Ep. 10: Screwing Your Friends and Anal Candy for Ian

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. Views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Fed up with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we do what we love work, party, and play at the Desire resort. After 15 years in the lifestyle together, we thought we saw it all, but we were so wrong, so wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day.

So come to room 77. Let's play. All right, we have started and we're on with Madison. We talk to her every day.

Well, I talk to her every day, all day, all day long, every day, all day long. I talk to you more than I talk to my wife, and that's mainly because she hates me. It's just you're way more creative than I am. I just wish your connection was better.

I do. I don't know if you're on the internet or you're on 2G or I am in the United States and you're in Mexico. Are you kidding? It sounds like you're on a can with a string.

That's what it sounds like. I am on an iPhone and I'm sitting in, but I think it's a good zone, is it not? Is this causing problems? It's causing my listener is not going to like it.

Am I not your only listener? Yes, right now you are. You're our best listener. Now Madison is one of the first people, the couples that we met at Desire when we started there, one of the first, the inspiration really to do a lot of the things that we're doing now and Today she was texting me things that I don't even remember.

Uh, why don't you remember them? I don't know. She said she claims that when we met, I was hungry and I ate an apple in her room. Hungry.

You ate an apple in my, in my room. You did. Come on now. I don't know.

I don't know how you remember that. It was life changing, right? Yeah, it totally was completely. All right, now let's talk about big penises because.

What happened, what happened, uh, last night is there was this guy and he was at the resort, and we talk about him with his wife. Well, yeah, obviously, he's he didn't just wander up from the beach. I know, but so this guy and his wife, both really lovely people, were at the resort. We actually talked about him in a, in an earlier segment because he came to the workshop.

He had the largest penis we've ever seen, and my first reaction is, oh my God, honey, you have to have sex with him. Which I think is a normal reaction from a husband, right? Absolutely. But I, but I'll tell you this, long story short, we did it.

We did it. They, we, we let them seduce us. We tried to play hard to get, it didn't work really well. We didn't really play hard together at all.

How do you feel about large penises? I was like, I love a large penis, but how large are we talking? It was like a water bottle, yeah, like a water bottle. One of my early on experiences was with a guy that I nicknamed Pepsi because he was like a Pepsi soda can, like the Red Bull version.

So like much longer. But like a traditional like Coke or Pepsi can girth, it was just too big. I needed days in between and it was painful. It was, I mean, it was great.

Don't get me wrong, but it was like you had to like prepare and then make sure you had a few days off afterwards. I've never seen a guy have slower sex with my wife in my life. Yeah, I mean, obviously he's had this penis his entire life, so I asked, so he knows he can't like just go at it. No.

Oh, he's so new. No, he knew. Meanwhile, I was next to him having sex with his wife, and I was going hard and fast like, look what you can't do. I, huh?

You like me fucking her with this average penis. Look how fast I can go. That's fantastic. God, I don't know if she felt me.

Yeah, I was looking at him like, ha ha. That's so funny. When I saw you, I didn't want to miss it, right? Yeah, it was like the birth of our child.

Like I. When I looked down, I looked down, I got sort of in between there just so I can see it because I enjoy watching. And I saw her legs and then I saw another leg that was inside of her. That's what it looked like.

I, I needed like an epidural, that's what I felt like, but. Yeah, she was, uh, she do understand that feeling. She was really, she was really sore afterwards. It's, yeah, it's, it's something that like it takes a few days after that to recover.

Exactly. Hear that, ladies? Hear that? You're better off with me penis, yeah, #a penis better penis.

Uh, when are you coming back to Mexico? Early in the spring, hopefully like February or March at the latest. All right, what is your favorite thing about me? Oh God, no.

My favorite thing about you is that you keep me entertained throughout the week. All right, that's true. What is your least favorite thing about my wife? Um, that she doesn't like to text.

Wow. Oh, straight to the heart. Oh, it's so true. It's so true.

She's not lying. Yeah, she's lying lying. I have to tell her to text her own mother. She just sent me an email actually that said, I'm glad to hear everything's OK.

I just never know what is going on in your life. I'm not kidding. That email just came in like 2 hours ago. Her not knowing.

What's going on in your life is probably in her best interest. It's in her best interest right now. Would you have any questions for us? Oh, I'm super jealous that you guys are down at the resort all the time.

It's not a question. I know I'm trying. I'm trying. So what's like the hottest thing that you guys would say you did recently?

Uh, had sex with some guy's leg. Without an epidural. Oh God, what was the hottest thing you've done recently? You know, recently we were with a couple.

We briefly met them at Desire, briefly. I mean, like we had a quick dinner that night. Side note, we actually ended up with you guys, which. It's really bad.

We're like, Oh, we can't go out later. We're going to hang out with these two. Well, now you just told everybody. I know, I know messed up.

All right, anyway, they don't listen. It's OK. So, thanks. I hate them.

Yeah, I'm never speaking to them. I don't even know why you're hooking up with these people. English is not their primary language. It works out well.

We're working on our Dutch audience. Exactly. We actually stayed with them for a few nights and it was awesome. It was really relaxing and, and her and I got to kind of like bond a little bit.

