Ep. 18: Put That Rock In Your Vagina & Go Find My T-Shirt!

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Fed up with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we. We do what we love. Work, party, and play at the Desire resorts. After 16 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all.

We were so wrong. So wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day.

So come to room 77. Let's play. All right Lauren, yes sir, we've started again. I wanna say that once.

You wanna say what we started? All right, go. All right, so we've started. I'll never use that.

Oh no. You did it wrong. Um, so I wanna talk about the Swinger Diaries week that we just overcame. I thought it was an exciting week.

What did you think it was? It was a lot of fun. I had a lot of fun. It was exhausting.

It's tiring, but it wasn't their fault. No, it wasn't their fault. They did shower us in money. They gave us so much money.

I was so thankful. I took that money. I went straight to Cancun and I bought a Tesla. That is not true.

It's outside. Oh, I didn't see it. You didn't see it. It got stolen already.

It's still charging. It's charging around back. I don't even know where you would charge a Tesla here. I haven't plugged into my phone charger.

That would probably be the best bet. It's gonna take a while. Uh, so what do you remember about that week? To me it was all a blur.

There was a lot of things going on. I have a cheat sheet here because there are so many things or just because you were so tired. Both. This is how the week started from what I remember.

We get to the resort. First of all, I'm looking. For page and pen and I can't find them. So I immediately go, well, fuck them and move on with my life.

And we go to the pool and we meet a lot of people, people that we saw last year, and it was, it was a lot of fun. Immediately, which, and this isn't something that really happens often, you're on the side of the pool giving a stranger a blowjob. Yeah, so you're sitting right next to him and it was sort of like I challenged him and then. Uh, blowjob time they weren't with the actual group.

They were just, they were civilians watching from afar. This dude comes over and, uh, starts talking to us about something. I don't know. I wasn't really listening.

And then, and then you say, I don't know, something blowjob came up and you said, Well, hop up. I'll give you one, which is so not like me. Well, it is like you, yeah, well, I mean. It is like you.

It's just not like you at 1 o'clock in the afternoon, yeah, sober. Yeah, I don't know. I was sad. I was really good mood that day.

The weird thing about the blowjobby thing is you just made the announcement. So basically you stood up with a microphone and said, Hey everyone, look at me, right? Let me even tell you my name. And then you sat back down.

You sat on the ledge, right. And that starts happening and I really didn't, I wasn't gonna be any part of it. I thought, oh well, she's gonna, she's gonna do a little oral here. I don't need to be involved because it was gonna be like the two of you on him, and that's how it started, I think.

I didn't know if a line would start because that's, that's how casual it was. And while you're doing it, I hear Anna, the playmaker behind us, and she's like, OK, we're gonna start the fashion show. I'm like, Oh, this is awkward as fuck. We were.

Sitting right up where the playmakers do all of their little entertainment parts by the palapa, right? I'm like, I gotta ignore that there's some sort of fashion show going on. Everyone's sort of looking at you and looking at me, and I'm like, this is awkward. You're now you're gonna have to blow everyone.

You pulled yours out and were the first one, and I didn't pull it out. It was already out. We had a lot of fun with them. Now, the thing I liked about the most is that they brought me presents.

Yeah. You love getting gifts. The first thing we get a box of Nicorette is we go up to do the workshop. Uh, a woman, a couple walks through, and they're like, Hey, is this the way to the workshop?

And I think, uh, it is the way to the workshop, but I know there's like 12 couples waiting in line outside outside right now. So I may have to kick you out and then. She says, Hey, we bought you Nicorette, and I say, Hey, put your stuff on a bed. You're in, lady.

That's easy. That's how it goes. Easy choice for me. I am not above bribes, no, not at all, especially when it's the real stuff, 4 mg stuff.

Yeah, we're talking 4 mg. That's the expensive kind. I keep that in my Tesla. And I just.

That workshop goes on and it's sort of mayhem. There's a bunch of people coming in, coming out, and, uh, I, it was, it was just, it just filled up really, really quickly. You received another gift which I gave you afterwards. Now I have to find this person.

I don't know if they're listening, but let me describe to you what happened. I wasn't even there. You were in the middle of meditation and I always have to watch the door, and I do it by light. I'm like a vampire.

If I see sunlight poking through that little curtain, I jump up and I naked run to the door as fast as I can. You're in the middle of meditation, right? And you're like, um, everybody be inside of yourself. Or whatever it is you say, right, and then you hear that dork clunk clunk, and usually someone's like, get me another stoolly and water because they have no idea that the meditation is going on.

So there's this group out there, and I always poke my head around the curtain like I'm in a fitting room at a department store. I thought you were gonna say the, you know how like a sales lady would come around a curtain. Like, do you need to see anything in another size? I come out of the curtain like that and I'm like, I'm so sorry, we're full.

