Ep. 47: How To Do A Hotel Takeover

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Better with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we do what we love work, party, and play in the middle of paradise. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day. Come to room 77. Let's play.

Just watch me. All right, Lauren, here we are. Scared me. No, don't be afraid.

I'm married to you and I live here and we do this podcast all the time. I know it's just so quiet in this room. You scared me. It's our new studio.

It's much better. Also bedroom number 2 with a broken air conditioner. We're seeing how it works. Welcome to our podcast.

How are you? Oh my God, I'm so happy to be here, Richard. I have so much to talk about. We do.

We do have a lot to talk about and I. Promise you this, we are not gonna be able to get to all of it. We just can't. There's too much.

There's too much fun. Oh, that's worse. I got new headphones too, and I'm testing those out, and I just put them on, uh, uh, yeah, I canceled myself, which is, believe me, what a lot of people wanna do. But they're like, Where do I buy those, Richard?

Where are the headphones that block Richard out. But first and foremost, we wanna thank the Patreons over at. Where are they? Patreon.com/room 77.

This dysfunctional podcast would not be possible without the people over at Patreon. So if you two wanna join up and send us money to keep this little train on the tracks, right now we're a little derailed, uh, please do. It really helps us out. It is the reason that we waste many, many, many hours doing this, and it's how we eat.

While making the podcast. Thank you so much. And later we are going to thank the newly signed up Patreons who supported us in the most appropriate yet annoying way possible. So stay tuned for that.

OK, so before we get into the fun, really, really quickly, November in Playa del Carmen, full takeover, all you can eat, not all you can eat. All inclusive, I guess it's all you can do. I mean it is all inclusive clothing optional, lifestyle friendly. We're just friendly.

We're overly friendly people. That's what it is. What are the dates? Uh, November 9th through the 14th.

That's 5 nights. We're gonna be in sunny downtown Playa del Carmen. Well, it's not. Downtown, it's right on the ocean.

There's theme nights and DJs. We're gonna go out on the town one night and have a really big dinner with everybody. We're planning a lot of entertainment over there. Make sure to go over to our web page, which is room 77life.com.

Do you want to try to do that in a harmony? Sure, Room 77 Life. I think we found a new career. So go over there.

I think everybody just they they just turned it off. Some people just ran their car off the road. They need those Richard canceling headphones. That's in November.

Sexploration Encore. I'm kidding. That's a stupid, stupid name. Now look, we had 160 something people at this party, more than this is Antigua you're talking about.

I'm talking about Antigua, uh, 160 something people that just came there, not counting people that showed up, staff, some locals, and even someone who snuck on who didn't have permission. Now the people that went. are gonna be really, really interested in this. The people who didn't go are not gonna be very, very interested in this.

So I just wanna make sure that there's a good balance of fun and sexy, you know, a learning aspect of this because counseling, swinger learning, uh, we are here to coach you, yes, to coach you. But yeah, we told everybody, hey, this is what we're gonna do. We're gonna be checking in. Almost every week.

Yeah, let me tell you how much we failed at that. We did one segment. It's a story that's coming on after this, and it's a lighthearted story about a woman who periods all over someone during sex. All right, so here's the thing, because we are a learning podcast for educational purposes only, don't you dare jerk off to this podcast.

I mean, I can, but you can't. Because when I do it, you're learning something. Yeah, you're teaching the people. We want to tell you and the guests how to do a takeover.

That's what we want to do, how to better yourself as a human being and how to do a takeover. So we're gonna do this a little bit different. Usually people leave parties and stuff and they say, Hey, that was good. I'm gonna tell everybody.

Well, I say, I know it was good. I'm gonna rate you as a guest. So this is our reverse TripAdvisor. I wanna let the, the guests know that we appreciated their attendance, but you are in a rating system.

I know that's probably uncomfortable for all of you. It was in the small print when you signed. Yeah, so strap in. We're gonna let you know how you did, and I don't wanna, I don't wanna rub it in anybody's face who weren't there, I don't know why they didn't go.

I don't wanna. Overstate how amazing it was. Yeah, you don't want to make them feel like they missed out. I don't want to do that, but most people say they saw God.

That's what most people, I didn't see God, but I'm saying a lot of people, they're saying that they saw God. Maybe they got shrooms. Oh, that was the other thing is so many people were like, hey, how do we get Molly into the country? And we helped all these people smuggle drugs.

We're like drug smugglers, right? And then we got there and nobody offered us any. Nobody, not one fucking person. We even made a video.

Basically how to get your drugs into the country and no one shared it. There's one couple, one couple, I can't name them. They were the couple in episode Smy Schmidt that walked up to us at Desire and said, Hi, we are so and so and so and so. We would like to be kidnapped by you.

And I love these two. I love their energy. I love them so much. They know who they are.

They were the only ones who were like, Whatever you need, just ask us. Uh, a lot of you go to takeovers and there are. Good things or there bad things about takeovers. They're so different, but they're very different.

But again, our takeover, probably the best way to go. Only way I, I'd say the biggest thing that people get concerned at takeovers is people being cliquey. So you go to a takeover, everybody is not necessarily on the, the same playing field. Yeah, it's like people, it's all a giant get together of friends, and you're the only person that booked the takeover like, oh, I just want.

To go right, and I agree with that. I've been in that situation. We've been to one or two of those, yeah, I've been in that situation, and it totally sucks. However, I have to tell these lovely people that there is a point in your life that you have to say, uh, fuck the clicks.

Like if you are upset about getting into a group of people that much that are not allowing you into their little group, they are horrible people, so. You shouldn't want to hang out with them anyway. Yes, because that's immediately what happens to me. It's like a turnoff and you're like, I don't wanna know you anyway.

I'll go find my own fun. Peace out. It's that gym class feeling and that's what one of the things that we want to avoid. This becomes sometimes a little bit difficult because we have known people for 5 years, 4 years, 3 years, 2 years, 1 day, like that stretch of people.

So there are people that we default to that are sitting around, that are in the pool that we're gonna ask for help. Can you climb this scaffolding for me? You're in a friend rating of 4 right now because we've known you 4 out of 5 years. So carry this.

