Ep. 22: How To Be Teased Until You Go Crazy at Desire Resorts

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Fed up with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we We do what we love. Work, party, and play at the Desire resorts. After 16 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all. We were so wrong, so wrong.

Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day. So come to room 77. Let's play.

All right, we have started. Are you ready, Lauren? Are you ready? I am.

I, I like my new bean bag. Oh, I thought we had that for a really long time. I need to put a beanbag on this sofa that I'm sitting on. Well, that's why I was thinking we maybe should use one.

I should get my ass pillow that I use downstairs and bring it up here when we record. I don't know. I haven't been doing that. Why don't you try that one.

I'm tired. It's too far away. I wanna reach. I know it's exhausting.

I, we have a lot of people that we know personally, and there's a lot of affiliates in town this week, but I, I don't really have any sex stories because we didn't really do anything. I was texting someone this morning and they're like, oh, I can't wait to hear the. Podcast after 21 days of friends because she's like, are your friends still there? and I'm like, Oh, more are coming in and then there's someone this day and this day and this day and but we're exhausted, so we may end up being completely sexless.

Yeah, it'd be like celibate. So in the last, uh, episode that we did, you made me cry and I made you cry, and people responded rather well. So, my, my, my goal, I think now is to make you cry in every episode. Poor people, they're so sweet.

We really do. They really are sweet. And, uh, we took a little time to ourselves and went downstairs and watched the show Chernobyl to pick us up a little bit. What a funny, smart little comedy.

I mean, Chernobyl, if you want a little pick me up, it's not just a funny name. Uh, we, we never really get to take time away from the resort, and we took time away from the resort. Our friends that had kidnapped us and took us to Loom this year, we voluntarily got kidnapped and we went to Isla Mujeres. We did like a little movie on it that we put on the Patreon site.

We took a bunch of videos. Did you like the ferry over there? You usually get sick on boats. But you didn't.

This was awesome. That was already a positive thing for me to go. But when we got there, there's people singing on the boat. It's a whole long thing.

So anyway, we get off the boat and everything there is golf carts, right, which, uh, we got picked up by our friends and we landed in what he claimed to be the fastest golf cart on the island. I think may have just been what he was told and it was cool. We went to this hotel where they were staying. They were actually checking out and then you went into the pool and there were other people there.

There was other like people sitting around and you were in that pool or just a regular resort for all of 45 minutes until you said, excuse me, sir, can I take my top off. Of course. Listen, of course, my beautiful wife, of course I kept my top on long enough so we could take some pictures because it was a really beautiful property and, uh, yeah, and I'm like, well, it's adults only. I can take my top off.

I'm always in that situation whenever anybody takes their clothes off in public. I'm not watching you. I'm watching everybody watching you. So you did.

I always do. That's what always happens. What happened? People look, but they try not to stare.

Are they waiting for me to take my bottoms off, or are they just like, that's ballsy? I think that would be a little too much, but it's weird. You take off all your clothes at desire. I don't really look at anybody, and then you take off your top in a place like that, and then I'm like, Hey buddy, what are you looking at?

Oh no, it's just a, it's just a weird reaction. I don't get it, but anyway, so we, we, we, we go back to the hotel and go to the beach club, this beach club Green Demon. You, everybody should look that up. Place was so awesome.

I wish you could see the videos. It's just some of the hottest people that we saw since in Mexico, I think. And immediately I'm like, I wanna have sex with all these people, and it's very weird because you're in that vanilla world. And, and it's just everything sort of changes, but your mind's still running like that, always on the prowl.

I can't turn it off. You, you'll do that to me where you're like, oh, did you see her? And I'm like, Who? You're like, you're never paying attention.

Yeah, me, I'm always like, uh, what is your sexual life like? What are you into? Are you trying to have sex with me? No, I was just curious.

I get very curious. Those two days put us way, way, way behind. So we end that vacation or staycation, I guess, uh, we go back to the resort, which was nice for us because we felt like, you know, when we, when we are at Desire, we love doing what we do, but it is, it does get a little bit exhausting because we're sort of selling ourselves like cheap whores and that's a. Exhausting.

Yeah, we didn't have to go up and say, hey, we're Richard and Lauren. We do a workshop and, uh, we want to invite you or whatever. We were doing girls class this week, so it was extra stressful for me. Going to RM is always a little bit extra stressful because when you come in on Tuesday as us, we, no one knows who the hell we are, nor do they really care.

They care, but so you have to walk into a pool with inside 2 to 3 hours and be like, Hi, what's your name, which is, I, I gotta be honest, a little bit more difficult over at RM. It's just a little more difficult to break that barrier. Once you break the barrier, everyone's super nice. Everyone's super nice.

There's this group and like I kept getting the guys confused because they almost had the same exact body and the tattoos. Remember we were talking about those two guys had the same tattoo. I talked to them first. I, I went up to the, oh, I thought, I introduced you because I walked in, I walked into that foursome.

I looked at them, and this doesn't happen a lot, but I walked into the pool. I looked at them and I went, I want to have sex with each and every one of you, and you said that in my head. I was like, No, that's a great icebreaker. Maybe that's why I'm not doing so well at RM.

Hi everyone, I'd like to fuck each of you. Uh, by the way, come to the workshop at 4:30. The workshop is not about sex. I'm gonna go tell those people over there that I want to fuck them too.

Have a nice day. Did you want to have sex with that group as much as I did? Yeah, I would have sat right there in the middle of it, but I still find myself judging books by their cover because I get intimidated to walk up to the group, which is why I went to the group to the side and you went to them, and I was like, they were intimidating to talk to because they had the tats and they had that look. I mean, afterwards though, cool people, why do I?

I still do that. I don't know why I still do that. It's just a response. I have to fight it every, every Tuesday, every Tuesday I have to fight it.

I do. And then there was the other guy who worked in chemistry. Oh my God, I loved him. Oh my God, you had the most random pool conversations ever.

Well, he, he told me that he was into chemistry, and my response was, Hey, we're running out of helium. And he said, What the fuck are you talking about? I said, we're. I don't know.

I read stuff and then I just throw it up. That's what I do here. And his wife was like, Oh my God, I can't believe you guys are having this conversation. And then he says, How are we running out of helium?

