Ep. 55: How To Process Real Feelings for Fantasy Lovers

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Hi Lauren, how are you? I don't know why I still laugh at. You just laugh at me because I'm a joke as a husband. I'm pretty sure that's what it is.

Well, here we are recording once again as usual. We are way behind. Everything. So now a little bit later, we brought on our friends bed hoppers to talk to us a little bit more about connections and feelings, and we're gonna talk to them a little bit later.

I don't know how this one is gonna turn out, but it may be a little bit shy of material, but packed, filled with field. Good wonderful information that you could probably share with your neighbors if they're in the lifestyle not at the PTA meeting. Well, well, maybe you could share with the PTA meeting if you are in fact fucking everyone. In the PTA, not impossible.

I don't know your life. Uh, so listen, usually how I start off is, how are you? I'm great, Richard. How are you?

I know that's not true, but I'm gonna take your answer anyway. How am I? I am terrific. You're wearing a knee brace.

I am wearing a knee brace from all of the exercise that I am currently not doing. It's so true. No, it's true. I'm, uh, getting in shape for a role.

It's a new, it's a new Marvel superhero. It's called the sloth. He just does nothing. Then you're getting all method.

He sleeps a lot, but he looks adorable. You're perfect. No wonder you got the job. We're doing terrific.

We've established that today we are going to talk about something very, very serious, and that is feelings. It's the story of it's funny you ask that, Lauren, because today we're going to tell a story of redemption. Uh, it, it, I don't know if it is a story of redemption, but of course it is. This is something that comes up in the lifestyle, whether you talk about it or not, whether it becomes a problem or not.

Well, let's preface this. OK, that's what I thought I was just doing. I want to preface your preface. When we say feelings, we're talking about not my feelings for you or your feelings for me.

We're talking about feelings for people outside of our partnership. Yeah, I was getting to that. Oh, OK. But thank you for skipping ahead.

That's what I do. It's what I do. You're like the built-in skip the intro in Netflix for podcast. There you go.

You just skip the intro. Richard. We'll do this on every, on every episode. skip intro feelings, whether it's a problem, whether it's not a problem.

This is something that is not usually talked about, not usually discussed that much, but it is a thing, feelings that are on a friendship level or even feelings that you develop to a certain level, whether they are your fuck buddies, whether they are more. Than fuck buddies even in life, right, you have friends and then you have friends that your inner circle, yeah, you fucking love like I love them in lifestyle. You have friends and you also have those friends that I fucking love, but you also have friends that you fucking love and you fuck. Yeah, it's like another level, right?

You just keep adding on to the commas. The difference here is sometimes things get a little bit blurry because. Things are different for a lot of people. Not everybody views it the same.

Not everybody goes into the lifestyle with the same amount of clarity, with the same, uh, intentions, and sometimes communication with the other couple isn't always on the same page. They're not on the, on the same page. So for instance, how do you go into a hookup when you are, let's, let's call it shopping around. Pretend that there is an Amazon, if you will.

It would be awesome. How do you start shopping around for a couple? We talked about this before. I approach it very much like a guy because I'm not looking for anything else emotionally.

I am looking for entertainment. I'm looking for something to fulfill a specific fantasy that I have. If it were a specific fantasy, maybe I would go to that department in Amazon and I would look up things that I want to fulfill that. Fantasy, it may be a more physical type.

It may be, um, I'm looking at someone else's preferences to see if they would, their preferences would fulfill my fantasy. And then from that point, you know, when you're meeting them in person, of course, I have to have like a commonality that is a gelling in, in a sense that it's not like we have to get along so well or that general sense. All right, now, Lauren, as a male who not only touched. himself but is in touch with myself.

I find that offensive. I'm gonna tell you why because I don't think that you can say I approached this lifestyle as a male because, as a male mentality, because I don't think that is the approach of every single male out there. What if there is, I've met and I've heard and I've seen written in our Telegram group, our private awesome Telegram group that you can get at Patreon. There are a lot of men out there.

Who need a connection. Now, connection in this lifestyle world is basically another word or another term for feelings, right? I need some sort of feeling. I need a connection.

I need something more than you're hot or a hole or a hole. So you are saying that you do not need a connection at all. What you're saying is, no, I just need a hole. Just answer the question, Lauren.

Do you just need a hole or not? Do you just need a hard penis? No, I was just talking about that because I just, we've talked about this before that I approach it more like a male would think of it. And yes, it is stereotypical.

It is sexist and I will cancel you. Oh good. Does that mean you're like, Oh, I don't have to do Instagram anymore. It's awesome.

I have so much free time on my hands, but I understand. I think everybody understands what you're saying. You go in, you are not looking for a boyfriend. You're not looking for a husband.

You're not really looking for a deep connection. Yes, and yes, and yes, that is correct. What is your approach when my approach, my approach is, is the, is the same, but probably even less than yours. A male mentality.

I need a pulse. Richard, I mean, I do. I know, I, I have very few things. Uh, I need pulse and I need a brain and a sense of humor.

Those are the things that I need. However, I do not in any way need you to love my heart. I don't need, need you to love my hobbies. I don't need you to like my politics.