So use your legs and live with your legs. Now the other side of that is this, and I need you to really listen to this, people. If you keep saying to yourself, it's really cliquey, it's really cliquey, it may be time to look within. You're isolating yourself.

Is there a reason that you can't get into this little group? You may be annoying. So you have to, if I showed up at a party and I was like, I, I tend to vomit on people when I drink too much. That might not want me in that clique.

Hey Richard, turn your drinking down a little bit. Bring it down a notch. Back with our game and how did you do a takeover. Rule number one, don't be a dick.

Don't be a Richard. And that goes for the guest. That's the rule. That's the only rule.

That is it. Just don't be a dick. It's a pretty simple one. I mean it's really simple.

We've lived with it a long time. Literally, don't be a Richard. Everybody is not going to love every other person. Everybody is not going to think that everybody is the hottest thing they've ever seen.

Everybody's not gonna be interested in you sexually. It doesn't give you license to be a dick at any point. Does it allow you to say, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna ruin this party now? Yeah, because you expect everyone to be 10.

100 % compatible with you. That's, it's my party, and I'll cry. It's not your party. Shut up.

You can cry if you want to, but I'll tell you to get your clothes and get out. Alright, move on. We've raided people, which is the wrong thing to do on every level. We're gonna see how you did and how I did.

Now I don't know what your answers are. You don't know what my answers are, right? OK, so first, uh, the crowd showed up because we are not shallow. We are gonna rate them on.

Attractiveness. How did they do? How did they show up? How did you show up first?

Uh, and then I'll tell you how I think they showed up, and then we'll talk about how I showed up. I gave myself a 7 because I felt like I could have done better. There was a lot of times I was sweaty because I was hustling, and it wasn't my favorite, but I gave them a 9 because I felt like from even the plane, some of these people when we were. Greeting them, it was like they still look fucking good, and they brought their A game.

They really did. Interesting. I gave them a 1, and they were a 0. I brought them up 10.

0, you averaged it. That's good. No, I, I thought they were good looking. I really thought they were very attractive.

I gave myself a 1, but I didn't want to rate them. I wanted to see what you rated them. You rated them a 9 because no one could be a 10. No one's ever a 10 except for you.

You're the only 2. 10, I think you showed up at 10. You always look at 10. That's very, very sweet of you.

I would just give them a 9, yeah, because there's like a level of effort and excitedness and like no one was schlubby. No one was like acted like they didn't care. It wasn't like, uh, a lot, a lot of people showed up and just gonna wear my, what do you call those dresses for guys, wrap, uh, yeah, a wrap. That's just, you just gave up, yeah, which I'm not saying I won't get there eventually.

I got home and I started shifting through the, the photos and stuff. Holy hell, I, I look bad. I look bad. Don't say a.

Don't say a because it's not so much how I look that it is a revelation that I'd once had before. It just got worse. What I realized is if you look at me head on, I look like a normal average human being, right? Every time you move 90 degrees.

My attractiveness goes down by at least 33%. So once you move to a profile, I'm like, who? Do another 90 degrees behind me. I just went to a 1.

Easy. There's nothing redeeming behind me. Nothing. You start with a bald head, right, and then you, you come down and there's nothing really there.

As soon as we get to back, we get to back fat, right? So my back fat is bigger than my ass, which I don't think is supposed to be that way. No legs, and I have these tiny little itty bitty calves, and I saw myself from behind and thought, dear God, what happened? And I have a theory.

I don't know if I told you this, but I used to be on television. Yeah, so sometimes you used to go into these interviews. You'd walk into the interview. You'd meet the person that you always saw on TV, right, yeah, yeah, right, and you realized very quickly, oh God, from the waist down this person falls to shit.

Now I don't know how they got their bodies that way. If it was psychosomatic or something that their brains were like, Hey man, this is your living. Don't fuck shit up above the belly button. Yeah, waist down doesn't matter.

I don't know if they have mirrors that. Stop at their belly buttons at their house. I don't know how it works. You would see them and you'd be like, Oh, that's a different person from the belly button down than I thought.

So I think maybe the same thing happened to my body. I look in the mirror, uh, my body says, Keep that shit together, you know what I mean, or you're not gonna have sex with anybody, but forgot that there's a whole back part of me that walks away from people. And I thought, how many people have seen this? Well, maybe just put myself up against a wall, and that's how you fuck going forward.

Like maybe. That's your new thing, yeah, like a geisha girl. I just walk out of every room bowing and facing forward, and then you're up against a wall and people can come fuck you up against a wall. You know what I almost did for you on one of those nights where you were going to wear underwear like Black Night.

I almost bought you these underwear that have the butt implant because you keep saying like if you have more butt it would distract. That's great in a world where you have a wife or a husband. Like if I wanted to go out and shove a dildo in my pants and I was. At a restaurant and I was like, I want everybody to think that I have a gigantic cock.

This is gonna be fun in a vanilla marriage. No one's ever gonna find out. They're not. Then it's just fun.

It's your little joke. In our world, that's severe false advertising. Where did that ass go? Like, no baby, there's this problem I have with push-up bras.

Well, I had with push-up bras. Now I know, uh, it's a push-up bra. You something like we're 15. 0 yeah, I mean, in my head I'm still, I am still 15.

I still think like that. Push up bra. Like no one even uses that term anymore. Oh well, I do.

I, oh, it's a push up bra. I mean, I guess they do, but like, right, I still can't believe that women get horny. A woman expressing sex to me is so is still a little taboo. Like, oh, you're not supposed to like sex.

You're a girl. Yeah, my brain still, uh, still goes there. Second one, this is a good one. Sleep to party ratio.

How do you feel that they did as a group sleep to party ratio? Did they sleep enough? Did they not sleep enough? Did they party enough?

Did they not party enough? How do you think you did? I was an almost perfect on this one, Richard. Um, I was a 9.8 on this, on this.

Work to party scale because I was either working or partying and not sleeping. How do you think they did? Uh, they were right in the middle. I felt like they could have stayed up a little longer.

So did I. I gave them a 4. Yeah, I feel like you guys could have partied more. Yeah, they're like the pent, the penthouse was empty a couple of times.

I'm like, that's because y'all gave up. Yeah, quit it. I just. I should not be the last person going to bed.