A naked run to the door and I get up there. There's this couple there. I say, I'm so sorry, we're full. We're full.

I'm so sorry. And he says, 00, well, we were here last year and we were really looking forward to it. Here, I brought you this present, and he hands me a kegel egg. No, in a box.

No, just an egg. Like it's a, it's an egg that you put in your vagina for strengthening your vagina and no box. Just a, here's my egg. I'm passing it on to you.

Yes, May the force be with you. Yes. Is it a kegel egg or a fertility egg? I don't know.

Is it for you or me? I don't know. We don't have enough information. When I touched.

I was immediately like, you put this in your vagina. That's immediately what I thought. But what did you say? I said, thank you.

I have to go now. Goodbye. So I basically just took it and slammed the door in his face. I don't know who it was because I was sort of blinded by panic.

I never saw the person again. If that person is listening, I have your egg. It is inside of Lauren. I feel awful.

I, I hope that person can get in touch with me. Yeah, will you please go to our website and email us? No, you brought it up like twice more that night. I still dream about it.

I feel bad because I feel like when I took it from him, I thought, don't take this from him now. Don't, because I was gonna say, can you? Give this to me later because I'm gonna lose you in the crowd, dude. Anyway, egg person, thank you.

Why is it not in a package? Why are you so focused on that? I don't know. I mean, it's because it goes inside of you.

I'm a bit of a germaphobe, we know this, but I just sat on the side of a pool. It sucks some stranger's cock. We weren't afraid of his germs. Speaking of that couple, they came to that first workshop, and you sat there and you watched them have sex, and he had sex with her like an animal.

I mean, he was like an animal that was let out of a cage that hasn't been fed sex in weeks. So you're like, Oh, that's really hot. You're watching a bunch of couple. It was a very horny group.

Yeah, it was good for me. There was a couple in the front. corner they're very into everything. He was having sex with his wife, girlfriend, mistress.

I don't know who she was, but in a, in an angle that I had never really seen before. Well, he's doing it on one knee, one knee and one leg straight, which is like, I don't know, like one of those stripper moves almost how you would imagine Magic Mike would fuck somebody, and I was watching it. In fact, if I ever see that again, I'm gonna say, oh, he's Magic Mike. Afterwards we're like, hey, everybody who's available, come down and meet us for coffee.

We go down afterwards for the coffee and they're down there along with a bunch of other couples. It casually comes up that, uh, someone wants 3, count them 3 cocks in their mouth, and it wasn't me. It was not you. It was not you.

It was the wife of the Magic Mike, I think. No, no, no, they were not in the lifestyle. They were not in the lifestyle, so they were van. Right, so I'm already confused.

And then this dude who you sucked off in the pool pulls out his dick right there at the bar, and I was like, You can't do this right here, man. He's like, Why not? And starts stroking it. There are two things going on in my head.

Number 1, this is awkward, but number 2, this is my kind of dude. Like, he's right up to speed with you. Like he's, this is my kind of dude. Like, let's just get it done right here, right now, and I want.

But I work there, you know what I mean, so it's, it's the whole Anna thing all over again, you know. It's like, oh, let's try to put 3 cocks in your mouth. Juan, can I get 2 more coffees? So it's just a weird atmosphere to be in.

So we're like, well, we can't do it here. Let's go up to the jacuzzi. Smart choice on a school night, horrible choice. I already have the rest of the editing that I have to do that I had sworn to you, Lauren.

We are not staying here. I have to go home. I have way too much shit to do. Do you understand?

And then smash cut to me after talking about shoving all these penises in this lady's mouth. I'm like, Yeah, I think I could push all the work to tomorrow night. You did. We go up to the jacuzzi.

Now here's where things get weird, right, because then we see Paige and Penn for the first time and the whole party is up there. But I'm like, hey, I love you guys, but I'm in the middle of a thing. Right now I want to say hi to you people. I really do, but um, I'm kind of trying to make this thing happen right now.

So I just decide to go rogue and just go do my own thing. I knew you left. Thank you. I knew where you were, but I'm one of those people.

Every conversation I start, I, as much emphasis as I take starting the conversation, I will ending it. I never can abruptly end a conversation, and I know that's a horrible trait in your world. This is how you end every conversation. Thank you for your egg.

I will see you later. Seriously, if you gave us some sort of weird egg, can you call us? Please email us anyway, we go over there with the one couple and things start to get kind of fast and furious really quickly. And then the other couple, the vanilla couple, makes it over.

He was the 3rd cock in the deal, but then he takes himself out of the deal. He decides, I don't wanna be in, in the cock part anymore, so. And he just starts feeling you up and then that was like, well this really wasn't part of the deal so now I just feel weird and I felt awkward. Well, now you felt obligated, right?