We don't need to believe in the same things. I don't give a fuck about your horoscope. I don't. There are so many things that I don't give a shit about when it comes to a hook up.

I am on the, the complete other side as far as people say they need a connection. I am on the other side of that. Is it because you don't have space or it's just because it's not important? Like it's just has nothing to do with your sexual desires and completing that sexual escapade.

For me, it is more exciting for the lesson. Oh, that's cool. I like that as far as. goes when those hookups happen, uh, and they are semi-anonymous, it is a big turn on for me.

That is the lack of connection, the lack of information. I like that. OK, that is the opposite side of the spectrum. That is the people that are out there that's like, well, I can't just walk across the room and see a hot person and just start giving a blowjob.

I can. In fact, it's what you jerk off to in porn every single day. I don't know what porn you're watching, but I, I don't see a lot of connection. I don't see a lot of romantic interludes or conversation.

It's the part you fast forward through most of the time, yeah, that's a really good point. I think that a lot of time connection, I think people are dealing with some guilt. I think people are dealing with justification, uh, and maybe they are dealing with some sort of making sense of holding on. To sex meaning something and giving sex a value, and I'm not saying that that's wrong.

If you wanna give sex a value, that is completely up to you. How you treat your body is completely up to you. What you say yes to, what you say no to is completely up to you. You can treat your body as a temple and, and nobody can touch it, and you say no, and nobody has to touch it, and, and that's your choice.

Or you could be a complete cum slut. And allow 20 guys to come on your face and spit on you, and that's how you get off and I say, that do you, girl. If that's what makes you happy, that's how you want to treat your body. I have no judgment towards you.

We're not talking about how you want to treat your body, but like what is fun for you. And some people are like talking about connection, yeah, like I have more fun in bed when I have a connection with someone that's. What a lot of people would say. That's what they say.

Yes, right, you have more fun in bed when it's anonymous. I, I, I do to a degree. I mean, I, I sort of still need a brain unless I know you don't have a brain. So if I don't know you're dumb, that's good enough for me.

As soon as I find out you're done, you've lost your heart. I'm out. I'm out. This is really interesting.

What would be the things that would start to turn you off of people who are more of your friends that you do play with that would start to be like, yeah, I can't play with these people anymore. What are those things? Number one is expectations. When you start to play with people and they start, I start to feel a sense of expectation or a sense of feeling like I am claimed.

That is. One of the things that makes me immediately turn off the lifestyle is, is community of sharing. It's what we do, right? So as soon as you start putting that vibe out there of, hey, uh, I peed on you, I claim you as my own, this is my property, you're not playing the game anymore, right?

I don't know if you should use I peed on you because actually it's a thing. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't use that one actually, not being able to express yourself when. You have experiences with other couples. That's what I was going to say.

I find that really interesting. Do you want to elaborate? Do you want to elaborate? Dear Richard, go ahead, you elaborate, but hurry up because we're going along.

Um, I find when we have experiences, we don't want to kiss and tell, but in an anonymous way, we love to discuss what happened because it's invigorating reliving it again and can only relive it with your partner so many times that when you're sharing it with someone outside, like your friends, it's fun. It's. Exciting. I want to hear what you guys did and I want to tell you about what I did because I don't, I don't get to say it to very many people.

But if you're telling your friends and they don't want to hear it because they're going to start teetering towards that jealousy or like, well, why did you play with them like that? You don't do that with me or something, then it just starts to get very weird. Yeah, if you have friends in the lifestyle that are getting jealous of your hookups, drop them motherfuckers, because they're not your real friends. They are borderline psychos.

That is coming straight from Dr. Richard Swinger University faculty faculty tenure. What would be an example of that red flag? Like they only want to hang out with you, only want to play with you.

They start to trash talk other couples. That's, that's something that starts to get a little bit like, OK, yeah, I get it. Everybody else in the world sucks except for us. Um, one of the things that I don't like are things in the relationship like our relationship, like holding hands, cuddling, displays of affection that are saved for relationship, especially when the other partner isn't present, displays of affection that are intimate, separate from sex, and this isn't like pulling out a chair at dinner or picking it could be that, that, that is a very good example because if you are.

At a dinner for 4, that is not your place. It's not the other partner's place to do that. In fact, it would be embarrassing for a partner to pull out a chair for the other partner's significant other because you are at one point overstepping yourself and you're making the other person look like a fool at the same time. It would be things like that that would be back off, and we're going to touch on this later when we talk to bed hoppers.

I think when you start. Edit your information. A couple, it's, it's that, that's an unhealthy thing to do. You wanna be able to freely commune.

You wanna be able to freely express yourself to, to your friends. Be like, hey, look at this couple. Look how hot they are, uh, as being as anonymous as you can. Look how hot they are and have your friends be with compersion, be like, good for you.

They're super fucking hot. Maybe you can introduce me sometime and you'd be like, I'd love to see you fuck my friends. That is a community I love and trust. And, and we do have friends like that and we do have friends like that, and I love them so dearly for that.

