Ep. 24: How To NOT Sip Champagne at Temptation | How To Use Virtual Porn at Desire Resorts

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Fed up with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we. Do what we love. Work, party, and play at the Desire resorts. After 16 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all.

We were so wrong, so wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day. So come to room 77.

Let's play. And we have started. What? I don't know.

I was gonna be like a at it. You are so Sharon Stone to me right now. I mean. That's, I wish our listener could just see what I'm seeing.

Don't cover yourself now. No, I don't want you looking. Sharon stoning the cropping up. It's like I freeze framed that that scene in the movie.

I don't know if I could stare at that this whole time. I was just gonna talk to your vagina. Hey, we've started. You too.

It's winking at me. Oh my God, what were those people doing at the palapa? They were sort of twerking, and then they, they, they were like, it's not twerking, it's called twinking. That has a whole different meaning in the gay world.

Do not walk around and say, hey, my husband and I are going twinking. That would get you into uh a different place. They were like, you're in the wrong neighborhood. Let me just tell our listener right now, I am still oily from the workshop at RM.

That's how I roll. I showered. You showered. I did not.

I'm still filled with oil and sex smell. There's nothing wrong with that. I've done it many a time. I just today I happened to shower because There was no, the soap dispenser wasn't working.

I usually go in the, the sink and literally wash my face and my hair. Soap dispenser never works for me. I don't know what it is. I thought it was just me, but apparently it's on the boys' side and the girls' side.

The soap is also thicker at RM if that's a reason that you wanna book and you're trying to compare the hotels, RM does seem to. Have thicker soap. I'm just pointing it out, and that's just in the public area. So how was your day today?

Today was good, but yesterday I had a funny story. I'm jumping back in time. Well, what did you want to talk about that was yesterday? So today we have the workshops, right, and we live in a very tiny town, yes, tiny, tiny with one printer.

We've had to print some things like some signs and Some, um, whatever for the workshop. I took this stuff to the printer the very first time and it's a husband and wife, and she was like, so my husband looked you up. No, this happened. Shut up.

Wait a minute. First of all, stop. Hold on. Describe these people to me.

I, I'm picturing like an old Mexican version of a mom and pop store. Mom and pop, they're just sweet and they're just sweet. They're the sweetest, right? So you get in there and she's like, Hi, it'll be 300 pesos.

My husband's seen your vagina. No, I don't think they looked it up, I guess. I think it was like the old Touch by LNR website. They haven't seen in 77.

0 God, no. Oh God. It's a whole different level. Anyway, they're like, so you do these workshops.

It's very great, you know, and all this is like in our Spanglish English because, you know, they don't really speak English and I don't really speak Spanish, but we were communicating. I think her husband was communicating for sure, right? And so they're like, wink wink. He was behind her masturbating.

So fast forwards and I go and I drop these things off and I haven't been back to pick them up because, you know, it's every time I need to go, they're closed. So I go to pick them up. She's leaving for lunch, and then the husband comes in and he's like. Mind you, I haven't seen him in like a month.

Well, it's hard to forget the hoary American. With the And he gives me a kiss and he's like, it's so good to see you. How have you been? Like all this insanity.

The town is small. There's only one hoary gringa. He also then he ends up WhatsApping me. He WhatsApped me and he did kiss you.

He sent me an eggplant when he sends you an eggplant. Time to find a new printer. Find a new printer. All right, so, uh, I forget where I was.

I was today that was yesterday. How is today? Uh, we've had a good group of people that have been going to the workshop last week when we were at RM. I think we had the perfect group.

Remember the day we were there and we said to each other, no one is coming today. This is the day that. No one comes and there was like two people that sort of filtered in. I don't know, we just had a little bit of a hard time talking to people by the pool.

People just weren't as sort of, and then every, it just got packed in a second. Beyond that they were just so wonderful. They're a wonderful group. So today when we were doing the workshop, and this has never happened to me before, but we're doing the, the female version.

Touching the people, do you remember the woman? She's a little bit older. She was very, very taken in a good way with the workshop. She was almost last to leave.

You gave her a really long hug. It looked like you guys were crying. Oh, she was awesome. Yeah, she was pretty amazing, right?

Well, when I finished rubbing her with you, you had gotten up and walked away. He grabbed my hand and held my hand. And just lip thank you. Oh no.

Now at first I thought when he was reaching, he was reaching for my penis. Uh, this older gentleman is about to feel my penis. That was my first thought. I didn't flinch.

I just wanna let you know. Yeah, you, well, you can't because then it just makes him feel awkward. But then he grabbed my hand. It was very, very sweet, but she was very moved think he was saying.

I don't know. Maybe that guy is the printer. I don't know. Honestly, if I had to cast them, I would cast those too.

They look like they could own a printing shop somewhere, but that was good. But the other thing that I wanna tell our, our listener is that we've been in a funk. I mean, and I think this is normal for people in just day to day. Oh, we've just been in a funk, a funk of funkiness.

In fact, uh, a week ago or two, you told me that the universe was spitting on us and gave me the exact day that it was gonna spit on us the most, and you're like, just brace today. And it was a crappy day too. It really did. You don't even believe in that.

I don't really, but it just the universe squatted down sort of how you're on that little stool right now and just pooped on us. It's been a bit difficult. The thing that always gets me through is the people. They're just an amazing group.

They really are. I mean, the people that come to the hotel, whether they use the affiliate link and book through us, or they're just people that are friends that came back. I mean, I like the affiliate people a little bit more. They're kind of extra special in your heart because they gave me something.

Something, I mean, it's gotta be honest. The friends gave you friendship. The friends gave you friendship and, and the people that booked through us, they gave us a little money. So I gotta like them a little bit more.