I've been up since 6 a.m. That's exactly right. Alright, so, but I gave myself a 1 because if it was just only I gave myself a 1 because if it was my choice, I would have slept the entire 7 days. As far as sexing, overall sexing that was happening at the party, what did you give yourself?

What did you give the group? I failed miserably, but I still gave myself a 1.5, a 1.5. Just because I groped and got groped by a lot of people. I mean, you, you got more than me, yeah, I did a lot of kissing.

Our assistant Gim executive Gim had more sex than we did. She did, which is absolutely unacceptable. All of our roomies had sex. We sleep to white noise, this constant.

It's the sound of a jet plane is actually the soundplane. Yeah, I can get everybody to the track if they wanna know. I'll put it on the website. Put it on Patreon if you wanna know.

My white noise is going. It's like 3 o'clock in the morning and I'm lying in bed with you. I'm dead asleep. The white noise turns to, 00 yeah.

Oh fuck yeah. What am I? I'm just sleeping, coming, yeah, coming through the speaker. What the hell?

What is happening? And it goes connected to April's iPad. I'm like, what is happening in April's room? They're next door to us because we're with our assistant and, uh, naughtyjib.

Oh my God, am I live listening to them have sex. How is that happening? Turn it off. Are they broadcasting?

I don't know what's happening. And I was trying to turn the, the thing off. It turns out, uh, no, she was just watching porn at 3 o'clock in the morning and hooked up to our Bluetooth. Oh my God.

Uh, I gave myself a 0. I gave the group a 9. You're hard on yourself, Richard. Well, I, yeah, they did pretty good.

I think they were. Horny and did a lot of stuff. I really did because I was hearing hookup stories which made me really happy because I was like, oh, everybody's fucking. This is great.

This is a good sign. Keep, keep fucking. I never imagined this group to be as hoary as they were. Every time I'd hear somebody that played or a play story, oh fuck.

Yeah, I missed it. I know I missed everything. We, we really did want to do more. I lived on Adderall.

I had to time my Adderall at a perfect time to be able to stay up for the rest of the night and then, you know, heroin to go back down. It's just the usual. People get it. They understand.

I lost 27 pounds. Um, so I had so many things planned. I had so many sexual things planned for that party that did not happen. I had myself, I was gonna be bent up like a pretzel doing sexual stuff.

What do you call those people that twist and turn? A contortion, a contortionist. I was gonna be jerking off by the pool. I was gonna get head from everyone.

I was gonna do so much stuff. None of it happened. I gotta do it again because, and then I gotta get somebody to do other stuff so that I can go do that stuff. You can sit by the pool.

At one point we went to a. Private island, right? And this is when you go to a private island, it like in any country, there are no laws. It's anarchy.

It is a banana republic. So you are faced with a responsibility here. A lot of things could happen. It could go Lord of the Flies really quickly, really quickly, and there's no cell service.

Kill piggy. Kill piggy. It's very scary. Slit his throat.

Kill him dead. What was that? I can't remember. I don't remember.

Read, I've read the Cliff Notes a long time ago. How would you say they did? How was their behavior on Prickly Pear? How do you feel?

How do you feel your behavior was? I was a 4 because I didn't eat enough that day and I did a shot and I got really hammered. Yeah, I think you're more of a 2, but go on. And so I gave myself a 4 and then I gave them a 10 because everyone was really working together as a group and taking photos of each other.

So everyone could get these sunset photos and I was like, look at that teamwork. I really enjoyed that. I gave them a 6 because at some point someone allowed you to urinate on them and I got a 0 because I wasn't there. So big loser for me.

It was one of the things I was really looking forward to because it was during sunset. The view of sunset from that island is spectacular. I bet it was. I mean, I'm sure it was.

I'm sure it was, it was amazing. He saw some photos, yeah, I saw some photos. Vulcan grip, so everybody remembers back in episode blah blah blah, she squeezed the condom off of my penis and swallowed it with her vagina. After I was finished, she just swallowed.

I was like, Where's my, where's my condom? It was nowhere. And then I started flop sweating and I'm like, Can you check inside of your vagina? So it was her.

Husband and he was like, pee on my leg. I'm like, are you out of your mind? Get away. Like stop this now.

This needs to stop. And so he drags me in the ocean. This is not how he tells the story, by the way. I don't know what he told you.

And then he straddles me on his leg and makes me pee on it. That's not how he tells the story. You forced to pee on him. Yeah, that's what he said.

Yeah, he's pretty eyes and they look really good with eyeliner, so I, I believe him. How would you feel overall with the group? Was there an appropriate amount of inappropriate touching? So there's, there's inappropriate touching, but there's an appropriate amount of inappropriate touching.

But how would you say as a group they handled themselves as far as the, the groping and stuff? They were right in the middle. I think everyone played this one safe. I gave them a 5.

I gave them an 8. You thought they were gropey in an appropriate way, in an appropriate, yeah, you liked it. Like, I thought they were, they were pretty good. Not, not too rapey.

No, I just think they could have been a little bit more. That's why I gave them a 5. How are you? Well, I gave myself a 2 because I had a low tolerance for this one slither of it, one part of the, one part of it.

I gave myself a 2. I felt like I could have groped more. Yes, I always feel like I could grope more. I always tell you you should grope more too.

I know. I try. I really do. It's not your normal.

I'm a touchy feely person, so I'm like, there's a. A couple that we had known for a really, really long time. I adore them as a couple, and they said if we ever do anything in the lifestyle, we'll have, uh, Lauren blow me, which, by the way, thank you very much. No, she said that she wanted to do you.

Oh, me? No, no, that's not what I was saying. That's, it seems like a weird thing to say. I'll allow you to scratch my back, you know what I mean?

Like if we decide, I will let you blow me, but that was like, OK, because you were always fascinated with his penis. You came. Over to me in the middle, in the middle of the night we're all by the, the drift bar, which is this other pool that's really beautiful at night. It sits right by the ocean, and the wind's blowing.

I mean, it literally does not get more tropical than this. You're, you're, you're by the beach. You're at a bar that's on the beach by a pool with the tropical winds just blowing. It's just, it screams, let's all have sex, right?