I feel really blessed that we have um a few people like that in our lives where you can just, you know, you can completely tell them everything, and there is no judgment and there's no awkwardness and there's no sense of, oh my God, what if, you know, I say something. And it's going to lead him on. It's like, I absolutely know that anything that I would say to him, whether in your presence or out of his presence could never be construed the other way. And I don't know if, you know, it's just because of the love that they have for each other, or if it's just that that's their mentality.

They're looking in the lifestyle for the same things that we're looking in the lifestyle for. And it's just, it's not a compassion coming from other outside people. It's just a friendship. And maybe that's part of it too.

It's just we've been lucky to find people who, who think like we do, um, but I guess we have, we have had some others who have not, you know, we, I, I think it's hard, and I'm gonna close up before we go to the, to the bed hoppers bit. One of the things that makes this tough for couples to deal with is that it is hard to bring up to the other couple because you immediately put the other couple in an, it's an awkward situation. It's very, very difficult to stop this train because you have friends slash lovers, and how do you bring up to another. The couple, hey, can you back off a little bit?

It's really, really hard. It's very hard to go back to a couple and say, you know what, we'd like to just be friends again. That's a pretty tricky trick. I don't even know if there is a tutorial on this, on how to get out of it.

I, I, I don't know if there is. I always say I go back to faking my own death. I think it's the easy way. It's the easiest way out.

We're not in the lifestyle anymore. Richard lost all his limbs. I'm so sorry. And then just Photoshop, you know, me in a bed, just a torso.

I would recommend that you don't get caught in that trap because it's a spider web that you find yourself into in, and you're gonna have a hard time getting out of it if you continue that pattern and keep feeding that beast, that's the other couple that is maybe getting feelings or maybe trying to uh get. Closer and this could, by the way, only be one of the two that's getting close. Maybe there's a private chat going on or whatever it may be. That is a monster that you do not want to keep feeding.

That's when the red flags become really important so that, you know, you don't go down this road so far that you, you stop, you get off and you say, you know, these are the things that are starting to come up. And how do we, you know, get off this train now before. Before we're in too deep, yeah, and I think that's really, really important, especially for people who maybe haven't been down this road before, because you find yourself on this tightrope of remaining friends, remaining nice, and not because you become terrified, terrified of hurting someone's feelings because you're so invested on such a level that is beyond friends now because you are intimate. With these people, but they're not lovers.

It becomes terrifying. You're terrified of hurting their feelings. It's not something you can just slam a door on. It's not somebody you can just start ignoring their texts without repercussions that that are explainable.

Uh, it's busy. The only advice that we can offer, uh, before we get on with, uh, bed hoppers and then you could actually take their advice because it's gonna be better than anything that we could give. is nip it in the bud as, as quickly as possible. The lifestyle is based so much on communication that this is one of those situations where we find communication to be really difficult, and you just have to remember that just because it is outside of your partner, you have to still stick to the, the rules that you have to communicate in this, in this lifestyle.

And it's uncomfortable for me, my biggest problem is when it's uncomfortable, I don't want to talk. About it. Let's just, you know, I'll fake my death. I don't care.

You know, you have to understand that there are other people, and it may not be the other person directly. It could be their spouse. And there's always other people in play and you just, you got to suck it up and communicate and just get it out there. I agree.

And, and the last thing I want to say is I want to, it's important to know that these things aren't, aren't a blanket statement for everybody wherever you want to choose to take your relationships and your, your place. Experiences is completely up to you and where you wanna go. If you all wanna get married and and have a honeymoon together, do whatever you wanna do. You could all fall in love, get a compound, and live together happily forever after.

What what we wanna express is that when this happens and everybody is not on the same page, when this happens and these weren't the intentions that were. Just disclosed in the beginning, uh, or the intentions changed halfway through or maybe someone started acting in a, in, in a different way it's completely up to everybody where they, where they want their lifestyle relationship to go. We're not saying feelings inside of a relationship are out of the questions again, we're not here to tell you how to live your life, although if you wanna go to our school, we can. We, you can 1899, we will send you a free number 2 pencilsign us up #teachers lounge.

Anyway, we just wanted to let you know that and if you are having any problems like this, reach out to us and we'll help you because we love you, we really love you, probably love you more than your spouse. In fact, if you, uh. If you wanna open up a private DM with us and chat with us, get to know us a little bit better without your significant other knowing, it's OK too. You can share your Amazon wishlist with me.

Yeah, I mean, just talk to us and get to know who we are. I'm not saying that we'll pick out rings just yet, but, uh, we're not against a group wedding. I know everything we just said was against what I'm just saying, but look, we're not saying we want a big wedding. I do want a big reception.

Look, I'm not, oh, don't confuse the people, Richard. I'm not confusing them. I'm just saying that everything that I just said was absolutely true, but I am open for a relationship as long as you have a brain and a sense of humor. Otherwise, yeah, don't DM Richard.

Yeah, but you know, DM me, I'm down, baby. You know what I mean? Just don't tell your husband. Oh my God, I'm just kidding.

Don't do any of that. All right, stay tuned. We'll be right. Hey, listen up.

Yeah, you, room 77 listener, we pause this to let you know how special you make us feel. In fact, we get off on it. Should I tell them what you do? Uh, it's embarrassing.