I need to know this as someone who's really into chemistry. That doesn't seem possible to me. And I say, I, I don't retain the information. I just retain the headline, and I read it, and then I, but I don't remember it.

I just know panic, panic for party suppliers. That's my take. Clowns. It's time to go back to school.

Party supply stores are screwed, but the truth is, so I had to get up for him and go, I'm gonna find out, sir. Also, we're running out of bananas. He didn't know that. Yes, you had just told me that this morning, and so I was like, and we're also running out of bananas.

He's like, What are you talking about? I'm like, I don't know. We're running out of helium. We're running out of bananas.

I'm going to lunch. You figure this shit out. I want answers by the time I come back. He, you gave him homework and he came.

Was it you or him? I gave him homework for do you know anything about ASMR. I'm doing it right now in my microphone. Is it AMSR?

I don't know. I don't know. And then he comes back to me the next day. He's like, No, there's an erotic part of AMSR.

Is it ASMR or AMSR? I think AMSR. I don't know. It just freaks me out when I watch any of these videos.

If you are going to YouTube now and you are looking up AMSR, I'm sorry. When we did the girls workshop at RM, it's so hot. Like, you know, when we always say the people in the vanilla world think that this is what it looks like or this is what's always happening, that's pretty close to what their image is. It's pretty hot.

And the only thing that I wanna bring up to you before I leave that particular subject of RM is I have officially found my next wife. Oh no, yes, I think I know who you're talking about. It's B and or Marissa. I don't know what they call her over there, but she's the playmaker.

What was that other one's name? Anna? Yeah, I don't even remember who she is. That's why you forgot her name.

Yeah, I, I love Bee, and I think that I should express that to you now. I wanna do stuff to her. Well, she likes to do stuff to you. That's why I love her.

I mean, she likes to tease the crap out of me. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I am going to do everything I can to somehow get her into my life. In many levels, uh, I may have to kidnap her.

I should express that to you now, and she gets me through sometimes going to our in that stress a little bit because I know she's gonna be there, and I love uni. I really do, but uni is so sweet. Yeah, you can't have a dirty thought about uni. No, I can have dirty thoughts about uni.

I can't absolutely that's easy. I would just do different dirty things to them in a different way. I have a hard penis right now. That is a beautiful penis.

Thank you. You can leave it out. No, because I feel weird. Why?

Why do you feel weird? You're naked. You don't have to masturbate. You can just leave.

Well, now I'm just saying like, can I masturbate and keep a thought going at the same time? So, so for everybody there, I am not masturbating. You can tell them because this is getting a little more difficult. It was.

Wait, it's speeding up, speeding up, doing right hand, still sitting on the food side. I want to make sounds right now, but I feel weird. You should do whatever is normal. We're going to record this and see how it works out.

When I edit back, it's going to be like, Oh my God, you're so gross. Oh no. Do you need lube? I have oil handy.

No, I've been doing this for years. I can do it without oil or lotion. OK. Tell me about B.

Oh God, I can't do that. Oh fuck, see, I had to stop. Hm, all right, I'm gonna stop because that's too, that's too hard. I can't podcast and watch you masturbate.

It's so distracting. I'm so horny right now. I don't know what to do. Should we just fuck?

I don't know. I mean, maybe if we didn't make any sounds or anything, I can probably do. Well, no one wants to listen to silence while they're driving or at the gym or wherever they listen. Tell me a story.

What do you want to hear? I don't know if you know what you do. I want to hear you try and talk and masturbate at the same time. It's hard because, well, now I'm, now I'm like, oh, should we just stop and just like have sex really quick?

Yeah, OK, I'll be right back. 3 One, we have a liftoff. The eagle has landed. All right, and we're back.

So that's how you have sex during a podcast. I'm awesome. You're welcome. I can't decide if it made me tired or if it made me more awake.

I'm exhausted. I need a sandwich and a bed. I don't even remember what we were talking about. Helium and bananas.

That's what I remember. Is there an audio version of an exhibitionist? Well, yeah, it's going to go back to that AMSR stuff. MSR erotica, it's got to be something along that line.

Yeah, well, it's a heavy breather that used to call. Hi, what are you wearing? All right, I have to go now, take a nap and eat a sandwich that hopefully you'll make me. I will.

I know I love your sandwiches. They're so good. All right, let's go have a sandwich. Lauren, love you.

All right, what room are you in? 11. What room are you in? 87.

What room are you in? 1302. What room are you in? 2505.

What room are you in? 50. What room are you in? 23.

Name one thing we are running out of freedom. We're running out of freedom. Way to keep it lively and peppy. Uh, big cock.

We are running out of big cock. I don't, I don't know how to prove or disprove that. Maybe running out of time. Would you believe me if I told you we were running out of helium?

What do you mean? The element helium, HE on the periodical chart, helium is true. Look it up. Would you believe me if I told you we're running out of bananas?

The bananas are all gonna go away. You feel like we're running out of time. Name one thing that you feel like you. Or the world is running out of compassion, lube lube.

I have some for you. Would you believe me if I told you that the world is running out of helium? No, I wouldn't believe you. Would you believe me if I told you the world is running out of helium?

No. Would you believe me if I told you that party suppliers are screwed? They would be if they're out of helium. Yes, the stuff that's in the balloon, because I went to Party City and they had no helium.

Yes, see, this is proof right here. What about bananas? Would you believe me if I told you we're also running out of bananas? Bananas, they're gonna be extinct in 10 years.

They're gonna be extinct. ding ding ding. But if you absorb a bunch of helium into your lungs and then speak back anything at anybody, it could be a song, it could be speech, prose, whatever, you sound like a munchkin. What are you gonna do when we have no helium left and you can't do that anymore?

It's gonna make me feel like I need some other substance to make me feel good. I have a feeling you'll find it. Could you carry on a non-sexual conversation while masturbating? Yes, but it won't get the job done.

No, no, then no, you wouldn't. No, I could not do that. A non-sexual conversation while masturbating. I always do.

To completion for sure it does happen a lot. Would you be able to carry on a non-sexual conversation while masturbating? Will they mind if I come on them? No, yes, OK, I probably could.

I think I could too. I probably could. Men are easy, very easy, very easy. All right, we have started.

I sort of have a voice, so yeah, what is going on with your voice again? This is really starting to make me think that I need to fire you and hire B. Oh no. Well, I mean, it would be nice to have her as a guest, I think, just because she would come to the house.