It was just hot, but it took some time to put that effort in. We traveled to a foreign country twice to see these people. Well, I'll just say you're a better person than I am. No, no, no, no, you.

You guys couldn't have been sweeter with us the 1st 2 times that we met you. Not the 3rd time, 3rd time just better be a charm. All right. 3rd time I'm just going to show up naked and be like, we're having fun or we're not.

I love you too. You guys are like friends for life and nothing changes. Yeah, you're stuck with us. Thank you so much for for talking to me.

We'll talk to you soon. Good night. Give your husband a hug. Give him a hug from me and tell him I can't wait to meet him.

I I will give Don a big hug for you. I am here with, where are your bracelets? You snuck in from the beach. Oh, there you are.

What room are you guys in? 82. Welcome 82. This is when it comes to the male anatomy, how big is too big a salami, a salami.

That's really, that would, that would be fucking huge, and I'm feeling really shitty about myself right now. Oh no. So what room are you in? We're in room 56.

Room 56. How big? Big is too big. What matters is capability of using it.

What if it hurts? If it hurts, then no go. It's width. It's width.

It's width, but it's so a water bottle as thick as a water bottle. You, you, you're starting to cross that line of it starting to. I'm so screwed. OK, no bigger than a cucumber, an average sized cucumber, please say an average size cucumber.

An average size. Thank you for saying exactly what I told you to say. Can you speak up? You speak up.

I just said it feels good on my butt because I heard it when I was running. So, hey, how are you? Hi. We started, so you should be in a good mood because this means you get to talk to me.

Yes. Welcome to the table? I'm just kidding. Welcome to the table.

Thank you. Crap. I had a place I was going to start off. You always distract me with my beauty.

Always your beauty. Oh, it's so distracting that I most of the time that's why my eyes are closed. It's not that I'm napping. It's just too much.

You need a break. Yeah, I just, I can't, I can't even. You're so funny. I'm not happy that I'm smoking again.

And our Nicorette was supposed to come here, I think yesterday. Was it yesterday? Yes. Yeah, yesterday.

And our friend who was supposed to bring it faked some sort of sickness. I'm in the hospital, somehow took a picture of himself in an ER getting prepped for surgery. Well, he might have some connections. I don't know, but it looks, it seems like a whole ruse to me.

All I care about is, hey, where's my nickel? Right, because now I'm smoking again. I got to tell you, kids, don't smoke. It's not worth it.

Yes, it makes you look cool. Yes, it gets the girls, but it's just unhealthy. It makes your breath smell great. Oh my God, people love licking ashtrays, usually.

They do. Yeah, it's great. I really don't enjoy it. I feel like a leper when we're at the resort.

I really do. We're doing really good. What happened? You make me smoke again.

Yes, you're so beautiful. I just, I can't, I just can't even do it, you know, so, no, it's just, it's a combination of stress and, and I got to tell you, when you are trying to quit a vice, do not try to do it at desire. It is not the place, hey, you know what, I'm going to tone down the drinking a little bit and go to desire. You know what the best place is to, uh, if you're training for a triathlon, the place you should go is.

Desire. Yeah, you know, the places that you go to cleanse, cleanse yourself? This is the opposite. Desire is like, yeah, as a retreat is to a cleanse, desire is to polluting.

Corrupting. Yes. But anyway, I hope that my friend who's in the hospital, allegedly getting surgery feels better. I hope he's chewing my gum while he's there.

That's, let's be light and cheery. OK, light and cheery. Uh, my football team lost this weekend and my aunt died. No, my aunt did not die.

We keep talking about friends. We're all friends, friends, friends, friends are up there. Friends? Is that a song that I just made up?

Listen, see if you can get it from my lyrics that I know. Friends, something, something, something, something. No, that's kids. What song am I singing?

Singing kid, kids, something something something friends. No. Oh God, you're going to try and shazam yourself. Can I do that?

I don't know. Good luck. Hey, Google, listen to me. What's the song that goes, friends, la la la la papa?

I remember you told me Ramon is my best friend. Oh God, he doesn't even work there anymore. Ramon quit Google. This is what I'm talking about.

God, I miss the synthesizer. I So I am correct. It is not. What did you think it was?

I thought it was something called kids. Kids, how many of us have them? No. That's how many of us.

No, it's friends. How many of us have them? And that's, uh, that's one of the things that we're learning very quickly here in the lifestyle, especially down in Mexico and leaving people behind and leaving friends behind, uh, and making friends here, and I think the friends inside the lifestyle are so amazing. They're so different than friends you make outside of the lifestyle.

Well, it's definitely the path to making that friendship or the, the. The path of that friendship is a lot shorter. That road is a lot shorter to sort of reach the same intensity level of maybe a vanilla friend. Yeah, except for my lying friend who pretend to have a disease.

I went to the hospital and didn't bring me my Nicorette. Yeah. So, uh, so this was a really tiring week. You know what I did get to have out of it?

What sex with a hot girl. Yeah, yeah, which made me really, really nervous. And I got to have sex with the hot guy. You did.

I mean, it was the longest flirting period I think I've ever had in my life. It was like 6 days because we didn't know they were in the lifestyle. I had no idea, and they gave no sign. No, they're like poker players.

