Ep. 21: Pack It In, Pack It Out While Camping at Desire

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Fed up with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we. Do what we love. Work, party, and play at the Desire resorts. After 16 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all.

We were so wrong, so wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day. So come to room 77.

Let's play. All right, we started. I'm in a different spot tonight. I'm sitting on a different part of the futon.

Hopefully, it's a little bit better. I'm just gonna change positions until I find something that doesn't break me in half. Uh, let's address what's happening with your voice. I don't know.

I just thought it was like, you know, sometimes we hug people and they put a lot of cologne on or whatever. Maybe it's just that I'll run home before we record. I'm gonna jump up in the shower and just rinse off whatever the smell is. And my voice will be back to normal and I go to shower.

The biggest bug you've ever seen flying, jumping. I don't know what he's doing. If you know me, you know, A, I'm temperature sensitive. B, I do not like bugs.

Don't come downstairs and say, hey, there's a jungle bug in the bathroom. I said, Don't go up and use the thing. There's a jungle bug in there. And you said, Why?

And I said, Because I couldn't catch it. He's too fast. Well, don't come down until you catch it. I, I'm not, no, is it this door here or the one upstairs?

No, it's the bedroom. I'm not. I'm sleeping in another room tonight. I sleep on the futon.

This is not how I planned my night. I planned to do that workshop, come home at a reasonable hour, catch up on some Barry, and then I was just gonna go to sleep, wake up, you know, and do it again. It's a lot. We were at Pearl today, and I walked into Pearl, and I looked at the pool.

I was so pleasantly surprised. It was so packed and loud. Lively like new pool floats. I don't, that's not really interesting.

So we get into the pool, we immediately start talking to people. We see a few people that we know. We saw a few people back before this lady comes running over to me. We start doing that romantic run to one another like in slow motion, 80s movies, yeah, and she says hi.

Half of my brain is like, Oh, you're pretty, but the other half is like, uh, I don't remember you. Do I know you? Do I know you? Did we ever meet them?

No, I, I don't know what woman you're talking about. I'm talking about the woman that we just had sex with. Oh, OK, no, we haven't met them. Oh, we haven't.

Oh, that's right. They were first timers. Yeah, they were first timers. So, um, we come over and I'm talking to her and her husband.

We're in sort of a gaggle of people trying to tell them about the workshop. No one's buying what we're selling, yeah, because she was said, I want you to come meet the group. I was telling them about the workshop. There was some lady in that group could tell she just didn't like me.

Everyone was like, Tell me what you do again. I don't understand. I don't understand who you are, where you came from, blahdy blahdy blah. We go to the workshop.

She wants to be on the center bed. Then this is one of the things I found very sexy, very quickly, and I'm like, what is this? So we were talking about the workshop, and I said, if there's not enough space, we can always give you our space. You can be on our bed.

And her husband was like, I can't wait. To see you inside her vagina and I look at him and I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. Like talking about the workshop. It was delivered so cool and so understated.

Like his voice was just to die for. I'm like, you do the vagina. I don't do the vagina. And he's like, OK, right.

And I was like, but I mean, if you're on our bed, then I can rub her a little more. We put him up on the bed and today we tried to do something different. We tried, you're going to do the girl on girl class on Friday. So we were like, we're gonna do both Lingham and Yoni today.

So we're going to do both. Now this is where you are either fired or divorce your ass. Oh no, I thought, or promotion. No, you're not getting a promotion.

You barely have your job now. Can I get a raise? No, you're divorced. That's, that's how that works.

I'm, I'm sleeping in the other room half because of the divorce and half because there's a giant bug living upstairs. Well, at least it's only half. That's good. Yeah, you just dropped the ball.

I just kept looking at me like, what do we do? I don't know. You've done this like 300 times. Why are you frozen today?

Didn't really go as well as I wanted it to. But anyway, I didn't really get to touch her as much as I promised because she wanted extra attention. Well, he wanted, he wanted to watch us do the class on her, and so, yeah, you were. Able to do that because you were trying to teach 19 classes in one class.

I was down there just rubbing both of them. He had the most beautiful hands. I'm obsessed with hands. I have a hand obsession.

I was just like kind of getting lost and watching his hands and my hands rub her and they're like, hey lady, hey, hey, go teach the class. Do your job. And he was getting this behind the scenes view of us and it was so funny because he got like he enjoyed that as much as probably getting rubbed on or whatever. I don't know, but he was getting such a me and my whisper voice going, get your shit together stop it do the fucking thing.

What is it? It's not the order. Stop it. Yeah, it's fucking hilarious.

Oh my God, I was dying. But anyway, it wound up being a, a, a pretty good class. We were like, you know what, they're lovely people. These are all lovely people.

Let's go down to the jacuzzi, even though it's a school night, and we'll go down and we'll just have one drink. The opposite happens what we walked into. So we walked into the hotel today at around noon, one o'clock, probably one o'clock, and we look at the pool and it's like a giant party going on. We go to the jacuzzi and cricket.

I mean nothing going on there, like 4 people just lounging around just sort of doing nothing, and I was like, oh, this is really weird. OK, let's change plans. Let's go eat. And then we see them, that couple in the pool, and they call us over.