Yeah. So how are you? I, I mean, I'm great minus my voice that's going through whatevers. I know it's going through puberty.

It just. Keeps doing stuff on its own. Friday was like by the time I finished marketing in the pool, I'm seriously trying to talk to people over music and everything like that. It was just kept going.

By the time I got to the workshop, I was on the microphone doing the meditation in my normal range of the octave, but it wasn't working, so I ended up settling in this like the only part of my voice that would work up here for the. I know it sounded like you're doing little girl doll voice. It's what I felt like. Like, oh, this sounds fucked up as shit.

That's what I felt like. I was like, oh my God, these people are gonna think I'm like super twisted and this is my meditation voice or something, but it was literally the only notes that were coming out of my mouth. Yeah, it was like the only octave. I'm sorry, everybody who was in that particular workshop.

Thanks for being with us, but it's slowing down the podcast and your listener doesn't give a shit. They just want the product. Well, I could, you had said type it in the computer and let it do voice. We can put it on the like British voice.

That would be fun. I want it to sound like Stephen Hawkings. Are you doing well otherwise? I'm good.

I'm having a lot of fun with all the people in town. All right, let me give anybody who cares an update on our little live. We are still in the energy crisis of 2019, Richard and Lauren's energy crisis, so we are sweating our balls off here. It's about 90 something to get today.

Yeah, we've, we've named the house Casa Tesmaal. Casa Tesmaal. If you don't know what Tesmal is, you can look it up. But all of this stuff, all of these people coming in is like, I'm just getting out of my patterns, and I don't know if that's good.

Like I'm not going to the gym. I'm feeling my fat right now. First we had the spiritual swingers here. They, they stayed with us, Adam and Eve.

They stayed a night. Uh, we took them out to dinner. We went to La Serena, right? They went crazy.

Eve cut a bitch. Adam stole a car. It's crazy. They, they went nuts.

No, they had a really good time. They were really good guests here. It was nice having them here. They're just such sweet people that I just always feel like, I don't know.

I don't even really know how to describe how nice they are. It's just that too sweet. Yeah, they're up to something, right? I know.

Like, no, but she is, she could never convey that she's up to something. I look at her like she's like a foreign object when. She's talking to me because she's so sweet and the way she speaks is so sweet so I find myself just staring at her and not really listening to what she's saying. Yeah, if I'm, I don't know, but if I'm about to commit suicide, I'm calling her.

I, she would talk me off anything, I'm sure. All right, I'll come down. You, you're right. You get it.

You know what? You're right. Everything, everything is good. But that was really sweet.

We took her, like I said, we took her to Las Arena, and, uh, we're actually at Las Arena. Last night this is like the place I should just do advertisements for La Serena that this is where the swingers go when you wanted just a little taste of vanilla during your sort of desired trip and what we do there is we talk really fucking loud. Well, I don't know if there's any other way to talk. Well, there isn't, so we started, you know, I mean, these people must hear like that, they're dick and pussy, and it is, I'm my ass and.

Like it must sound like insanity coming from these tables, and then we were there last night and everybody at the table, we were some other friends and the, the conversation, a 6 of mind you, of not lifestyle people but patrons of desire. So they were not lifestyle people, but they were telling some salty stories, salty. That's funny. There was a woman, there was a woman, and she was smiling along with our story like, hey lady, you're.

at our table. You're not supposed to be enjoying our story like this. And so one of the girls leans over and she's like, Don't look now, but that lady is listening to our stories and she's just sitting by herself having a drink. We were entertaining her.

We're better than the band, I think, I guess, evidently. But so anyway, if you're coming to La Serena, come when we go there because the stories we tell on the rooftop are salty. Like the water. So, uh, this week I hadn't had any sexy stories to tell the last time, but I grabbed one, grabbed one sexy story.

There was this one couple that came in and they were sort of waiting for us to come in. This pair is, they're just like a force to be reckoned with. They give zero fucks. That's how I would describe them.

They give zero fucks. And also, I don't know if this is technically or not technically, but not in the lifestyle, but I do know that. They are listening to this right now on their surround sound system at home because that's uh that's what they tell us that's what they tell us and we were waiting to see them. They booked through us.

They really helped support us, but what I was gonna say was she came back with two new items. Now this is a person who's beautiful before she came back with two new boobies, boobies, yeah, so it was, uh, they looked, they looked fantastic. I mean, wow, I mean to, to do that and to sort of, I'm kind of speechless. I really am.

They're pretty, pretty, pretty nice. She's funny because it's like it wasn't even really about it. It was just about she's super self-confident. She just, I just think that if it's something that's going to make you feel better, you're not doing it for anybody else, you wanna get it done, then do it for whatever.

The reason that is if it makes you feel better, it makes you feel sexier and it's safe, hey man, or lady, not in a lifestyle, sort of, yeah, I mean they're just not dipping their toes in a little bit. They're they dabble here and there. Well, that's what they came for the first time, right, and then we corrupted them a little bit, and I think they were sort of waiting just to see us. Before they were set free to go out there and just kill any prey that they could find, which I think is what they did, really.

Now if I could describe these two, she is like, she's a bombshell. Uh, he is, uh, very handsome. He's super handsome, but what gets you is he talks a mile a minute. He's like one level below an auctioneer, sort of, but he has that.

Drawl. He has like a, I, I've never wanted to say naked before in my life more than when I'm around it. We get naked just because I never get to say naked. N E C K E D, but I don't know.

He's just got so much energy. He talks so much. He's the, he's a really great storyteller. He's a great storyteller and thinks that I know a lot about him, but it, I don't really.

It's just because he's told me the same story 15 times. And he's like, How do you know that? I'm like, You told me 9 times already. They're like professional drinkers.

Like, you never know. Told us the same story a couple times, but we had no idea they were even drunk. By the 4th time, I just keep nodding like I've never heard it before. That's a great story.

Oh my God, really? That happened. Holy crap. That's amazing.

How she's just one of those people that like when you talk. Talk to her, it's like she's the kind of person that I know would make me a sandwich. It's like I know she would take care of me if I was sick. I know, and she just makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but she looks like a sex goddess.