And the goal was, hey, let's try to put all these penises in your mouth. It's a good goal. He decided, but I'm gonna change the goal for myself and that other lady, she never really made a goal. She was never involved in the first place, then started to get awkward, so I had sex with her.

Not the vanilla lady. No, not the vanilla lady, but that would have been epic. The other lady, so I did. I wound up having sex with her.

It was fun. I came too fast once again, still not fixed. I said, I came and said, I'm sorry. This is becoming a thing now.

So sorry, this is horrible. She's like, I grabbed onto you with my vagina. She's been using that egg. Did she say that?

Yeah, she. She said, I tried to pull out. I was too close. She put sort of a Vulcan vagina grip on me.

I didn't know that that happened. Oh yeah, that's the kegel. That's what that egg is for. She holds on to my penis.

I come everywhere and then I'm done, and then I look at you. Oh, I also have a complaint. What? You can file it with my secretary.

All right, well tell her this, will you? I can't. Give your secretary this fucking message. No, give your secretary this message.

You have one job. It is your job to go get the condom and help me put it on, because when I have to go through my bag, it's not really conducive for an erection. It's just not. Tell your secretary to go back and look at the notes when, when that whole condom thing comes up.

I will tell her. Also tell her we're out of toner. Do they still use toner? Yeah, they do.

The dude that was trying to, to fondle you, they had left, so it was just sort of the four of us left. I basically threw him a condom and was like, fuck my wife. Now what I'm doing now is I'm causing this weird awkward moment for everyone. I had gotten confused.

Because you 2 or 3, I don't know who was in the conversation. He had said to me, he just wants to watch, and I heard, I wanna have sex with that guy. That's what I heard. It just didn't end well after that, and you look at me and you're like, hey, um, I'm not ready.

What do you mean not ready? Like, I need a little, like play with me, which means you were dry. I'm still confused about the wetness of a woman. I expect you to be wet at all moments.

Yeah, that's not really how it works. Explain wetness to me. Go. I just know that for me it's, it literally can change within 10 seconds from getting wet to it going away.

But for me there was so much going on and because there was the extra couple there, it was hard for me to concentrate and so I never really got wet in the first place so I was like, I need help like I need to get started. Like don't you feel like you should always have lube with you and like, like when you're starting, take a bunch of lube and put it inside of you? Yeah, I mean that would be good, but a little dabble do you if it was me, I would have like a pump. I would have like one of those bathroom soap pumps and just carry just put it up inside of me and be done.

I think I'm gonna wear one of those massage belts where you can carry the pump. That's a good idea. So you came, you, you got me ready or whatever, and then y'all are like all down there. I feel like everyone's down there, and she's like rubbing my arm and it's just like sensual skin and stuff, and then slap, boom, whack you on the.

Face girl yeah I did. I'm like, what, what's happening? Like, are we doing the slap sloppy slap thing? Like what are we doing like out of left field?

I'm like, OK, now he's saving you from Zika. It was a mosquito landed on your cheek that wanted, he wanted a fivesome. He just, he landed on you. He's like, I'm getting in on this kind of like, whack, take that.

What room are you in? 1402. What room are you in? 1412.

What room are you in? Do Darce. What room are you in? 2301.

What room are you in? 2303. 0, you're not together. All right.

What room are you in? 1511. What room are you in? We're in 2301.

All right, you guys are better friends than we knew. I'm gonna start with you because you seem feisty. Have you ever had more than two penises in your mouth at the same time? More than two.

More than two. No. Do you have any idea how a woman gets wet and how it works? Yes.

Do you know what a kegel egg is? Kegel egg, I've, I've heard of it. Would you try to take 3 penises in your mouth? Have you ever attempted or succeeded?

No. Would you try to take 3? Yeah. Do you know how a woman getting wet works in general, yeah, I don't.

Do you know how long she can go staying wet without being unstimulated? Not long. Do you know what a lingham stone is? No.

Do you know what a kegel egg is? Yes. Do you know what a kegel egg is? No.

Do you know what a kegel egg is? Yes. Do you know what a kegel? Yes.

Have you ever had more than 2 penises in your mouth? I have not, not yet. Would you attempt it? I would.

Do you know how a woman gets wet and where it comes from? No, neither do I. How a woman gets wet? No.

How long she has before it's back to dry town? Probably 10 minutes. 10 minutes. That's really good.

Do you have a strong vagina? Working on it. Do you know how to grab onto a man's penis with your vagina? Do you know how to do the Vulcan vagina grip?

I have a feeling you do. Do you do any Kegel exercises? If you were falling off of a cliff and you only had your vagina to hold on, would you saving myself. You could save yourself.