I was so tired going into everything. I was literally on the fringe of just physically my penis not working, which is just an anxiety in and of itself. At this point, I knew, I'm like, my body's exhausted, but when we finally got naked with them, I just wanted to eat her. And I didn't know if they were, let alone swingers or in the lifestyle.

I didn't know they were a full swap. And then they threw condoms on the table. So I thought, as Eddie Izzard says, sex is on, yeah. So I, you know, at that point I start to panic, you're seeing if it's going to work.

Well, yeah, sort of. I gave you very strict instructions. You know, when you're in a plane, and they're like, if your gas mask falls off, make sure to take care of the child. Next to you before you put your own gas mask on.

That's actually what they don't say. OK, they say, put your gas mask on and then assist the child and then assist the child. In this situation, you need to assist me first. So I don't know if that makes sense, but I'm like, can I have sex with her?

And you're like, Yeah, get a condom. No, no, you get a condom because I have to, I have the job of staying hard right now. I'm busy. I'm busy busy right now.

My brain is still going, Oh no, you're going to have sex. So, and I don't know if you know this, that moment between, hey, let's have sex and taking a condom out of its packaging, it's stressful. OK. Why are you looking at me like that?

Because it's just funny to me. Your penis is like, oh no, why isn't your penis like, yeah. All right, let's go back to the plane scenario. Help.

Partner before you help yourself. That's not what it is. Whatever it is, right, it makes sense to me. Now, let's say we're plummeting to the ground and we're losing pressure.

Oh no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, it probably feels fun, like a roller coaster, but all the time you're hearing losing pressure, losing pressure, altitude, pull up, pull up. Pull up.

You're in the cockpit. Yeah, I need a co-pilot at this point to get a condom. Yes, get a condom and put it on the stick so I can steer this plane, right? But I'm losing altitude and I'm losing everything at this point and Uh, you look at me, I'm like, hey, sex is, I look at you and I say, hey, sex is on, yeah?

And you're like, yeah, then go get a fucking condom. I was busy with her hot husband. Try to be less seductive lover, my wife, more my assistant. Like if we were a magic act.

Like where you're handing me things, you know what I mean, and you're just sort of presenting. That's how you got to think of that moment between condom and putting the condom on. Why don't we just make it more practical where I wear one all the time. Now that's not a bad idea.

That's a horrible idea. How would I urinate? Oh, OK. So what if you just put one on my person, maybe.

Maybe I have it on my person. This is turning into a good idea. What if you wear them as earrings, right? So they're always there, kind of sexy.

You have condom earrings on. That's what I'm doing. I was, I was so into her, but so insecure. So I get very, very turned on and then my brain turns on me.

Like, is your scruff scratching her vagina? And when I look at her, I'm like, Oh, she's. Looking at me. I wish she wouldn't look at me.

Oh my God. It would be better for both of us if she just shut her eyes and thought of somebody way more handsome. That would be better for me. You need to turn your brain off and just think about the enjoyment.

I do that and then and then it switches back. Like I'm like, all the leaves are all the leaves are, does she think your penis is too small? And then it just sort of slips in there, you know what I mean? Maybe you should have been in her husband's arms because there was no way my brain was switching.

I could tell he looked like a much better lover than me. Again, it was like, oh, the leaves are brow. Should I be doing what her husband's doing? Is that when she, she left and went, went to the bathroom.

Yeah, yeah, but, uh, so thank you, lady. That was good lady. That was good sex and man, I don't know how your experience was with her husband. It was really nice because the difference is, and I'll, and I'll tell you this, there's a very fine line of having sex with someone else and then that gets that creepy.

Creepy thing where it's like it gets too intimate, but he managed to meld both of those and find like this perfect point where they meet. I'm sure there's some sort of math term for that, but I'm going to leave that too. I understand that. And it was, it was just so nice and so different.

It was like it, it made me feel sexier without feeling disconnected. From you. It was just a way of expressing, you know, sexual desire through another way instead of it being like, I'm going to shove my fingers in and out of you like that. It was just very different.

It was just a different take, and I just, it, it so went along with exactly who he is that it was like, Oh, this is so wonderful. I went completely another way and proposed to her. Which probably made her feel uncomfortable. Yeah, it was a little awkward, uh, but good.

Maybe some other time you'll be in, in his arms once again, maybe like a princess. You are beautiful and you deserve to be held by another man. You deserve to be held at some point. We forgot about the affiliate program.

Affiliates, yes, because I hate talking about it. Listen, if you're out there and you're able to book through our website, we get 10% of your booking. So then that helps us do things like. Have food and shelter.

Shelter, that's a good one, and clothing. So, uh, it really helps us out if you go and book through our website, it costs you no money and helps us out. Uh, but also speaking of money and endorsements, you got an endorsement that I want to kind of brag about a little bit. You're so cute.

Well, I think it's cool. Malibu Strings saw you on Instagram and reached out and said, Hey lady, we want you to wear more of our. Stuff and look sexy. Keep doing what you're doing and uh we're gonna send you stuff.