They'll love it. This is an actual clip of Lauren using her vibrator after receiving an email that someone joined Room 77 Patreon. Oh fuck. Oh.

Ah Ah ah. Uh Oh, fuck yes. Oh. OK, actually that was a clip from Talking Dirty.

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Alright, my dear Lauren, we are here in our magic studio. We're here with two true loves of my life. I mean, not just sexy, but I have feelings for them, deep feelings. I do love them.

It's Mr. and Mrs. H from Bed Hoppers. Say hi guys.

Hi guys. Yeah, I say deep feelings like I made you a mixtape. This is something that I wanna, I wanna be exclusive and I wanna know if that makes you uncomfortable or not. What I wanna know is, um, what is the first song on the mixtape.

It's really important. It was Celine Dion, and then I, I switched it. Richard Mark, which song, which, what's Richard Marx? Oh my God, she got excited.

I don't know the song. I just know that Richard Marx sings all the sappy good ones. It's gotta be right here waiting. Yes, right here waiting.

Thank you. Right here waiting for you. So, uh, hi guys, how are you? Well, we're all the better for hearing from you guys, of course.

Oh, thank you. It's great to talk to you. We had a, a topic that we wanted to talk to you about. Because you two are the epitome of somebody that I can see would be easy to get addicted to.

Yeah, that's true, easy to be attracted to, easy to be sort of feel falsely safe and you just want to go to them for everything. Yeah, I would stalk them. I would if there was a couple that I was gonna stalk, I'd be like, Yeah, I'm gonna stalk them. They're the ones.

They're the ones. They're funny. I choose them. I'm gonna clip out newspapers and I'm gonna write them notes with letters.

No, no, no, that's not anything. I'm gonna stalk them and I'm gonna use them. I'm gonna make them feel like I love them, but at the same time, sort of like I want to kill them too. We, we have been compared to the crack of the swinger world.

You often refer to me as the gateway drug. Yeah, definitely. We can see that. That's why we wanted to talk to you about this.

And this is about the difference between people and their relationships and their feelings inside of the world, and I'm gonna explain that in a way that is not as confusing as I just said it. So, what I mean is, Lauren and myself are described as people who go into the lifestyle world with a very sort of male mentality, which means love them and leave them, play and have some fun, uh, maybe leave our seed on their chest and walk out the door and on to the next, maybe a couple of times in that night if possible, maybe. We'll see them again, but there's not a lot of feeling that come with that. But there are people that we, we meet that do in fact develop feelings and sometimes even are exclusive.

Sometimes they are not Polly, but they do only play with a specific set of people and then all the way to Polly. This is something that has happened to a friend of ours where someone. Has developed like actual feelings and made the other person get to the point where they're like, hey, how do you tell a friend, can we not be sex partners anymore and go back to just being friends because I feel awkward now. Have you ever been in a situation or or have any experience with that?

I think we've we've definitely made some connections where, you know, you've got the new relationship energy and it's all like, hey, this is great and wonderful and wonderful. And fun, but very quickly you start to peer under or behind the curtain and then you kind of wanna take a step backwards. Um, I was actually gonna say it's, it's strange when we first started all this, going back a few years now, one of my biggest fears was that Mr. H would get too close to things, and I actually didn't put myself in that category because, uh, I don't give a shit about things sometimes.

I feel worried. I worry that Mr. H would be the one to develop jealousy or, you know, get some feelings because he's the sensitive one. He's the really nice one, the emotional one, whereas I'm kind of like, uh, lump of coal instead of a heart.

But actually as we go through this, I've, I found it, it's actually hard sometimes not to develop some feelings along the way, particularly if you actually care about the people that you're making connections with. So by that I mean some people can just go through this and just, you know, for want of a better phrase, hook up with people and then just be like, OK, I'm cool, I don't need to see you again, or whenever I have sex with you, it's just gonna be. A random sort of hooker, but along the way I think we probably have developed some semblance of feelings for some people. Is that fair to say?

Yeah, it's, it's sort of what you do with those feelings though, because I feel that when we're, when we're close to a couple, when we're friends with a couple, and that couple says, oh my God, we went out with this other couple and we had such a great time. There is this twinge of, oh, I wish it was me. There is that twinge, and it really is, what do you do with that feeling? Do you turn that feeling inward, or do you turn it into, I'm happy for you?

And it is a choice that you have to not only make, but you have to actively practice. Lauren is great at it. I feel like you have to voice that to be, if someone tells you that and you start thinking that way. I mean, I don't think like that, but there are certain people, a certain couple.

That I do love them dearly, but in that different way in a level that would be if you needed something, I would be there for you. Their birthdays are in my calendar, like that level, but I would never text the opposite sex and just be like, I'm thinking of you and like that's just, there's a different kind of level for that. And I don't even feel like a jealousy when you say, oh, we, we had a good time with these other people. I'm like, Awesome.

Tell me about it. Bring them to the next party that we have or something like that. I just, I don't get there. I don't have that capacity, I guess.