Not that the other people are worse. I just happen to like them a little bit more. So anyway, so the people, they're saving you. I mean they really are.

It's just like sometimes I sit back and these people are so. Amazing, not only to me and to us, to one another. There was a cardiologist that came in that had been texting me, told me to bring my result to the pool. He got out of the pool, went to the cubby areas in the jacuzzi, and talked to me about my echo.

We compared notes is what we didbelievable. I like to when I can teach my peers. It's just really, really sweet. I think that as a swinger slash lifestyle, whatever we are community, we should start our own country.

clothing line, a clothing line. That's what it came to. They're such wonderful people. I wanna make scarves.

They're gonna be huge. It will fall like. But we should do it. But I think the hardest days are when you are stressed or you're, you're, you're, you're in a bit of a funk or whatever.

I don't want to bring down anyone's horniness. Horniness, yeah, I would say horniness. Yeah, I don't want to bring them down. I wanna actually be up at their level.

Like I wake up with a raging heart on. I would just, if I could stay in that zone. All day long that would make me feel good, but in life it's like a wave, right? It goes up and down like you, you wake up, I'm hard as a rock, and I wanna have sex with literally any hole that I see.

And then throughout the day life throws a bunch of things at us, then you go through another thing and you're like, oh, that. But at the hotel. Everyone is horny all the time because they're, they're on vacation, right? What is your horniness level when you're there?

Well, I'm different because I feel like I'm easily swayed into it. If other people around me are really attracted to their spouse and they're just handsy with each other, then I, I'm like it brings me. Up, so even if that exact moment I'm not feeling it, I'm like, oh yeah, we just seem to run out of time. This is how I want to do it.

I want a little window open. Maybe it'll take place in that little center circle in the jacuzzi. Look, from 6 to 7, I'm just up there. You just sit there like a confessional.

I'm just up there. You want a piece of me, come and get it. I went confessional route. No, this is totally different.

I don't have enough time because we keep running out of time. By the time we get in the jacuzzi, people are like, Hey, I gotta get off to dinner. We're like, Hey, we gotta get off to bed because we have to do this again tomorrow and we're not on vacation. So I have like from 6 to 8 to just make something happen.

So this is what I'm gonna. I finish the workshop. I'm gonna go down to that little circle. I'm gonna lay down on that circle and just scream, Open, open.

Do you think that'll work? I don't know. Let's just see what happens. OK.

Open. Hello everyone. What if people come to you to order drinks? The wrong bar.

This is where you get cock. I drink served here. Next. Who's next?

Oh hello, sir. And the other thing too is like we don't drink during the day, not during the day, no. You're kind of on that level sometimes where you're like people are getting wasted around you and you're like, and by the way, one of the Things that still throws me off. I'm like, all right, got back from the gym, still kind of mourning, get in the pool, and here comes Karen.

Hey, what's up? I was just on my 7th margarita. I'm like, holy shit, Karen. It's fucking 11 a.m.

I forgot, you know, anywhere in the world, that's an issue. I'm at work. She's not. Yeah, can you imagine like in the office you're coming back.

I just picked up something off the printer and there's fucking Karen showed up hammered. Yeah, so I'm in that mindset of like work. Did I miss a conference meeting? Oh, Karen, your eyeliner all over.

Face, you vomit on your shirt. Come on, get your shit together. But it's not like that, you know what? We need to get away, and we're going into August, right, very, very soon, where we will be off the whole month.

I was like, I need to get away. This actual thought went through my head. Where can I go for couples that we can be naked. That was a legitimate thought went through my head.

That's amazing. No, where you work, that's where you can go. That's where you go. I mean, the truth is we cannot go back to the United States right now because our visas have been in renewal for 20 years, which is impossible because we've only been here for 2, but they're always in renewal, always.

You get them back and then you go, time to renew. That's how it works here. Maybe we'll just make our own compound. I don't think it has to sound so, so cultish.

Come for a weekend retreat at our compound. It has razor wire. All right, well, anyway, someone find us a place to go that's in the country, that's couples only, swinger-friendly clothing options. All right, I'm gonna go downstairs and watch Euphoria.

What are you gonna do? I'm gonna watch you watch Euphoria. No, I want you to watch it with me. I am gonna watch it with you.

Yeah, I only have fun if you watch it with me. What I don't want is the entire neighborhood to watch it with me, especially Euphoria, because if you've seen this show, it's nothing but tits, dicks, asses, fucking. Druck and I walked outside to take out trash and for the first time forever, looked right into our house. It looks like the TV is pointing at the outside.

It's like freeze framed on euphoria, someone's tits and everything. I'm like, oh my God. So we're gonna go down and watch it. We have to shut the blinds.

I hate to break. It to you, but the blinds still don't do it. You've seen through the blinds. Oh man, yeah, it's bad.

Isn't this weird though? Like where we work and everything, and I'm like, oh dear, if the neighbors see porn on our TV, I'm gonna be mortified. What are they gonna think of us? Well, the printer's looking at your snatch.

All right, Lauren, we couldn't be at the resort to interview anybody because we're on furlough. We did have a choice to storm the beaches like Normandy and go in and grab some and then go back out and leave by sea like Navy SEALs, but microphones and electronics in sea doesn't work very well. So, so we didn't want to run into any technical difficulties. Our plan wasn't coming together really well.

We did it with action figures and stuff. With a little GI Joe and a little boat and we planned it all out, but it just wasn't working. So anyway, Adam and Eve of Spiritual Swingers did us a favor. They were at Randy's of Club Euphoria.

They were at their foam party. So there was a bunch of podcasters there. They will introduce themselves. They'll also be listed, and, uh, they answered the questions for us.

So thank you so much guys. We really appreciate it. Enjoy. This is Adam and this is Eve filling in for Richard and Lauren from room 77 in the wonderful town of Finley, Ohio, but we were just at the fabulous party, the foam party with Randy from Club Euphoria.

