Ep. 25: How To Be A First-Timer at Desire Resorts

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Fed up with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we We do what we love. Work, party, and play at the Desire resorts. After 16 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all. We were so wrong, so wrong.

Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day. So come to room 77. Let's play.

All right, we have started. Lauren. How are you? I'm good.

I'm sitting here with my sexy glass of fiber drink. Oh, we're all glad you're keeping it moving. Uh, how, how was your day today? Good?

Any good? It was, I mean, it's good. It's slow, but it's, you know, this is. September, right, if anybody actually listens to this, the month of September is slow.

It makes it really hard when you're there begging for money and there's nobody to beg from. Tomorrow I may go outside of the hotel on the street and use cars that pass by. Just maybe get people to the workshop that way. That's actually not a.

Bad idea. They wait for the bus and stuff. That is literally the worst plan I think I've ever had in my life. Well, we gotta make money somehow, Lauren.

Tell him to book through us. All right, people, book through us. That'll work. I wanted to bring it up anyway because I don't think people listen all the way to the end.

Yes, they do. They listen to every minute twice. They listen over and over again. Alright, if you're planning your trip to Desire or you want to come to Desire and you're hearing this because you just picked a random podcast, uh, go to the end and listen to our commercially bit.

So anyway, I know that our listener or the listener heard when I quoted your favorite movie. I am mad as hell. I'm not gonna take it anymore from your favorite movie network. I love that movie.

I know you do. Uh, you, you quote it all the time. So, and I said, well, we'll talk about that in the next one. So basically, this is what we're up against, listener.

Uh, we've been at Desire now for 2 years, as you may know, we were off in the month of August. When we came back, they said, hey, welcome back, guys, and we're like, oh my God, thank you so much. Did you miss us? And they're like, yeah, we totally missed you.

Oh my God. All right, well, we're just gonna go back to work now and then like just one thing, see the asterisk. Hold on, just, just one second. Just before you pull your penis out, Richard, one little new rule, uh, and that new rule is that we are no longer allowed to have sex with the guests, sex with the people, yeah, no more sex with the people, so we cannot go in the rooms and Have sex with them.

We cannot have sex with them outside of their rooms because at first I was like, Well, that's the loophole. I'll just do it up against their door. Yeah, so they said, they said at first you're not allowed in the rooms, right? And then it got compiled with actually not to have sex with, with the guests anyway.

So it was a, it was kind of a huge bummer in a, on a very serious note. We want to make sure, number one, everyone knows. Nothing happened. There was no complaint.

Nothing bad happened. I didn't touch someone's no, no spot. No one screamed stranger danger. No one blew a rate whistle pending those 17 restraining orders we have.

We're still in the clear. The hotel came at us and said, Look, it is truly a liability thing right now. We got me tooed. But now it's just, it's just me just me.

So this is it. This is the last episode. Listen, I don't know. Maybe this is the beginning of the end, Lauren.

I don't know what we're gonna do. I'm gonna buy, listen, I'm gonna buy a bunch of wigs and different outfits. We'll play. Is it Karen or is it Karen?

Exciting. I mean, honestly, this is the part of my life where I just, I just have to have sex with my wife. What kind of life is that? It's hard.

Well, you can always just have sex with yourself if you want. I already do that. See the positive in that. I think someone over there hates us.

I think that there's someone secretly in love with you. They're jealous, and that's why they're doing this. Exactly. Things that we can do, I guess we can still kiss and rub up against people in a dirty way, right?

We can be naked with you. Uh, we can hold you and stroke you a little bit, feed you. We can feed you like a baby. We can, um, can we finger bang people?

We can. I don't know. I don't know. That's a good question.

I'm not sure. I mean, they said no sex. Does that mean anal sex? So if you just call it anal, you can.

Oh, OK. Listen, Jefe, it was in the butt. You need, you need to get your facts straight. Can you wear, like, could I wear a strap on and have sex with someone because it's not, I don't know.

I don't really know what the rules are. What if we get a tent and we put it on the side of the resort, like just over the boundary, and then we call that our playroom, and I don't mean one of the pop-up tents like those cheap kind. I mean like sprawling one, the ones that you see at Camping World. I was gonna say those Costco.

Ones that are like 16 people tents. We'll pimp it out. Maybe get a little baby pool and put a little jacuzzi out there. We'll just do a miniature, yeah, we'll just do a miniature little desire, but just right down the road, maybe get a golf cart or like we can carry you there on a stretcher, not a stretcher, like oh my God, that sounds weird.

I don't know how much longer I can do this. I don't know. I really don't. I don't know.

It makes people so happy. I know, but I don't know how much longer this is gonna last. I really don't know what we're gonna do. I have no idea where any of this is going still.

Uh, we have one listener. We were like, Well, this is what we're gonna do. We're just gonna bring people back to our house. We are going to, in a very nice way, ask people, hey, so, um, here's the thing, I know you wanted to have sexual relations with me.

I was just wondering if you would go to my house. This couple that we had known, and they'd come in, and this girl who I really wanted to be with for a long time and her husband, who I'm totally smitten with his complete hotness. Yes, he is. Quite hot and she was like, I had a dream about you and I was like, Oh yeah, you did talk about that dream when you get here.

Well, then I found out in the meantime, in the meantime that the, the people at Desire hated us, and I ran into her and she was like, Hi, welcome. I hope that dream comes true. And I'm like, it was that dream in my bedroom at my house. Can you give me more specifics on the background?

You know it really, I always had this fantasy of taking you to my house. Not happening on a resort because that's so boring. This place is such a turn off. All these this warm water and sexy naked people.

Oh, this place sucks. Let's take you back to my place. Go back to a humid, my humid, barely decorated house. I don't even think my bed's made.

I have this thing where it's like if I put it out in the universe, so like I vacuum and like yeah you should be prepared well wait so I'm making sure all the dishes are done. I'm doing a little vacuum here and there, but both of us were like, well this is a good plan. We'll just bring people back to the house whether we bring them to the restaurant, take them for a drink. It'll be it'll be fun.

Bring them here, have like a little party, have sex with them, and then I don't know how they get back. I'm not. We should just have like a pamphlet of taxi numbers. Here are numbers for taxis.

Thank you so much. Don't use Uber here. Yeah. Somebody else said to us, Now get your clothes and get out and I'll take you home.

That has, that's, that's gonna be the new, that's the new ending. I'll just wait a second. I have to lock up. So this girl, after the dream and all of that happened, I was like, Well, look, just think about it.

It's out there. We know you guys, you know, you know us, and blah blah blah. And she was like, um, I'm not gonna pass on that. That's fine.

I get it. I totally get it. And then we go and we ask another couple. We're like, Hey, we know you guys well.

We really like you guys. Awesome. So here's the thing, a little bit of a rule change, and you know we love to hang out with you guys. So, um, uh, would it be OK if you guys, you know, came out and hung out with us a little bit while you're here and they're like, I, I don't think that's gonna happen.