But her voice, if you talk to her on the phone, you'd be like, there's no way this lady's hot. There's no way. And then you would meet her and you'd be like. What this is crazy.

They were hanging out with another couple. I was sort of looking forward to, you know, just play with them, getting down and dirty a little bit, right? And you kind of pull them aside and you're like, hey, listen, um, if you guys wanna like go do that, we don't want to cock block because that's one of our things is we never want to get in the way of other people. We're like, go play, go play, and their response was, Yeah, I know, they're not in the lifestyle.

They're not in the lifestyle. And I look at you and I'm like, Yeah, I think they are. I think you just talk a lot and they've just been waiting. No one's made a move yet.

So Richard here looks at the one dude and goes, so are you guys in the lifestyle or not? And then what happens, and this happens a lot when people are not mentally prepared for that question, it starts to get a little bit like, well, we, uh, you know, we take it, you just dip in your toes. Well, sometimes, you know, in the mood that if, well, I mean, right now we're gradually sort of, I. It's like if somebody, it's like one of those situations where you're like, uh, you're around a group of people that like, uh, opera or something and and they're like, oh, everybody's talking about sort of opera, and then you turn to that one person who doesn't listen and you're like, do you like opera?

And you're like, oh yeah, you know, you know that, uh, Pavarotti guy. Yeah, I sometimes you're just talking about a lot, but yeah, but I appreciate it. I really do. It's like, you know, you just start mentioning.

Things that you maybe saw on iTunes. I appreciate the lifestyle, but you're just like, I don't know what to say right now. I'm just outnumbered, and that's sort of how the answers go. They're just like, oh, you know, I'm like, all right, well, I, I listen, I just wanna know if you all wanna get naked or not, or we're just gonna take these two and, and do some, some nasty stuff to them.

So we go back to the room, right, and we're just outside for a while. Anyway, you guys were like dancing. You're doing like country. Stepping square dancing crap.

Whenever I'm around country people, I just start singing Old Town Road because that just pisses them off. I love this Old Town Road thing. I love that Billy Ray Cyrus. He's awesome because I actually like, I mean, being from the South, I like to dip into my roots every now and again when I'm surrounded by it and, uh, so we put on some country music and we were two step in and we're just having.

Some fun out on the porch and then we were like, hey, let's do this. I don't even know how it started. Yeah, they brought us lube. Did you get the lube because that was a really good lube.

I wanted to make sure you get there, not that I go to rooms just for stuff. What did you bring us? It's like a trap. Hey, here's some bait in here.

What do you got? Oh, that's that platinum lube. And then I go in the room and they just shut the door. Got you.

I'm that easy. Yeah, you know, it was, it was good. I gotta be honest, she's super intimidating to me. She's a strong um personality and you're not really used to that, which is good for you so I enjoyed that on my end getting to see you get teased a little bit because a lot of women in.

At the hotel, I usually wait for guys to approach them. Yeah, I mean, and, but on the other side, her husband is, he's a little like me. I think his mind races way more than mine does. Like my mind doesn't ever shut up.

I feel like his is out of control, doesn't shut up. I really empathetically feel that. Well, we started off by, by doing a little massage. You're like, let's get this oil out, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, um, and, but then I just wound up with you. Like, what's that about? I could do this anywhere. What's going on?

I'm, I'm sitting in a room with you people. I'm just having sex with my wife. This is ridiculous. Why?

Why are we here? Just you got so horny. You're like, Oh, I had to have sex with someone. We were just having so much fun and then making out and it was then fun though because it was fun having sex with you and having them around, just sort of touching and stroking and watching and, and then I ejaculated and everyone did dirty stuff with my semen.

Did that sound clean enough for you? That was the PG version. Yeah, I mean, not, you don't need every detail of every story. It was just, well, that's how it, I ejaculated and people did stuff with my semen.

We then ordered food because we needed something to eat, so we ate something, right? And so somebody was talking about me going again. Now I'm not really a guy who goes many times in a night. I'm usually like, that was awesome.

Had a really good time. Let's all go to sleep now. That's usually me. That's, that's my jam right there.

I know it's sexy. Most people are like, I, I would love to find that in a man, but it's just really hard. So we order food and then immediately after I finish eating, and this goes against all of my principles and values, I immediately start getting horny again immediately, not your normal, right? So she starts coming in and you guys are outside dancing to Old Town Road or some shit.

I don't know. I was like, hey, you people, I have some emails and some texts to return really quick and I will go out. I will go inside and set up my little home office. And you guys do whatever it is hillbillies do.

We wanted to visit. Yeah, I know you all wanted to visit. We wanted to visit. So I go in there and, uh, start returning.

She comes in and starts attacking me, attacking me. Well, she wasn't really attacking me. She was, but she was like, she started sitting down on me. I was so ready, and this has never happened to me before.

Nobody's ever really done this to me before. I would start going at it. I was getting really hard and she was like, Nope, can't have it. Nope, you gotta wait.

Oh no, no, but I want it now. I want it now. I want it now. And she was like, and she was saying some dirty, disgusting things, and nobody ever really had teased me like that, and I never really have been through that, but it was driving me absolutely insane.

I, you saw it. You would come in the room and it was like my hair was all disheveled, and I was like. There was no emailing going on. Yeah, I was like, I wasn't doing anything.

I wasn't doing anything, yeah, because that's not really like our rule, but with them it's, there's a trust thing, and I know that if something were to start, you would come get me or vice versa. Yeah, I was trying to start something so that you would have heard, honey, I'm fucking her. It was such a turn on. I was, that's that confidence I'm talking about.

I was getting a kick out of it. I didn't know that she was. Doing that, but like even standing by the bar, the coffee bar and stuff just to see her come up and you know, sort of flirt around with you. I really enjoy that.

That was really sweet. Thank you for that, lady. So then we come back, we run into them again. We're like, hey, you know, we gotta do our shit.

They did the workshop. It was a cool workshop because Adam and Eve from Spiritual Swingers were there and she did the workshop with us. She came around and rubbed some people with us, which was amazing, right? Yeah, I know.

I told her on Tuesday. I said, Will you help me on the man's day? Yeah, and I introduced them as, uh, this is spiritual swingers. They are into energy and yoga and stuff, so I think they're gonna change their podcast thing to spiritual swingers, energy, yoga and stuff.