I do. I'm a little tricky though because they're like, Hey, we all, we all went out on the town and had a great time. I'm like, Oh, I would love to do that. And they'll be like, All right, well, I'll invite you next time.

And then they invite me and I'm like, Ah, I don't feel like it. I don't have enough energy. And they're like, Well, this is why we don't invite you anyplace. What you're talking about there is the difference between jealousy and envy though.

Are you envious that you, you wanna be out and about and doing that stuff, or are you jealous because it's not you with them? And I think that's a really fine distinction between how you feel about people sometimes. Yeah, I do get, I do get more envious of, of lifestyles more. Than I am jealous of of that, but do you guys have any awkward moments where those kind of texts come through or moments come through where maybe somebody has crossed a line into that?

Well, that was an odd text like good night sweetie, uh, I'll be thinking of you while I'm sleeping. Well, I, I, I think Mrs. H gets profoundly jealous if there is a, if, if I'm in a separate message sort of platform with somebody like yourself. I mean she doesn't like that very much.

I mean she's like, what has he said to you this time? How much love has he professed to you? And um, you know, I'm like it's just Rich telling me about his day. OK with you and Rich, that's fine.

But no, I think you're right. There's, there's kind of a line for me that I, I don't think I feel comfortable with Mr. H having, um, offline messages with another woman in, in a couple that we've met because for me that's like, hang on a minute, this is moving now into separate play dates or um territory that I, I, that's mine. This is my relationship.

I have to protect that intimacy that we've developed. And I would feel threatened, really threatened if someone else moved in on that. Is that his responsibility to stop that, or is that your responsibility to communicate that to him? He knows how I feel, but obviously if it was happening without my knowledge, then it's his responsibility if I don't know about it.

I feel like I'm on trial, but I've not actually done anything wrong here. I want to point this out. How could you, Mr. H, how absolutely could you?

But, but it is quite different between, um, messaging, uh, like a having a group chat with another couple and saying, oh we love you guys to, to messaging someone of the opposite sex behind someone's back or in your own private chat and going, oh I love you. That that's quite a different thing. But that's why we try and build in some fail-safes and there's, there's a way that we, ways that we try to protect ourselves from those situations and always sticking to a group. Group chat is one of those ways.

We know a a couple of our uh friends of ours, they, they play as a hotwi couple. And one of the ways they protect themselves from this happening is that he always always presents to her a new man right around the corner. So she never becomes attached because there's always this new thing that's showing up and is coming along. So that's kind of one of the ways in which they help themselves.

The the the hotwi territory is very much around the wife and the. Having the conversation separately, isn't it? It is, but I think they've built that in as a level of protection to try and, um, prevent those feelings from happening because they feel there's always something new around the corner, then you don't have time to reflect back on those, you know, brief intimate relationship. I mean, on, on occasion you have had a message or two between you and another woman, but you've, I've always known because you've told me.

And I think as long as that honesty exists and. We have a conversation, say, oh hey, by the way, I had a chat offline from the group with this person and you've kind of always shown me the messages just so I can reassure myself that there was nothing underhand. I've shown you all the regular messages that I've, you've got a burn phone, right? This is what it is.

Uh, wait until she figures out that all my messages come through on my laptop instead of my phone. My mind's gonna be blown. So you have. Those fail-safes.

What happens when that happens when everyone's present, whether it happens in a group chat or it happens in the bed because we've been in the bed with another guy before and I've been on top and he reached up and caressed my face and looked into my eyes in a weird way and was like, you're so beautiful. And I was just like, not the time, mister. Yeah, like, that's uh I'm dry. One of the things that makes me uncomfortable is when we're in situations whether it's a group situation and you find yourself alone with another person from the group and that person starts to give affection as like a lover while you're alone that's not affection that's whorish but affection that you give a lover that makes me uncomfortable like she would pick your eye boogers or something like that I would be like thank you.

You have something in your teeth. Thank you. You'd make a fantastic wife. I'll let you know if Lauren ever dies, you're first in line, uh, but no, that kind of stuff, I shut down like immediately.

It makes me super uncomfortable. Has that anything like that, like what do you guys find yourself in, in any situation like we're describing? We have done, I think there's there's a couple of things springing to mind. One, there was an instance where we were playing with another couple.

And we'd, we'd had all of the sexy times, it'd all been amazing. I, I was rated 11 out of 10, of course, and you know all this sort of stuff had happened. And then she was so into that, that situation that the uh other woman was giving me a cuddle. Just literally just spooning me afterwards and.

Yeah, and Mrs. H rarely gets jealous. Uh, but in this instance you were like you'd called an Uber and we were out the door within about a minute and a half, like literally. Yeah, I just had to get out of TV through the window, jump out, here we go.

But I was actually alarmed at how triggered I felt. I haven't, and it was the first time I'd actually felt like that in. Any of the dynamics that we'd had previously and it really derailed me rapidly because I recognized it was a motion that I hadn't expected to feel, and it was, I was fine with the sex, I was fine with watching her rail her and then afterwards they had a little gentle spoon. I was like, no, no, get away from him.

I completely understand. That I, I am right on board with you, Mrs. H. Like I can relate to that 150%.