The pool is super warm, the music going, and you're like, hey, uh, he, uh, he said he's, he's ready. They said they're ready. She's like waving. Me in the pool and she's like, I think now's the time.

And I'm like, like now, now, and she's like, right now. And so OK, you came over to me. I'm like, action. Hey, I got to go tell Richard and you came over.

You told me. I'm like, have fun. Then you must go. You have been called to service.

How did that go? It went really well. Once that moment hits where you're like, OK, where do I sit? And I'm like, sit here on this thing, lean back.

She got his thing out. You could say. Cock. She got his cock out, right?

Did she do it with you? Yeah, I made her for part of it because I wanted her to be able to see, but I also wanted her to feel close to me and feel like she could trust me and stuff. So did it feel as big in your mouth as it looks on his body? So big.

Oh my God, it's girthy. Oh man. But it's just like that's what you love. No, yeah, that's what you love.

You make me love girthy. That's what you love. You love girthy penises, which is the exact opposite of me. I'm getting you a t-shirt that says I love girth.

I'm happy that him and his giant penis were in your mouth and he has a giant penis and I don't. Speaking of giant penises, I bring up our other friend, uh, one of the sweetest, most generous couples we've ever met, extremely successful, extremely humble at the same time. They actually brought so much free stuff for us to just give everyone. It was amazing.

It was amazing. They made these key key chains for everyone that said room 77. We hid key chains everywhere. I said if you find a key chain, bring it back and we'll give you a hat.

But this guy who's the really generous couple, so his penis is so large that there was one of the nights that we did the theme zero fucksgiving, which is basically it looks like a rave, really. Like I was in a tutu that lit up false eyelashes, which you're welcome, everyone. It was gonna be a staple, yeah, and these big red wings. Uh, I don't know if I'm gonna do the, the falsies again.

I may go with the guy liner. Kind of like that, uh, because some of the guys wore eyeliner, and I didn't really know that was a thing until they said it to me. In fact, they were like, Richard, because you wore false eyelashes, I went back to the room and I put on my eyeliner, and I'm like, Good for you. It looks great.

There was someone who looked really good in it. I was like, it kind of made me upset. I was like, Your smoky eye looks better than my smoky eye. Well, speaking of you upsetting people with eye stories, I'm in the bathroom.

You're getting ready. I'm like, Where are my falsies? Where are my falsies? And you're like, Here, and you hand them to me.

Well, what do you want me to do with these? You're like, Well, put them on. I'm not, I'm not any good at putting those things on. Well, I've never done this before, ever.

Why are you leaving me hanging? I was like, How do you do it? You're like, you just stick it to your eye. Thanks for the help.

They have glue, but they didn't have any glue in this package, and this one did not have any. So you're like, take them on. So Richard looks like a drunk tranny for the rest of the night. You said you had one that was a little cockeyed.

Listen, I, I think everybody got the point. But anyway, so that night our friend, well, they dressed everything 1980s, like everything that was ever made in the 1980s, they put on roller derby, winning everything, yeah, like sweatbands. It was actually 1970s, I think, and like short gym pants and you remember those short shorts that they wore in like the 1970s, right? Like jazzercise shorts, yeah, yeah, yeah.

His cock was coming out of the bottom of those shorts. Naturally, where was Lauren's hand, like 90% of the up his skirt constantly feeling his penis. So you say like you don't like girthy big cocks, but your hand can't stay away from it. Listen, if it was a small cock and it hung out his shorts, I'd probably play with it too.

I just, it was the whole point of it hanging out was like, that's what I loved that. That's what I want my life to be. Look, I always want my cock hanging out of something. Yeah, we laughed about it when you cut the lining out of your swim shorts one day.

We were in the truck and you're like, my cock's hanging out my pants. I kind of like it. Yeah, I did, but still in that position, I still got to hike them up. Like it's not just like standing there.

It just falls out the bottom. He is, he is in standing position and the tip of it is like, hello, hello. Dance with me. Yeah, so you couldn't get your hands off that theme nights.

How do you think they did? Did they bring their game? How do you think they did during theme nights? Uh, how do you think you did first of all, I gave myself a 10.

I, I think I can rate myself a 10, um, mostly because my girlfriend did my costumes for me, and you look great. They were spectacular. So 10 for her basically, and I thought the group did pretty good. I gave them.

An 8 because I felt like they really tried to I think them of new stuff. I gave them a 9. I thought, I thought I saw more people participating than normal. Here's the thing that everybody should know.

If it wasn't my party, I probably wouldn't have been participating. I had to participate because my name was on the banner, so I had to. Anytime I walked in, I got a tutu on and wings, and I see the guy in jeans and a t-shirt, and I'm like, I feel you, bro. So I understood that honestly mine's cooler though.

I understood that part of it. Like I get it. I'm just like, I don't wanna try. I just wanna get drunk and feel someone's ass.

So I, I, I, I felt that, but I felt like a lot of the people who wouldn't normally do it did it. I'm gonna try to encourage some of those who didn't do it to try it next time. I know who you are. I saw you.

Yeah, it's funny. So we did the workshop there, OK. This is a very important part for us because it is a pass fail or you're not allowed back at the workshop. That's how it works.

So, but we hadn't done the workshop in over 1 year live actually. So rather than rate us right out of the gate, the woman day we went and we were stopping by at the 2nd round. We go around the room, the 2nd time we're going around a room and because we know them, we're like, OK, we have to start because we're running late and then we'll go over and do the massage for them when we've technically already started the yoni. Yeah, so sometimes when we get.

Late going through the massage part when we're running out of time and it's getting a little bit too long, we, we make it all the way up to the steps where we are working on the actual yoni or the actual vagina, which I usually just do on you because we tell them we're not gonna touch your private parts stay relaxed. So sometimes we're running out of time we have to start the instructions early, but we still have two people left to massage. We will choose who those. Last two people are because we are getting closer to their genitalia and you don't want to do that to a complete stranger.

There's a couple that are not in the lifestyle. I think it was the step of like go play with the outer lips of go do it to her. Godspeed, and I didn't even go with you. You did it.

So I went over and he moved from her side to above her head. So then I was there. Sitting and I just had to pick and all positions were open. He just watched well, and he was rubbing like her breast.