No, I'm not gonna leave the resort. It's just like 5 minutes. Yeah, so I was like, oh no, this is getting very, very difficult. This particular couple does not want to.

Leave the resort for their own reasons, which is their own reasons, and I get it. Maybe they're wanted by the Mexican government. I have no idea. So then a third couple comes, right?

So we're like, you know, a month into this new rule now. We do the workshop, right, and we do this one where this girl shows up. As soon as I met her, it was like that cartoon where my tongue fell to the floor and my eyes went way out. ba ba baba.

Oh, I miss Bugs Bunny. So we do the workshop. I get over to this particular couple. This was when they had already turned over.

The first pass was, I, I could see her squirming. I could see he was getting into it and you were getting into it with him, right? I almost raced through all the people just to get back to them again. That was sort of in my head and Then I, I got back to them and then the second time I was so turned on.

I mean, I was, so I'm laying there and I'm just rubbing up against her. She's arching her back and she's so hot and I'm watching him and then he starts to get hard watching me do that to her and then I start to get hard because I, I know he's good, and they were both, I was so rock hard. It was one of. Those situations where I was really super embarrassed to stand up, but I didn't want to leave.

I really didn't wanna leave. I, I, I was like, I, I'll just forget the rest. No, it's just that this is part of, this is one of those bad things about the job that you do. Yeah, it's horrible.

Now this turmoil starts in my head because I haven't really been in this situation yet where I can't say after class, uh, after class, excuse me, can I see you after class? Normally I'd be like, hey, we need to do stuff. We tell them of the situation so she knows. She says, Well, listen, let's meet outside of the resort.

I'm like, oh. So I'm really looking forward to this. I mean, when I tell you, and I'll tell you now, but I didn't tell you that, like every day I was thinking about it, I can't wait till they're here, yeah, because this was like a scheduled like let's not do it during the week. We'll just do it on the weekend.

Yeah, we'll do it on the weekend. Yeah, we made plans to do it during the weekend and every day until that day I was jacking the cock to it. I mean, I just could not wait. So text comes in the next day, we got really sick.

No. Let us take you to the doctor. That's what I said to her. I was like, uh, what are your symptoms?

Tell me your symptoms. I mean, there was a part of me that was a little bit in denial, like, um, how sick are you being a baby or like, did you have a temperature? No fever, projectile vomiting. Uh, how far are you projectile vomiting and how high is that fever, because I can work around some of that.

And they both got sick and I'm like, oh no, no, no so that's how that went. I don't know really what we're gonna do. I guess we just have to keep on trying, keep on keeping on strike 3. We may have to resort to traps like you said, Bugs Bunny.

Like what if we do like traps, like put like a few porn magazines out. Some sweet tea. Some, yeah, some sweet tea, carrot, yeah. Trade in the Kia and get a windowless white van or not ice cream truck, just a windowless white van, and that's what we drive from now on and we say to people, Hey, do you want to see my van?

Do you want some candy? Maybe we should get some candy. We promise we'll return you. Well, we won't kidnap.

them, kidnap them just for a short time. No, we'll bring you to our humble abode. We live in a clay adobe with a bad futon. It's just the end of my life.

Don't worry, I'll be fine. It was great. Uh, we love you. Thank you all for listening.

Thank you for hanging in there for all 20 whatever we have, and, um, we appreciate it, but now we're gonna go away and die. Honestly, you'll be fine, Richard. Listen, you gotta put your thinking cap on. I don't have any discernible skills.

What are we gonna do? Start baking cookies. I was talking to some lady today and I was like, Can I have a job with you? She said, Yeah, you can come and work for me.

All right. She was unemployed. I think she just wanted me to go home to her. You've just missed that opportunity.

You just overlooked it. Instead of taking them to, to our house, maybe you just go home with people. I'll be back. I'll be back in a few days going out for a long weekend.

I don't know. We're gonna figure out a way. Maybe we'll figure out a way to actually stay at the resort once a month. I mean, we definitely don't have the money for that.

Maybe we can find a way to have a booked room there, then we're a guest, right? We stay at the hotel for 2 days, have sex with every person on the hour. You hurry up. I'm gonna need the line outside to curve to the left, please.

You're blocking the playmaker's path. Everybody can line up against the wall. Karen, you're next. Anyway, welcome to our last podcast.

It was nice knowing you. Oh, we're getting a divorce. Well, why do we need to be together? There's no point really, is there?

If this ends, it all ends. I didn't expect you to say that. I didn't have to come back. What room are you in?

1302. What room are you in? 2201. What room are you in?

68. What room are you in? 1401. What room are you in?

2101. What room are you in? 2101. Same room.

What room are you in? 11:14. All right, first question. Now, the rules changed for Lauren and myself in August, and we are not allowed in the rooms or to have sex with the guests anymore.

I know, it's very sad for my penis. Can you name some things that we can do together that are not necessarily sex? Drawing a blank at the moment. That's the only one I can think of.

Is anal sex sex? Probably not according to most politicians. What would one thing that you would want to do to Lauren that is not sexual penetration? We're going with eating ass.

Eating ass, that's what I like. Is there anything that you would like to do to Lauren? Maybe rub her legs. She's got super beautiful legs.

Is oral sex sex? Do you think we're still allowed to have oral sex? It's still sex. What can I do with you that's not sex?

You can suck my nipples. Meet me after class. Is there anything that you would do to Lauren because you can't have sex with her? How would you make up for it?

I'd let her get on my shoulders and stand up. She's a goddamn cake. Is there anything that you would like to do to me, knowing now that you can't penetrate me, sir? I wouldn't mind feeling your abs.

That is a team player, and I like that he didn't leave me out of it. We have to take the people to our house, which is about 4 miles away. Would you travel 4 miles to have sex with me? Yeah, 4 miles to have sex with Lauren.

Most definitely. Would you travel 4 miles to have me choke you out? I would, I would walk 1000 miles and I would walk 1000 miles. I would if I were driving on a bicycle.

I don't know that I would walk. That's fair. If I got you a cab. Oh, for sure.

Do I have to pay for the cab? I'll pay for the cab. It's a deal. We thought about taking tents down the beach.

Would you help me pitch a tent? Absolutely. Would you help me pitch a tent? I'll be there to hammer in the tent pegs.

That's not really what I meant, but would you help me pitch a tent? I'll pitch your fucking tent any day of the week. Would you help us build our tent city? Absolutely.

You'll help us pitch a tent? You bet. Would you help me pitch a tent? Yeah.

And I have to ask you, sir, would you help me pitch a tent? No, damn it. So this may be the last podcast that we ever do because of our situation. Does that make you sad?

Is there something you want to say like, good luck with everything in your new life? Too busy crying, Richard. I don't break my heart. Do you listen to our podcast?

