home Depot. In fact, when we get to Home Depot, I always say, leave me. I will be back in 20 minutes.

I just need to go look around. Uh, yeah, we have to get this studio closet extra room, uh, with another window into another closet taken care of because it is driving me absolutely insane. I, I almost want to not do the podcast anymore because of this fucking room. I don't know what we're doing, but we're gonna get it done, Richard.

We are in between all of our other things. Uh, tell everybody about what we're doing in June. Make sure to come and see us in June. Where are we gonna be in June?

We're going back to the Big D, Dallas, Texas. And what are we doing there? We're gonna be at a really cool artsy hotel down there in Dallas. Have a giant pool party.

DJs drinking, dancing, and another party at night. It's gonna be fun. I wanted to do a naked pool party, which we tried really, really hard to do, but it was just impossible. It took us one party for us to go into some sort of database where they were like, oh yeah, they're sex freaks, so.

So, uh, so that got ruined. But yeah, but we're gonna do it anyway, and we're gonna keep finding a way until we're all naked and happy together. What are the dates for that? June 26th through the 27th.

It's gonna be an all weekend party all weekend. And where do they go to find out crap about it? Go to room 77life.com and in the events menu or travel menu they'll. Be a link up there for Dallas.

The Minhaj Project is what we're calling it. Another important thing, I have a little clippy thing here that was holding my wire, and it's gone today. Do you know what happened to it? It's all the way at the front.

Oh, see, this is what I'm talking about. This is why I need a new studio because clips go missing and then, uh, this is bad. This is all bad. Too much cord, too many, too few clips.

We should just send out newsletters. We need to write IKEA and tell them that they need to make a studio in a box, a studio in a box coming soon. All put together with an Alan Wrench and a bunch of cursing. And how was Antigua for you?

It was, uh, exciting. I'm actually was kind of nervous and it was one of those things where you look at pictures and you're like, it's pretty and I know it's pretty because our friend says it's pretty. And then when you get there, it's an experience like with the vibe, like the energy there. It was just, it was so awesome.

I'm super stoked to get down there. I love the island vibe because it's cool as Mexico is, right? It just doesn't have that. Island vibe and uh we only have a few rooms left and that's not just a sales pitch, we really only have about 3 until we have to start shuffling things around uh to see where they go.

If you want to see all about that Antigua trip in July, go to room 77.com. 0, 77life.com. I don't know, just tell them where to go. And then travel and then Antigua, and then that's it.

We have we have a telegram group, right? And a lot of dirty pictures are being shared in there. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Hopefully we'll see you there.

Before we get started, I wanna say thank you so much to the Patreons. Patreons are the reason that we are able to live this life down here that support us. We don't want you to think that you go unnoticed because, uh, it is super important for us to receive your money. In fact, uh, the day you stop sending it is the day this podcast ends.

It's true. It's the day a lot of things end. All right, Lauren, so let the people out there know. The new people who are responsible for this episode.

Go Meet Chang, Jason, Andrea, Foxy Hound UK, Cassidy, James, AR, Danny, Kevin, Jean Marc, Strickland Boner, and TR. And if you want to hear your name and you want to see and hear extra cool stuff, go over and support us at where because I screwed it up, patreon.com/room77 because it's unsearchable. Also, we want to give a shout out to Double. Nation Double Date Nation, we wanna say go over there and sign up.

We have a code over there that works for, uh, what do you, what do they get a free month, but I don't even want to tell the code because I just want them to go over and sign up for Double Date Nation just because they're really good people. They're joining us in Antigua and they've helped us out a lot. Just go over there. Look, if you want to try a cool website with good people who are in the lifestyle and and get it, go to Double Date Nation.

I don't care if we make a commission off of them. They're good people and we wanna help. People who are good deserve to benefit. Speaking of benefits, I wanted to say talk to you about dirty talk.

How do you feel about dirty talk? Because I have some questions. I actually, I really love it being done to me. I'm still getting my comfortability.

Is that a word to be able to say it. And it's sort of like one of those things where you get in the mood of it or you get into the swing of it, and you just, it's. It's easier sometimes if I'm doing um like marijuana or something like that. Yeah.

Well, because I let my inhibitions go and I feel less self-conscious with a stranger, it would be even more difficult, right? Yeah, difficult for me. So I wanted to sort of talk about this thing because in our particular lifestyle, sometimes have sex with strangers or people who don't know, but, but sexy talk or dirty talk is something that can be really, really personal with your partner, right? And at the same time, be a really Really big turn on.

So how do you advise people to keep that freedom of their mind and be open and be able to have sexy talk or dirty talk with a partner that is just, uh, not your partner, you know what I mean? Yeah, like when we had, I don't know, a couple of episodes ago, we had the giant penis story and I said that he started talking to me and that really helped me take that. Because he got into my head, right? And then it was like I wanted to obey him and I wanted to like be good.