He's such a pervert. I know. And so I was like, well, I'm not, you know, I'm going to kind of go with the eyes and just went right in and I, and I got to do her lips with just my fingers and we had just had a conversation in the pool about how women touch differently. And so they do.

Oh my gosh. Is that the first time you think she was touched by a woman? No, they did it in the, uh, at the villa party with B. That's what the conversation was.

Yeah, there's like, I didn't realize that. Wait, while B was in her monogamous relationship. Wait, hold on, hold on, I'm in a monogamous relationship, but only, but I'm only monogamous when I'm not attracted to the couple. But it's not if I touch a woman, woman, it's OK.

No. I'm in a monogamous relationship. I'm not going to stick my finger in my vagina and lick it because that's not technically doing anything. I'm not cheating, Richard.

Why did you make me do that? Do what? I didn't make you do anything. Why are you blaming it on me?

Because I can't because now I feel guilty and I don't want to face my choice and I have to go. I have to go call my. I feel guilty because I just cheated on him and it's your fault. I hate you.

OK, you're a mess. Fix your face. Just fucking go pass out. Go away.

Go to Amsterdam. Too much. See you in the morning. No, so, so anyway, I did that.

It was, I went right into their energy. Their energy is so fucking sexual that they are just like, they don't stop fucking. Like they fucking all, all around the resort like. And so then I walk away.

They watching fucking too, by the way, because he looks like a, a silverback ape and she looks like a tiny little princess and watching them fuck is really, really fun that I caught them in one of the videos leaning against a wall like in this makeup session. I'm like, oh my God, like all over each other like 22 teenagers, yeah, and the gym bleachers, stop it. I go over to the bed. I'm like, you know, I just, I used your body language.

You moved and he's like, yeah, it's all open. You went in there, go team. Let's just rate these assholes. They came.

They got a gift that is the art of touch, both the Yoni and the Lingham version, and a free bottle of oil and a free bottle of oil. We didn't practice that much. How do you think? How do you think they did?

How do you think they handled it? I gave it an 8. I gave them an 8 as a group. I don't disagree with your 7, and here's the difference, I think.

A desire, it starts to get really fucking boring. There may have been some FOMO going on in our. Particular party because I think a desire you can tend to get bored at that time and it's just sort of gets Groundhog Day-ish and at our party everything was kind of fresh and new so I think maybe I, I hope people didn't take it because they felt obligated, but maybe there are some that felt obligated to take it. There were people who tried to give us tips.

We would not accept tips. If I could go back, I would change that. We're so bad at business though. We came here with $1400 worth of hats and we sold all of them except 8.

And I said, do a spreadsheet and see how much we made. And you added everything up and you went negative $90. Like how the hell did that happen? That's how much we suck.

So I don't even know how that happened. That is Richard and Lauren. That's why we have the gimp, our assistant, gimp. But yeah, what did you give yourself?

I gave myself an 8. You did, yes, because I felt like I missed it. So much that I brought every ounce of energy that I could possibly give to these people, opened my heart, and you did lose your voice, so you get points off for that. I personally, I gave myself a 10.

0 my God, I'm gonna tell you why, nailed it. Nailed it. No rehearsals. Hit my mark.

Said my lines. One take, done. Bam. My cock was hard.

I was rubbing it on people, violating them in the ways that it should be done, right, except the speaker failed. Not my fault. That's our gimp's problem. She didn't charge the speaker, uh, but there was, uh, a beautiful moment, you know, at the end we were, it was either the last day or it was the 2nd to last day.

It seemed like everybody was around the pool. It just seemed like everybody was so chill and so relaxed and talking and having a good time, and I grabbed you and I said, Come here, and we went to the center of the pool all by ourselves, and someone actually tried to, they're like, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, you're like, I just need her for a minute. I need her alone for one minute, just one minute, and I pulled you to the center of the pool, pool, and we just hugged and I said, look around, look at all the happiness. That was a powerful moment for me that and we spent another two days there after everyone left because it was our anniversary and we had dinner.

It was a really meaningful anniversary for me because I explained to you that night we're in a very romantic setting, right? So here we are at this restaurant by the beach unplanned. It really had nothing to do with our anniversary. We just happened to be there because of hard work and a passion.

and we wanted to bring all of these people together and do something really cool. It was a really great place to be on your anniversary because the party was a success. Everything sort of ended and there we were just by ourselves eating dinner. We hadn't had a moment to reflect on it at all really during the week.

We had like two moments, one on the dance floor and one in the pool, and then, you know, eating that dinner together. It was just like the silence and it was, I mean, I. I always believed in us and like, I believe in you and and what you see. I don't see it.

I just see. The ability to make people happy right now, like when people are in front of me or they're in the workshops, and they're like, they're happier and making an impact. I can see that. And it's very, very powerful.

And I, I love that. So I know you see it in the future. I never saw it being like that. So for me, it was super overwhelming because I just never anticipated it to be that big.

So there's a lot of bullshit in this world, and I think people just want to have fun. And they wanna be, they wanna be real and they don't wanna take everything too seriously. This is supposed to be fun, fun for everybody, and, and that's something that I saw in us early on that I didn't really see out there as much, which is, uh, hey, we're all broken, all of us, none of us are porn stars. Let's all get over it, have a good time together, go lick each other like, but I, I am, I am proud of us.

I hope there's more, I hope more people join us and are able to experience sort of. That that love. I know you do miss it because you miss doing the workshop at desire. It is something that they took away from you that really helped you get through days because you really enjoyed making people feel good and I know that you missed that and I'm happy that we got to do it there.

It was amazing to do it there. It really was. I forgot how much I enjoyed doing it. I really did, and I hope we get to do it more places, but it's just a point of logistics.

But we are doing it online, which is sort of 25% of the, the actual thing. But I'm happy that your voice is back, uh, in the next interview that we do at the, at the takeover. I had to get Coach April from Naughty Gym to jump in and take a spot because, and losing your laugh is really hard because your laugh lightens my day every day. The world sounds silent about it.

I know. So it was, it was a big loss for, for everyone, but most importantly you, but most importantly me, yeah, I'm sorry I have to edit all this, but the people love you for it, so keep doing it. They say don't quit, Richard. Richard's gonna quit.