Not yet. Well, this is the last episode and you're going to be on it. Are you happy? I'm.

More than happy. You've taught me many things already. See, that's the attitude. We, we went 25 episodes.

Now we're done because we can't have sex with people. Are you sad? Extremely. Are you going to listen to our previous episodes over and over on a loop?

Yes. Do you want to send us off with good wishes? My wife would send you off with all kinds of wishes. Thank you.

All right, Lauren, I am back on my uncomfortable futon staring at your vagina once again. That's the only way I could sit. It's a good way. I also, I feel good.

I've been showering more, which I find I don't know if you should tell the people, but now I'm starting to see. I see why people like this. Showering so much. I actually feel refreshing.

No, but I would usually come home and not shower right away, but now I'm just like coming home and showering right away, and it just gives me a nice jolt of freshness. I don't know. And speaking of showers and being completely dirty and filthy, boy, do we need them now. Because in the last segment we had talked about how much trouble we were having getting people to come back to the house, right?

So we amped it up. We were like, Lauren, Richard, you need to take this effort and inject it with a shit ton of steroids. You flank left, I'll flank right, and let's go get these motherfuckers. We're gonna bring them down.

I don't care. We were like, go get them. Let's get the people. And then we got so many people to come back to the house, we were like, retreat, retreat.

Too many people, too many people. So, yeah, I mean, we spent, I think 4 or 5 days partying with 3 couples. It felt like at points we were on tour with Metallica with just less cocaine. Just not as much cocaine.

And it wasn't like we had a break. This is back to back. At least on a tour you got a like a drive day. Yeah, we didn't get to sleep on the bus at all.

Lumping people like this together. I feel a little bad. I don't want anyone listening back thinking, oh my God, we're lumped in with a bunch of other people. The last thing that we would do would be line them up and rate everybody and compete to see who was the best, but that's exactly what we're gonna do.

That's our style. They were horrible. All right, but first, how was your week? Interesting.

OK, so few people are at the hotel. Pretty empty. The class at RM was full by, I think, like 3 after 4. It was the craziest thing.

I'm like, where did all you people come from? Because while we were making the announcement, I was like, pretty much, I mean, it's first come, first served, but everyone can come at this point. The RM side was filling up super fast this week. I don't know.

There was some buzz in the air that we did good stuff and showed up really early. It was really nice. I like when people are sort of enthusiastic rather than the alternative, which is dance for me, monkey. Tell me what this is again.

Excuse me, sir, naked man who's gonna rub me. Is this bar in here actually open or no? Well, no, it's not. The stools are up on the fucking bar.

Does it look open to you? Honestly, I know it was a little bit slower at both resorts. Everybody was so nice. Over at Pearl, you're like, I'm gonna go talk to that couple over there.

I think they're going to the workshop, and I'm like, all right, so I float over to you and I'm talking to this person. I don't know what we're talking about, and I just see your expression just slowly start to change like a child, and you start smiling over in the playmaker area at. Pearl where the DJ is and all the playmakers do the thing they're playing their game. I don't know what that particular game is called, but it's where they blindfold one of the couples and then they pour like food over their body and it's like a taste test or something, yeah, something like that.

I don't know the test what flavor it is, something. I don't know what they're doing up there. I, you just start to smile and you look at me and you go, he looks like he shot himself. So I'm like, what?

He looks like he shot himself. And I look over at the guy, the couple that's playing the game, and the guy is sitting there in the chair and he has a white towel underneath him that's sort of draped. Now she took so much chocolate sauce. And poured it over his penis.

She licked it all off his penis, but what remained on the towel was what looked like he had explosive diarrhea all over the towel. You, like you're laughing now, got a really big kick out of that. So I start laughing because I'm a child. And I, I was talking to a guy behind me who wasn't really paying attention.

And I go over to him, it's all about how you sell it. I look at him and I'm like, yo, dude. That guy that's playing the game, he just shat himself. And I swear, this guy, he looked and he looked like he was gonna throw up in his mouth.

I can't. And I had to, I had to let him off the hook. I'm like, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Like it's chocolate sauce.

I'm kidding. But that's how convincing it was. It was like a Hollywood special effects team had come in and dressed it with human feces down the towel. It looked, it was perfectly positioned.

It was such a great game that this dude's wife came over and immediately he goes to his wife, holy shit, honey, that guy just shat himself in the chair. And then she starts to freak out and I have to let her off the hook because he won't do it. I'm like, he's kidding. He's kidding.

He didn't really shit himself. That was, uh, that was the highlight of my pearl day. All right, now let's move on to sexmageddon or weo sex or sex stock sexo ween, uh, for the Halloween theme. Yeah, I get it.

Sex sex fest. Oh yeah, that's good. So let's talk about the first couple. So we're at the resort and we run into this couple.

That we had known from before we've had relations with them, and I was like, hey, how are you guys doing? It's great to see you and he's somebody that you're attracted to. Yeah, well, I, when I saw him, I ran and jumped in his arms. Yeah, and her too.

I mean, I'm attracted to her. You're attracted to her. She's attracted to her. She's her.

Everybody's attracted to one another. Perfect. You, you're very excited and she's super attractive. I'm just such a great couple, right?

They start talking about a little bit about last time or whatever. I was like, Oh man, I gotta give him the news. Like I gotta tell him right now because I don't want them to think that anything weird is going on. So I tell him right off the bat I'm like, hey, listen, we're not allowed to be in the rooms anymore.

We're not allowed to. He had joked, he was like, Can I drag you guys to the bathroom? I was like, Ha ha ha. I was like, No, like totally defeated, you know, we, the only way we could do it is if we could go to our house.

Like he's like, All right, let's go. I'm like, wait, what? Wait, what? Yeah, he's like, I mean, I, I don't want to invite myself, but if that's, if that's an option, I know that was so cute.

I'm like, wait, OK, yeah, let's, let's go. And I'm like, honey, come here, come here. They're fine coming back to the house. I forgot at that point we had a workshop to do because I was almost like, hey, let's just leave now.

Let's go pull the car around. Yeah, let's just do this now. Let's go. Oh, we have.

Wait, why are we here? Oh, that's right. It's kind of presumptuous on our part to be like, I hope they want to sleep with us again. But you kind of have to make that step where you're like, hey, um, we just wanna tell you like we can't do anything here, so you're already insecure about saying that to them.

Like I don't know if they'd even be interested and then they come back with. That you're like, oh my God, I'm so excited. So like I said to them, like I'm like, look, I, we just need a little bit of time to freshen up because we had no idea we were gonna have visitors. But if you're OK with that, and they're like, we are OK with that, well, they're so ultra sweet.

I love them so much, and they were like, Oh my gosh, no, please, are we imposing? And like, no, I need you to in my life. I am, I am in love. Whatever the opposite of imposing is, that's what you're doing.

But you get insecure, right? Are you going to laugh at my little house, my little lighthouse? I don't know what people expect, but it's a nice little house. It's a clean little house.