It sounds great. So we finished that. We go downstairs and we start to have coffee and we're just sort of talking to people, and there they are again. And now I want what she said.

Hey, you gotta win. You gotta wait. So I'm like, chop chop, motherfuckers. I waited.

I waited, and they're there with that other couple that wasn't in. Oh, we're sort of in the, and I talked to them. They turned those motherfuckers. They put them in the lifestyle.

So now they're out there corrupting other people like we corrupted them. That's awesome, right? I knew they weren't. They're paying it forward.

That's how you gotta think of it. I don't even know if I'm gonna get them back. They had a lot of lookers there. Even in that 48 hour period, they were just picking them off like snipers.

Like, I got that couple, boom. That, see that couple right there, boom. I bring them in. Hey, there's a new couple that just came in through the lobby, boom, they're ours.

They were scooping everybody up, so I'm like, I don't know if I'm gonna get my time back, right? So we go to their room and we start flirting a little bit. Because of unforeseen circumstances, the night is cut short and we have to leave. I never got to do it.

No, I never got it. I know it really hurt. I really, really wanted to be with her. I really did.

I was really looking forward to it and that, that mental sort of mind fuck is fun, yeah, I guess so. I gotta try it on people without ever. Hi, how are you? I'm, I'm, I'm great.

Yeah, how are you? Not until later. Oh, I can't have it. I'm sorry, who are you, sir?

I just, I just wanted to know if you wanted more bread. Yes, yeah. Hi, are you interested in a workshop? What is the workshop about?

Maybe I'll tell you later. I'll be back in 10 minutes and I'll tell you about what the class is once you watch my ass as I swim away. I'm gonna try this tactic. They'll be like that guy's lost his mind.

Yeah, I've already lost my mind. Oh well, anyway, so I talked all the way through this thing because I know you cannot talk too much. So I'm sure someone out there is gonna be like, Oh my God, Richard never lets his wife talk. I'm sorry, that is not the case.

Shut up. I'm not finished. What is the perfect amount of time to be teased? There's never enough time.

Depends on what kind of teasing, right? It depends on what kind of 15 minutes. Do you enjoy being teased? Sure.

Do you enjoy being teased? Yes. Does she like being teased? She loves being teased, so without even touching, it's just a matter of just lightly blowing all over her body.

That's what really gets her. Does he enjoy being teased? Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

What would you say would be a good amount of time that you get teased? 3 hours. 3 hours. That sounds like torture.

No, absolutely not, man. I mean, dude, if something's good, why wouldn't you want more of it? Would you consider Billy Ray Cyrus a music pioneer? No.

Billy Ray Cyrus, country pioneer, yes, would you? No, not even remotely. Do you know the song Old Town Road? Can you hum any of it?

I'm gonna bring my horse to the Old Town Road. I'm yeah, ride, yeah. Can anybody here hum along with the song Old Town Road? Do you like opera?

No. Do you like opera? Can you name any opera singer? Name even one, not even Pavarotti.

Do you know who Pavarotti is? All right. Do you know the song Old Town Road? No, it's not ringing a bell.

OK. Do you know any opera singers? Uh, Julio, no, uh. Who was that big fat Italian cat?

His name was Pavarotti. Yeah, Luciano. Yes. Oh, you're on a first name basis.

Yeah, yeah, he was my, he was my boy. Would you consider Billy Ray Cyrus a music pioneer? No, a country music pioneer? No comment.

Billy Ray Cyrus, a music genius. No. Do you like Billy Ray Cyrus? No, but he is a pioneer today.

That is true. Do you like opera? No. Do you like opera?

No, opera? Yes. Name one opera singer. All right, do you like opera?

No. Do you like opera? Do you like opera? I don't think so.

Do you like opera? Can anybody name one opera singer? Pavarotti. Pavarotti is the correct answer.

All right, thank you all so much. We really, really appreciate it. All right, we have started now. In this next one, we were visited by the spiritual swingers, Adam and Eve.

Yes, they, they, after finally like 9 flight delays, poor things. Yeah, I know they originally were getting in at like 10 in the morning and then I just like looked down and it's like it's a 5 hour delay and I'm like, well, I guess I'll run some errands. Before I picked them up at the airport, so we sat down with them. They wanted to get really deep inside of us and we were like, Bring it, bitches.

Nama stay at my house. So anyway, this is the, the interview. It's not the full interview. If you wanna hear the full interview, you can go over the spiritual swingers and listen to it over there.

This is a condensed version. We took the interview and we washed it in really hot water and dried it on high and dried it on high and came out a little bit shorter. All right, enjoy. So I'm with Adam and I'm with Eve.

We've started. All right guys. Well done. Well done.

Here we are in Mexico. First of all, what do you think about our country, our country of Mexico, because soy Mexicano, you like Mexico so far? Yeah, you guys make it awesome. You, you have a great country that you're hosting here.

Mui Fabuloso. Very good. Uh, so how are you guys doing? Thank you so much for, uh, living with us for a portion of your trip.

Thank you so much for allowing us to live with you. It's fabulous here. Oh my God, Casa de massage is stellar. Yeah.

We have the chore list hung up in your bedroom just so you know you're gonna have to get through those chores for meals. That's how it works here. You're not gonna steal our kidneys or anything tonight, are you? Not tonight.

I have to make a hospital run and get a bunch of ice. Like we get excited with gifts and you guys brought us a couple of t-shirts that were super cute. Can't wait to wear them this week. Yeah, well, we had to share our smart assery.

I love it. I love it. Mine says Project Airtight. Mine says you're an asshole.

But I don't want to talk about me right now. I want to talk about you guys and your trip here, and you guys want to talk about us, which is a super interesting topic. We're going to try to get as deep inside of you as we possibly can. So you know, when you, Jesus Christ, we got pre-interviewed last night.

We were just doing research, research, and one of the things that came up that you wanted to talk about, Eve was. some things that had to do with Lauren and uh other things that had to do with Lauren, more Lauren. Lauren Lauren some was Lauren, some was workshops. I am a podcast junkie like many people probably that listen to both of us.

I've always just been really fascinated with the people behind. The show, right? People behind and so I was just thinking about you guys and some of the things that kind of jumped out at me, I guess, questions that I had before we kind of got to know you and just, you know, what is your, you know, like real life look like? You probably don't know, but we're asked most days in the pool or in the jacuzzi or while I'm doing someone from behind.