So they had asked, keep taking photos and, and mention them on the uh on the podcast, which we don't really know what to say because they didn't tell us what to say. They just said, mention us on the podcast. So here we are mentioning Malibu strings, and we don't really know if they have a slogan, so we should just come up with positive things that are catchy. Yeah, like Malibu strings made from fabric.

Malibu strings. They're not edible, but they look like they are. Yes, Malibu strings not made in Sudan by slave children. I mean, I can't take all the credit because I did do some photos with Sarah Clayton once.

Sarah Clayton was at the resort and she, she did a workshop there, right? So, OK, we went to her workshop, which was, it was so fun. It's just fun like getting to hang out with. It was like being in the jacuzzi, but doing something different than letting your fingers turn into.

Little raisins in the jacuzzi and talking to the people and stuff, there's a participation section of the workshop and you got to do poses and then she helped us like get into the pose or whatever, because you're a very strict photographer. So the other partner was the photographer. But when I was modeling and you're being the photographer, you're very hard, you're very tough. And so I said, give me your camera and you be the model.

And so then we switched and nailed it. That's the end of that story. Nailed it, nailed every pose, and I will put them up on our website. What they did was really cool is they put up different angles and different ways to shoot and to position your body, and then they put up certain poses on the screen and then Copy that pose and mine came out stunning.

I mean stunning. I'm not going to lie. If I get a call from Malibu Strings, I won't be shocked. It's not that this is a competition because it's not, but if that class was a competition, kicked your ass.

I kicked your ass all over that class, and I don't think I was the only one that noticed it. Oh God, the couple on the bed, we had to share a bed with a couple. They kept, they were dying. Yeah, they sent a message.

They sent us a message said still waiting for the photos to go up, so I'm going to post them on the website so you can see how, what month, by the way, does Victoria's Secret do their show? They they do a couple, I think they do a Christmas one. I'm going to have to probably clear my calendar. What room are you guys in?

61. All right, I'm here with room. What room were you in? 16.

What room were you in? 34. What room are you in? 69.

Were you really? No, 77. Now I have a couple questions for you. How much do you love screwing your friends?

Love, love it. Love it. Not screwing them over, just screwing them. Just screwing them or screwing them over?

Just screwing. I love screwing my friends. They're wonderful people. It depends on how we met them, I guess.

Yes, because you know them, you know their limitations, you get to know what they like, what they don't like, and it's not just about the screwing around, so to speak. It's actually like the after, like having drinks and food and enjoying like a great experience. Do you trust your Lifestyle friends more than your vanilla friends? Yes, of course I do, because they're not judgy.

Who do you trust more, your lifestyle friends or your vanilla friends? Oh, my lifestyle friends, definitely lifestyle friends. I would trust my lifestyle friends more, and the lifestyle friends know how to keep a secret. Exactly.

You get arrested for lewd behavior in public. Who do you call to bail you out, your lifestyle friend or your vanilla friend? Lifestyle friend. Who do you call lifestyle or vanilla friends?

Oh God, lifestyle. They would be able to like get us that get out of jail free card. That's awesome. Do you feel like you have a different bond with lifestyle friends than you do with vanilla friends?

There's more of a common connection with the lifestyle friends. You have a tighter bond. They're less judgmental. Yeah, there's definitely a lot less judgment.

The easiest way for me to explain it is in the lifestyle. It's all available to him, and if he's not going, then I don't have to worry. The way we are with each other, their husbands and my, we're all one relationship. The 12 of us are just one relationship, so we've been together about 10 years, no drama.

Do you have any vanilla friends that you want to screw, but you can't? Perhaps there is, but we, we know that they're just, it would never happen. Coming out of vanilla would just scare them. Yeah, you do, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you work with some hot girls, yeah, I bet you do. You're, they're probably all over you too, you fucking animal. Look at you. Do they know?

No, I have no idea. No, I think they'd be shocked. Well, he's pretty mild mannered, so they'd be shy too. He's very shy.

He's very sweet though. He's got a sweet face that I trust, but a body that would rip me in half. All right, you die, who deletes your browser history, your lifestyle friend or your vanilla friend? My lifestyle.

My lifestyle friend. And have someone delete your browser history, who would you trust more, Lifestyle or vanilla Friends? Lifestyle. Oh no, my lifestyle friends, 100% is this statement, I trust my lifestyle friend who fucked my wife more than my vanilla friend that hasn't.

Is that statement true or false? True, that is true, right? Lifestyle friend who has, because I can trust them with that, so I can trust them with anything. Thank you so much.

Nice to meet you too. Can't wait to do it again. I wanna be your lifestyle friends that you, that you fuck next time, next time, next time. All right, we started.

I mean, we've been trying to get you for not sexually, no, sexually, that'd be too easy. That's been going on for quite a while. Yeah, so I believe when we first spoke about it, we set the date at the 32nd of February. So this is Ian.

Ian, Ian works at our local watering hole in the restaurant that we go to in Puerto Moreles. We wanted to have you on because we've never really had anybody on that's not in the lifestyle, that's not involved with what we do or anything. So our listener knows you are not in the lifestyle, correct? The lifestyle.