Have you ever had more than 2 penises in your mouth. Everyone's like, I like her. All right, and we have started. Turn off your phone.

Turn off all electronical devices. So turned it off. Didn't sound like you did. Yeah, well, it's because I have an iPhone 6.

We'll get you a new phone. We'll get you a 7. What are they up to? They must be up to at least 8 by now.

Do you wanna try the, we've started, OK, and we've started. Nope, still not right. Oh, come on, we'll get it. You'll.

Get there. Practice. What do you want to talk about because I feel like a complete failure. Nothing happened in the past week.

There was a lot of opportunity, I guess, coming off of that whole Swinger Diaries tour. They're on tour. They're on a world tour right now. Coming off of that, everything just felt really slow and sluggish, sort of getting vibes with people was maybe a little bit hard.

So I don't have a lot of sex stories. I just struck out. And I blame it mostly on you. I don't think you're putting it out there.

I had my period this week. Disgusting. Go on. It really sucked.

Something that we really wanted to happen didn't get to happen because someone got sick. Yeah, that couple was smoking hot and not only texted you, tracked down your number, we were like, Oh my God, how did they get our number? I don't care, but if they were disgusting, I'd be so livid right now. But, uh, come to find out they actually had it already yeah they did.

They do have good news. I need to put in one of those things. Oh, this just, this just in, Lauren, we have word that we have found the egg owner. The man who came with the egg to give to you showed up at the establishment.

None of that is true, but, um, he did send us an email and it's not a kegel egg, thank God, because it's huge. I'm so stretched out now. Yeah, no, it's a lingham stone, and apparently it brings my penis magic. So call off the, the search.

The search is over. He found us, thank God. Uh, and now I don't have to feel guilty, and I have a lingham stone, and it sits by my bed and I rub my penis with it every night. I think that's what you're supposed to do.

That's what I do. I roll it on my penis. It's like charging it up. For tomorrow.

And then another public service announcement for anyone that was there the week of whatever last week was, I lost a t-shirt there. I'm gonna give you a description and I want if it shows up in anyone's laundry. It was a t-shirt with no logos, no discernible spots or stains. It was gray.

If you find that in your laundry, I'm gonna need you to bring it to me or mail it to me as soon as possible. I was very upset that someone walked away with my t-shirt. I don't have a lot of clothes, Lauren. I had a little bit of a miss, you know, like a breakdown, a mini breakdown, right?

You did. You did have a breakdown. It's all your fault. Probably is my fault.

Now everybody knows I, I'm challenged. He has some medical issues, some issues, and from time to time I get really bad migraines. But this morning I got a migraine. It was so bad I looked at you in the eye and said, I.

Dying. This is it. No, I, I just said something's wrong and something was wrong. I don't know what was wrong, but it scared you because it scared me because I like lost my vision for like 7 seconds.

It was weird. So then we go to the workshop and then you're doing the meditation, you just start crying during the meditation. I can't make it through. I'm like, I'm saying, you know, like just being together and grateful and your heart and whatever and like every bit of just the little connection things.

I was just. Crying, trying to hold it in, and I'm whispering, What are you doing? You're ruining it now. I was rubbing your back and thinking, I don't know the meditation that well, and I don't really know where she was in the meditation to, to, to pick up.

So I thought, oh no, everybody's gonna think we, we got a divorce this morning, but we're still just acting like we're gonna do this workshop, yeah. And then I start playing things back in my head. I'm like, I really haven't been affectionate to her today, so people are gonna be like. Oh, they're not together.

They're not even a real couple. This is all just a made up, yeah, it's just a scam is what this is, whether we fool them or not. You know, what's happening a lot is, uh, two things we're meeting a lot of really cool people that are listening to the podcast and I just wanted to, to bring this up because we thought it was so cool. Every, everybody else will think it's kind of boring.

So one guy. Who listens in a plane 35,000 ft in the air in the air with his headphones on, his buddies up front. Wait, is he flying the plane? No, he's not flying the plane.

He's on this is because I made this mistake while I was there. Yeah, no, he's like, I was like, Are you flying the plane and listening to our podcast at the same time because that sounds fucking dangerous. I would do that also. We met a guy from England.

He listens with his rod out sometimes with children around. Oh my God, he was listening, listening to our podcast, fiddling with his rod. I'm talking about fishing. He said that he listens to the podcast while he is fishing, and we wanna give a shout to him.

Hey dude, I hope you caught something today and not an STI. And then there was another couple who we love dearly. We see them all the time, two of our favorite people. And one of the things they were talking to us about is being separated, yeah, being apart, but having that opportunity to listen to the podcast and then talk to each other about it because they're in different time zones.