I can watch Lauren be defiled, degraded, and used and love every second of it, but also available on OnlyFans. Yes, sign up now, 10% off. And if that had happened and someone was like, OK, let's cuddle, I'd be like, 00, no, no, no, no, no, fuck off, separate everybody separates to their own corners and fuck off. Well, it's kind of where they get, get your clothes and get out.

The joke comes from. It's just like, let's, we don't do the after stuff. That's not, that's not part of this. But now it begs the question of like the four of us seem to be on the same.

Same page, right? Is everybody on that page? Like it must be different for some people if they are blurring those lines. We, we can't be, we can't say that we're correct.

Right? Absolutely. I don't know. It's, it's the reason why we wanted to talk about this because our friends sort of came to us and they're like, this is what happened.

What do we do? What do we say? And we're like, I don't know, it's a new situation and you have to really analyze all the different participants in it. Yeah, and the bigger question is, and I don't I don't know if you've ever been in this situation.

We sure have, but, um, have you ever been in that position where you said we want to take friends that have been play partners and say we'd like to put you back into the let's just be friends category. We'll be right back. Goodbye winter. Warm weather is coming and you're ready to bear it all.

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Hint, hint. So sign up for the mailing list while you're there. Summer bag is coming up. When is it?

July 29th. Where is it? Antigua. Where's Antigua?

I don't know. Somewhere in the Caribbean. What is it? It's a 5 or seven night clothing optional, all-inclusive, full takeover at a five-star resort.

There's theme nights, live DJs, live entertainment, a penthouse playroom with jacuzzi, and a lot of wonderful lifestyle, non-lifestyle people who want to let loose and have fun. Go to room 77life.com and book now. Make sure your summer goes out with a bang. OK, just so just to caveat the previous thing I said about the, hey, get away from him, the intimacy part.

You killed her. No, she's still in that hotel room. I do want to, I do want to say that I like to feel that I have been a bit progressive with my way of thinking since that happened because I recognized that it was an emotion I didn't welcome. However, I did use it as an opportunity to reflect and communicate with Mr.

H afterwards. Over time, in similar situations that have happened in the future, or, you know, since that time, I have allowed some levels of Intimacy perhaps to take place. And I've gotten used to some of that. I'm not saying it's my, my go to emotion and I don't necessarily welcome seeing him in that situation, but I'm much better about it and I understand that actually if you're gonna have sex with somebody, occasionally there's gonna be some nice things happen afterwards.

So I'm not quite so bent out of shape over it as I first was when I first witnessed it. That being said, it's not my norm. That is very, very grown up of you. It is, isn't it?

I think that it's great that we all take these opportunities and, and force ourselves to grow from them because I'm saying it's more grown up than I'd ever be. I, I, I, I probably wouldn't. Mr. H, how did you feel in that situation while it was happening in real time?

Um, well, so I didn't think I was necessarily doing anything wrong cos it was just, uh, we're talking not like a long period of time here. It wasn't like 20 minutes. It was who's your, who's your big baby? I'm your big baby.

Stop giving away all my secrets. Um, but to be honest, I, I kind of recognized that there was an issue straight away because I could tell from the look on Mrs. H's face, and it's very easy to read her face and what she's thinking. So I knew that we had to get out.

I, I, I assumed that that's what the the situation was and the problem was. So we sort of, and, and there were people that we'd played with before, not many times, but a couple of times before and we knew them relatively well. But we, as soon as we got out of there, then we started that conversation around what was going through our head, what was, what was up. It's a bit, it's a little bit of a difficult one though because as much as we kind of have.

Tried to reflect on it since that point. It does feel like if I am cuddling someone sort of post sexy times, there, there is a small chance or growing chance that she's gonna set fire to them. So you kind of gotta get in and get out pretty quick with the cuddles these days. Take any stabbing weapons off me.

Yeah, and just, is that the smell of gasoline? She gets pat down before. Yeah, she just covers their eyes and goes shh. It's just a bit of chloroform.

It's fine. It is, but it's interesting because it depends on the people that we're with and how well we know them and how much that relationship has grown over the course of time. So for for someone that we've just met, that's probably not gonna be something that she's gonna be OK with or that I would be OK with. If it's people that we've we've known for years, that actually the, the cuddling is and that sort of stuff and that level of intimacy can be OK, but we have to both be sure that there's nothing.

Odd going on behind it. We have to know them well and understand how they're feeling about things, I think. Yeah that's fair. And plus, you know, to be fair, when we, when it first happened, the reason you didn't really realize it was an issue perhaps initially was because we hadn't had the conversation to say, oh, what if one of us has a cuddle afterwards.

It was only when it happened that I realized, oh, now this is happening, I need to talk about it. I didn't like the way it made me felt. So maybe that's why you weren't aware of it in the first place. What if she had said to you, I have feelings for you, and it was in front of Mrs.

H and, and her husband. I'm something of a negotiator, and I think I could have talked my way out of that talk her, talk her down. You don't need to see my identification. You're not in love with me.

Oh my God, I would have been, I would have been fucking fuming. You would have been fuming. I think I would, I would have been surprised, but it's understandable it is me. So I think what I'd have said is something.