It's OK. They, they came back with us. We had a few drinks, then what happened? I sent you upstairs, had to change.

To the bed and so I put the clothes away. I hid stuff like anything weird, anything weird, you know what I had out that I was embarrassed? Your shotgun. No, my Nicorette that was stuck on top of a water bottle on my nightstand.

I'm like that's disgusting. Well, that's not that bad. I mean, well, I mean, not for a guest. I want a guest.

I know, but it's not like, like a used diaper. I threw on every air conditioner we owned. I was just like turn everything on. I need it cool and comfortable in here for our guests.

We have guests, everyone, we have guests. Went up to the roof. What's happening on the roof is you get a little bit chatty. I am so excited about these people, and I'm not kidding, like I'm sitting there on the roof just talking to them, just having normal conversation, and I could feel myself getting hard.

I just. I need them right now. Like I want to be with them right now. And then I said that I was like, I'm hot up here.

Can we go downstairs where it's cooler? Just so stupid because normally I'm just like, can we all go get naked? She was like, I thought you're doing it to just get us down in the bedroom, and I'm like, actually I am trying to just get you down in the bedroom. To be honest with you, uh, so they came down.

I just took off my clothes and started to shower. Already hard, by the way. Were you first to shower, or did she? I was first.

I love that part. Excuse me. Welcome to my home. I'm first.

I'm ready. Well, she said she wasn't gonna shower, and then she decided, I am gonna shower, and then he decided he was gonna shower. I don't know if he showered. I don't remember.

And then you decided you were gonna shower. It turned into. The shower part and then that's it and then I just, it just everything happened so naturally and fluidly and I needed it so badly. I hadn't had like any group action in such a long time.

I've been stuck just with you horrible, horrible, so boring. Oh my God, put wigs on you, just not enough, not enough stilts one time. She was, uh, they were just so amazing, and I mean, we were doing things that we should not be proud of. That's what we're doing.

I went and got my wand. Go get it. I want to watch you masturbate. That's so hot.

And I was like, I ran down those, ran down and up the stairs. We live in a lighthouse, so we have to run up and down stairs for everything. I came so much, the volume of my ejaculate ginormous. Yeah, it really was.

Yeah, I was proud of you. I was proud of myself. It's so weird. I'm like, you came so much, baby.

I said something too. Uh, he was like, I was sort of under everybody, and then he was sort of on top, and he was like, I'm gonna come, and I screamed out, come over all of us. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I thought, that was a lot. I mean it like rain down upon us.

Thy God of come. So that is couple number one, and they get a lot of points for being super sexy and super adventurous and super just go with the flow, right? Yeah, I like the way that they did the, you got to say this is what I really want to do right now, and it could be anything. It was like, OK, it's your turn.

Do whatever you want, and you say it out loud. Yeah, they get a lot of points for that. Now moving on, couple number 2 now if you. A little bit bad for couple #2 because I feel like we may have legitimately kidnapped them.

We persuaded them too hard. We did. We did. So I mean, basically we're like, so you wanna, you wanna come back?

You wanna come back? And again they're like, uh, yeah. And then before you know it they're in our car and at our house. That was a super sweet night.

Both really awesome people. I think what attracted me to them was their sense of humor. They kept us laughing. Like a lot, he, I mean, both of them were, and the way that they kind of joked with each other was, was sort of how we are with each other.

Like they pick on each other a lot, and she had, yeah, I don't want to make, I don't want to talk about her appearance, but, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was, it was a very similar relationship, yeah, and, and he had like, I was obsessed with his mouth. You kept talking about his mouth. You're like, I'm obsessed with his mouth. I just can't.

I'm so attracted to the way he talks. I'm like, you're fucking weird, man. Well, yeah. I own my weirdness.

Like they were a couple who weren't like the most experienced couple in the world. I tried to back off a little bit from that. We did not have full sexual relations with them. Uh, we did not do the coitus.

I think that was my fault too. I think I, I thought that she hated me. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I kind of did.

I don't know. I think maybe she was just super in love with you, but that's fine. I don't have to have sex with everybody, just most of them, right? And she was.

A really good kisser. I enjoyed doing like the girly things with her. Yeah, she was really into the females. She really, but and I liked it.

It was really funny. Well, we both looked beautiful together. It was very visually pretty to look at while I was masturbating. That was probably because of our new lamp that we got from our shout out Jeff and Karen and Austin.

Jeff and Karen and Austin, thank you for your black light. It has now come into use for casa de sex. And we had a lot of fun with them, and they get a lot of points because they got into a car with strangers, total strangers, so they get a shit ton of points off property points, yeah, for being super adventurous and trusting us with their lives and their sexuality. They treated us to dinner points.

They did. They paid for dinner. Awesome sauce, yeah. So thank you for that, kind ma'am and sir.

All right. So that was couple number 2. Now, couple number 3. Couple number 3, nobody's on a different playing field, but there was some unfinished business with couple number 3.

I had been promised to have sex with the girl in couple number 3 for a very, very long time, and she was keeping me waiting. And to catch up our listener, the first time that I had sex with her, I lasted under 30 seconds. So I had said I wanna fuck you so hard at one point in the night, right, which is not, by the way, something you should say to anyone ever. I wanna fuck you so hard.

Well, I fucked her hard for at least 17 seconds, and her husband was like, that's it. That was like the recurring joke. I'm like, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.

So anyway, I have been practicing and training for this night for a long, long time, right? Really didn't expect to have them over, but again, it happened. We planned it. We were so happy that they were able to make time for us, and we have a lot of fun with them.

We've had a lot of fun with them in the past. All right, so we are at the point, we've been fooling around. We're naked. We're oily.

Doing stuff we're just naked and doing stuff. Did you know I spilled the oil on the floor? Well, I, I did when I almost had my shoulder dislocated, and that wasn't from me falling on the floor. It was from him falling on the floor and trying to catch himself on my shoulder.

Yeah, so I was fooling around with her, and I'm looking at you guys, and he's standing on the ground while you're on the bed and you're like going down on him, but he can't keep his footing because there's so much oil. All over the floor and he's slipping around, but he's trying to be really cool about everything. Well, yeah, because his penis is in my mouth. Yeah, you cannot look cool getting blown while slipping in an oil slick at the same time.

It just can't happen. So anyway, back to me. So it's time now. It is time for me and she was begging for it, and I may be making some of that up, but she was like, Richard.

I want you inside of me right fucking now. Now this next part is true. So she says, take me, right, and gets into doggy style position. She loves doggy style, right now.

Oh my God. So when this girl, when this woman, when this goddess goes down for doggy style, she looks like Catwoman. She takes a stance like a superhero, right? She, she hunkers down.

It's the only. way I can describe it. Like she's about to, to do it, yeah, like pounce or do a short distance race. She's just ready.