I have a lifestyle which I adhere to daily, but you're not in our lifestyle. You have your own lifestyle that you adhere to. We bribed you with burgers and beer and told you we're going to record with you. And on the way here, so I can explain it to you, my dear wife, you went back into the car.

I was getting bit by mosquitoes. You were getting bit by mosquitoes. So while I'm in there waiting for the burgers, a couple comes in and they know Ian. Oh my gosh.

Everybody knows Ian in town. I know, right? So they, they come in and they start to talk to Ian. The girl is Colombian, was she?

Colombian. Pretty, kind of young. And the guy was, what is he? He says he's from Pennsylvania, but I think he just crawled out from under a rock somewhere.

No, no, he's, he's from Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. So she came in, she started aggressively start to attack you. Just be in my face.

Right? Like, and I wasn't with you. I was doing a fantastic job of ignoring you. Is that correct?

Absolutely correct. Then she spots me and she comes over to me. This is where it gets weird, because I just left Desire. We constantly have couples talking in a very sort of flirtatious section.

Desire mode. We, we talked about it being in desire mode, semi-provocative, kind of flirtatious talk. Yeah, exactly right. This girl says to me, uh, come have beers with us.

And at that moment I'm like, holy shit, this chick is trying to get a threesome with me. And she kept asking, and I'm looking at Ian like, I mean, at that stage, I was just happy that the focus had been shifted off of me. Well, of course. I was just like, OK, perfect, she's looking at him now, and like I, I have to deal with her thing.

But you have to agree that barely happens ever in real life, where a girl is aggressive. trying to find a single guy. Totally. Why does that never happen with people that I want to have sex with?

Like, you know what I mean? Like, why is it always the people who I'm just like, oh no, run. Like when can someone that I do want to have sex with please accost me like that? Like, I'm only sad that you weren't there.

Yeah, I know. I feel like, were you wearing your I'm a swinger or well, my shirt does say Adios pantalones, and she is Colombian. She wasn't reading that. I can't read it from here.

Like you wore glasses. Well, he has them on. So as a vanilla, what do you find the most intriguing about this lifestyle? I mean, the most interesting thing about it to me is like, oh sweet, I'm gonna, if I do that, I'm gonna get to have loads of sex, like more than I'm currently having.

That's a big draw. That's like honestly, like, yeah, that's a draw. I feel like that's standard human nature as far as I'm concerned. Like, I don't know if I'm a person who wants to have sex more than other people, but I definitely, it's like, yeah, it's mostly of what occupies my mind.

What are you more? with just more sex or more sex with different people. Variety of partners and situations and situations. Well, you can have a variety of situations with one woman, like, I feel like, like my, my base natural or or like animalistic instinct would be like, yes, variety, seeing people in the street and you're like, oh, she's sexy, I would like to have sex with her.

That would be the base thing. But I, I do also understand that it's probably just easier if you're doing it with one woman. Like if you could find one woman where you could have many different sexual. Situations and be fully, what's the word, like satiated or whatever.

Like, if you could be fully like, have your sexual thirst quenched by one woman. Do you as a person believe in monogamy? Thus far, it's been a failure. Thus far for me, I have not succeeded in that.

I definitely like the concept, but like I have a skewed view. My parents have been together since they were 13 years old. Do you know if they were monogamous? Yeah, I've had a few fairly frank discussions with my father, and I think yes.

My mother, on the other hand, that's slut. Do you believe it's, it's possible, not possible, but do you believe it's natural? It's, it's a, it's a question I've, I've tried to answer in my own head a bunch of times. I don't know.

I honestly don't know. The thing that I sometimes forget is that jealousy that I once had, that initial reaction, that reaction of, oh my God, someone else is touching my. Girlfriend or wife or whatever that is. And I sometimes now, because I've been in this world for so long, disregard that that is a valid emotional response for someone.

And I think you're guilty of that also. Absolutely. How do you mean she's guilty of that? She totally disregards it, or, or We can sometimes, unfortunately, disregard the feeling.

of people who are new to this world, who don't understand the world. So what we could come off as being very like, why, that's such, that's such a silly reaction. It's, it's so much fun to do it with your partner in the room. I forget the growing pains and the fights and the jealousy that happened.

How long did that last roughly? It's 15 years we've been together, that's how long it's lasted. So it's still. I am so disgusted by her behavior.

No, it depends. It's situational. There are still situations, even, even after 15 years that does it depend on the guy? No, it depends on the situation.

It's, it could be a girl, it could be anything. It's respect. It's respect and playing by the rules. So in other words, I'll give you an example.

In our world, in our particular world, this doesn't mean for everybody, but in our world, she couldn't necessarily just. Go up to some random guy and just start making out with him or a girl or a girl. That would be, that's, that's a no no to us, right? There would, there would have to be some, some sort of interesting and engaging foreplay slash flirting involved that you were both involved with.

Exactly. That's the key. Is that the key thing? We play as a team and that's right, and that's sometimes where I stray is.

Especially when I'm drinking, you will sometimes just wander off some other men feed my ego, right? And it's not that you are intentionally disrespecting your partner. To me, it's about disrespecting, and it's not about respecting. It's just about I will easily disrespect him.