Along the lines of like you don't, ah, you don't really mean that, it's lovely seeing you guys and just trying to brush it off without hurting her feelings so that we can get ourselves away from that situation cos I think it would be important for us to create a sense of space because you would have stabbed her, I think. Wait, so you're worrying about hurting the other woman's feelings. This is why it's important to get away from that. That's your go to.

Oh, I didn't want to hurt her feelings, she's just confessed undying love to me. What about your wife who's sitting there rocking in the corner with. Weapon. Yeah, but I'm not reciprocating.

I'm not going, oh, I love you too. I'm, I'm like, that's great, thanks, cheers, whatever. Let's go. Yeah, like this is out of, you know, left field.

I have no idea she was going to say that. This is just weird. Like, let's let's tag team and be like, listen, lady, my husband's great. I know he's great.

But have you seen him when blah, blah, blah, whatever example? I don't know if I would start to throw Richard under the bus and just be like, ha ha, you just wait. He does good luck. Well, I see, I think this is, this is a bit like the old, um, separation of parents when kids stay with one adult and they go and see the, the, their dad or whatever at the weekends and they get this wonderful not real life experience with when they go see their dad because, you know, they go to the fair, they get to do fun things, they don't have to do homework, they don't get disciplined because it's and it's, it's that experience, you get the, the full 3.5 minutes of awesomeness with Mitch and.

I've done it twice in that time and, and that's great and you're excited and you, you, you love that experience but you don't see all the crap that comes with me by any stretch. I mean, you know, they won't know the large amount of Transformers around the house or the yeah, all the other stuff that I do that's annoying, you know. I do great other things as well. I'm not just limited to the awesome short periods of sex.

They're my, they're my shit list of things. I love, I love them about you and I don't want someone else to love them about you. You're getting defensive. If you're gonna stab a bitch, are you, let's not stab anyone just yet.

Yeah, I imagine that a lot of these feelings that that happen in, in the lifestyle, most of these feelings, I'm not saying that none of them are legitimate. I just feel like most of them are probably, uh, infatuation and not really feelings, right, to, to sort of close this out, let's say, and, and, and by the way, I don't, I also don't want to take away that there are guilty couples out there. Whether it's the male side or the female side that enjoy receiving that ego boost or those those things and maybe they're lacking it from one side or whatever that may be complicit in in like I don't get, yeah, I don't get this at home and I'm gonna take this where I can get it because it feels good. You are a perfect example of that, you know what I mean, the coldheartedness of living with Richard day in, day out.

Where else are you gonna find love? Do you know what I mean? Where else are you gonna find people to compliment you and treat you right? Nowhere.

You're basically in a prison. So what, what do you, what do we, if we're gonna offer anything to anybody for a couple who's like, this feels awkward, we don't know what to do because this is, again, let me tell everybody, doing this a long time. This is an awkward situation for us. We've been doing this a long, long time.

This, this would. Be an awkward situation for us and don't really have an answer. Have an answer when someone feels another couple is developing feelings. Our advice usually is cut it off, cut it off.

I mean, not the penis it seems like something I would, I would definitely endorse that. Cut it off. Yeah, the penis or just the penis. Um, interestingly though, I, I have to agree with Mr.

H. and one of, and there is no right or wrong answer, I think to this. I think the situation will evolve exactly, um, the, the way you both decide to deal with it at the time. But I think what he said was right when he says create some space.

It doesn't have to be that everything stops dead in the water. It just means you put some space and time between the situation. Maybe you're gonna come back to it in a week. Maybe you want to get together as a 4 again and discuss it.

Maybe you just need to go away and lick your wounds and talk to each other and make sure that you two are OK. And you know, that maybe they're going through something similar. So they're creating that space but in a, a positive adult way rather than running away and deciding that everything's just gone. Yeah.

That's such a loving, big heart, soul kind of thing to say to people. That's how I wish everyone would treat everyone. I'm gonna change my answer because I used to tell people fake your own death, and that's probably, that's probably too extreme now that I look, now that I hear what Mrs. H said.

But there, there is something in that like there's no point chasing something that you're, you know, so if you're the person that is sort of announced this thing or or or is infatuated with someone and you're not getting the response that you want, then you should stop chasing it. You do need to get over it and you do need to, you know, the separation is good and the space is good, but at some points you, you, you can't go through your life being upset over an unrequited love. I mean, you, there's no point to that, especially when you've got your own partner that's there and. You know, presumably in love with.

I mean, it's not your, it's not your responsibility to live up to someone else's expectations. You know, you, you do what makes you happy and what makes your partner happy and your relationship has to come first and be protected. That is the thing about infatuation though, and I, I've used this quote a lot. I've, I've stolen it from somewhere.

It, it makes me sad. Smart and I it's, it's Dante's definition of hell, which is proximity without intimacy. It, it, it, it, it is sort of what that is, is being just close enough without actually having it, and that drives some, some people to this point of wanting more, and it will never, they won't quit sometimes and that starts to be. Become a problem, right?

It's like, I don't feel good enough until you have feelings for me. Once you have feelings for me, then I'll feel complete. Then I can move on to my next conqueror, right? It's interesting.