But who knew if I was going to be receptive to that. He had no idea. He just had to throw it out there and see how I responded. And so it is kind of a, a game of, I don't know.

I remember doing it once in the bedroom in LA. A person looked at me like, what? Yeah, that's the weird thing, right? It's like I even to you, I, I, I can say something to you if you don't respond.

I start to go, I, does she not want to be my little fire lady like, or whatever I said, there's something going on in your head. It's hard to know, what are you into? That's harder for a stranger, yeah, or even for a partner, not on that particular day because it changes, and that's what I was gonna say is like, does she, does she want to play? Daddy's little girl today, does she want to be doctor patient?

Is she the babysitter that I came home to that I found in her panties eating pizza while going through my private porn collection? naughty. Oh, she's so bad she needs to get fucked. So I can't pay you.

I'm sorry. No, you're getting punished. Yeah. And then there's all other kinds of stuff like I'm gonna treat you like a whore whore, disgusting whore girl.

Use your hole and shut up and fuck you. I'm gonna rape you and I love you, by the way. I just think, but dirty talk or sexy talk is one of those things that I believe is sort of like you should have a freedom of speech in the sex world because you, you can't be condemned for your thoughts. But it takes confidence and even with, you know, a partner that you've been with for 20 years, you're like, OK, but uh still sometimes feel awkward.

It's difficult. It's a weird line to, to, to cross because, you know, these things live in your head. You're allowed to have any fantasy you want in your head, and I would love to tell everybody, fantasize, lady, sir. There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about whatever you want, whatever you want.

Those thoughts are yours. And I do get afraid that there are limits. To people's imagination and there are limits to their fantasy because some sort of guilt starts to seep into their head. And that's not the point.

The point is, it's fantasy. You watch a film, there are things that that are fantasy that you know could never ever happen. I am pretty sure I'm not going to ever end up in Narnia. I'm confident there is not a land in the back of a closet when I walk through it, that will never ever happen.

And that is the same sort of plane that you have to put some fantasies on that are as enjoyable as it is to take that ride. You really have to free up your mind to allow your brain to go anywhere you want your brain to go. Dirty talk is a little bit scary because it starts to bridge that fantasy, that thought in your head with reality. It's becoming public, whether it's to your spouse or whether it's to a stranger.

It's not in your head anymore. There are things that live in my head all the time. There's so much that lives in your head all the time. Wait, did you say killing?

like killing someone? Yeah, I know that. Killing someone, it's morally wrong. But there are times that I have that thought of if I watched a movie or whatever, where I could walk up behind somebody and crack their neck like a ninja come by and I'm like, remember me?

Usually it's a little Italian GM of a hotel, but I come up behind them, it's snap, snap, and then they're dead. Snap snap. I think you should know if your particular fantasy is a little on the outskirts of abnormal, it's something that you're gonna want to clear with the front office before forging forward. Like I would not go into any sort of bestiality or urinating on anyone or God forbid taking a poop on their chest.

I wouldn't go into those things right away. It was like, I'll start off with, oh yeah, you like. Oh yeah, yeah, you like that. Yeah, you fucking like that.

Take it. Oh, take it now. What if you don't get any response? Do you just abort?

Well, I've done that to you on accident, not intentionally, but not you. Oh, do you try again? I say 3 times and go out. Yeah, I would agree with that.

I wouldn't give up on the first time because maybe they were in their head and they weren't paying attention. What if it's something where you're like, I like it when you talk to me like this. What if, what if that's something that you do for me to do that? No, for the person to do that.

I like it when you talk to me like I'm a little whore. Not only do I like it, but you're telling them what to say. I like it when you talk to me forcefully. That's another way to go.

And I think it's, it's up to the partner to sometimes if that's something that you enjoy and that's something that you like, if you are in the middle of it, the good ones, the ones with the pro cards are like, oh. You like that, you whore. There's a confirmation in there where the person on the other end can say, oh yeah, I like it when you talk to me like that. Yes, exactly.

And that's a really good thing to say because sometimes you live those emotions in your head or you think that you're communicating them with a sound, and it's confusing as shit, right? Because you're like, 00, take it all, you little bitch. 00, good. Oh, stop talking like that.

Yeah, if you're in your head and you're going down your own journey, like you said, it can, can be like a record scratch where you're like, what? No, um, I'm not your cum slut. I'm gonna talk to you in dirty talk and and you have to correct me. OK, Daddy's here with his sausage.

Do you want to come to the barbecue? No, don't use that one. Don't use that 10, take it, you little. Take it, take it, you little whore.

I'm taking it so good. I'm so good for you. Well, no, I thought you were going to correct me. You didn't correct me.