She's ready to go and she sticks her butt way up in the air, and it's the most insane thing I've ever seen in my life. I have no accessibility to pop my ass like that. And I just stared at her like I think I might have started drooling. Oh, she was like, go, man.

So I put my average penis in her and I. Start to go. I start going hard. I've been training for this.

I'm going hard, hard, hard, hard, and I'm going as hard as I can, right? This is like punching the Terminator. Nothing happens. I mean, just I'm having absolutely zero effect on her.

I mean, she enjoyed it. She was enjoying it, right? But it's sort of my dream for her to be like, oh my God, I can't take it anymore. It's way too much.

But she was like, bring it, motherfucker. And I slowly am starting to die. I'm slowly losing my breath and I'm trying it. It's getting hotter and hotter and hotter, like sweating, like sweating hot.

Right, I was so out of breath that you were having sex with him on, on the other side of the bed, and I'm like, Well, let's change positions. I laid her on her side, not because I wanted to do that position, but I needed a little rest. You prop your head up and, yeah, I just lay on my side, the half sex. I just need a break for a little while, but I didn't, I didn't want to tell her that.

Why didn't you make her ride you? I, I don't know. I don't know. I, I, I panicked.

Yeah, you weren't thinking clearly. It's, it's clearly you're out of oxygen. OK, go ahead. I was oxygen deficient, deficient, deprived, deprived, whatever, doesn't matter.

I told her, go back to the resort and you tell everyone Richard fucked me really hard and he's the best sex I've ever had in my life. And I said, you tell everybody that. And she did. She was trying to tell as many people as she could.

They come back a second night, right, because I'm like, I gotta finish this. I went and did cardio that day at the gym just to, just to practice, right? Put in 0.7 miles on the treadmill. I walked most of it.

So she comes over, she gets into that position again. She does the same thing, meow. It's like crazy town, right. I mean, I took a little video of it.

I showed her. I took a tiny video of her in the position while she was going down on you because she sort of did the same thing with her back, and it's just, it's stupid. It's the closest thing I've ever seen to virtual reality porn that's not virtual reality porn. Like I'm looking down at it.

The only thing missing was a giant cock. So now this night I start to go down on her again, bam, bam, bam. I'm. I'm not gonna.

I'm going as hard as I can. Here's the problem. I'm getting equally, if not more tired this time, and I had a little too much to drink, and it's not sitting in my stomach. So not only do I feel out of breath, I almost die and I have to stop and like go lay on the floor in front of a fan.

I didn't know you were being serious. I was like, oh, I was dead serious. It was anyway, great way for me to embarrass myself once again. Um, so I had to just stop doing that.

That is that I really enjoyed them. They get a huge amount of points for saving our lives because there was a scorpion in our house when we came in. Biggest scorpion I've ever seen in my life. Uh, he killed it with a flip flop and an empty roll of toilet paper, just sort of like survival with MacGyver.

But they also lose points for trying to kill me because it was so difficult for me to keep up with her. Yeah, so that is it. But I mean, all, all of them equally fun. They all have their points.

The, the winning couple is us. We are the winning couple. We are the winning couple because we took everyone back here and were able to handle it with finesse, grace, and comma. Ability, that's not excellent host hostess, yeah, I think we did a really good job.

So we are the winners in this, and congratulations, but we can't ever do that shit again, honestly, one couple a week is enough. I'm not trying to do that shit again. I was even thinking like one every 2 weeks. Like you're really going for it.

Well, I don't know. Who knows? A shuttle's looking more and more like a better idea though. I'll tell you that.

That's not a bad idea. Maybe upgrade to a helipad. I don't know if desire would, would do it on their end. So they get a helipad, we get a helipad, and also maybe some pillows for the workshop.

Whatever they want, you know, there may be some, well, we'll start with the pillows, to see if they get us the pillows. Just a sign for the door, something. How about that? Something.

And then we'll ask him for the helipad. I'll put in my request form. What room are you in? 32.

What room are you in? 1111. What room are you in? 2212.

What room are you in? 33. OK. Have you ever left a comment on your way out?

Turn up the heat in the hot tub. Would it be too much for you to ask them to install a helipad? No, that's totally doable. We're going to get a chopper and we're going to heliport people in to our place.

Does this sound like a feasible? Yes. Is it a good idea? Absolutely.

Is there something that you would suggest? Yes, croutons on the salad. When you write that down, will you put underneath it, also need a helipad? Also.

A helipad for Richard. Thank you. Would you be willing on the way out to ask Desire to put in a helipad? Yes, absolutely.

helipad. Sure, helipad, why not? Is a helipad a good idea? Absolutely.

Is a helipad a good idea? Absolutely. Have you ever seen anyone in real life soil themselves? I have 4 kids, so unfortunately that's a strong yes.

Have you ever seen anybody at Desire soil themselves? No, I have not yet, but it's only 3:30. Yes. So there's time.

Have you ever seen anyone soil themselves? I have. What would your reaction be if you saw somebody soil themselves? Find what soil means.

They shat themselves. I run the other direction. Yes, I saw a woman pee herself when she was laughing. That was my wife.

That was my wife. Does anybody know an antonym for the word imposing? You do, meek. This is like, can we come over?

I feel like we're imposing. Welcoming, welcoming. You're being welcoming. Is that the opposite of imposing?

Not imposing, not imposing as well. For the guys here, for the guys, um, have you ever had sex so hard with a woman that you almost passed out because your cardio is not good enough? Anybody? Has that happened to you?

Have a look at her. You can't keep up with this. She's a beast, man. She's, you can't keep up with that.

Do you get lightheaded? Always. Do you go inside position to take a little rest? No, but I might give that a try next time.

That's almost passed out because you got so tired having sex so hard and so fast. Yes. Do you need to work on your cardio like me? Sometimes.

Do you have good cardio when it comes to sex? No. Do you have good cardio when it comes to sex? No, it's the only cardio I probably do.

What is your favorite position that would be non-carddio? Sleeping. Is there a way that you would describe my sexual performance to other guests? What would it be?

I have not yet enjoyed your sexual performance. Could you make something up for them? I think it would be very lame, lame is the word you're looking for. Could you describe to other guests what it's like to have sex with me?

Make it up. Life changing. So I want you in your mind to have sex with me because you can, but now in your mind, I want you to describe what it was like. Come on, you can do this.

What was it like? Was I soft? You had, you can, she's nodding. She's saying no, no, no.

Was, was I soft? Was I gentle? You were silky smooth. How long did I last?

She's. All right, describe what it was like having sex with me in your mind. Uh, in my mind you were extremely forceful and it was very hot and sweaty. Did I choke you a little bit?

You, you did actually. Yeah, I liked it. This is what I just need you to tell the other guests everything you just said. I like her.

You do, yeah, very rough, and you choked me a little. I choked you a little too. I liked it. Would you tell the other guests that it was amazing?