Most of these questions on a daily basis. Yeah, so I'm kind of prepared. OK, are we ready to go? I'm ready.

I'm ready. What is the first topic? OK, question is, how religious were your family, you and your family growing up? I grew up in the Bible Belt.

I'm from the South, grew up in the Bible Belt, and I was brought up Methodist. I even went to a Methodist university, um, and sort of during college is when I stopped really going to church. It was just more about. Being lazy and hungover, then like, and then once I got more into my adulthood is when I sort of started finding my own um direction like spiritually, and I would say I'm more spiritual than I am religious now.

I was brought up in a semi-religious family, but we were never baptized. They wanted us to make our own decision as to whatever it is that we wanted to be. Yeah, so I became a pescatarian. Were your parents PDA at all?

Like, did you see evidence of them having like a physical relationship? I mean, I walked in on him once when I was a child, and then I went up to my room and drew a picture. Wow. Did you, did you see him like holding hands or did you see him kiss?

Yeah, they're very loving upbringing was very never saw her parents physically touch at all. Oh no, my parents were super loving. Yeah, very warm, I would say. They were running fevers most of their lives.

I had a very unaffectionate family and that is about it. As you can probably all tell, right? So what were your attitudes around sex like when you were in high school or, you know, those coming of age years? Did you have like any feelings about should I, should I not, or just it was for, for me, it was pretty much you're on your own, good luck.

We didn't have any outlet to explore anything. Except possibly a magazine if you were lucky you got your hands on some porn magazine. Like no one was like, hey, if you're gonna have sex, at least be protected. Here's a condom.

Have fun. No, it was my dirty neighbor Joe who old dirty neighbor Joe. He, yeah, he was the son. He is not like Joe was the dad teaching me that.

That would be a little awkward. No, like. Your dog got out, not to be confused with my other neighbor Todd, where the butter up the butt thing happened, dichotomy of two different neighbors, one on either side, drop a bomb like that and not explain why you're. It's on one of the other podcasts, yeah, first time I ever saw porn, a guy who said to a woman, Go get nail clippers and a stick of butter.

And shove that butter up my ass and that was my fir the first thing I saw. I thought, oh, alright, well, to have sex I need butter and nail clippers. This is easy. I can get both of those things.

Butter didn't keep too well in my backpack. Most guys your age carried condoms around in their wallet for 8 or 10 years. You had a stick of butter. Yeah, so I switched to margarine because it just held up better.

Yeah, yeah, sure. What else did you date in high school? Kind of was that kind of the trajectory of your friend group too, like, yeah, all like the, the cool kids or the girls that were on dance team with me were like going to parties and getting drunk and all that stuff, and I wasn't allowed to do that. So I just like.

Stayed home with my mom, but you're doing it now to make up for all of that crap. As soon as I went to college, I'm glad that I didn't have sex in high school, to be honest with you. I was so naive. I remember the first time having sex in high school and was like, Why are you all girls not doing this?

This is amazing. This is great. How long did you last on your first? Uh, I just remember my first time.

I got the wonderful feedback of, Is this your first time. So I think what that told me, obvious, yeah, my first time was actually horrific. So after it happened, I didn't know her. It was almost like a one night stand sort of thing out of town and after I finished, she started crying hysterically.

Oh no, yeah, it's going great so far. Oh, so what's wrong? Now this is my first time. What's wrong?

What's wrong? My boyfriend just died in a car accident and you reminded me of him and that's why I just responded with, well, again, you're welcome. It doesn't matter. I didn't have the brain to process that anyway, so I was just like, alright, well, whatever.

Sorry about your boyfriend. Are we gonna do this again or not? I'm still hard. Yeah, let's go.

Oh my gosh, wow. Well, that is a first time story. Yeah, uh, you know, I like to spread happiness. Well, you do.

I love it. How long were you a virgin, I was 15 and he was 16. You had sex when you were 15. No, no, no, no.

We just started dating then, yeah, because we tried to have sex. We didn't want the wedding night to be the first time. What do you mean a very anticlimactic. It hurt.

It hurt really bad. Oh, it just hurt. Did you have a hymen, I guess. Yes, I guess.

I think I don't know if I had a hymen necessarily like it. I didn't bleed after or anything. I think I was just like that tight. Like just was that, you know, foreign of an idea to like.

Have like go on his ginormous cock inside me, his ginormous 20 year old cock. flatter. We had actually went and gotten a hotel room like we're in college at this point and I think we wanted to be like special time. So I went so cute.

I know I went and got like a little outfit that I would think is probably not at all sexy now. Like I bet at the time it was like JC Penney catalog sexy. Yeah, yeah, I mean it was that's kind of pantsuit. It was a pantsuit.

Yeah, yeah, um, I don't know, it was weird, but so I was just kind of like trying to like figure out how it goes in, and we, I don't think we had lube, but we might have had like spermicidal because like we were like not getting pregnant like that was did everything super fear, so yes, super fear of that. Did you have a really religious family? I was in church. It was a small church, me and my brother.

We were kind of the, you were the, we were the youth group and it wasn't an organized thing. My family structure. It was such that you don't disappoint anyone by getting shame on the don't go and get pregnant now. We used to like give each other's hand jobs like we did that in high school.

So it wasn't like my first orgasm or anything when we started to have sex. We, I guess it would be considered soft swab now knowing in the lifestyle terminology, but I remember some sometimes after those we had had like a good long time to contemplate what that would mean. So once we finally did have sex, I didn't feel really bad about it. What else do you want to know about me?

Oh my gosh, you have mentioned. That you are that you both had had careers in the entertainment industry. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't I'm so wrong. No, I, you had entertainment.

That's a big um undertaking. That's a big leap, maybe a risky endeavor. So what gave you the courage? One of the wonderful things about being in your twenties is a lack of fear, fear or consequences.

So if you had asked me, am I going to do that again at the age of 25 or 30, it would keep changing. You are invincible when you're that age. So both Mara and I were in a state of mind. We're like, I can do this.

I'll go out there, give it a whirl. If it doesn't work out, whatever, I'll move back to Texas and figure out something else. I wouldn't describe it as courage, but it was more not following the path of what the rest of the family did or what the social norm was to do. That was, that was the rebellion aspect to it.