Let's, where do you want to go? I'm going to try another one. OK. Name a mood that you want to be in.

I'm in a submissive mood. Submissive. OK, here we go. You ready?

Oh, I'm such a weak little girly boy. Take me, use me. All right. Well, listen here, little girly boy.

Tonight I need you to take charge of me and take that big cock and shove it all the way deep inside and pound this pussy. Oh what are you? Oh, I don't know if I can do that, my little cock. I can barely even see it.

Can't even get it hard. I'm worthless. Oh no, sounding a bit like Michael Jackson. It's bubbles, you're ignorant.

This is getting creepy. All right, just read this line. If I, if I told you to say this, I'm coming, I'm coming, God, I'm coming. How would you say that?

I would say, oh, I'm coming. I'm coming, God, I'm, I'm coming now. What if I had just said to you beforehand, honey, let's go. We're late for church, and God hates when you're late.

I'm coming. I'm coming, God. I'm coming, right? Completely different, right?

So it's all about context. So about context. All right, so I'll try one more. Pick, pick something else.

This is too easy, um, cheerleader and football player. OK, hello, ma'am. You're going mighty fast. Are you a police officer?

Maybe I'm a mall cop. You don't know. OK, yeah, well, just looking for my football player boyfriend. I happen to play football.

Well, I used to 60 years ago. Yeah, I can totally tell from your class ring. Oh, you've noticed the one finger I have left. You want to finger bang me with that?

We can pretend that you're back in high school. I will. Let me get out of my wheelchair. This is so sexy.

Yeah, it's a great episode. So sexy. I think we're really getting the message across. So if you're out there and the Mr.

and the missus are sitting there going, you know, we don't do enough dirty talking. Well, what do you say to them? Do they start tonight? Well, it takes time.

Like I'm, I'm not still not comfortable with it. So you have to practice. You have to get out there and practice with your partners just like masturbating in front of each other. It's not comfortable the first time you do it, but then it becomes really hot.

So get out there and practice and start asking him what he likes or asking her and him asking her what she likes or whatever, or say, is that too much? Or are you into that? And then you might hear what's going on in your head that I don't know about, and I'll tell you something that is in my head that I want. And, and don't be surprised if you hear, yeah, I'm not, I'm not really into that.

It's OK. But don't make the person feel completely judged like that you're embarrassing them. You could just say, yeah, I'm not really into that. Way back when I was in 1994, I was with a girl in Baltimore.

I don't know if I told this story, and she started getting into bestiality talk. Oh, I don't think I have heard that story. Yeah, and it did not end well. Like I shut down completely.

Both like emotionally and sexually, I was so confused. What did she say? I don't remember exactly. You blocked it out.

I, I really don't remember exactly. Uh, I mean, I remember the animal she chose. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was just weird. Bestiality is weird because I don't think it's really great for animals.

I don't think they're having a great time. So maybe that's something, and you're like, Nah, I'm not into that. Keep that one in your head. Keep that one up there.

And fantasies are fantasies, man, and we don't understand why some of the things that turn us on, they just do. There's no psychoanalytical action that needs to be taken. You just don't try to analyze it too much because we don't try to. Yeah, we don't try to analyze, uh, fantasy stories.

or fantasy movies. We don't dissect them. We don't break them down into parts as to why, why it's wrong, why it's right, why it could or could not happen. We just accept it and we enjoy the ride, and that's what we want you to do with Dirty Talk, our new book by Richard and Lauren.

It's 2 pages long and it basically just says, you dirty little whore, be daddy's little cum slut. All right, so it's official. Nobody learned anything. Thank you for your time.

There are a lot of confused faces out there. Again, 30 minutes of your life, you'll never get back. This information helped you. Make sure to go to Patreon and support us.

All right, hey, Lauren, how are you? Excellent, Richard. You better be because this next segment is too hot to handle. Oh shit, tell me more.

Well, first I want to say that this next segment is brought to you by Bikini Addiction. This is what I'm kind of addicted to this month, which is, uh, pitter patter, get it done, and that is a Texas size 104. I'm a little bit addicted to Letterkenny. Which I've been watching, which is like, I don't know, it's addictive and uh blessed be the day.

Handmaid's Tale is back on the air. So yeah, so what are you addicted to anything or should I just move on to the next segment? I'm addicted to these eye drops. I don't know if it's good for me or not, but they are so moisturizing with all the wind here has tobramycin in it.

I'm sure I'll get some letter from some nurse. Or some doctor's like you can't use that more than 3 days in a row, but god damn, they feel really good. Awesome. You lost everybody on that one.

Good luck with your with your drops. Tell them about Bikini Addiction. Um, Bikini Addiction, book your travel with us and we'll give you a free bikini 5 nights or more. They're sexy and, uh, you'll see me wearing them on Instagram and Facebook and stuff.