They have no one to ask questions to, so we're going to ask questions to a bunch of these weirdos that are around us at the moment. We have Jeff and Karen. We have Jay and. From Average swingers, wonderful, fabulous people.

We have Tiff and Rachel from Sappolk Swingers. What room are you guys staying in? 304. It's only a two-story hotel, so that's weird.

That's really weird. So the question is, does your horniness wax and wane throughout the day, or is it more of a constant wax on? Um, it comes and goes. I like that.

Does it mostly come or does it mostly go or? We like it better when it comes, honestly, we do. Jay, what do you say? My horniness is on all the time when I stare into your eyes.

I get that a lot. Other than that, my horniness recently has been waxed off because of issues. Mine's waxed on. Tiffan Ray, what room are you in?

2222222. Awesome. Having hung out with you guys for the last two days, you're pretty much always waxed on from what I've seen. But what's your answer?

Well, surrounded by all these beauties, how can you not be exactly. Uh, Richard and Lauren need to take a vacation from desire. They want to know, can they stay with you? The only thing is they're going to be naked most of the time.

It should be lifestyle friendly. So what's the rate for them to stay at your place? I'll definitely have to have a lingo and a Yoni massage every day. We'll provide the oil as part of the stay, but you bring the six hands.

Uh, Jay and Angie, what are you guys going to charge? Free sex sex. That's the deal, uh, Tiff and Rachel, what do you say? Uh, probably 3 orgasms a day minimum from, from her, of course, not, you know, what if, what if, what if Richard tucks it back?

Would that be OK? Like Silence of the Lamb style. Absolutely, yeah, he likes to do that. I've seen it.

He looks pretty that way. They're more than welcome to come hang out in Fort Lauderdale anytime. Thanks guys. Hopefully we'll see you soon.

Come visit all our places where you can stay for essentially free plus sex and orgasms and massage, so. All right, Lauren, Richard, we're back from the Porto Morello's Fair. I don't know if that's a fair. It just happens every week.

It's in that little kiosco thing in the center of every town here. They have a little square where everybody rounds everybody up. They round up the people and they say on. Saturdays and Sundays you must bring your entire family to this square and have fun and have fun.

That's an order. It's a law in Mexico, I believe. So when we left there was a guy on stilts dancing to singing in the rain. I kept laughing.

What did you say? I was like, the last thing I would do in the rain would be put on stilts. I kept laughing. I thought that was so funny.

That was his song choice during all of this, the energy crisis of 2019. Go to the mall, yeah, we gotta. Out in air conditioned areas. There's that, uh, we are now officially at this point we are again on furlough, so we are not working at the resort.

So, um, on Friday, I guess it was, we sort of did the last workshopy thing. So we said goodbye to everyone. Take care, Quay. Be kind to one another until we return in sit Timbre.

You know, that particular workshop on Friday. I wanted to go out with a bang. I really did. I was like, I am going, I'm gonna make this workshop count for me.

I rub all over people and get all horny. It was a great group. That was great. My plan was amazing.

Until the one woman, and I hate to say anything about anybody in the workshop because I don't want anybody to think that, hey, we're pointing this person out because they did something weird. That is not the case. But this was extra weird because this woman was like. On top of her husband like it was horsey time.

No saddle when we started sort of the massagey part, she was humming and dancing on top of him, which I found particularly distracting. Here's what I loved about her, you know, you say, let your inhibitions go, or we say let your inhibitions go, and she did that. They, she did. What I don't say is act like you give zero fuck.

That's a different. That is a different level. I was like for the first time I was like, Oh, she's so high right now. I don't know what to do because I've never been in this particular situation.

She was singing. Yeah, she was humming. That's so funny. I didn't hear her sing.

I just saw her dancing. She was in my eyesight, but I didn't hear. Yeah, well, I had to bend down and ask her, is it OK to touch? And she sang an answer back to me.

No, that's awesome. Yeah, she was having a musical happening on that part of the bed. We want you to have a great time, but not that great of a time. I mean, try to, try to hold some sort of order, but anyway, at least she liked my music.

She did. Well, that's what I'm thinking. That's my takeaway. I'm gonna flip it.

I don't think she could hear or see anything, really, to be honest. So this is what got me really horny that day. I don't know if you remember, we, we got, we got in the pool and it didn't feel full. This is a Pearl.

It didn't feel really full that day. So it was really easy to talk to most people in that pool. And we had talked to one couple and they came up to us and they said, hey, we have something that we want to tell you. And they said, we're going to the workshop today, but we are out of cash.

So, um, we just want to let you know now we are not giving you any tip. I, it's all right. So at that moment, um, I took his wife as collateral. And she sat on my lap, right, and you guys were having a conversation.

She sort of snuggled up to you, and I was sitting in that pool, and she started slowly sort of floating on top of me, and I started to get really hard. Now this is what gets me, right? This is my trigger for horniness. This is my trigger, right?

If a person that I barely know comes over and just sits on my cock. Unbelievable. I love that so much. What is that?

Do you think? I have no idea, but for the next couple of hours, it was just like a fantasy running through my head, but like for a person to just float over, barely a word, that to me, for me is such a turn on. It's a sexual, it's like a confidence, it's very sexy. Now, did you know that I was that hard while you were, I didn't know you were hard.

At all because you kept, you, it's going back to the masturbating and carrying on a conversation. You're very good at being hard, but staying focused and still carrying on a conversation. I wasn't though because I couldn't hear a word you were saying. I was mostly just nodding and just sort of trying to find keywords in the conversation and like, yeah, wait, what?

Yeah, no, that's funny. Oh, that's funny. I wonder if she's gonna stick it inside of her. That's all I was thinking.