It became a rebellion because my father didn't want me to do it. I'll show him exactly what it became. I'm more of like a dreamer and like I'm just gonna go. And I'd have to go because I have to see if I can do this even though we are here now, um, watching our electric bill because we can't afford it, uh, it's odd to think that we were for what we did, we were really successful in our world, but it was still 1 in a million.

So then a few years later you decide to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico. Yeah, so it's kind of the same spirit, is it, or not? Sort of, but with different attitudes. One was.

A go out there and get them to accomplish something and this was a I give up because everything that I wanted, we sort of got to some degree, but it didn't necessarily make us happy. That one was a dream to accomplish something and this one is just that one, this one doesn't have money and fame attached to it. Being in Los Angeles around that world, especially entertainment, we met a lot of successful, wealthy, miserable people. You look at people and you go, am I gonna wind up like.

You when you're in your early twenties, it was valuable in your life to become recognizable and be noticed and make a lot of money. As you got older, the focus shifted to, I need to pay attention to my mental health. He actually would have rather been able to, to act and do his, the love of acting with zero fame to be able to still function in the world without being seen, but he really did love. That job he really loved that job and that's the difference, right?

It's like when you're where I was, which was barely borderline successful, you are still going to the back of the line every time you finish your job and you're starting over again you're really only happy in those moments that you are acting and doing what you love and as you get lowered down on the rung, you're doing more and more things that are not creatively fulfilling they're not anything that you really imagined that you were gonna be doing and you're just unhappy and even within. You are working. Being an actor is just a lot of waiting around. You just sit around a lot.

You're either waiting on set to go and shoot for 20 minutes and then wait for 2 hours, or you're waiting for the phone to ring to go do another job. So it's just a lot of be mentally exhausting. I don't know what it was like in the modeling world, but I just stand there and take pictures. The only thing that was like always awkward was you're doing winter when it's summer, so we would be in down coats, you know, 3 layers of chicklets.

In your bra and jeans outside shooting and you're just you're passing out because it's 110 degrees. Alright, what else? What else? So, um, let's talk about the workshop that you all provide at Desire.

The first time we came to Desire and this, um, experience was going to be happening and it was the Yoni and the lingam, you know, massage. I knew what it was because I had done a lot of reading up, dipped my toes into learning. About tantra and different things like that. And so I knew those terms.

But what drew you to those influences? Was that just common language like where you from your background or did you do a lot of research to decide that that's what it was going to be? Yeah, so we had already done the research about Lauren and orgasm and getting this Yoni massage, which was a path to having an orgasm or an easier way to have an orgasm. So these weren't really terms that we knew.

And they. To have someone that was teaching something like that at desire and she was leaving and that's when he was like, you guys should do it. We became familiar with, with the, the terminology and stuff like that, but what we really believed was everything was sort of a sell on sex. A lot of people need to sometimes justify why they're doing something sexual, call it tantra.

So we, we call a little bit of bullshit sometimes on tantra. It's like, do you want to go and have an experience that is sexually fulfilled. Billing, yes, OK, but I need to legitimize it with something that has some sort of spirituality attached to it to make it not just sex, and we didn't want to take it from that angle. We want to just call it what it was.

So we say Yoni, and that's about as far as we take it to maybe perhaps not call it a vagina just so you're not like, hey, it's the pussy workshop again, right, right, OK, because I guess the way that I would describe participating in your workshop is. reverent to your partner. It's very, um, like you're setting the space, you're holding space for each couple to have an experience that maybe they haven't had before, maybe they wouldn't, maybe even wouldn't know to take the time for. Well, you guys do describe physical maneuvers and stuff in the workshop, uh, I feel like you've said, having experience, I feel that you quickly, once the actual teaching of the massage or whatever starts, you very much get away from the physical aspect of it.

It becomes spiritual and energy and you're not, your mind goes to a different place. It's no longer I need to rub her here, then I rub her there and then she has an orgasm, and we're done, and then we go have a snack and go to bed. Kind of turns your mind off and you're just kind of on, I feel how she's feeling, and she's feeling how I'm feeling and all that's transitioning, and then you guys come over and share your energy with it, and then it's like, holy shit, this is crazy. We don't really want it to be like teachy step step step.

We just want it to be, you said, holding space for the two people to kind of check out and just check into each other because there's so much stuff happening at the resort. There's so much stuff happening in life and there's no, we say this in the beginning, there's nothing that we can do that will work for every single couple in that room. It's just impossible, you know. Everyone functions differently, but we do all tend to, if we relax our minds, find sort of that best way for us to communicate with each other.

Just concentrate on what's happening right here, right now. Just the 45 minutes that you're here, just be right here. That's it. That's all we're asking.

Take all of the static away from your life, even the static, even though desire is amazing for relationships, take. All the static that's even going on here, all the noise, everything, just take it away for 45 minutes and just give to your partner. Your partner is gonna receive so much pleasure that you in return will gather that energy and you will start to feel pleasure yourself. And it becomes this, this sort of intertwining energy that just really starts to build with build with one another and then it starts to.

Permeate through the room and uh it's just a it's a great experience and the difference between each person is very different, right? So there may be one couple that is at like an 11 out of 1 to 10 and you're like these two are amazing. There may be other couples that are just sort of at a 6 and you wish that they could let go even a little bit more, but everybody has their own sort of. Energy going on and they're, I mean, the people that some people go in and they're just having sex within 15 minutes, yeah, and other people, yeah, people, sorry, no, go ahead, people go for different reasons.

Like sometimes people go because they are wanting to connect to their partner. They want to experience what they think the workshop's about and then other people are just like. I just want to go be in that room because I hear it's hot. Our biggest problem is FOMO or fear of missing out.

Just to get people just to get people there is if I go there, what am I going to miss out at the pool here? I believe that we fell victim to that the very first time we came to desire. We didn't make it to your workshop because it was like we only came to 4 o'clock at the. How insane is that to actually think about that.

I don't wanna give time to my partner to be with one another in a really special setting because I'm afraid that something here is gonna happen that's gonna be way better. It's absurd. I'm feeling super judged right now, Richard. I just want you, I'm just still a little mad at you for not coming to that workshop.