And it's just like, oh, fuck, why did I do that? And it still happens. And I, on the other hand, rarely fall into that because you're so ugly and nobody wants you. So I don't get the opportunity.

Except the Colombian girls. I'm still waiting. I'm still waiting someday, man. But yeah, I'm so not aggressive, and this is twofold for me.

By aggressive, do you mean like forward, sexually forward, flirty flirty. I'm not very sexually forward. I'm not very flirty. I'm also not good with aggressive women.

So when so like that Colombian girl, you balked at that baby. Yeah, I was out. Me too, me too. I panic in those situations.

Yeah, I panic. I panic if, if a, if a woman's too aggressive, I'm out. I want. up getting stuck with the shy girl and spending like 6 hours and maybe getting a hand job.

Oh, it's a train wreck. It's always a train wreck, right? But I chose that because I'm, I'm actually the very same. I'm actually the very same.

Those super forward girls who were just like, OK, yeah, let's have sex like right now or whatever. I'm just like, oh no, shouldn't I have to like awkwardly flirt with you for 6 hours and then maybe get your number and maybe get a hand job in 2 weeks? Like that's my MO. Like it's just so.

Didn't I feed your cat for 2 weeks while you're on holidays first? It's like, no, like just give me a hand job now. So there's a lot of the same things that ring true in this world and the regular world. So those things all carry over.

All of those things carry over. So imagine yourself, that's how you react to the timescale is different. When I say 2 weeks, you're talking about 2 hours. You know what I mean?

Like, which in your world is like quite long, like Jesus, it took me ages to get the jump off this girl. You're talking about 2 hours. I'm talking about 2 months of texting hell, like, just like this girl is not interesting at all, but I do want to have sex with her, and it's 2 months of texting, like. Have you ever had a one night stand?

I mean, that's the closest to this world that you probably, multiple, yeah. Multiple one night stands. No, like any fucking kid who goes to college in Ireland or whatever has, has, I get it, you're from Ireland or any country, no, people have one night stands everywhere. What are you saying?

I once had a one night stand with a girl and I had to quickly leave the house early in the morning because I killed her hamster. Oh God, I don't even want to know that actually happened. I went back to this girl's house. It was, I was in college and I went back to this girl's house and we had some sex, and late in the night, or early morning, I woke up insanely hungry.

So I went down to the kitchen, I found some cornflakes, boom, ate them up. I went upstairs, I was still slightly hungry and I found a bag of Oranges on her desk, and also on her desk where she studied was a cage with a hamster in it. And I drunkenly picked up the bag of oranges and just like fumbled it forwards, and a full orange fell down on top of the back of the hamster's neck and just snapped his neck, he was dead instantly. Death by orange.

Death by orange. And I, and I looked at the hamster and, and I registered at that moment that I've committed hamster murder. I did register at that moment. I got back into bed with her.

And fell and fell asleep. And I woke up before her, luckily, grabbed my t-shirt and left the building. Do you ever dream about hamsters? Do you have a hamster ever turn around and see a hamster?

I don't have that much guilt involved. It looked like an old hamster. I think I put him out of his misery. Do you eat oranges?

No, I haven't eaten one orange since. I'll do a mandarin or a plantain. Or whatever the hell. Yeah, no, that was a bit intense, was it?

Murder is not usually a topic of conversation, but that was my attempt at a sexual anecdote. So that's troubling. The next doesn't get any better. You sound completely normal.

Let's talk about your ass. Uh, recently, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, we'll start the anecdote with that. This is one of the reasons we, we were like, we should get you on the podcast. You had a friend who experimented with putting some lollipops in your ass.

A friend. I still have that friend. No, she was obsessed with my butt, like this girl that this girl that I was with for, for weeks, man. I would go over there to her house and she would tell me how obsessed with my butt she was or whatever, and I was like, OK, cool, that's battering or whatever.

I have a nice butt, that's fine. But then she, one night she just like whipped out a little lollipop. I'm going to put this in your butt. Like, she didn't say it like right then.

She was like, oh, someday I'm going to get this in your butt, and I was like, oh, kind of like no or whatever, like kind of like uh. And weeks went by and, and the threat lingered. It was always present in the bedroom. You're tying your shoes a lot.

No, no. Eventually, yeah, back in her house like super drunk. The, the candy here is very often infused with spices. It was a spicy lollipop, and when she put it up my butt, it was, I mean, I don't really know how else to describe it, like it was a spicy thing in my ass and I was experiencing spice in my butt hole instead of my mouth.

I was concerned that it was going to be stuck up there too. How fast did you take it out? Too fast. I mean, not that I was enjoying it up there, not that I was enjoying it.

Yeah, exactly, not that I was enjoying it up there, but like the speed at which he retracted it because I almost screamed. I was like, oh my God, I have like habanero in my ass, like, now you've done a lot of drugs in your life. Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. What is your favorite drug to, to probably weed, just fucking on weed.

Probably weed, I'd say. What would you do if you walked into, you walked in on an orgy? I mean, I feel like it would be rare that I would accidentally walk in on an orgy. Like I feel like I would know in advance, this is the room where the orgy is happening, and I am walking into it now.