Now Richard can't do this shit anymore. Richard needs someone else. Richard needs an editor. No, I'm gonna, I'm gonna buy into that, uh, swinger trailer park, I think.

I'm gonna do that. Bring your house. Bring your house. Share your spouse.

Share your spouse. Yeah, so good. It's catchy. It is.

It's a little hickish, but it's catchy. All right, Lauren, I'll speak to you in August. Love you. We do it on Alright, so now has come the time to thank the actual patreons, the new patreons who became patreons within the last 30 days.

Yeah, they're part of our family now, and they get free access to the Telegram group where everybody shows their genitals and talks and shares private events and tax advice. I don't think there's much tax advice going on in there. Join up and you get all that and some bonus material, and last month I was particularly addicted to T-Paint. And T-Pain uses a lot of auto-tune.

Somebody on, on the, in the Telegram group was talking to us and, uh, said, you know, you should have did all of the, uh, Patreon's auto-tuned. I said that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, which is exactly why we're gonna do it next month. So we're gonna thank the Patreons by, uh, giving you a thank you in the style of T-Pain, in the style of T-Pain bartender. Kyle, crushes the Summers, Chase, David Jay, Kendrick Car, Pamela, Brittany, and Sports checking Charlie.

Texas. Tiffany cheeks. 123. Mrs.

They say. Gillette, Girl Kevin. Lastly, Drew Steven, Bill, Mr. Rabbit.

To Tasha We do it on. Here we are at Sexploration 2021. I have some really sad news, and that sad news is my partner in crime, Lauren, has once again lost her voice. Say, say hi, Lauren.

Hi everybody. Oh my God, I know it's so bad. I can't stop talking though, so it just keeps getting worse and worse. A little too much screaming, a little too many.

I know. So we have brought in our very special yes girl to co-host with me during this because we're here and we can't wait. These people that are here are not gonna follow us home unless you are. I was planning on it.

Is that OK? No, that's fine as long as you buy your own ticket and don't bring extra baggage for you. Oh my God, amazing. Where are we right now?

We are in Antigua. We are in Antigua at Sexploration. This has been the most. Amazing trip.

Alright, in all honesty, you did our villa party, and you said this is the most amazing. It just gets better and better, but I just feel like at any event you go to, that's just what you tell people. Uh, oh, it's true. Your events, your events get better and better.

Can you tell everybody how hot it is in this little room cabana that we're in? Fucking sauna in here. It's a sauna, which is good. We're sweating out all of the alcohol, all the bad choices for tonight.

We're detoxing and podcasting. You'll hear a fan in the background, maybe some music in the background, but that we are not on the beach or anything. We just have a fan in here because it's 140. Alright, if I could describe these two, he is a very tall, handsome, wonderfully tanned, tatted up human being.

Tell me if you agree with him. The nicest guy in the world. Oh, absolutely, right, very good looking. He looks like a bad boy.

Yeah, easily, easily could have you killed him. And next to him, the This is, is, I think there's only 2 here, 2 hot redheads here. She is long and slender and absolutely beautiful. She is turning a shade of red, more red than I already am from all the sun.

But how have you enjoyed the trip so far? Oh my God, we're having the best time ever, like by far. Oh my God, so good. Did you expect it to be this beautiful?

I think I did. Why? Because you believe, you believe everything I say. I do.

I do believe everything you say. You said it was going to be beautiful and wonderful, and did it go beyond your expectations? Absolutely beyond our expectations because I feel like you guys kind of lowered the bar a little bit. You were like, of course we did, you know, it's not Mexico.

It's exceeded our expectations. The staff here is wonderful. The facility here is wonderful. Your class was wonderful.

It was our first time ever taking your workshop, and by far that just put us on cloud nine. I'm really happy you took it. I mean, I enjoyed rubbing up all over both of you. So do we.

One of the things that I want to tell everybody about you two is, uh, you have. Not had an experience. Well, you haven't had a positive experience in the lifestyle. We haven't.

We kind of took baby steps into this. Our first trip was to desire, Mexico through you guys because we found the podcast, your podcast first, that allowed us to kind of learn a lot about the lifestyle and feel comfortable about it. And of course you guys made us crack up constantly, and we loved you. Have you had sex with April yet?

No, not yet. There's 2 days left. There's 2 days left. All right, give the microphone to.

To your friend there, how do you like it here? Have you felt the experience has been here? I love it here, man. The weather's great.

The people are great. Just the whole resort is amazing. The water is beautiful. I mean, the women are beautiful and the vibe is beautiful.

I really like the vibe. The people that follow us, I just feel like they have a very specific vibe to them, which is just sort of laid back and comfortable and people aren't really no cliquey here at all. Speaking of clicks, which rhymes with dicks. Your dick, you wore these really short running shorts last night and everybody was super, super impressed with your outfit.

The outfit was impressive. It really was. But what was most impressive was that your dick was hanging out of the bottom of your shorts, which every guy is jealous of. It's like, motherfucker.

Lauren kept tugging on it last night every time I turned around. I mean, I, I would love for you to. Be like that, but I couldn't stop. Oh, thank you.

Thanks a lot. I'll just get really tiny shorts. How about that? Alright, give the phone back.

You're so fired. This is why you're fired. Everybody here loves your massive penis. Oh God, I don't want you to go into detail cause I'll get really bored.

What was not great about the experience, the other two that you had? Uh, well, the first one was, uh, we hooked up with this couple for dinner. Yeah, no, well, we met them. On the computer, decided to go to dinner with them, met up with them, and then all of a sudden we were heading back to a hotel room.

Once we got to the hotel room, we started playing this lame card game that I will never touch again, kind of pushed us in a direction to start going with the other couple, and, uh, he went off with the guy. I went off with the girl, and my brain went into shutdown. So you just shut down, which is completely normal, and we talk about this all the time. We've had that issue as well, yeah.

It's a lot of pressure for a guy, especially when you've been with someone for as long as you two have been together. Even for people who have not been together, I think it is a constant issue with performance anxiety. You experience this, right? Not you, but I don't get performance.