So yeah, they sort of. talked about it as almost watching the same TV show and being able to like listening to it at different parts of the day, but they're in different parts of the country and just being able to come together wherever they are about one common thing. So thank you everybody who gave us that amazing feedback. We fucking love it.

Keep bringing us Nicorette. Now the bad side of this is people are coming up to me and I don't know who they are. I'm forgetting everybody. It's like an epidemic that's happening in my mind now for the first year, people that came back, it was, it was difficult sort of knowing, oh yeah, I remember you, I remember you.

The second year, I don't remember anybody or anything. What I started doing, and this isn't working. As well as I thought it was in my head because I'm not a smart person, is I thought, well, you don't know anybody, you're not remembering anybody because there's so many faces. What you should do, Richard, is start greeting everyone like you know them really well.

So now I see anybody and they just glance at me and I'm like, Hi, how are you? And that doesn't work. At all if we forget who you are, I'm so sorry. We need like a Facebook-y thing, so we need everybody's faces.

I think that name's taken. I'm working on it. There's an idea going. It's like a book, but it's a book of faces.

Right, I think I'm honest. Maybe that's a great idea. So we weren't remembering anybody, so I figured let's just make it easy. I'll go after those yellow banders.

Yeah, forget remembering. They've never been here before. I don't know them. I know I don't know them.

Why? Because you have the mark of the yellow band. So we're back in the pool trying to get things going because this is a week of no blowjobs by the pool. Nobody's groping us.

There's a lot of vanilla people there, people who are sort of on the fringe, and I found our non-listener. This couple walks into the resort in her little red bikini. I think our listener will know absolutely what I'm talking about and everyone. Immediately goes, oh, everybody's gonna want to fuck them immediately.

Why? Because they're young and pretty, and I caught myself staring at their supple skin. I was playing volleyball and they were sitting on the, on the side there, and I'm staring at their skin and our skin differences, how my skin looks old and wrinkly like leather, like I'm a briefcase, and they're over there. Like little copper tone baby butts or something, yeah, so this girl Karen said, I hear everybody, your podcast, your podcast, yeah, I don't listen.

So Karen, I said I'm gonna dedicate part of this to you for you to listen. I hope you went through all of them. This is now the last one you're listening to, or maybe you didn't go in order and you're gonna go backwards, and this is the first of many more that you'll listen to. But listen.

I just want to give our listener a sense of how young this couple was. At one point I sort of started to mimic or sort of, what is that word that I'm looking for? mime. I started mime doing a typewriter and I did that motion where you, where you hit the bar at the top, yeah, you hit the return return cap.

Marriage. I looked at her because her eyes went glazed and I said, Do you know what that is? When I, when I'm typing, and then I, I hit the return thing, I said, Do you know what that is? Do you know what that means?

And she looked, she tried really hard. She did. She was like, Oh, I'm not gonna fall. She said to me that just erases everything you just typed.

I had every intention to not try to have sex with them. It is every intention. I guess they were in the lifestyle, not in the lifestyle. They were a younger, beautiful couple.

Everyone's gonna wanna fuck them. That's a lot of work. I'm out. I'm out.

You gotta fight people, shanking people, riots going on just to get to this young, beautiful couple. Anyway, we fucked them up in the jacuzzi. I'm just kidding. We didn't.

No, but they were, they were up there. We went up to the jacuzzi and they were like, hey, here's the deal. I'm really into watching my husband make out with other chicks. I'm like, all right, I mean, sucks for me.

Nice way of saying I'm not interested. All right, well, go, go make out. So you guys just had to make. session.

Tell me about that. She's like, I want you to kiss my husband, or I want him to kiss you. And I was like, All right, I'm on top. So I pushed him down on the jacuzzi bed.

What immediately happened? Everything that I was afraid of, everyone in the jacuzzi, every fucking person in that resort goes, Oh, they're fucking the people. They're fucking the people. So I'm like, I'm out, Jeff.

I, I don't really want to deal with this stress. It's a lot of eyeballs. So I say, take this shit to another bed somewhere off in the distance. So we go over to the other bed and I say, uh, have fun.

Now here's the only odd thing that I will say about this situation. It's hot as It was everyone at every point had their clothing on. There were a couple that liked to stay clothed, which is fine, but from my perspective, it looked like if you watched a movie that needed to have a threesome scene, but they could not get an R rating. Yeah, I wanted an R rated film.

I don't know. I kind of liked it. Kind of enjoyed the fact that it was, it sort of took me back a little bit to like high school or something. I don't know.

And yeah, I mean, I could see that, you know what I mean? It was just because I knew we all knew that that wasn't going any further than that. And so I don't know, I just kind of took it at. I was like, 00 my God, I'm gonna touch your boob.

I'm glad you had fun. It was really hot. I was behind you rubbing oil on your ass. That was my role.