But if, if that was not the case, if I was just like, la la la la la, I'm walking down the room, I'm walking down the hallway. Here's the door to the left, what's in there? And I open it and there's an orgy in there, I have no clue. What I'd do, I'd probably be like, whoa, shit, should I be here?

And then if they all just kind of didn't care, didn't pay any attention, I'd probably stand at the corner and jerk off. No, I'd probably like, I don't know. I don't know what I'd do. Have you ever masturbated in the presence of someone else?

No, never done it. Might try it sometime, yeah. I'm usually like, oh, this would be better if you did it, like you quit. You throw in the towel.

No, no, I hand her the towel and ask her to mop up. Now your floor is open for you. Yeah, I'd be like, how, like, obviously I understand the general concept of like anyone, anyone who goes to that resort, or maybe not necessarily anyone. I guess some people go there just to be like able to be nude and stuff.

Absolutely. Not necessarily everybody is into the whole lifestyle thing. I would say half. Oh wow, OK sure.

Half. OK, yeah. So like, OK, for the half that are, it's like, it's commonly understood that we're all here, we're open to Having sex with each other and blah blah blah. But the actual like, what's the word, like negotiation of like, OK, so now this is clearly my wife, but I'm going to have sex with you instead.

Like, or not instead, but like, you know what I mean? Like how, how does that, how do you get from A to B? Yeah, exactly. Like where, what's the bridge there?

Like, how casual is it? Like in my head, it's like, oh, I just turn around and put my penis inside. Like, you know what I mean, I guess it's not that. I guess there is some level of flirting slash foreplay slash preamble.

There's a huge level. It's not very different from, from, it's just truncated. It's just shorter it is truncated and it's even, and so my two months of boring texting is your 25 minutes of. Yeah, but it's like a dance.

It's like a flirting. But that's a misconception that a lot of vanillas have about the lifestyle. One that they think you walk in and you just stick your dick. Anything that's moving.

No, I, I, I, I, I guess I understand. I, I guess, I guess from talking to you a bit, I understand that that's not necessarily the case. But I also think like my odds have greatly improved as soon as I step on the poverty line. Like, that's surely true, at least.

Like my odds have improved greatly by just exponentially, exponentially. I mean, that's all they need. Like my, my odds aren't that bad on the street, like, you know what I mean? No, you have pretty good odds already.

And so I think someone there would eat you up. Oh, you'd totally be eaten up. Yeah, I'd be gobbled. No, but there must be some sort of pairing off involved whereby you guys are interested in a certain woman or man or couple.

Where there's a little bit of like maneuvering, courting, courting, yes, yeah. Right. Are there other couples who do it the exact opposite way whereby as soon as they get to a party, they splinter off, the man is going and looking for other women or couples, and the woman is going for other women or couples. Does that also happen?

Yeah, it does happen. Yeah, it's, it's not very common. It's not something. So usually the couples.

Go in couples. And there's also couples that only split off right before they get to the bedroom. They don't want to see, right? I wonder, I wonder if, if I was involved in that, what I would be like.

I would I want to watch what my, what my, what my wife or girlfriend or whatever was doing. That's part of my biggest turn on. I like, I like performing for him. I get turned on by knowing when you know that he's watching you.

Yeah, that he's turned on watching that's ideal, isn't it? Well, I don't know if it's ideal. But I mean, it's, it's a turn on for me. It makes me feel comfortable.

Like I, I, I like watching him and I like performing for him. There's, there's two aspects of it. So still, at the end of the day, the key thing is the relationship between the two of you always between the two of us. Whoever the couple is, it should always be between the two of them.

It never ever goes outside. If it starts to go outside, things are going to get. Off the rails a little bit. And there is a, there's a couple that we met at the resort that are married, and they came to the resort with other couples, met there, they hooked up.

Yes. Both. So there's two loose ends. I mean, I guess that must happen a lot.

No, it doesn't happen a lot. It doesn't happen a lot. What people go to these resorts as a couple, go there and find someone else who they like more. Oh no, and just fuck off with them.

You're so you're, if you're doing that, you're, you're already off the. Right, right. You know what I mean? You weren't there for the, you weren't there.

You were, you were just looking to have sex with some other people. Yeah, she said, the moment we got together, they said the, the other pair looked at them and said, what the fuck did we just do? They instantly saw the chemistry, instantly, and they could not detach themselves. Well, I mean, listen, you leave yourself open to that if you're, I've listen, there's hope left for me because I every day I'm looking.

You know what I mean, honey? It can happen. I know that there's a younger version of me out there somewhere with money, yeah, who doesn't talk as much, right? Um, the other thing I was gonna say is that some people like to court together and then split up at the very end and then come back together and tell their partner.

Every detail and that's part of the that's part of the whole thing. So there's different types. I mean, there's a, I guess there's a massively diverse spectrum of like what people are going there to to get is so, so individualistic. Yeah, is it?

Yeah, it's very, the spectrum is really, really wide. So, I mean, anybody can go there, like, you can go there. I want to go there. I think you should go there.

Yeah, I think everybody should. I should bring spicy on my bun butt girl or whatever, like. Yeah, would she? She'd be keen 100%, like, why don't you go?