And if you want to just go buy. Go to bikiniadddiction.com and use our promo code room 77 for 10% off and free shipping. Now, you just wore one of these bikini Addictions in Tulum and you wore the Y back, which I typed as wide back, and you're like, you're an idiot. It's Y back, not wide back.

Who would, who would name a bikini wide back? What woman would buy that? I said, I don't know. I thought that's what you said.

Yeah, so we were at this vanilla resort and you're wearing this Y back which is basically 3 pieces of string, and uh it's amazing how many looks you get. I mean you have a great body and you pull it off flawlessly, but men at vanilla resorts, when a woman is in a thong turn into like 13 year old boys. They like go to get a drink, but they walk really slow and they're like, it's like you've never seen a butt before and this is what I've realized in, in, in life, genitalia. is a lot like celebrities.

Now, you're like, hear me out. Explain this one, Richard. You see celebrities in video and in pictures all the time, but when you see them in person, you kind of can't take your eyes off of it. It's very eye-catching, right?

So it's like you see a big celebrity on television all the time, but then when you see them in person, you find yourself staring. Genitals are sort of like celebrities. My genitals were hanging out. Is your ass a genital?

I'm considering it a genital, but, but sun. It serves to my point, boob, penis. If I'm sitting down, right, I don't know, Starbucks, right? I'm in Starbucks.

I have a latte, um, taking a phone call, but my cock is hanging out on my pants, right now. Everybody is obviously has seen a cock. They can Google cock. They can look as many cocks as they want.

They've seen cocks all their lives, but because it's live and in person, kind of can't look away. Anyway, that's my theory, and I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure Bikini Addiction would be very proud that they're sponsoring the next spot, which is we videotaped me finger banging you, and this is the audio version. If you want the video version, you can go over to Patreon and pay for it because that's how it goes. That's how we roll.

Yeah, this shit ain't free. You wanna see my boobies and boobies. There's a lot more than boobies. I don't know if you saw the camera angle.

But alright, so we shot this. This is us talking about finger banging and how to finger bang, and after this you become a master at finger banging. You're welcome in advance. You'll be able to please a lot of women.

You can watch the video, uh, you could just listen to it and become a master. It's up to you. Education has become very important to me and we're happy that we can teach all of you people how to do stuff. So you're welcome.

So. We have dirty talking. Master dirty talking done already. People could actually go teach dirty talking to other people and be like, I was taught by Richard and Lauren, master class.

Yeah. Now after listening and or watching this, you get finished with a woman and she's like, Holy shit, I was taught by Richard and Lauren. Yeah, it's like going to Tulum and paying for one of those fancy retreats. I was gonna say Harvard, but OK.

Alright, so enjoy this, uh, next segment. All right, hello, Lauren. Hi, how are you? Now standing here standing, yeah, I know.

I always wanted to do a podcast where we were standing up as if we were in a stadium about to announce a sport. So I wanna welcome everyone to the room 77 AT&T Stadium. We are videotaping this. We are right now standing in our bedroom by our bed, but Today we want to present to you something that uh we, we, we thought about while we were groggy on a plane back to Cancun.

In the last episode, we had talked about finger banging, right? Yeah, and I said I wish that when I was finger banging a lady, hey lady, tell me what to do here. Yeah, you wanted a step by step. Uh, how to make it worth your while, maybe shorten the time down a bit to reach the orgasm.

Yeah, so I figured, hey, why don't we do that? Why not like the anal video we did? Why not do that to you while you give me instructions as to what you like? Now, we're not magicians, but we've never met before.

Am I right? Right, you just pulled me from the audience. This is not a magic trick, although I am quite magic. We're gonna lay down.

We are gonna do this in the nude because that's how finger banging happens in the wild, right? We're gonna talk about it for a second and then we're gonna go. Into it and we're gonna talk about how we are going to bang the vagina. So let's get into our sitting positions and we'll discuss the art of finger banging.

Alright, here we are. I don't have my headphones on. Alright, this is way better. I'm also wearing my microphone like a backpack.

Um, all right, so here are the questions that I have for you before we start. First of all, are my nails too long? Should I trim them? You have to hold them back with my bad old person eyes.

No, they look good. You don't have bad person eyes. You have old person eyes. Being old doesn't make you a bad person.

Old bad eyes, old person, bad eyes. I changed my thought mid-sentence. You think you're a bad person because you're old, you bad old wife. So are they too, too long?

Is that gonna hurt you? Sorry. Hold on back here. Can you see them?

How about here out of France? Can you see them? Is that gonna be? Why don't you feel them?

How about that? Use your, use your other senses. How's that gonna feel? That's a lot.

This one, not so much. That one. Do you want me to cut that one? Just use this one, this one, yeah, but what if I have to two finger bang you?