And then there was a guy, uh, and I remember this couple specifically from the workshop. I didn't like them. Uh, you know who I'm talking about, right? I don't wanna say he was a dick, but he's kind of a dick to their credit.

They were standing there before we even got there, so we invaded their space. They did not invade our space, but he could not, not watch. He is one of those people that he can't let on that I guess he's enjoying something, yeah. So what his body started to do was a weird hot dance to the music.

That's happening now, you know that music is just crap, right? It's just Muzak synthesizer. And he's bounce into it like he's in some some salsa club and trying not to look. It was all just very confusing.

And what was his wife doing? I wouldn't look at her. What other special service announcements do we need to make? There was a brief power outage.

Yeah, boring, um, really quickly, we got a few responses on the Project Yellow Band thing and we were thinking maybe in November, maybe November we could do something where we get a bunch of people together that are first timers and we could maybe do some sort of. 101 class we can do some special things for people that can even do the art of touch because it is a great introduction to even if you are interested in seeing what it feels like to be aroused with another person being in your proximity it's, it's uh it'd be a really good way. So we got a few responses we got some interest, uh, we know that Sarah's coming in May, but we. It may be doing it for real in November.

It's possible. I don't really know yet because I don't really plan things that well, but if you are interested or you're like, hm, I was interested, that makes me more interested, I think I'd like to write something, uh, write something. Also, it's got, I got a Malibu strings. We don't hide your flaws or your genitals.

I wanna have a Malibu strings like um party. I don't know how that's gonna work, I don't, but I see a bikini king and queen in the future somewhere on the beach. I see a line of women in Malibu strings bikini all supplied by Malibu strings, by the way. I don't know how I'm gonna pull this off.

They're gonna send us 150,000 bikinis. And, and the banner. What room are you in? Uh, 80.

What room are you in? 25. What room are you in? 11.

What room are you in? 56. What room are you in? 11.

What room are you in? Oh, you guys are together. What room are you in? disco.

Oh, I'm married to you. What room are you in? 5. What room are you in?

77. That is kiss meth. Not legally speaking, but in the sexual world. How young is too young for you now?

No younger than 26. 26. When you listen, where do you listen most? In our sauna?

I got a medium gray t-shirt stolen from me, and I've been looking for it. Have you seen a medium sized? Gray t-shirt. No, you have not.

What is the cutoff to you for being too young? My wife will tell me usually. What? How young is too young for him?

28. Have you seen anybody around here wearing a medium gray t-shirt? It's just a gray t-shirt and it's gray. You haven't seen it.

You listen at work? Yeah, of course. Do you wear headphones? No.

Do you work alone? Thank God. Have you seen a gray t-shirt? That look, that is not it.

That is not it. Oh, I'm afraid of your answer. I see you shopping at colleges. 2222.

go. In a discovery that has baffled mankind, the t-shirt once thought stolen by thousands has to the shock, and all of mankind showed up unannounced in my backpack. Oh, here it is. That was your reaction.

So again, call off the search. I found my gray t-shirt with no discernible tears, rips, or stains. So it was just scrunched up in a little ball. I didn't see it because it was a gray that matched the inside of my backpack, uh, and also.

I broke my dry spell. I had the sex, yeah, I did. Now let me tell you something here. Please tell me.

I was already feeling crappy about myself because nobody wanted to have the sex with me. Yeah, you're having a downspout. I was a downspout, is that not what it's called? I think that's something that carries water.

From the rain, the roof, isn't that what itsy bitsy spider fell down? The water spout. Oh, but it's probably the same. Forget it.

So yeah, so we see this couple and I was like, Oh, I like them. Now I didn't think anything about getting really near them because from afar they look intimidated. I think so. And it's one of those things where you never ever know what's going through people's head and you go, Oh well, they're sort of out of our league.

Like I, uh, they're not gonna want to talk to us because they're pretty and Anyway, so we started talking to them a little bit. Well, they came to the workshop, and that's when we sort of were like, oh, this may be a possibility. They're just complimenting us and whatever, and you, after the workshop had said to me something that you rarely say. You're just sort of casually picking up bottles or I was tidying the workshop post-workshop.

You're like, do do do, I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna get my iPad. Is there some oil left over there? Oh, and by the way, I'd like to fuck that guy.

Oh, I know, I know, and I'm like, I know this is so weird. It's weird cause we're just talking about other shit. OK, that right there is a great example of why being in the lifestyle, it just makes communication so great. Like that is an absurd jump from cleaning, but it was on my brain, not something you want to say to your husband or wife when you're driving down the street and not in the lifestyle lifestyle.

Oh my God, I forgot to get bread. And by the way, I wanna fuck Kevin. But it was a bit on my brain because when I went around the room I felt something really crazy and I was like wow, I need to have sex with these people. So that, so we talked to them afterwards, but they're a lot like us.