Yeah, maybe I'll go there on a day pass. It just depends on how she feels. So if you, who's the girl I bring? Yeah.

I mean, she put a spicy lolly on my butt, so she's I understand that, but you have to tell her, listen, this just has to be. I don't want she'd be up to, she's bisexual, like, so that would be. I understand that, but this comes with the caveat is there's going to be another guy there that is going to expect you she's gonna want to have sex with you is what I'll tell her. Although, to be honest, like I'm, I'm not emotionally attached to this woman, so then you should definitely bring her.

Yeah, no, if that's the case, she can totally fuck that guy like. Oh, alright. Yeah, yeah. Sexually though, specifically sexually, what is the biggest difference that you see between your generation and our generation?

I'm not sure what. It is, I mean, I guess the general perception is that nowadays people are a bit looser with their sexual goings on, sexual activity or whatever. And also, I guess the main, main difference would be the, the onset of internet dating and Tinder and Grindr and all that shit. It connected disparate groups.

So like if you're like your example being if if I'm in the lifestyle, and there's a certain percentage of the population. who are also in the lifestyle, like before the advent of the internet, and that level of connectivity, how do you meet those other people? It's so hard to do that, like, you know what I mean? Whereas now it's super easy, like, now it's super, super easy.

So that changes the dynamic a little bit, like, for better or for worse, I think like it's different for me. For me, it's like as a just not in the lifestyle, heterosexual man, it's just like, I just go onto the street and Meet any woman and just see what the story is and try and whatever. Whereas like, like my gay friends, they, they don't, they don't have that luxury of like, oh yeah, anyone of the opposite sex is going to be up for having potentially up for having sex with. They're like, oh yeah, there's, there's a bunch of men here, but only 10% of them are going to be willing to have sex with me.

And unfortunately we still live in a world where, right, if their gaydar is off and they have openly approached someone who's not. gay. Yeah, which is so, although I get that all the time. So they're obviously not that concerned.

Like, I've been, I've been told by gay men that I am gay. I'm like, no, no, I'm definitely not gay. Like it's you might be handsome and stuff like that, but I'm not gay. And they're like, no, no, you are though.

It's, I guess it's just because I'm straight people think that all the time as well. Like, my mother when I was a teenager, like she was like, oh. Semi questioning my sexuality, like for sure, like I had a good friend who I'd hang around with a lot or whatever. I guess I just have some sort of a feminine way.

Plus I've kissed a bunch of men. I suppose that isn't not my case as a straight man like. I guess that hasn't. Have you ever had a strap on up your ass?

No, not yet. Not yet. If, if, if spicy butt has anything to do with it, she said it many times, like, she's dry humped me as if she has a penis. I'm going to give you a strap-on to give to her, to give to you, to give to her, to give to my butt.

I mean, yeah, like I said, I'd try anything. Yeah, all right, well, we're gonna, it doesn't come with. Is it good? Yeah, there's, it is just a preference.

What do you mean, gay guy? doesn't necessarily have to. So what, a straight guy who's a receiver, what does that mean? He wants his girlfriend to fuck him up the ass with a strap on.

Yeah, yeah, that, that is, yeah, there's what do they do with their penis at that moment, stroke it or just lie there? I mean, there are straight guys who love anal play, who are not gay. They really are not gay. They have no gay thoughts.

They don't think about other men, but they do want to be penetrated. Right? Yeah, I mean, when she put her finger on my ass, I was, I was totally. She also said she said the exact same thing to me.

She was like, I'm ordering a strap on Amazon. I'm gonna fuck you up the ass. All right, next time we have you on, it's gonna be post anal penetration, post, post strap on. All right, if you want to see Ian, come to Porto Morelos.

He'll be the confused Irish Irishman running the Mexican restaurant. Tell him that, uh, room 77 sent you, and he will, you'll get a free spicy lali off your price. Yeah. All right, we'll talk to you later.

Be good to one another at all times. Be empathetic, rub a dog, go for a walk. Muggles, you're a muggle. I'm a legitimate wizard.

Like, I will take a rabbit out of my spicy asshole right now. You're so not gay. All right, I am, uh, I'm gonna end it here. Have you ever had any kind of hard candy inside of your ass?

No. Any candy up your butt. No, I don't know, but more specifically lollipops inside of your anus. Any candy ever been inside?

Would you allow anyone to put a lollipop in your anus? Probably not. All right, so this is what I learned. I learned that I cannot make you have sex with men just because they have big penises and it's fun for me to watch.

Your pleasure, my pain. Yes, it's enough. That is true. So I will pick men with smaller members, the other men, or then you?

I already have a smaller member. Oh, shut up. Can I add something to your list? Stay out of your head.

It's enough. It's great in there. Step outside your head to the world. This is what I'm thinking right now.

All the leaves are off. What the hell is she talking about? No. And also we learned that we have some pretty amazing friends.

We keep getting more and more lifestyle friends. The, the bond that we have with them is really magical and wonderful. We just really appreciate being where we are right now. We love our vanilla friends.

Yeah, they're cool. They're great, but they, they don't get screwed, so they're lost. I'm sorry. All right, and that about does it for us.

For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.