Yeah, one's a little sharp on the edge there. We'll be right back. He's being oh so kind to take that extra trim all the way down. Make it like nubs, baby.

Yeah, that's good. Just the corners was the problem. All right, do you want to feel it now? Do you want to check it?

Yes. Hold on, let me check. I mean it's, yeah, but do you need me to like buff it a little bit, get a little sandpaper. Alright, so in your opinion, when you are getting like finger banged, do most guys do it good?

Do they do it bad? Do they mostly not know what they're doing? I mean, I know that like I told you, for me it's like rolling dice. I'm just like.

So I think that most guys think um if I do it really fast, that's what it is. And it's not really about speed. OK. So there's more to.

No, there is if you find that exact spot, the G spot, which most people are aiming for, then yeah, at some point the speed is necessary, but it's not. What it's all about. And if you're just doing speed on a nothingness area, then it's just is a waste of energy. It just like tapping your elbow really fast.

Yeah, it's like, oh baby, hit that hit that spot. I can't feel, but I know you're going really fast. I mean, we feel like we're doing something. I just, I want to just look down and be like, oh bless his heart.

Yeah, well, that's what today is gonna. And for the 10 million listeners that we have, uh, last time I checked, and just for ladies, like I'm not the easiest to bring to vaginal orgasm or G-spot orgasm, right? And for the guys, it's fucking impossible. Stop it now, because the entire vagina is not really a circle.

It's, it's hard. When we do the yoni massage, we do like 1:00, 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, and you can go around the entrance, right? But the vagina would be more like a sphere, right? So what I was thinking because it's so 3 dimensional in some of the locations would be hard.

You can't say like 1 o'clock or 6 o'clock because that would be one dimensional. So when I think of the sphere, a sphere, I think of Mother Earth. So I don't know how your geography is. But if I was to put the United States of America is the entrance of your yoni, right, that means the lips is Mexico and that's like the little wall that everybody's trying to get into the back.

That's the Canada border. The back, right, the back is like Mother Russia, OK, all the way in the back, down at the bottom. What is that, Arctica or Antarctica? Antarctica at the bottom.

That's the bottom of your vagina. All the way at the top is what? North Pole, North Pole, right? North Pole.

And then over here is like Australia. You got Africa. So what I want you to do at some point when you want me to go, I want you to be like, go to China. OK, now, this is, this is gonna depend a lot on my geography knowledge and your geography knowledge, right, because you could be like, hit Paraguay.

I'm like. I don't know where that is, right? One second Googling, Googling Lick Kazakhstan. I don't know where I'm going, OK, but like, so below the entrance, like right in here, down here, this would be like South America down here.

Panama Canal something right now you're getting the, I've got, I got this right. I got this. OK, so then as far as speed goes, right, I think we should just stick with a, with a faster slower, OK, not knots. Not, it's gonna be a little complicated.

It's gonna be a little complicated. Bring it up. Yeah, let's do knots. 4 knots more.

I like that. All right, just so everyone knows, we've never owned a boat, nor do we know anything about boating, so this should be good. I don't even know how to tie a knot. And then the last thing we would have is, is intensity.

When intensity, what do you think about? Uh, I think about someone staring with a scowl on their face. That's not gonna work, yeah. So I would, I would think more of like pounds of pressure.

Oh, OK, I see what you mean. Like, uh, like more of a physics equation. OK, a velocity. No, that's speed.

Oh God, this is getting way above my grad. Let's say like pounds per square inch. OK, let's pretend that 10 pounds is as hard as I can go. OK, so we have intensity, we have geography, and we have speed, which would be given in knots now.

We're, we're gonna get naked next and we're gonna figure out how to, how to bang that pussy. Ready? Let's do it. Where is the Suez Canal just in case you say that?

You said Panama, but where is the Suez Canal? All right, so the next part of this gets X-rated. So kids go in another room and watch this without your parents. No.

Oh, Parents go in another room and watch us without your kids. That's what he meant to say. Yes, OK. There's a little button.

It'll say, are you over the age of 18? Just check yes, and, uh, you're in. All right, I'm coming around here. Come on in, babe.

I'm coming in. Uh, we have to get naked now. Texas is open, so, uh. Um, alright, so you take off your, uh, panties, show, show your world to me.

Let me see. What a great pun. 00 yeah, it is a great pun. I didn't even realize it.

I did such a good job. Alright, let me see. Let me see. Oh wow, that is, that's beautiful.

It really is. It's a pretty pussy. It is. I'm gonna take my, uh, my shorts off now.

I'm gonna show it's a small world. Yeah But I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a little chubbed up, so it's OK. So, all right, so let's start this. Let's start this correctly, OK?