They don't like to plan. They don't like to, yeah, like let's make a schedule. The next time we go up there, we talk to them again. It's hard to read them because I'm, they're so sort of like us where they don't want to plan that I don't know if they're like, Oh, I think they've become disinterested at this point, right?

So you start. Feeling insecure, when you feel insecure, you're like, I'm just gonna give them their space, and then hopefully they'll, if they didn't come to the other workshop, then I would have been like, oh, they're not interested they're not interested anymore. They're over us. We're, we are old news, 24 hours old news.

Yeah, anyway, we start talking to them afterwards, and I can tell that they're a little bit apprehensive, and I know why, because they had never done a full swap before, but I think they wanted to do full swap with us. You were reading their energy. I was reading. We just put it out on the table.

I was like, this is what I think's happening. I told you. I was like, Can I say what I think I'm feeling? And you were like, I don't know.

You have to tell me first, yeah, because I, I trust you never your filter is a little bizarre. Has holes in it sometimes, a lot. Sometimes some shit slips through. I was like, Look, this is how we gotta do this.

Let's just go do it. It's just gotta go. That's basically what we did. But what happened is, is ironically, you wanted to have sex with him, but your dirty, disgusting period.

Fucked it all up. I know, I know. I was really looking forward to it, but you were busy being a fertile woman. Uh, we didn't really, you know, think it was gonna go full swap, obviously.

So we go back to the room, right? I can again feel this hurdle. It's always this hurdle. It's like the hurdle to get them to go back to the room, then the hurdle to go from the room to the bed or to the or just to take your clothes out or just take your clothes off you get to the room.

I cut all that. I did one very simple move and saying, I said, OK, I'm finished my drink. I'm gonna go on your bed and masturbate. That, uh, that, that seemed to solve that problem.

I got some oil or my lube and I'm gonna be right here. That's how, that's how, but I have to do that. I have to do it because I will then start getting too nervous and it will build up to the point where I will just get really nervous and nothing on my. About it will work, you know, a lot of guys have been in that same position.

We start off with a lot of rubbing and touching and oral, oral, and that was all fun. He was really turned on. She was turned on. I think I can never tell because I think every woman hates me.

Um, so then they both love to watch. Like it was a whole thing that they were just really enjoying getting to watch their partner for a bit. Then so it moves on from that and go ahead, you know, there's. Those things where it looks like porn isn't really the reality of what's hot for me.

It's not like what it's playing out like. And now doggy style and now this. It's not how I function sexually. It's, it's got to be a little more organic.

I'm sure that's true for everybody, but I don't like how people mesh together and just the intertwining of the energies and you're just like, yeah, so we're all panting, and that's like not common, but knowing that it was. Their first time to to possibly do a full swap, I wanted to push them a little bit because I know that it's got to be hard for somebody, especially to your significant other, to say the words fuck him or fuck her. This is the first, the first thought about this is the first time I asked him, I think, what do you want? What do you want?

I think I asked like 14 times. That's not true. Oh my God. Oh, OK, this time I'm gonna give you a multiple choice.

What do you want? This is fine. No, what do you want? This is what we're doing is fine.

No, I've been asking, what do you really want, huh? I'm gonna give you hints. You can say intercourse. It's OK.

No one's judging you. No, I'm fine with this. No, you're no, you're not. #ay what you mean.

I said to him, What do you want? He said, I want, I want you to fuck my wife. And he goes, and then he's like, Are you OK with that baby? Yeah, she was like, Are you sure?

He's like, Yeah, I'm sure. So I'm out. I have to go on my condom, my hunt. If I was wearing a hat right now, I'd take it off so fast because hat's off to you.

For doing your condom job that helped me out so much. You have no idea because I can sit there. I can be in the moment. I cannot worry about packaging.

I'm putting it on backwards, which is always like, oh, I just wasted 30 seconds. Trying to my thumbs and trying to unravel it the wrong way. You're so stupid. So thank you for that.

You did, you did a fantastic job. The only person that's ever beat you was that gentleman who was that? I remember it was like a magician, but it was back. I was like, holy crap, that was amazing, you know how he did it.

He was just looking at me in the eye like he works in a factory line. Where all he does all day is puts condoms on men, and that's all he does. If you ever get to that status, I don't know if that's got. I don't know if you'll ever make it, but anyway, so I go out, right, and I'm, I throw the condom on and I'm super nervous, by the way.

Are you really? Of course I am. Yeah, she's just like on her back or whatever and, and you're fucking her on your knees and their energy was like where they. We needed to be almost engulfed inside of each other.