It was amazing. All right, just tell the other guests that. If you said Richard was the best fuck I've ever had, I wouldn't be mad at you, is what I'm saying. Could you describe what it's like to have sex with me?

Not long enough. That's. I'm gonna end it on that one. The end of it early.

All right, thank you guys so much. That is all it. Alright, so this next little bit is something that we had to leave out of the last episode because it was going a little bit too long and actually it's going long again, so I almost cut them again. I know, no, I felt so bad when we did it the first time, but the timeline is just a little bit different.

This next piece took place in August when we were being furloughed, and it is a story that is as old as time, Laura. Well, it is. It reminds us of, you know, our first time. Everyone has a first time, you know, just like a lot of people, they went to desire just for the sexiness, really, not for being in the lifestyle or anything like that.

This couple is just basically looking for a couples only place to go and never really been nude in public. They are definitely not in the lifestyle at all, not even a thought in their brain. And then take a listen. You ready, honey?

I'm ready. So welcome, guys. Thank you so much for calling us on our fancy Zoom meeting. Yeah, hey guys, first of all, thank you for booking with us, and we weren't even polite enough to go there and hang out with you.

I mean, I just, just gave you a bag of crap. Yeah, well, I definitely used a bunny ears. Don't be a Richard hat. I like the photo that you sent me in that one.

It will someday probably never be a collector's item. We were unfortunately not able to be there because we are being furloughed right now. We are not there in August, which I'm sure was a huge disappointment to not only you, but I think the world actually. I know it was, yeah, probably in my own head.

We wanted to be up there. We really did. What grabbed us about you guys is you guys had never. Been to a concept like this, a resort like this, not in the lifestyle.

Is that correct? That's correct. Yep. All right, so what the hell?

Like you just pick up the keyboard, yeah, turn on the internet one day and just be like, hey, let's let's go here. Well, it wasn't quite that spontaneous. Uh, I had an ad in my Facebook. Feed for a couples-only retreat in Bali or the Maldives or something, I forget where.

So I started looking for couples-only retreats closer to home, came across several, did some research, uh, landed on Desire Pearl, which is a little bit closer, to be honest, than Maldives. Yeah, here, I think. I have to get off the globe. I mean, yeah, it's just, it's, I mean, Maldives just, it sounds far.

I love that you just said globe, yeah, the globe, and not too many timelines that we had across, so that was good. You and I kept in touch, Jeff, and, uh, we were WhatsApping through your entire vacation. I was checking on you, making sure everything was. OK, you had an experience.

Well, you ran into someone. Well, wait, you're jumping ahead on these people. I mean, you're going all the way to dessert. I haven't even made it through the appetizers.

All right, in you go. All right, so are you guys nervous at all, or are you more on the adventure side? Oh, definitely nervous, but like I told Lauren before, we don't Half-ass things when we decide to do it. So, you know, in my mind that as soon as we got to desire and we got our stuff put away, trying to get naked.

I would say probably when are we going by Jeff and Karen? Yes, you're Jeff and Karen. So when Jeff first brought out the idea, I was like, yeah, you're crazy. There's there's no way in hell.

No, but, but I was really excited about the clothing optional, uh, aspect of desire because I, I hate wearing bras. So, um, the idea of being completely naked was very, very attractive. Lifestyle, any suggestions of that? You make it sound like that wasn't happening.

You make it sound. Like you're resistant to it, but what happened was I spent about a month reading the desire forums and developing all these great explanations and reasons why we should go, and I proposed it and I said, Karen, you want to go to desire? And she was like, Yeah, OK. Yeah, see.

All of that planning, it worked. It worked out. You were prepared like a good little boy scout. Did you bring up the lifestyle at all?

Oh yeah, I mean, so this is back in February, so we, we talked about it on and off for 6 months before we showed up. How did you bring it up, the lifestyle part of it? I'm always curious with this question. I think the way it really started was we started talking about each other's fantasies.

That's the best. Yeah, that's a great way. That's what we tell all of our listener. But I wanna go back again because you, you people are so horned up that there's other questions that I, I get curious about.

When you're looking at the forms and you're doing all that research because you are just preparing in case Karen is like, no, Jeff, in fact, I'm packing a bag and I'm divorcing your ass because So that didn't happen. What were the things on the forum or anywhere else that you did think, uh oh, that scares me a little bit. I'm not sure about that part. Was there anything like, I, I, for instance, some people think that when you get in there, it's a major orgy, right, right.

So there was a little bit of that, usually. It revolved around somebody's birthday and then, all right, we're going to the pool or we're going to the hot tub or we're going to the beach and we're going to have an orgy. So that's not really what either of us are looking for. We do like the more intimate connections that we make with, yeah, I took my shirt off.

Nice. Yeah, now you're getting a feel for this podcast. You're just getting in the vibe, I think desire, I gotta start shedding clothes, I guess. Yeah, it's like Pavlov's dog.

You bring up the word and he just starts shedding clothes. You guys get there, you're in the lobby, you go to your room. How much time passes between putting your shit down? Half an hour just because I wanted to shower after the flight.

Well, our room wasn't ready, so we went into the box. a locker, threw a bunch of smaller carry-on bags into that, and showered. We walk into the spa and there's clearly a door that has, you know, the woman's sick symbol and the man's symbol, and the lady behind the counter is like, Oh yeah, yeah, the locker's over there, and points straight to the men's locker. Am I not supposed to go to the other ones?

I, no, no, it doesn't matter. Those are just decorations. OK, a suggestion. Yeah, I can't tell you how many times I've been standing in what, what it looks like the men's side of the spa, and a new person comes in.

It's usually a woman. She walks in. I'm standing there. Ass naked and she goes, oh my God, I'm so sorry, and runs out.

It gets awkward when I chase after her going, No, it's OK. It's OK. It's fine. It's fine.

Come back. You had, had you ever been naked in public before? After dark, I think, I mean, I, I play sports. a level that you know, nothing like this.

OK, I'm gonna pretend that it's soccer. That would mean that somewhere you play nighttime naked soccer. No, no, no, no, I'm, I'm comfortable with being naked in front of at least other women. In that aspect, bath time, right, right, I get it.

All right, Jeff, what about yourself? Do you jog at night naked? No, I, I think I went skinny dipping in high school once. You sit down by the pool and now you're naked.

How are you feeling? Nervous yet liberated, I think. Yeah, I think, I think one of the strange things was we, we went out to the pool bar and when I'm standing up in that water, my cock is right at the surface of the water. I feel like it's some driftwood or something just hanging out there.

A lot of new feelings. I like it. It just floats there and it points the way. So that's Richards always says that about the jacuzzi at RM.

And one of the reasons I like the shallowness at RM is because for me, that level is cock high. So even if I get a little bit of a semi, it's just everything is just there. It looks larger with a little refraction of the light. It's just a good look for me.