This is such a hard job for me, Richard. I know it is, but we're gonna start. All right, now, when a guy starts, right, now we're just talking about finger banging. We're not talking about, uh, we're not talking about licking, right, because licking headphones get in the way when you're looking like this.

So, all right, pretend I'm a guy and I'm, I'm about to finger bang you, right? as a woman, mentally, I want a verbal stream of consciousness, right? So I don't, I'm not hearing this right in your head, but if you were guiding me along, what would it sound like in your head? Like, for instance, what would, what would you say in your head if you were feeling this right now I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gently.

It's the pussy that's throwing me off. It's hard. It's hard to speak and and and stare at my vagina at your vagina. All right, so right now I'm just gently putting my fingers over your inner thigh, your left you inner thig just brushing your fingers up and down my inner thigh.

And to me it's draws my attention to not only the touch, the warmth of your fingers feels really good. The softness feels really good. And then it's also drawing my attention to being turned on, which is coming right to my vagina. That's where the nerve endings say being turned on.

That was my objective. Now, as opposed to telling me what you like, if you were controlling my hand or my fingers with your mind, what would your mind be saying like. Elon Musk, he just put stuff into an ape's head where he does a video game with the ape can play the game with his head. I'm developing the same thing, but for female masturbation.

This is awesome. So use the entire hand, not just the fingertips. And to keep it light, use more of the warmth and not about pressure here. Did you just come?

You're cupping my vagina, right? So I have it in a little cup right now, right, a little dixie cup just sitting there right there. All right, now. What?

What is your mind telling you? I'm doing this. It's not about the pressure. I'm just warming it up.

Well, first of all, I need like some oil or something. Oh, well, I don't have that. Well, my mind is telling you to get it. Well, that's not how this fucking works.

Or lube. Well, I like the, I like the, uh, consistency of the fingers and the skin. With a lubricant, it feels way better. OK, well, I'm not prepared for that.

Just put your microphone down. I'll hold it for you. Rubbing with a lubricant feels way better, even if it's just a little bit, just the teeniest, tiniest. Hi, welcome back.

So I'm going to just pour this on top of you like I'm basting a chicken. Yeah, just put a little on your fingertips. All right, I don't have that many hands. I'll do it for you.

OK, right? Yeah. OK, now what? Just softly going over the outside with your fingers up and down and It's about creating that sense where I'm like, oh, I want him to stick a finger.

I just want to stream of consciousness. Let's, let's try to reverse this. So just for, just so I can give you an example of what I'm trying, trying to do, I'm gonna sit up right now. I want you to grab onto my cock, right?

Grab, stroke it, stroke it up and down. Oh, faster, faster. Oh, play with the head, play with the head, play, yeah, mm. Yeah, right there.

Do that. Oh, that feels good. Keep doing that bitch. This is the stream of consciousness that I want to hear from you.

OK, softer, not using the top of your nail, using just my fingers now. Oh, tiny circles feel good. Yeah, I'm doing tiny circles now. I like teasing the clit.

That feels really good. I'm tease the lit a little bit more. Yeah, it's nice and warm, fingers on the clit. I only have 5 available.

That's put them all on there, 4 of them. You don't have to put the thumb that was an awkward. I have to do that. Harder, more pressure and slow it down.

So good. More intensity. How many knots? Slow it down to like 5 knots.

5 knots, but more intensity. Just massage like this. Now you like little circles like this? I do.

I like circles. Yeah, yeah. Do you want me to grab those lips a little bit and pull them like we do in the in the yoni thing? No, you don't have to do that.

What else now? I'm already lost as a, as a sexual human being. I'm already lost. Do little circles on just the exposed clit.

You have a tiny little clit. So the expertise level has to be high here. So I'm just rubbing your clit. Does this feel different?

Better, right? Uh, I actually like both this, this's just a different sensation like when you're rubbing everything together versus just. Point on, it's just different. But it feels so good you can barely contain your I know it's hard to focus.

So like more pressure on that. Oh God, that's all right, so I'm just doing circles around just for the audience that's listening, just doing circles around almost like I'm slowing it down though, yeah, intensity and slow, almost like I was like, how do I describe this? Like I'm like like massaging a tiny, tiny person. Like, ah, if I massage this person, I'll crush them.

But all right, so little circles. What else? What's next? Well, you've got the clit nice and warmed up, and now my vagina is starting to pulse and wanting more.

So I'm ready for you to do more stuff, stream of consciousness. Just stick a finger in there. Oh, well, see, that's all you have to say. OK.

All right, now here I am. I just wanted, I'm in the United States. Yeah, I can't feel you. Oh, great.

All right, so what country would you like me to visit first? Check on like Brazil, see how it's, oh, could you pick another country? Peru I think, I think Brazil's down here, right? Yeah, all right.