So it really turned me on a lot, and I, I don't know. So it got me thinking, what would be your fantasy room? This is what mine would be. Oh, that's a good question.

I walk into a room that is really, really dimly lit. I mean super dim. You can see, sort of, sort of, but like I mean right in front of your face, see, and there are different sections in this room, right? There is a section where Where the people on this side, sexy music, mattresses, just soft things, maybe some towels, I don't know, and one side is a section or there is a section where it is no penetration of any kind.

So you can have one fantasy room, but in the room you can have multiple sections. Yeah, it has sections. Yeah, so one part of the room is just touching. Now if you want to do anything.

Anything further, you have to move over to the other side. Once you go into that other section, then it's free game. Location. Yeah, it is location B.

So in this situation we want to make it over to location B. If there is anyone else in that location, you are now free game. Now in the center of this or off to the side separating these two is a separate section where both men and women are tied either to a mattres. Or the wall, and all they want, they are blindfolded and all they want is to be used.

That is their job. They just want to be used, right? So they're there. So those are the three sections.

That is the room that I'm going to start to build out in the conference room at Desire and you want to be in all of those sections. I don't know. Let's see what happens. I walk in, maybe one day I just want to lay on the mattress and be penetrated.

One day I walk. Walk over to the other mattress and I just wanna fool around and then one day tie me up. I just wanna be used. You wanna be penetrated.

I know, I mean, I'm talking as that person, whatever they want. I don't know. I'm saying it's your fantasy. I'm going along.

Well, I'm saying if you're a woman and you're like, I want to be penetrated both orally and vaginally and maybe anally, I don't know. Let's see what happens. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go to section B.

I like it. I'm gonna be in section A, uh, stroking myself, and then. Maybe if I want to walk over to Section B, I walk over to Section B, or I just go over to the middle section where people are tied up and blindfolded. I just use their body.

Would you ever flip sides with them and be tied up? What do you mean? Would you ever be? Oh, would I ever be tied up?

Hell yeah. Oh yeah, I would like that section. What does your room look like? My room would be also dimly lit, not so cave-like.

It's not like bats or anything. Well, I know, but it sounded like super. Mine has bats sort of lit in like at a uh half halfway up the room and then the bottom part would be more dark. It would, I think, all oil, all oil, yeah, like a slip and slide.

Oh, so the entire thing is all oily. It doesn't seem hygienic at all. It doesn't matter. It's a perfect world.

All right, so you basically you go into this oddly lit room. And get into a tub of oil, yeah, OK, and it's just whatever. I don't know what the rules are in my room. I mean, you got to come up with rules.

Well, that's what happens in your tub of oil. A lot of like making out and slippy slide. Not a lot of rules in your room. Yeah, there's not really a lot of rules.

It's just more about being free and like. Like, just, yeah, everyone's like we can't be free. We need structure. No, I like to be free.

It's respectful and loving. All right, come up with another room. This is gonna sound narcissistic, but I want a room that is like a fun with those fun house mirror things where there's just, what is it, the hall of mirrors. This sounds like the creepiest fucking room I've ever been in in my life.

It's a clown. I'm just kidding. Clown, there's a clown in your room. I'm not coming in.

Tell you that right now. I'm joking. There's no clown, no clown, no clown, OK, just balloons that I'm gonna rub my hand. I don't want balloons either.

I'm kidding. Besides, we have no helium. All right, so we will come into your room. It's not dimly lit because I want to be seen.

I like to be watched. OK, so you essentially want maybe a stage up there. Like a stage area. No, I don't want to be on stage.

I want it to be full of like those fun house mirrors where there's all these different angles and you look around and it's like there's 18 of me and whoever's in there. So it's not like long taffy version version of you. No, no, no, no, just, it's regular mirrors, but they're all at those weird angles. Oh, like in the movies when they're chasing the guy through the mirrors and like they don't know which.

All of mirrors, yeah, yeah, yeah, and they don't know which one it is and they're gonna shoot and the mirror's gonna burst, but it's not, there's no guns in my room. So here's this room and this, you, you can barely know which is one, and you're in the middle of there now. How many when you look around, it's like a reflection of me and whoever is in there with me, like a couple girls, maybe a couple guys, we're all just like in a pile all like doing stuff to each other and. The trick to this room is not only is it reflected all around and ceiling, by the way, you can see through some of these mirrors or one of the mirrors, whatever, so you can see me and I know that you can see me, but I can't see you because when I look at the mirrors, all I see is what's happening.

Oh, but you know that I'm watching somewhere. You know you're watching me and then there's a speaker and you can come on and you can say naughty things to me like dirty talk attention. There is a blue light special. So I can send women in or men in and say, I want you to go do this, and then I can say.

Jeff, you need to come, come out of the room. No, because that's distracting. I need it to be like, like you're watching and you're just like as if you were right next to me and you're dirty talking in my ear, not instructional. Like it's, it's organic what's happening sexually.

Jeff, grab her vagina. Jeff, no instruction. Karen, grab her left tit. Left tit, please.

And then she gets confused because it's all the mirrors. She's like, I don't know, but I actually had that thought for like the workshop, how cool that would be to have mirrors in the ceiling. I don't know where we're gonna find all those mirrors. I'm thinking about doing a workshop on stilts.

I was inspired. Hey, room 77, we're in room 2403. Yeah, hi, we're in room 2404 and we're bummed you guys couldn't be here on our first trip. We miss you guys.

Oh, it's not the same without you guys. I know you'll be here next month, but, uh, so next time we're here, hopefully we can take your classes again because they're awesome. Yeah, we miss you guys so much. OK, I'm ready.