Well, something that you all said last night, OK, I'm gonna kind of lead you into what you already said, um, so that people can hear it. But I think you mentioned that you've been surprised at points in the workshop, and, and you can't maybe say what it is. Can you talk about that? Yeah, I talked about it in one of our podcasts.

I think it was called Libido versus something. I can't remember, libido versus Logic or brain. Versus libido, I don't know what it was, but it was that image of everything in my brain tells me what I'm supposed to be attracted to. If I see a certain something across the way and, and I say, oh, I want that, and then once you get with that person, it can all change very, very quickly within minutes of go, oh, I don't want this anymore.

Um, and it sometimes happens in, in the workshop in the opposite way. So something that is not in your, what you, you don't usually look for in a partner or a sexual partner which aren't your, whether it's tall or blonde or there are a bunch of different factors that go into what grabs our particular eye. We learned 22 really, two really wonderful things. Number 1, we learned that looking across the pool and seeing a person for what.

Whatever they are is the shell of a person does not mean that they are what you think they are, because you can look across the pool, and I've many times seen, let's say a guy who looks like he is the captain of a biker gang and go, I am not going near that dude. And then you meet him and you're like, this guy's a cupcake. I mean, he's the sweetest human being I've ever met in my life. It took us a while, but finally I can say for myself, I think for Lauren, that.

We no longer prejudge a book by its cover. The thought does go through our, our brain. You, you stereotype someone immediately. You meet some people that you just start to feel something and that energy starts to take over and things on them start to come out, their eyes, their, the way they, they talk, their smile, the way they respond to you, all of these tiny little details that become what the real.

Attraction is, has become sort of the magic that we found. I feel like another thing that's so attractive is in that workshop, you are seeing from an outside point of view how the couple is connected to each other. And in that workshop, you're really able to see that. For me, it's, I just find that love, it warms me.

When we start out the workshop, we start off with an example where I. I am rubbing her. I'm sort of going through the steps and I start to rub Lauren's body. And even in that moment, that little frame of time, I start to get lost in her.

I don't want to get up. I want to just I want to keep doing this right now and I, and I have to tear myself away like wrapping your hands around an energy, a warm, a warm energy, and it's just, it's amazing. I feel the same way and it's so funny because we literally are talking, we're playing music, we're shuffling songs or whatever, getting oil, blah, and I just kind of check out and I'm like, check out. Yeah, and I'm like, oh, but I have to keep talking.

I'm like, I gotta start now. Sometimes I have to tap you like, let's go. We gotta go. Time to make the donuts.

Let's go. It's really amazing. Wherever you are in your relationship, there's this reminder. You look at the person, you go, oh my goodness, I just, I love you so much.

I just, I need you so much. That's really what goes through my head. So we are about to take you to the hotel we're about to check you in. Is there anything in this trip that you guys are looking forward to?

Are you looking to just relax? Uh, are you looking to, I want to be with 25 guys this time. Because, yeah, because 1212 to 24 wasn't enough. You were both already tan and, and ready for the pool, both of you.

Adam, you are very buff right now, Eve. You look amazing because I'll see you guys later on this week. All right, well, we will release your passports back to you and let you leave, unbolt the door. I was gonna say we still have to carry the drugs across the border.

For you, thank you guys so much for doing this. We really appreciate it. Um, we appreciate you. Thank you for welcoming us into Casa de massage.

Yes, you're welcome. Sorry, the monkeys weren't here today. Maybe later. All right, that was Adam and that was Eve.

We don't have a son. Are we, are we finished? You're finished. That's it.

Bye bye. All right, Lauren, well that is it. Now, what makes me sad is now that we're finished, we have to turn off the air conditioner in this room and go back to the heat. I almost wanna keep recording just so I can use the air conditioner and not have to go back to living in Casa Tasmacal.

Casa Tasmal. So here we start to do the little breakdown of the commercial section, what keeps us going first. First of all, thank you to the affiliates who booked through us. It means a whole hell of a lot.

We love working at Desire. We love doing what we do, but booking through the website has made an incredible difference. It has made it possible to keep giving you this vocal vomit. It makes it, oh my God, we just got a reservation.

Thank you. I was like, damn, my email went off. See, it's things like that that are just absolutely amazing. So, uh, it, it allows us to just keep bringing this crap and putting it inside of your ears.

It's almost like having sex with your ear. It is. On a serious note, if, if you guys are thinking about coming to Desire, please, please, please just go to our website, click through, and it costs you nothing. And it really gives me something to do in my spare time because I love making those little welcome packs.

Alright, well, listen, if it makes any difference, let me just leave you with this. If you're on the fence, right, this is, this is what I know, and this is true. I'm not making this up, OK? Most people that booked through us have said, the travelers is coming for them, that they went home with a 60% less chance of gum disease.

That's true. That's true. And so if you don't want gum disease, you want fresher breath, it's a great thing to do for everybody. Mario, make out with you.

And almost last but not least, we wanna thank Malau Strings because full coverage is for cable news. That joke brought to you by Mr. Jeff and Karen on Twitter. Thank you so much for that joke.

All right, do we have any Patreons that we need to thank? Uh, one person I wanna thank, uh, Adam and Eve of Spiritual Swingers, uh, went on our Patreon and donated to us. So we wanna thank you guys so, so much for not only being here but for donating to us. Uh, we really appreciate it.

Who are the people we need to thank? Who are these crazy bitches that send us money? Well, we had one person take up, take us up on the accepted challenge, and I wanna thank Mr. Banjo Jimmy Jumbo Junior.

Yes, I nailed it. That was First Take, by the way. Again, if you write the name, Lauren has to say it. That's how it goes.

So thank you, Mr. Cha. Charles Torres, Pete, Philip, thanks to John Locke, Nadia, Mohammad, Justin, Ignacio, Art, Marcy, Ed, and Katie, Karen, and Mr. Scott, our latest.

All right, thank you guys so much. This has made it really, really possible to put a small pool on the yacht. It's nothing big. It's small, not the yacht that's huge.

All right, thank you guys so much. Please go follow us on Instagram and Twitter and uh Facebook if you want. We never really look at it, but you can follow us there too. And Lauren, any other place that we are, we're on our website, which is the best place of all.

Yeah, go to the website and even better here at Desire. All right, love you. We'll see you next time. All right.

And that about does it for us. For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast.

Now get your clothes and get out.