Like the pressure from your finger, not the tip of your finger. Yeah, and then taking the finger and pushing the fingertip up. I, I can't. I'm pressing, I'm pressing down on Brazil with your finger.

You need tension on the wall. You need tension on the entrance because just sticking a finger in is, I'm not going to pressing down. I'm pressing down on Brazil. And then, but, but with the pressure of pulling it down, but you can stick a finger.

Like up and be pulling it down at the same time. Like you give tension on the entrance, but like pushing up. Am I failing at my own vagina? I, I, I think I found the problem.

I don't think women know how men's fingers work. So I'm pressing stick a finger in and turn it upwards, upwards, right? Yeah. Well, right now, now I'm going back towards Canada.

Yeah, but if you're pressing, no, keep it turned. But yeah, like that, at the same time and using, yeah, perfect. So like you have, you're using your fingertip and the back of your hand at the same time almost. I mean, not hand because you're not fisting me, but because the thing is, is just sticking a finger, I'm not going to feel that.

So you're saying that if I'm doing like that come here motion with your finger, the pressure downward is just as important as important. If I'm pressing upwards, that pressure down coming down is just as important as the pressure up. What if I do that? That's great.

That's amazing. Well, I just made that up. Colin, that's a seesaw. If anybody wants to try this, give me a call.

So I just made this up. Well, it's called the Brazil, any sort of tension on the entrance to the vagina feels good. And then whatever you're hitting with your finger. All right, now I'm pressing on Brazil.

So this is what I'm doing right now. Brazil, Canada, Brazil, Canada, Brazil, Canada. Oh wait, check on New York. How's New York?

It's pretty specific. Can you just keep it to a country? OK. So we're back in the United States.

Yeah, I love Canada. You love Canada. I'm back in Canada. Canada is good, and less focused on like one spot, just more organic like.

With your finger hitting just one spot, like, go up and around in there on the, yeah, like see what's happening up in north of Canada, the Iceland, Greenland, check it all out up there. All right, so I know we went over, um, a lot of countries, we've done some nail clippings, we went over geography and everything, but I just want to lose all that, OK? I just want you to concentrate on the pleasure, and I want you to feel it, and I just want you to be like up. Down faster, slower, right, right, left, but we do have to establish is it stage left or is it would be your left or my left?

Why don't you make it your left and right so then you don't have to swap it in your head. That's a lot. Oh, OK, OK, I'm ready. I'm gonna rest the microphone on your vagina.

Let's see if it says anything. Look, I'm gonna do a little ASMR. This is uh the sound of a vagina on a microphone. ASMR.

For the listeners who were too cheap to not pay for the video, I just grabbed some WD-40, and we are gonna, we're gonna place that on, on the vagina. Pam, OK, yes, it's spray though. Yes, this segments sponsored by, yeah, I don't wanna rush things along here, but I'm gonna enter you. Alright.

00, you're already so I know I'm so sopping wet in there. Alright, so now I'm down on the, the bottom. I'm pressing down. So now I'm turning my finger around, pressing up, yeah, uh-huh, yeah, give me more instructions.

Uh, this is really difficult, Richard. All I have to tell you, faster, right, left, that's all. I'm gonna use two fingers now. OK, let's pretend that this, so I'm doing like an, uh, uh, in and out, but I'm just doing this.

This is the one finger, just one finger. One finger in and out. Point your finger up high, higher, but not far back. You don't have to go like digging, right, but you're moaning.

OK. That was good, whatever that was. I don't know. I don't know what that was.

I don't know what it feels like, but it was like halfway. I'm going to go fast. All right, halfway in right there. Halfway in and up.

And now I'm doing oh God, that feels so good. And you're faster and it feels really good, even faster than this. No, no, no, I said you are faster and that feels so. I'm very fast, baby.

I'm very fast. God, this is hard to concentrate. Sorry, I have to use two fingers. It's harder to feel with two fingers.

That's why I say, all right, I'll switch back to one. I'm right behind your clit. Try left. Yeah, that's good, that is.

Yeah, that's the left upper roof of your vagina. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, I don't know what that is, but it feels fucking good. I don't know what it is either, but I like the sounding right, Ken.

Yeah. Alright, I'm switching fingers. Do it whatever you have to do now. This is a problem because guys cramp up because they, they're, they do this tiny little motion.

I'm gonna try different things and you tell me bad, good, and I'm gonna describe what I'm doing. You just say likey likey or or or bad touch. No, no, do, do bad touch. All right, so now I'm going in 2 fingers.

Now do one. I'll do 1 finger. I'm gonna go all the way up as far as I can go and up. Oh, was that, was that a good?

Yes, that's fucking, oh, so good. Oh, you like that. I'm gonna press down on your stomach with the microphone. Oh God.