I almost said your name again, sir. Handsome man. And across from me, what would be your ideal fantasy playroom setting for a group of people? Well, you know, I like the idea of a sexy spa pool, like, like a rain room, the Japanese soaking tubs, the low flickering lighting, kind of an amped up spa music going on, giant comfortable area where people can do whatever they want, a sexy spa.

I'm going to trademark that sexy spa. My perfect fantasy playroom is out by the ocean on the beach beds at Desire. I don't really care what kind of playroom it is as long as it's filled with lots of hot, sweaty, sexy couples. I would love to have it set up to be sexy, spa-ish as well.

I would love to have a hot tub for people to be able to dip into and relax with a tiki bar. You could have drinks made and then from the jacuzzi you could move on over to a bed that looks up to the stars and you're all having sex under the stars and then have a plethora of toys on a table that people could use or not use or whatever, whatever their fancy is. I like. And remember that place we went to in Europe?

It was like a converted barn, but inside this barn was like walking into this amazing place. Like you'd walk like down. It looked like an old Victorian 1800s street with the street lamps, and off to the side were like the little shops, and inside each shop was a different playroom, yes, with different couples sex. It was.

Over here there'd be a little Thai massage going on, right? Well, they had a jacuzzi room where you could go in and you could be playing in the jacuzzi and then you would take a few steps out of that room upstairs and you could overlook the jacuzzi area and there were beds and you could have sex there with people that you found or each other or whatever. So a playroom that used to be a barn converted into an old Victorian. London street.

That sounds hot. It was hot. It was dangerous and sexy and fun. All right, and we started.

Start. What's wrong? I don't know. No, you're sad.

I'm not sad. I'm not, we're not at the resort, so everything is a bit, uh, yeah, I don't know. Everybody's up there being sexy, young, and wild, and we're just at home being sexy, young, and absent. From what I heard, it is going horribly up there.

Yeah, sure, that's what I heard. I heard it's, it's going bad, just bad. Like everything is just upside down. The place isn't the same without us.

I do. I have a friend who's been texting me secret sort of plant in there. It's my eyes and ears. Yeah, he just sent me a text that just said, hey, it's just not the same.

Without you and that to me sounds like a riot. That's what it sounds like. It's sort of as if the seaweed kind of just took over the entire resort. I think that's what it feels like.

Yeah, I heard they ran out of bread. I mean, it's very possible, which may be a coincidence, but probably not. So we don't really have much to talk about other than each other. We decided that we are going to get to know.

Us a little bit better because I like to talk about me and I like to talk about you too. So you and I, we came up with questions more you than me. How do you want to start this? Do you want to start or do you want me to start inquiring mind?

So I'm gonna interview you and you're gonna interview me, and you could say pass. Either one of you could say pass, like a game show pass. I'm not even answering that one. Pass.

Can we phone a friend? Uh, no, you cannot. All right, I'll start by asking you. OK, I'm gonna use your name.

Yeah, I, I usually respond to it, Richard. OK. What's something that makes you feel young? Something that makes me feel young.

Uh, it's not a pageant. You don't have to repeat the question. I'm thinking, oh, that's, that's what people do when they're thinking about it. They just repeat your question.

When I get hired for no reason whatsoever. That's funny. That makes me feel young when I'm like, Oh, where did you come from? When someone younger talks to me, sometimes that makes me feel young.

I feel like, Oh, you are accepting me as a human being. I'm not a wall. I'm not something that you just have to, uh, to walk around. Sometimes when I'm at the gym.

Yeah, I feel young. Like if I'm lifting something really, really heavy, I'm like, ra, and I lift it. That makes you feel that equates to young, not strong, um, because you look around at the kids in there and you're like, yeah, I guess so. Like I can, I don't know, I just feel, I don't know.

No, I have to ask you the, the second, the second part is what makes you feel old. Pass. No, I'm just kidding. Old when I, uh, when I can't see.

No, that's so true. I'm going. Through that right now you're worse than I am. Like, I have to look at it like 2 ft away, but you give it like a good 3 ft away.

Like if you could do go go go gadget arms, you would. My eyes just quit all of a sudden. Yeah, that's what happens when you get old. Well, I woke up one day and it's like, hey, get reading glasses.

Good luck to you because you can't read now. Yeah, that's how they go. But when I was a young whippersnapper like you, I went to the doctor. Same thing happened.

Gave me the whole test. Uh, he looked at me. He said, I found the problem. I said, Oh, what is it?

He said you're getting old. Who, who knew? Social media. Sometimes I can't figure something out on social media like how to post something or how to change a setting, and I feel 107 years old texting because I still, I never, I still text the same way as I did when texting was invented.

I've never gotten faster or more efficient. Still like thumb bom bong bonk blank delete, delete, delete, delete. Yeah, so that makes me feel old. All right, what do you want to start with?

What makes you feel, what makes you feel young? Music. When you listen to music or when you make music in your studio? When I listen to music, I feel sort of ageless.

I don't know if it's an absence of thinking about what age I am, but I just get lost in the music and Especially when it's out in a club or whatever, I am immediately on the dance floor, same age as everyone out there. Music to me is, it really keeps my blood pumping. I, we do, we are not simpatico in that. I know it's hard for me to wrap my head around actually.

I mean, some songs every once in a while get me like, yeah. Ariana Grande, but, uh, but I never really, I don't really get connected to stuff. Yeah, I get, I get swept away connected. All right, what makes you feel old?

Oh, this one's easy. I I put mirrors. What mirrors, mirrors, just looking at yourself, any fucking mirror. When you look at yourself, what do you see that makes you say everything?

No, no, no, be specific. I see gray hairs. I see wrinkles. I see saggy skin.