No, no, no, no. There's a lot of emotions that go into it. And for men, especially women can just do it whenever, put a little lube on, you're good. But men, I think, are under a lot more pressure.

To perform and if they're not comfortable that can make things not work. It is a lot and the advice I gave you was be as selfish as possible. I mean, you really have to get into a mindset of masturbation like you people are here for me to masturbate. That helps.

It takes the performance part out of it that you don't have to perform. What's helped me cope with having any kind of ED is knowing regardless, I'm going to disappoint you. So whether I'm hard or whether I don't get hard, you're still gonna be disappointed horrible, and that took a lot of pressure off for me. So I want you to remember that that's good advice, solid.

You should just lead with that next time just so you know this is gonna be horrible again, lowering expectations. Has your man ever had any of the ED? Our first full swap, he self-analyzed for days. like, Oh, what should I do?

And then it was a mission because he's competitive. He's like, this is never gonna fucking happen again. I had offered to you guys, why don't you just use us so that we can give you a good experience? You have not taken us up on that as of yet, and I don't know why.

I feel like it's because you're not attracted to Lauren. No, we just thought you guys would show up in our bed in the middle of the night. What the fuck? It's a butler service.

Uh, maybe we'll try that tonight. Tell me what room you're in, and I'll get a key made. Yeah, I just wanna stand over you and say, get hard now. I think that would, that wouldn't be stressful at all.

So what are you looking for in your next hookup? Like what, what do you have in your mind is the perfect sort of hookup? So I feel like, honestly, the first time I was the one that he was having to nudge, he was always the more. Sexual one, always trying to get me to get outside of my comfort zone, right?

And I feel like with that first play session we had, all of a sudden I fell into like, oh my God, it's the best thing in the world. I didn't even know I could do this. This is fantastic. I kissed a girl for the first time.

I sucked her titties for the first time. I had another couple giving me oral sex for the first time. So I was like, just in this euphoric state, not realizing, oh my God, he was having trouble. Once I realized it, it.

It was like I couldn't believe it because this is the guy who has a heart on 24/7 sex drive of a 16-year-old. As many podcasts as we listened to, we knew it happened, but I never thought in a million years it would happen to us. The brain is a very, very powerful, powerful. So then after that, what it sort of flip-flopped, and he's like, I don't know if I want to get into that situation again.

Well, I think it just put a lot of pressure on him, and you're like, honey, I'm like, this is kind of fun. Well, I feel like the next day was actually super emotional for us. Once I realized it, I did kind of go to him and we had a really great connection together there while the other couple finished. And the next day it was like, I mean, the way he described it, he really felt like I had his back and oh my God, I love you so much.

He didn't think he could love me more, and it was emotional, but fun. At the same time, we realized that I think we went into it too quick, way too quick. And you have to learn as Not really something you sort of teach somebody it's like how to stay connected when that's happening to you, you feel all alone and you're like, honey, I'm all by myself now and you're my partner, you're my best friend, and I feel abandoned a little bit and then resentment kicks in if it gets too bad. I'm not saying for you.

I'm talking about someone as shallow as me. That's when resentment can set in and you say something like, Lauren, you selfish bitch or You have 2 days left. Have you eyed anybody here that you'd like to get down and dirty with besides the two of you? Well, we're a given.

We're easy. That's just first on the list. You're too damn busy, the both of you. Who would you know?

Who can we hook up? Can we get them a good experience, like laid back experience, you know what I mean? Maybe, maybe we should all, we're like the charity case now. I mean, that's not a problem though, right?

Somebody started visiting this morning. Oh no, I mean, don't make me cry. I mean, there are other things. Yeah, it's anal.

That's the other thing, anal only, yeah, but that was the 2nd time. You give him a microphone. Stop being so selfish. Fuck God damn it, you are selfish.

Give him that microphone. Yeah, we dumped a bad story. On me, we gotta, I gotta share. All we have to do is get you hard in a group setting, and you will have confidence for the next time because then you'll be like, I can do this, and then you're gonna remember the last time you're gonna have a visual picture, picture of it in your head.

I know that it is possible. Well, was that your first experience before her? I was having sex. I was, yeah.

I don't mean, were you a virgin, your, your first lifestyle experience, so that was a bad one. Have you had another one since then? We actually met up with the same couple, and they also listen. So hopefully, I mean, they might pick up on this.

Hi guys. Hi, cool couple, really cool understanding couple. No, nothing against them. I mean it's not, it's not your fault.

That you failed, but, but that was, that was a big worry. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Like it wasn't her. I literally had not an ounce of sex running through my brain.

It was blank. My dick said, fuck you. I'm not gonna do shit for you. And then there's, and then sometimes going back a second time you go back for like redemption, and then it makes it even worse.

That's what I did. Again, Aunt Flo had started. Is that all you do? What is your cycle, like every 2 days?

Yeah, yeah. Go hide baby. Come on, it's natural. It's natural.

So we hooked up with them again, made a date. We wanted to start together, try together first, and then move on to either soft swap or parallel something to figure it out then, uh, so she used one of those diva cups, we tried it out. The night before, I mean, I was drilling oil the night before just trying it out to see if I could pop the seal on that cup. It didn't pop.

Nothing worked. Everything was good. It was sealed up. Uh, so we met up for dinner and, uh, we ended up going back to the hotel room cause I was gonna redeem myself.

I was determined that my shit was gonna work and it was gonna go. We started off. Together and then I bent Fiona over the bed and I started fucking pounding her pretty good and I went to go lay her down. As she laid down from doggy, she flipped her leg and some air came out and it was like Mount Vesuvius.

I'm not to be too graphic, but it blew blood on the sheets on her leg like a massacre. They didn't know. I know. Good thing you ate right before.

Hold on. Stop, stop, stop. So let me get this straight. There's 2 people that are involved in this, yeah, but they were not next to us.

She was on top of riding him, so they were, their backs were basically, he was, well, he couldn't see us and her back was to us. So I jumped up, ran to the bathroom, grabbed a towel. You're hemorrhaging at this point. Yeah, I had a pretty, pretty tra.

I don't know. Girls out there will understand this, that certain positions. I, when we were at the side of the bed, I was like head in the bed. He was.