It's kind of psychotic, but there are people out there. There is a sense of control in that. There is a sense of narcissism. I don't know.

It's been a long time since I graduated. Psycho school. I don't know what it's called. You have to know so many details to really advise people that you're right.

I go back to my original answer, fake your own death. That's bad, really. These things, it's people are a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there, you know, and you've got to get your head into that mentality. And you know, as much as, as we adore many of our friends and people that we've met in the lifestyle, the, the better that we've got to know them, it's like, good grief, we wouldn't want to live with them.

We wouldn't want to spend every waking second with them, but we'd like the fun parts and, and yeah, we just want the fun bit. We don't want to put up with all the other crap that goes with. And that is one of the fail-safes that we that we actively use. Well, thank you guys so much.

I hope we helped someone. Yeah, if you had a piece of advice, what would it be? Me? The H's.

Oh, I think they just gave it. I think that what they just said was, was gold. Um, I missed it. Create some space.

Uh, make sure you remember that these people that you are maybe developing feelings with is not what you're really signed signed up for. You're not seeing a whole person. You gotta keep that in mind. Uh, remember that the sex is just a visit.

It's not someplace that you probably wanna live and always keep a knife, always or chloroform, yeah. Keep a knife and also do not, this is probably the most important, do not cuddle Mr. H after sex or Mrs. H will set you on fire.

I will find you. She has a certain set of skills. I just wanna, I wanna spoon Mrs. H.

There you go. What if it happened in the opposite way? Let's close out with that. It has happened and I'm, I'm OK with it.

It depends on, on how well I know the people and, and where we are with that. If it was just a random person cuddling her, I'd be like, uh, I'm not sure how I feel. But if it was friends or the people that we had a connection with, uh, then I'd probably be OK. I'd get Mrs.

H, are you like me? If that did happen, would you start to feel a little uncomfortable like I don't want you spooning me. Oh my God. She doesn't like me spooning.

That's, that's what I'm saying. I'd be like, I, I don't really spoon at home. I don't I have a tolerance for it. No, I like intimacy when it's appropriate and it's not overstepping those boundaries, I think.

And intimacy if it's shared on all levels within that party, and no one's gonna be kind of getting FOMO or jealousy or envy or all of those horrible emotions that creep in unexpectedly, then. Fine if you're all, I like the actual the four-way intimacy. That's super nice when it happens. You know, but again, if someone's off in the corner having a little cuddle, you're like, huh, wait a minute, that's not what I signed up for.

That's why I always I'm so afraid when people get really, really drunk. It's like there's so many, you have to be so Aware in these situations, aware of your partner, aware of what other people are projecting to to be able to say, oh, we're all on the same level. Watch and make sure you don't overstep those boundaries that like when you just get obliterated drunk, it's like you miss all of those fine, fine signals. Yeah, what were you guys doing over there?

We opened a checking account. That's awkward. OK. And adopted a dog.

Alright guys, thank you so much. We really, really appreciate it. Uh, it was wonderful as always to hear your voices. Thanks for sharing your opinions and your guidance and your laughter.

And I will be texting Mr. H privately very, very soon. You do that already. I'm fine with it.

Thanks again guys. Bye bye. Thank you. All right, Lauren, I have deep, deep, deep feelings for someone, mostly our listeners.

I do. I do. I want to give a special thanks to Mr. and Mrs.

H from Bed Hoppers. Make sure to go check them out on Twitter at bedhoppers UK. Thank you. So much for being a part of this episode.

It's always special to, uh, to listen to you too, mostly because it reminds me of how badly I speak. That's what I was gonna say. Like I just love their accent. It's so funny.

Well, they just speak so eloquently and then I sound like a caveman. So that's awesome. Uh, this week we were able to hang out over at Temptation, and we met a lot of listeners over there, and we know that, uh, you people that we met are listening right now and we just wanna say thank you so much for all of the well wishes you gave us for coming up and saying something. Yeah, most of you were not patreons.

You're lucky we didn't smack you in the face. We appreciate you listening though, uh, and we just wanna let you know that you made a great time that we had there, really, really special. It was a really. Positive experience and we just wanted to take this little moment and say thank you to everyone who reached out.

Gave us a lot of reinforcement to keep doing this and it meant so much to us. While we were there, we became honorary members of the No Bra Club. I didn't know who they were, but we are part of them now, I think. Uh, we know that there is a policeman right now, I believe, driving around in his squad car listening to Room 77, which I love, laughing at my laugh.

And Aaron, our biggest fan, I hope you got your voice back. Thank you. So much and many, many more. We, we really appreciate it.

We hear you and we thank you and thank you for giving us the feels for this very feelsy episode. And a special thanks to Adam and Millie, HS RNL, Richard, Mike, R&B babies, Try Some, Belly rubs. Everything is better than Cats, Matt and Kristen and Ryan. All right, Lauren, we gotta go.

Uh, we will be back in a few, maybe a week, maybe two, unless someone comes in here and steals all our shit. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to go leave a positive review. For more information, go to room 77life.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77.

We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.