I see when you look at yourself or looking at me, when I see me? No, when I look at you, I don't see any gray hairs. I don't really see any of that stuff, but there is something like when you started wearing the cheaters. Cheated and stole my cheaters for reading, and there was a moment when I looked up I saw you wearing those glasses and you know, in my head you're still that 27, 26 year old girl that I met, but looking across the way and seeing you in those glasses was like holy shit, she's growing old with me.

She's growing old with me. She's growing old with me, but that's kind of cool, right? Yeah, it was, it was very, very sweet. And then the next day I booked an appointment for Botox.

Contacts and Botox. No, but I do. I think it's very sweet. I still look at it, it still makes me smile.

All right. Oh, I got a text from the, from my, my plant. I, I got, by the way, this isn't, this isn't set up. This is, this is absolutely true.

All of these texts, they're coming from inside. Desire Pearl. He said that, uh, right now he's, I'm standing in that useless pond that Pearl has. He said the guests are gathering up in the lobby.

They have made signs with our names on it. Some have come up to the lobby dressed as us. Holy shit, that's crazy. Some have dressed as their favorite Thundercat.

I don't know what that means. Uh. He said everything seems to be peaceful at the moment, but you can feel there is some sort of energy. There is something happening.

This may be the most real fake protest that has ever taken place at Desire. That's true. That just came through, and I'm sure I have a feeling we're gonna get more of these texts. I that just, I'm so glad that he is there.

No, it's really important that we get updated while we're not there. I, I hope his phone doesn't run out of minutes. I don't think it will. OK.

What is the next question? OK, do you consider yourself good at flirting? No. OK, finish the sentence.

In a perfect world, I don't get to elaborate on. No, no, because this will be, this will let you elaborate. Um, in a perfect world, flirting would be less than 10 minutes long. Because you don't like it or because you're not good at it, because I'm not good at it, and because flirting to me, I like the process to be a little bit truncated.

I just, once I start, the nerves start kicking in. What do you consider flirting? Like when does it start for you? Because that's kind of a good question.

Well, I'm really bad at someone has to be overtly flirting with me to know. Like the flirting has to be at the level of I'd really like to see your cock in my mouth. Like that's I'm like, 00 God, you're flirting with me. They're flirting with me, um, but sometimes for me, usually teasing.

If I'm teasing you, I am most likely flirting with you. So I'm, if I'm poking fun at you like a 5th grader, right, I am probably flirting with you, yeah, but that's where, that's where I see it. But not everybody does that, you know. Some people get very sensual flirting.

That heavy flirting makes me a little bit nervous. I agree with you. I get nervous flirting. What about you?

Did you just tell me? Well, I'm better at flirting with men than I am with women. Women, I suck. What about the end of that sentence though?

Um, in a perfect world. Flirting would not have words. Oh, that's pretty fun that it would just literally be based on either looks or energy. Hey, let's do a physical flirting workshop or a physical flirting disco where you can't speak.

Yeah, and you just have to think, be more creative. Yeah, you're not allowed to speak to one another. That would be good. I think it'd be a good exercise.

Yeah, I think it'd be cool. Maybe it's the worst idea we've ever had. Especially since you're bad at flirting, it would just be me masturbating in a corner somewhere. I think I would make a good blank.

I would make a good chopper pilot. Now that's, that's the thing you'd want to make. I always thought I would make a good pilot. I have nothing to base that on except the movie Top Gun.

That's all I have. to base that on and one like minute and one minute and pilot lesson. It was, it did not go well, no, for me or the pilot. What about you?

What would you have been good at? I think I would have been a really good photographer. I agree with that. And also a hugger, a professional hugger.

I think that would be a good job. I think the world needs that, like, you know, like at the special. Olympics. How they have like the huggers.

You can go do that. I kind of do it after the workshop, and that's why I was like, you know, people really enjoy my hugs. A photographer, again, uh, chopper pilot check. I don't know how you make a living at being a professional hugger.

Well, I question didn't say like as a profession. Oh yeah, oh, I, I looked at it completely different than I think I would be a good invisible man. I didn't know those options were out there. I also think I'd be an excellent Smurf.

I do. I always loved that they lived in a little village. They had a great little society going on. Hold on.

There's my guy sent me another text. Oh, please let us know what's happening. Yeah. And again, I could not be making this up.

This is holy crap. This is what he says. This is what he's saying. They've, the guests that came up into the lobby and they have been.

Built some sort of shrine. Yeah, so he said they built a shrine and at one point the statue looked exactly like, like us holding one another, but as they were building it, the people got more intoxicated and now the statue morphed into more like Liza Minnelli holding a bag of rocks. That's what it says, I can't make this shit up. This is happening right now at Desire.

So he said that some of the staff got so excited they were gonna quit their job to join the effort of building, and then they learned that they would have had to have bought day passes, so they decided not to do it. Says, hold on, another one. Management has begun removing the structure because some guests were confused. Uh, an inebriated guest was attempting to use it as an ATM.

Another guest became enraged after asking the statue if it was in the lifestyle and it received no response. And then another one asked her for 5 shots of Fireball. Lauren, I, I'm not making this up. No, I, I bet you're not.

When I tell you this is on my phone right now. I'm not lying. Yeah, you're pointing at your phone. I see you.

Yeah, so I don't know. I don't know how they're doing it without us up there, but this is what's happening. All right. What is the next question?

This is amazing. It's crazy that we're not there and all of this is happening. Oh wow, um, I feel sexiest before, during, or after sex, so you get to choose, and then. After sex, definitely not before, so not before, me too, not during.

I'm, I'm a ball of anxiety, but after I have released my ejaculate. All over wherever inside outside whatever I do feel a little bit lighter. I do. I sexy not during.