Oh fuck. Oh yeah, yeah, it feels really good. Can I use 2 fingers? OK.

What would you rather, 2 or 1? Just 1. Oh. Oh God.

So you like it really deep, yeah. Yeah, and, and to the left, yeah. Oh, fuck. Oh, God, huh.

So I feel like upper left is your magic spot. OK then, upper left me. I'm not. All right, so I'm pressing down, pressing down on your stomach.

Oh fuck. Oh. All right, so I think we learned a lot today to the left, to the left, to the left, to the left, and, and, uh, now I feel like, I feel like, um. I feel like I just wanna fuck now.

Like, I feel like I've done ample work, and I think most men would agree with me left and right. Now I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to, I'm gonna try to interview you while I'm fucking you just because I'm not gonna answer. You talk. No, you gotta, you gotta be interviewed.

No, yeah, OK, all right. My Cox and you, I just wanna, I wanna let you know. Wait. Don't laugh when I'm fucking you.

All right, so where did you grow up? Where did you grow? Where did you grow up? In the south.

And you, where did you grow up? Northeast. Yeah. Did you have to walk 5 miles uphill.

Now how's like my cocks in you right now? Like does it feel anything like that finger did when it was up inside of you? Yeah, when you sit up is when it hits that spot like this. Just like this.

Oh fuck. That's why I like to hold your ass up. I know. And then I press.

Oh my, oh fuck. Yeah, right there. All right, I've got to drop the mic. OK.

Oh, fuck. Uh, Ah Ah Why are you slowing down? You can use this microphone. I'll talk in your microphone.

Uh, it's because I'm, I'm, uh, I have bad cardio. So let's take a little breaks. OK. It's hard.

Oh yeah. Mm Yeah, you don't have to laugh through all of it. Well, I'm sorry, I just got a microphone shoved in my face. Oh fuck, yes.

Can we just do all the podcasts like this? I mean, it's not going to be very informative, but it's more fun for me. I feel like you've all learned something today. Make sure when you go into the vagina, you go up and to the left.

Signing off. You're welcome. Alright, so that brings us out of that video. Uh, my vagina says thank you.

We also made an OnlyFans video after that. We took off the headphones and everything and then just started fucking and we're like, let's sell that too because we're just complete sellouts at this point and let's face it, we need. Money. So, uh, so yeah, you could check out that anywhere you want, but I think the important part of all of this is that I enjoy being an educator now.

I enjoy being a coach to the people, a, an advisor if you will, a consigliere. Of lifestyle. I am the lifestyle consigliere. That's what I am.

And the more you learn from me, the better you will be as a person, both spiritually and probably monetarily. Yes, true. Um, so keep listening and keep learning and keep coming back to here because after you listen to just 3 episodes, you too will be licensed to teach in the lifestyle, these techniques, these, this art is what it is. And you have a lot to learn.

You do. I know you and you have a lot to learn. So we want you to keep coming back and keep learning from us. I want to remind everyone, barely graduated high school.

Can we learn via osmosis? You can learn whatever you want. I just want you to come back here as a sexual heel coach, as a lifestyle guru. Keep coming back here.

Allow me to lead you in the direction in which we should all be going. A sex sommer. Oh, I am a sommoner consigliere lifestyle guru coach. Sex sex coach.

Now we could do it either this way or we could become a sex coach by paying $150 online and getting a little certificate. I prefer this way. Uh, make sure to join us in Dallas June 24th. We're gonna have a party.

Yeah, it's gonna be fun. There's gonna be a pool. We're having, we're gonna be a pool, right? Yeah, we're gonna take over the pool and floor and have all the cabanas and DJs and it's gonna be fun.

July, we are going to Antigua. Being honest, when I say it may be sold out by the time this airs, I don't know, but then we'll just go to a waiting list. That's cool. Can possibly free up some more rooms.

We just have to talk to the powers that be over. There. After that, Mexico, we will hopefully be doing another villa party in the in autumn, right? In the fall, the fall season.

Yeah, uh, you're all welcome. Let me turn your tassel to the other side and if you want to take any of these courses on finger banging or sexy talk, it will not be available in any other form. So we would recommend that you just listen to this over and over again. Also, if you want to go to any clothing optional, lifestyle friendly hotel in Mexico, make sure you book through Lauren.

Use her box. Why? Because you go to our website, you use her box, you have an amazing trip. Lauren gets a little bit.

Of a commission, then you go have sex with another couple and it is a win, win, win, unless you have bad sex, the other couple hated it, and it's just a win-win, but we're optimistic. We think you're gonna do good, especially you keep listening to this, keep learning these techniques. Thank you and you're welcome. I'm Richard.

I'm Lauren. Thank you for listening to Bed Hoppers. And that about does it for us. For more information, visit us at room 77life.com.

Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.