I like it. I'll tell you, you guys helped me out too, because I was worried I was gonna, you know, sport wood. I, I forget which episode of your podcast you were, you were really emphatic that just Let it fly. So it took kind of that pressure off.

Did you get hard in public a couple of times at the pool right away? Yeah, there was a lot of, a lot of emotions and a lot of new feelings going through, so I just had to come sit on my lap. That's awesome. I love that so much.

Well, you have to remember, guys, that we went to desire for a first time too. That's why we love all these questions because Rich did so much of the research on the forums and read and read and read, and you make these. Things in your brain and then we talked about that like get going there your first time taking your clothes off. It's like I'm just hard all the time.

Yeah, it's just always hard. This is amazing. Love it at this point you guys are naked by the pool and the people around you, um, friendly. I'm guessing you just say yes.

I don't want to hear if there was anybody mean around you. It was very friendly. Was anybody else around you hard? I was not trying to look.

I think. You better next time, Karen. I was looking, yeah, because the only thing better than a hard penis is somebody looking at my hard penis. So true.

It's there. It's doing stuff. Hey people, pay attention. You know, I, I hadn't quite learned the etiquette yet, so I don't want to be, you know, immediately rude.

See, if I was there or we were there, I would have said, hey, Karen, look at all these penises, huh? Only you were there, Richard. Our 3rd day there, there was a lady who'd been in the lifestyle for quite some time, came up to the bar where she just straight out admitted she was staring. Oh, as long as you acknowledge it, I think it's OK.

If that is OK for a woman to come up and say, hey, uh, nice cock. But, uh, if I walk up to a woman, I'm like, Hi, really nice vagina. There's something off. It's looking wet down there.

It just, it does not go over well no matter what tone I use. You are not in the lifestyle at this point, not at all. OK, now you did in fact wind up, was it meeting or talking to another couple? Oh, so we, we ended up running into another couple, kind of checking out from across the pool, I guess.

Uh, but when we finally started talking, we found out that they were huge fans of you guys. Uh, so that was kind of at least a common area that we started chatting, talking about how amazing your massages workshops, and I have to say, I think. Your workshop was actually one of the arguments made that convinced me that Zire might be a good place to go to. So here you guys are talking for what I'm guessing is 2 to 3 hours about me and Lauren and how amazing we are.

It was more than that because it started Wednesday night and continued. I understand it's a lot. It's a lot to talk about. 24 hours straight, really, no sleep at all.

Yeah, we get it. So at some point now, are these people, are they in the lifestyle? Do you know that they're in the lifestyle? They, they had been in the lifestyle for about a year, and you knew that because you asked them or they told you, you know, it's late, it's 12 o'clock in the morning in the hot tub, and I said, hold on, they're, they're almost done with what they're doing over there.

I think they're gonna come over. So you're at the jacuzzi and this couple is what, up on a bed? Are they in the jacuzzi? They're in one of the beds.

You're gawking at them, I'm guessing you got a drink in your hand, Karen. You have some popcorn and you guys are just a little more discreet than that. And what are they doing in that bed? Are they oral?

Are they, are they having sex? From our angle, all we can see your feet. For some people that's really hot. Yeah.

They may or may not be doing something in the bed. So Jeff convinced me to just wait a little longer. So they came over, talked for a half hour or so, and went to bed. Yeah, I don't even remember what the conversation was about.

All right, so do you guys go to bed that night and talk about sort of what just happened, like, hey, maybe I'm just saying, maybe that fantasy we were talking about. We, we did, we, we talked about, so did you think he was attractive or what did you think of her? There were some comments about certain body parts. Yeah, OK, yes.

The next day, do you see them by the pool? They were down on the beach. They got a cabana down on the beach while we were playing volleyball, and we talked about lunch and we meet at the Aphrodite. We're clothes, they're naked.

What was going on? It's like, oh, let's just grab a pizza and go eat by the pool. He had walked by and saw us clothed, so we go back to the pool, got naked again, and then he shows up clothed. So back and forth, taking off clothes, putting them back on.

I think as soon as I found out that we're gonna eat by the pool, I was already stripping my clothes off at the pizza. Where's the first point where some sort of sexuality sort of happens between these two couples? Have you played sexy Pong? Have you played sexy Pong?

I, I have played it before. It has never led to a hookup though. So we played it and. In the progress of that game, she kissed me in the cock, and he kissed her nipples and her pussy.

That is an effective game. Is it jacuzzi time yet? Is it OK, so we're at the jacuzzi. We both grabbed beds next to each other and we're just talking to our own spouses.

You know, one of the reasons we were really looking forward to coming to Desire was your workshop. Sorry again. I know, I know I'm just going to keep saying I'm sorry. Finally, I looked over to the other bed and I explained that Karen was really looking forward to the.

Because they had had your workshop before. I asked if they would be willing to try and recreate it. This is brilliant, by the way. Good.

I mean, you are such a professional lifestyler. You should be out there teaching a workshop. You know, they told me that the same thing when they left. They're like, Hey, you want to hook up with someone else, make sure you use that line.

That was very effective. Yeah, that's awesome I mean. The only prerequisite is if you know us and took our workshop before. All right, so go on.

So you're like, hey, why don't you do the yoni on us? I was surprised by how enthusiastic they were. Yeah, they, they jumped into our bed. He ran back to the room to get some coconut oil.

Wow, he got some music, mattresses, blindfolds. He got business cards. Did everything. He's taking our workshop over.

That's true. So did you finally get your six-handed massage? Started with 4 and came back and sure enough, um, yeah, but the difference between oil and no oil was, was intensely different. Oh my gosh, that was, that was quite an experience.

She, she lost track of space and time for about 15 minutes there. The other ladies says, I'm going to try and recreate what Lauren did for me. Oh, I don't know what you did for her, but bravo. That's good, I like it.

Now, is this a precursor to what's gonna happen later? Is there more that's gonna happen? Are you guys talking about everything like step by step? I don't, I don't think we were doing much talking, no.

Karen was doing a little moaning, but you would. I was interpreting those sounds as keep going, so. So is that as far as it went? Is that everything that happened?

Was that your first experience? No, we're just getting started, Richard. All right, so go on. I suggested we go back to our room.

I mean, listen to you. This is a guy who's in the Maldives looking for couples places, not in a lifestyle, only been skinny dipping when you're in high school, I'm guessing. Now you're like, hey, let's go to the room. Yeah, you're doing everything.

You're doing all the heavy lifting. That's what I said. Why am I doing this? I'm the new here.

So we're sitting on the couch again. I initiate the rules. Again, professional. I did my research.

I listened to podcasts. Yeah, he came very well prepared, much, much more so than I did. And you had an amazing time. It became a kind of a two girl show for a while there, and that was her first real experience.

That was amazing. And uh an hour and a half later we came up for air. Wow, how are you guys doing emotionally with this, being that you've, you've never done it before? Are you just like, yeah, this is what we do now, like the text, yeah, we're in a lifestyle since, uh, yesterday.