Fucking me from behind. When you're doing that, like a lot of air builds up inside of the girls, right? And that air's got to come out, right? So when he flipped me around, I don't know what he did, but he put that cup out of place, and when that air came out, it created a blood cannon.

It was, I call, I call it a volcano. It was a volcano. It was, I couldn't in my mind, I mean, I'm seeing blood splattered against the wall, hit the wall, no. But there was beautiful white sheets and it looked like a murder scene, some drops on their faces.

And they were sweet as sweet could be, and she realized what happened, and he ran to the bathroom to get a towel yelled at him and she made him turn around and not look, and I was like, we are the worst fucking swingers. Fuck this. Like it is not for us. Like what are we doing?

I hate, I, I was like, I hate my life. Like literally I hate my life. And, and did y'all finish after that or was that kind of the end of the night? I, I came out and she was like in yoga clothes and I.

I was like, oh, I guess they're leaving. Actually, he fucked me in the hotel room after they left because he doesn't care at the crime scene. He doesn't care, but he was sweet and he gave me a hug. Like he hugged me, the guy, and was like, Don't worry, don't be embarrassed.

It's fine, because honestly, I think most guys don't care, care more about being on their period while you do. Well, you're shit out of luck the next two days. No, I am not bending you over in any situation for the next 2 days. No, it, I don't like blood in any, in any way, shape.

Now he doesn't care. He's like, Scott doesn't either. I don't care. I'm like, I know you don't care, but I, I won't tell you what Scott calls it.

It's pretty gross. Shark Week sex ketchup. Oh sex ketchup, my God, he's nasty. He is in such a good way, but he's really pretty, so he gets away with it.

If, if we can do anything for you, uh, before we leave that not this room, can we lay him down, get him relaxed, and get him hard? Yeah, honestly, I kind of think after those two experiences, it kind of made us like rethink, like what are we doing? What do we want out of this? And you know, him and I have like a great connection.

We've been married 22 years. We love sex. We love sex with each other. We know each other really well.

Uh, we're just kind of looking for something to kind of ramp up. Sex life a little, and I think we just went in a little too fast. And for him, I think, yeah, he just needs to relax a little. I kind of thought maybe we should look for a girl, like a unicorn to kind of come in and me and her do stuff with him, make him a little more relaxed.

My whole life, even with my job, I'm being judged on what I do. I think I bring a lot of that into the bedroom with me. So that's always on my mind. All right, maybe you could find a gal that is on the same cycle, so it will.

Just like you can hang out a lot. I mean they say that that happens after a while, right? Right? Yeah, you hang out enough, your cycles are gonna sync.

You line up your cycles and then you start the sexy time. But do you go down on her when she's, I've never had my red wings before. I'm dying to get that. Right, so that's, that's the line you draw.

Uh, I think I would do it. I, I would, I, I mean, I don't know how much when Lauren has her period, I don't even let her in the house. She goes through a cleansing period, 7 days, wears sackcloth. She sleeps outside.

I mean, I wanna try it at least once. Thank you for being here. I hope that, uh, we can change your life for the better, April. You think we can do this some way, somehow?

I think we could figure it out. Maybe tonight. Maybe tonight, uh, we do something really relaxing, non-invasive, uh, laid back, like right in the middle of the party tonight. Yeah.

I meant, yeah, put you in the middle of everybody. Hey, that's, that sounds good to me. I, I'm so happy to see you guys. Thank you for being here.

Thank you for doing this. Thank you and, uh, go back into the pool with all of those naked people and have another drink. Thank you guys so much. You're welcome, Lauren.

Try to say goodbye. Goodbye guys. We do it. Have you ever shot blood out of your vagina?

No, I haven't, but there's still time. I've heard they do it in Tijuana. I think you have to pay for it though. I think if that happened to me, I don't think I'd ever have sex again.

Yeah, you'd never leave that. Uh, lovely people. I'm so, so sad that it had to happen to them. I mean, God bless that it did happen to them because now our WhatsApp chat is full of great gifts.

All right, so, uh. Bikini addiction. Lauren, what are you addicted to this month? I'm addicted to having my ring back.

That's very sweet. My, my wedding ring. Well, it's actually my engagement ring. Did like I missed it so much.

We left it behind 4 years ago when we moved here, and now I'm we're reunited. So on the way to Antigua, we went and we picked it up out of my brother's safe, which actually wasn't in his safe, and I'm like, what the fuck, man? I told you to keep this. He's like, no, no, no, it's in Pop's basement where I had, where I had the cash.

I'm like, I don't even wanna. I don't even wanna know your life, dude. Perhaps a firearm. I'm, I don't just give me the ring.

I, by no surprise to anyone, am still addicted to my blinky lights that I use in the discotheca, which most people would would probably say, can you put the fucking lights down, please? I wanna add to my collection and I wanna go wireless. I, I, I need some pyrotechnics. Uh, if there are any lighting engineers out there who work cheap and would barter for sex, get in contact with us.

All right, tell them about Bikini Addiction. You actually, they've just launched. A new color. So go over to bikini Addiction.com, use our promo code room 77, and you will get 10% off and free shipping in the US.

Those new colors are really hot. It's just one new color. It's turquoise. I've had it for a long time, so it's not new to you, but like it's now like everyone can get it.

I saw a new color. I thought there were, I didn't know there was just one. Yeah, I, that disappoints me then. I mean, I, I'm still waiting for diction, the men's version of Bikini Addiction, uh, with a built-in.

He's working on it. You better work harder. Or if you want a free one, we will give you a free bikini with any 5 nights at any of these clothing optional hotels down here in the Riviera Maya. Go over to room 77 Life and check out Lauren's box.

Put some lube on your fingers and dig around and make sure to stay tuned for us going back to Antigua, right? Yeah, hopefully end of March, I mean end of Feb, March, somewhere around there. Yeah, well, I don't want to talk about it now. Sexploration encore.

Nope, still sucks. Alright, Lauren, I will, uh, I'll probably talk to you later on in the house, maybe walking around. I'll see you around then. I'll probably tell you I'm hungry or something.

Yeah, you usually do that. Alright, bye. Have a great life. Love you.

I love you. And that about does it for us. For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77.

We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.