It was so intense. And then I said to him, What do you want to see? And so that's when he sort of kind of climbed out of his shell and he, oh, this is where fantasy was meeting reality, and he was like, I'm, I am not gonna hold back. I'm going to see exactly what I want to see, what I've been wanting to see this whole time.

He goes, This is my fantasy. This is my fantasy. And he came back around behind her, so I'm missionary with her. He went behind her and grabbed her legs and yanked them back, and he was holding her leg and just, he was like, Go, go, fuck her, fuck her.

Now the only, only problem with that is it turned me on so much that I immediately was like, Oh no, I have to come. I was so turned on that I started to focus on a light bulb in the corner of the room and I was trying to go way out there, but this is how weak I am. This is how the thought goes. Oh God, I'm so turned on.

Oh, look at that light bulb. Concentrate on the light bulb. I wonder where they buy their light bulbs. This is so fucking hot.

I'm fucking his wife. Oh, she's so hot. So that lasted for a good 30 seconds, but it was really fun. I'm not happy.

Be about all your, your woman stuff problems. Well, I'm just saying, you know, it's very inconvenient. It is very inconvenient. It was an amazing experience.

I hope to see them again. It is, it's, it's an honor. It's just way too much pressure. Oh, I, it is because I, I walk out of there and I truly still think of her and him every day, and it's been, uh, 4 days wondering if they talked through everything.

OK, or whatever, yeah, yeah, how that night was, how the next day was, and I want to reach out to them and say, is everything OK? Did we go the next day because I, I mentally can't handle it. So just lie to me and tell me you've had sex with every single person in the resort. But for me you don't have to because I actually, there's something sort of I like to go on that emotional journey in the middle of it.

Yeah, well, you didn't have to do anything except have my period. You just had to sit there and have your period. Shut up. Girls have it so easy.

We have to do all the work. Yeah, oh God, here we go. All right, maybe someday you will get your dream of having 3 penises in your mouth. I know it wasn't your dream.

Challenge accepted, but we failed. We did again one cock shy. I'm also gonna change my scheduling for blowjobs by the pool to be just either a tad earlier or a tad later than the fashion show and also remind me when Swinger Diaries comes in again to either sleep for a week before or bring a pile of cocaine. And also if you too are a non-listener who is wearing a little.

Red bikini and doesn't know how a typewriter works. You too can make out with my wife. No, listen, non-listener girl, make sure you come back soon. I got some things I need to show you.

Oh God, that sounds so naughty. Show her how a typewriter works. Don't make it weird. I, I like, I'm gonna try and do at least one makeout session a month with my clothes on.

Have fun. You can rub oil on my ass with clothes. And you knock it off with this whole menstruation thing. Oh, I've decided I just ordered like 6 packs online.

Yeah, I don't know how any of that works. I'm not stopping my pills ever, at least for another year, hoping that that couple will come back. Stop nature in its tracks. That's what I need you to do.

It's because when nature starts to screw up my schedule, it makes me sad inside really quick. Wrapping it up, who else this month was a stranger that sent strangers money? Who are these amazing people? Amazing strangers from Patreon.

We love you so much, Gerald, C and D, Adam, Brett, Bjarkey, Nino, and Mr. Mark Sexy. Awesome. Thank you all for that.

Uh, we're gonna, uh, do stuff with the money. Probably not any good stuff. I gotta be honest with you. All right, what else, um, so don't forget about spiritual swingers are coming in July.

Namaste bitches. Yeah, come down, see spiritual swingers. They're coming down to Desire July 7th, 8th through the 12th, sometime in July. They'll be at RM.

Yeah, if you book through us, we give them the cash, so support them. Come see us. Come see them. Come on them.

I don't wanna tell secrets, but they love being come dumb. I actually, and I know that because I just made it up right now. I'm gonna put it on Wikipedia. Someone already did.

That's how fast Wikipedia works. If you book through us to come see them, that is our affiliate program. So, yeah, keep using the affiliate people. If you guys are thinking about coming, please book through us.

It really helps us out. Like we said before, we get 10%. It doesn't cost you anything. It's, we get credit for it.

That's all it is. You click on our site, it brings you to the desire site and you book it like normal. We give you free goodies. The extra attention that we offer other stuff we try to make it worth your while, and that's about it.

It just really helps us out. So, if you don't wanna wait in line for the workshops, it's always a plus. And uh, also last but not least, cause I just, I just got a strap on from our naughty escapades. I just took it off, not because I was using it, but just because I wanted to put it on and stroke my fake cock.

There's so much wrong with you. Oh, I love it. I think I would stroke my cock all the time too if I had one. And now I get it.

You married the right guy. I know. Thank you guys. I'm tired.

I need to go to bed. I'm not even joking. I'm leaving this in because I'm exhausted. This shit exhausts me.

OK, #say what you mean. And that about does it for us. For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77.

We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.