I think if I had better cardio I would feel I would feel sexier because it's only a little blip of time, not for those just go straight from nervous to finish, yeah, not for those 90 seconds. I do not feel sexy. I feel very similar to you. Like, before I get nervous and in that lifestyle or even just with you, I still get, and I don't know if nervous is really the right way to think about it, but it's something.

It's some sort of anticipation of something because it hasn't started during. I feel sort of sexy or, you look sexy. You should feel sexy. You do.

This is a hard question for me that I wrote myself. I know, because I was wanting to know. I'm like, well, this is a good question, not that I'm gonna answer it. I would have guessed that you felt sexy, sexier before, like during the flirting part when you sort of drive men and women crazy.

That would have been my guess. Yeah, but I don't really equate that to sexy. The adrenaline rush part, yeah, it's different than feeling sexy. Well, what about with just me then?

Do you feel sexy afterwards? You're welcome. With you, I feel more sexy during sex, not before, not after, only during. It's a little, it's different with you.

I feel sexy. When I'm with you, yeah, yeah, but I feel free of judgment when I'm with you, so I, I, I'm, you're really able to enjoy it. Oh, that makes me feel good. All right, uh, how many more do we have?

When did you realize you were in the lifestyle or discovered that your mind was open to a different type of relationship? I'd say when I was uh around 26 or 27 was my first group-ish experience. I wound up in this situation in New York. I was with my girlfriend and I was with this other girl that I had known for a while and she was with this guy and we were at a wedding and it was a black tie wedding and it was in Trump Tower, oddly enough, and, uh, it was fancy.

It was super fancy and I, I couldn't believe my. My girlfriend at the time wanted to go along with it and it was, it was super, super, super spontaneous, but it was probably at that moment and that night, like after it happened, I could never stop thinking about it again, never, and nothing ever happened ever again. We've never had, we never had another, uh, encounter like that. I never had another encounter like that until I was with you.

You're welcome. That's when you knew you met this twisted soul. How about you twenties also, really, yeah, but mine was like I was trying to manifest something to happen. I didn't have something happen and then be like, oh, but you were trying to do it.

Yeah, I was already trying. Like I, I was had a boyfriend and then I had a friend that was like in love with me, whatever those friends. I always tried to like get them together. It's like, hey, here's my other friend.

All right, do stuff. Hey, let's all do stuff. Yeah, I mean with me too is the other girl. Ho, honey, I got another text.

Oh yeah, hold on. Oh God, you're never gonna believe this. I don't think anybody would believe this, probably not, but it's true, yeah, so it's that somehow the guests have managed to drain the pool. They're demanding that it be filled with gray goose and Sprite.

Also, I know, I think they're doing it for me in honor of me. So he said here and he typed this. I, I don't know if it's true or not because again, these are just actual texts that I'm that I'm receiving. It says guests are fighting with the staff over the lounge chairs and some cushions.

A guest picked up the towel concierge, Victor, mistaking him for a cushion, probably because he's small framed. That's probably how that happened. He's not a huge guy. Oh, and Kia came to the rescue.

Kia took out 3 guests. He says with all the lycra and the mesh, it looks like something out of WWE. This is all because we're not there. Yeah, this is crazy.

This is all actually happening right now. Craziness. It almost sounds like make-believe. One would think you're making this shit up.

Yeah, but I'm not. I couldn't. I'd be sued. This is what happens when we're not there.

I'm just trying. I'm just, all I can do is deliver the news. Well, it's just, it's, it's almost interrupting the podcast. It's, this is getting in the way, but this is so important that I think people should hear it.

OK, finish this sentence. It scares me if I'm alone. Scare. Yeah, it scares me if I'm alone.

I mean, like without you, that's, that is my ultimate fear is to be without you. That is my biggest and only fear in life forever, not like you're spending the night by yourself. No, your existence makes being alone bearable, even when I'm not with you for a short period of time. I get sad.

I start to get sad immediately. I get sad, but that's not, don't copy my answer. That's not scary for me. What scares you?

I get scared if I have to deliver bad news or I am anticipating confrontation about something. Oh, mine was way more emotional than yours. Well, yeah, it's like there's a difference between scared and sad. That scares me though.

It does scare you. Yeah, that scares me. I can see it on your face. That's why I'm so, I get so concerned about your health in a selfish way.

I'm like, you're not gonna get sick and leave me ever. Less about you, more. I care about you because I don't want to live without you. Which I don't know, it's a weird, weird thing to say.

That is, I think, the ultimate in caring. Maybe. I don't know. I cut you off though because that's what I do.

Also, height, heights, heights scare you, yeah, like extreme. Yeah, well, you should never climb high mountains and make phone calls and give bad news to people. That's, that's the rule. All right, go ahead.

Have you ever been surprised by something that turned you on? Yes, yes, me too. I don't know if I could say what it is though. Oh, do you want me to say mind, uh, if you, if you're comfortable with it, yeah, well, yeah, I am.

Oh, then what is it? It's not something weird like, um, I mean, I have a few actually throughout life you have. I only had one really that came to my brain and I was really surprised. It was when someone, um, it was actually a girl, uh, licked my toes and she went down and she licked and put each toe in her mouth and I was like this is so not something I've never done before.

I mean it was just to. I don't want to say weird because it's not weird. It was out of your particular comfort zone, but when it happened to you, I was like, it's just the sensations of it was, well, how come you've never said anything since? Like we, I'm sure we could have found somebody who has a toe thing, um, yeah, because my feet aren't really in the best of shape all the time.

Oh, I see. I spent so much time in the chlorine. I don't know if anybody in mind. Hey, anybody listening who's got a toe thing, uh, out there.

Come suck on, uh, come suck on Lauren's toes there. Maybe we'll have some people by the end of the week. All right. You don't have anything you could share.

What do you mean that you mean a text? Yeah, well, as a matter of fact, I just received one now. I know it's so weird. It's coming in.