Yeah, pretty much, um, so. We're enjoying ourselves. We set up a Cassidy account, so I think we're going forward with this. And how long have you guys been together?

We've been married over 10 years. You're just in a very exciting place right now. Did you send 19 emails on Cassidy like, Hey, everybody, come over my Gmail contacts? Yes.

Is there something about it all that surprised you? How natural it was. I mean, it was, I expected our first time playing with another couple, there'd be elbows and knees bumping into each other. It was, it was just very easy and natural and seamless.

During the playtime, did you feel? More connected to each other. I was definitely enjoying watching her with him and her both. Like igniting new feelings and sort of like seeing her in a new sexy light.

All right, I, I, I'm not going to lie, at that moment, I don't think I had a thought in my mind. That's so great. To be able to not overthink because one of the things that we all do, especially in this world, is we do overthink and overanalyze so many things. So to even say that there are parts of you that are so way ahead than a lot of people even ever get to in this world.

I'm really happy that you guys are full-fledged lifestyle. Level 14 walking orgasm. Yeah, walking orgasm. I was like I forgot what our scale was.

We're just getting started, Richard. Oh my God, there's more before we went to desires, Karen and I talked about things that we were wanting to try and things that we definitely wouldn't. On that list was we're not going into the playroom. Of course we went into the playroom, of course you did.

After about an hour of that, yeah, and then, and then we headed right back to our room again. So round 24, was it 4? Is that round 4? I have no idea.

You hooked up with these people 4 times, I guess so, yeah. Wow, that is quite the first trip. Now, I wanna, I wanna steer caution away from our listener that may be thinking about going to desire. This, this actual visit may not represent your visit.

When you come to desire objects and mirror me closer than they appear, but it, but it could if you, if you take our friend Jeff's class. Could go exactly like that. When Lauren told me the story, she, she read me the texts. I was super happy and super sad that we weren't there because this is the first time we really didn't get to meet anybody book through us, really.

We're sorry. We'll forgive you this time. Yeah, we'll forgive you. We'll, we'll book more appropriately next time.

Do you have any plans of coming back? Do you like the place? Do you wanna see? Do you want to do anything different?

Do you want to go to the Maldives now? No, I think we're definitely coming back. Woohoo. Yeah, we'll, we'll see, we'll see, we'll see when the timing is right.

Did you set up your first date on Cassidy yet? No, we have not. We've just been there for about 48 hours now or so. Well, and you've been validated by us.

You're welcome. Yes, we have. Thank you, with our, with our human-like genitalia. I don't know who wrote that, but it's very funny.

It's definitely some ringing endorsement there. Thanks. Yes, thank you guys so, so much. Uh, we really appreciate it.

I really can't. I really wanna meet you guys again, um, and, an actual person instead of this WhatsApping and. Video stuff. So, you know, keep in contact with those crazy Canadians.

Bring them down maybe next time you come. OK, we'll get, we'll get you a real six-handed massage. We're always here if you have any questions, or you run into anything, or please reach out to us. All right, we will.

All right, Lauren, that is about it. I gotta tell you, I was, uh, not happy today at the resort. It was raining all day. I thought you were gonna say because someone didn't come to the workshop.

I was upset they didn't come to the workshop. You know who you are. But no, I, I was, it was just rainy all day. It's just people seem to get very horny when it's rainy.

I think they're all just bored, so they're just extra horny. When I was giving the announcement for the workshop, everybody was staring at me. I was like, Oh my God, they are so we're gonna be packed. Everyone is intently watching me talk about the workshop.

Didn't know right behind me, dude was getting a blowjob. Unbelievable. We're not listening to a damn thing I was saying. I really thought we had a.

audience. No, it was the guy getting the blowjob. Oh damn it. So now you know what you have to do next time.

You blow me while I talk about the workshop. I think that might work actually. Let's do it. It'll get everyone's attention.

They will like it. All right, well, thank you, listener, for hanging in there. It was almost our last episode. I know you were almost sad.

We were saved by 3 very kind and kind of hoary couples that we will continue on our journey, I guess. For now, right? Yeah, well, they're definitely adventurous spirits. Well, we'll keep going, and if we run out of material, the next month will be our last episode.

Yes, now this is where we mentioned the affiliate. Thank you, Lauren, for letting people click on your box. I love it. I was feeling very tickled this month.

If you're thinking about going to Desire or you're planning on going to Desire or Temptation or a cruise, go to our website, click on Lauren's box. It will take you to Desire. It's that easy. If you get to the resort and you say that you're a fan of the podcast and you're wearing a yellow bracelet or a white bracelet, I'm just gonna dunk you now.

You didn't book through us. Yes, if even if you're a girl, I'm just gonna straight up dunk you and if you say, hey, why did you do that, I'm gonna say, you don't listen to the show. You're not a real fan. No, real fans click my box.

Yes, so to thank those people who did click on your box who came and visited us this month and were our special. VIP guests, which states did they come from? Lauren, tell us. North Carolina, Louisiana, Maryland, South Carolina, Texas, Florida, Ohio, Oklahoma, Alabama, Michigan, Missouri, New Jersey, Arizona, and New York.

Oh, see, very special states. There's swingers everywhere, and we can price match now. We don't understand the instructions of how to do it, but we'll figure it out eventually. Doesn't matter.

We can do it if you find a cheaper price, we'll match it. And you get a free stereo. Stereo not included. And if you can't book through us, consider supporting us on Patreon and enjoy special things like this week I put up a small documentary film, I mean really super small, like 5 minutes small, of us going to our first swinger party here in Mexico in Playa del Carmen.

Wow. So who are the wonderful strangers that are giving us money? Who are the new ones? So thank you, Sid, Mickey, and Bert Scott Mclovin for changing his pledge.

We love you, Kristen. And my favorite Yoni Wan Kenobi, Robert Kennedy, artfully touched, Eugene, Steven, Nikki, Kevin Mangold, and Rick and Tanya. Thank you guys. We really appreciate it.

And now you have finally helped us get over the edge because we have quite a few Patreons now, right? I have finally, this is a surprise to you, hired the engineer to start the foundation on the helipad, and I, I did, and I paid a little extra. I'm gonna have it feng shutuate. Yeah, just so it has that extra I'm not gonna crash land feel feel to it.

Yeah, you're welcome. But anyway, that's about it. So I am now obsessed with finding couples at the resort and getting them back to the house now. I just, I'm having a problem because I just Wanna walk up to strangers and be like, hey, um, you wanna come to my house, which sounds super creepy.

I just need counseling. And last but not least, thank you to Malibu Strings, the bikini that makes parents around the world say out loud, are we done fucked up at some point. Make sure to pick up your phone right now and follow us on all your little social media apps and then call your mother. She misses you.

And that about does it for us. For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast.

Now get your clothes and get out.