It says typing. Oh, I love that. Yeah, yeah. So it said that, oh, holy crap, the guests have decided to take all those chairs and cushions and make a floating barge in the Caribbean Sea.

They tied them together with what clothes they had left, which wasn't a lot, he said, he said. And they rebuilt the Liza Minnelli holding rocks and set it on fire. He said, it's very Lord of the Flies here right now. I'll get back to you soon.

Holy crap. That is almost unbelievable that that would be happening. I don't know how they got all those floats and stuff past the seaweed barrier. I don't either, Lauren, but it sounds like it happened.

I mean, I wish I had a picture or something. Well, I don't think you'll ever see one. But he's being incredibly, incredibly respectful of everybody and the no camera rule. Although these would make some amazing shots and maybe there is an artist out there and we can do some sketches.

That's probably possible. What is the next question? Um, it's actually the last question, and I believe that this is one that you wrote. You said, have you ever been in a parade?

What is the answer to that question? He wrote, I have. Are you impressed by that? I have.

I've been in a parade. Are you impressed by that? I was in a parade. I was in a Thanksgiving Day parade.

I think that's fucking adorable. I literally used to watch every Thanksgiving Day parade. Well, this was like the local, uh, city, so it wasn't like I was in the Macy's Day Parade. Oh yeah, I didn't see you then, but I was, I was in a parade.

I think Alan Thicke was ahead of me. No way. I think so. I think it was Alan Thicke, but he's dead now.

God rest his soul. I don't know if I met him. I don't think I did. Oh, that's his son that does Robin Thicke is, is his son, yeah, but he, yeah, he died.

He had a, uh, I believe he had a heart thing like John Ritter. Did you wear, did you like sit on a car or what? Yeah, I was on a float waving to people by yourself, yeah, and a bunch of, uh, cheerleaders. That's amazing.

Please tell me you and I you up with one of these. I did not. I did not. My, I remember my family was super impressed too because when they came to the parade they had like this special area and they got to like eat.

It was, they were all very impressed. Italians love eating. They were treated like VIP, so it was very sweet to be able to sort of share that with, with your family, and I didn't even expect. I had no idea.

I was just like, I don't know, be at the parade at 8. I'll be going by whenever, yeah, and then they found them and they were taken care of and had their little VIP passes or, or whatever and, uh, and it was raining all morning. I was like, oh no, the first rain on my parade, yeah, and then I stepped on my float and I swear to you the skies opened up. They did it rained all over Alan Thicke.

Not that cheerleaders of Richard. No, I stepped on the float and it never rained again. That's amazing. That my, my parade story is a bit different.

Um, this was a Mardi Gras and, uh, hammered. I decided I needed to go and scale like the two-story float. Sounds illegal, and I just ran and just started climbing like some sort of Spider-Man. I don't know because I was really hammered.

And people on the float were reaching over trying to pull me up and then police officers were trying to pull me down so that was my parade experience a little bit different. Did you get arrested? No. Oh, that would have been an awesome story.

Yeah, no, I've never been arrested. You know, there's always next time there's time that maybe we'll both be in a parade someday, you and me on a float with cheerleaders, cops, and maybe Robin Thicke and maybe Robin Thicke. That would be perfect. Oh, wait, hold on, we got one.

Yeah, this is gonna be the last text. I have a feeling craziness happening over there at Desire. I can't even believe what I'm reading. I can't even believe this.

All the guests have moved from that makeshift barge. They moved into Suki, the Suki restaurant, and they locked themselves in there. Uh, one of the guests is negotiating for everybody. He was screaming to security, I am the captain now.

They all got drunk and they were having sex and it seems like everything worked out pretty crazy day over there. Yeah, that's all in one day. That's all because of us. Just one day.

That's that's just one day. I'm sure every day we're not there that stuff's happening mostly in my mind. I'm so glad that you gave him your number and he's a good guy. Yeah, solid.

Yeah. All right, thank you for asking me questions. You're welcome. I appreciate it, but I have to end this because it's going on way too long.

Yeah, I feel like I know you a little bit the same. Um, I'm gonna think about some of those things that you said to me. I love you. I love you too.

I think you love me a little bit more. Oh, that's true. All right, Lauren, that is it. Unfortunately we are gonna ride out the rest of our days here.

The good news is the energy crisis is almost over. Energy crisis 2019. We're gonna actually, I think, make it under budget. I mean they're the electric company is gonna pay us money.

That's how much we save. I'm just gonna leave the fridge open. I have other good news. I reached out, contacted.

Printer, you have a date on Friday night. Oh sweet. And again, if you enjoyed this and you're planning on a trip to Desire, please consider booking through us. Just go to our website, click on Lauren's box.

It gives you instructions exactly what you have to do. It costs you nothing, but it really helps us out. It helps us pay the bills, and we really, really appreciate it. Also supports the podcast and if you can't make a trip down to Desire and you want to support us, go head on over to Patreon and support our podcast.

Yeah, then we take that Patreon money and we bid on random stuff on Sotheby's, just random things. And who are new Patreons, Lauren, tell them what they've won. I want to say thanks to H2O for participating not only in the challenge but for supporting us. Pamela G, K and J, Michael Devers, Jeremy, Mark Kons, JB Gan.

Jodie, which obviously you just read live for the first time that one downtown 2001. L and O Liz and Mark, thank you so much guys and to everybody who comes to the resorts and really helps us out and are so generous. We wanna bring you. Uh, we went to Temptation.

And we checked that out. We went there for 2 days. We will let you know how that went in the next podcast. But until then, if you have any questions or you want to hear anything specific, please reach out.

We love, love hearing from you. You can reach out on social media, on Twitter and Instagram, or just email us directly from our website. And that about does it for us. For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com.

Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.