They're with another couple. I'm not getting involved in it. They're like, come in the pool. Like, no, you're busy fucking another couple.

We're like, we're not fucking that other couple. She's like, we're not fucking them. They're very new. The couple that approached us and said, We're very new.

We're very new. We're first timers. We're first timers. But the couple that they were talking to the pool, really, really new, yeah, they just talked them into the lifestyle.

That's how new they are just pulled them off the beach, right? So, um, she's like, Well, let's hang out. Let's do it now. While she's sitting there and she's talking to me, I'm just staring at her boobies, and I'm like, I need to touch them.

boobies and then my plans just start slowly changing. I'm like, maybe it's funny because you're not really a boobs man. They're fantastic, but sometimes you're just like boobs. I, I, I call it audible.

I'm like, well, look, there's nobody really at the jacuzzi. Why don't we just take this conversation over to the bed? We don't really go to the bed. We go to the jacuzzi, and then they're asking questions.

Questions that about the podcast or our lives and one of the things they're talking about is being new in the lifestyle, these sort of questions. And one of those questions was, I still have a problem saying like, OK, you know, I want to play with these people, but I don't know how to make that next leap. And we're like, it's always hard. It's what I said about you before.

I'm like, you. Her way of doing it is probably the best way. So she was asking, how do you do it? What's the secret phrase?

And I said, like this, let's go to the bed and rub you down. And she was like, OK, I'd love that. Well, that was easy. That was easy.

See, so we start, uh, sort of playing with them on the bed. So I pinned her down. Long story short, she's such a big fan. I fucked her as a thank you.

Is that too short? That's too short. I had looked up at you at one point and I was getting really turned on. They were really into male action, really more than them sort of sharing.

They're really into sort of the, the males dominating her. That's what they were sort of into. Again, Lauren on the sidelines. Yeah, you weren't doing shit.

My luck lately has been nobody wants to be with you. I mean that's the truth. I mean, I don't wanna. I'd be the one to tell you, but the hints are obvious, right?

I mean, little by little, we're finding out why they're going to this resort. It's not because of you. Yeah, I gotta come to terms with that. OK, anyway, so there was one point I looked up at you and I was like, I'm gonna have a little bit of a problem.

Over your shoulder there was a man. I just want you and our listener, just in your brain, picture the creepiest man you could picture. I just want you. to picture that whatever that means for you, right now I want you to take that creepy man and I want you to put him in the tightest black long sleeve shirt that you can find.

Put that on his body right now. That's on his body, so it's creepy man, black long sleeve shirt. Now I want you to take that shirt and I'm gonna wet that shirt down and I'm gonna make it tighter than it was in the first place so it looks like. You're wearing half of a wetsuit, just half of a wetsuit.

The sun is down. There is no sun, OK. Now I want you to take that creepy man who's wearing that skin tight wet black long sleeve shirt, and I want you to put sunglasses on that man. I want you to put sunglasses on him so creepy, and I want you to sit there and just stare.

Just stare at the stare, stare, stare, stare, stare. So, uh, anyway, so that was happening. I was sort of like losing my heart out a little bit, but anyway, and then he said, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom, and I said, What do you want us to do while you're gone?

And he said, fuck her. I was like, Oh, well, that's aggressive. So he goes to the bathroom and I look at you and I'm like, hey, chop chop. Get the fucking condom, right, right, and I'm on it.

Yeah, you're on it. You go in the bag. You're doing your thing. She's on top of me.

The guy's still watching. His shirt is still wet, sunglasses are still on, and I see you starting to fumble, fumble to the point where you had to get up off the bed to the point where she was like, Where are you going? I thought, Where is she going? And then you're off the bed and you're in the back.

And I thought, oh no, we didn't bring any condoms. I never refilled them refilled, yeah, because that one guy in the workshop, he took one from me and then we used two on that other one that were never used. I told them you owe me 22 cents and I, I forgot we don't have any. So we're like, we don't have any.

We're unprepared and you're gonna want to be protected with me because I am riddled with disease. I just put it out there. You do want to be protected in this situation. Smallpox.

So she says, Well, we brought some. I said, Well, Lauren is actually allergic to latex, right? So she says, Oh, we have non-latex with us. Well, look who's prepared.

This is all coming in from Karen. Karen's just selling away here. She's got her hand on your vagina. She's got the other hand on my cock, and she's like, No, this is all gonna work out.

Jeff's coming back here. He's got a non non latex condoms with him. Don't anybody move. Don't leave.

She's got me in her gras. Right, and he's gonna come back. So he comes back he's keeping you hard, by the way, yeah, I was, I was so hard. I gotta, I gotta be honest with you, after this antidepressant, I've been having a lot of good days with the, the penis getting hard part.

But there's also something else to it too. There's a, a comfort that has come over, a confidence that has come over me in it's the reverse of having the anxiety of not getting hard. Well, tell, tell our listener because that's like the secret to. It's not a secret.

It's not a secret. It sounds good. Well, it is. It's not something that can just be done though.

I need it too. Is it mental? You don't have a penis. Oh, but I know.

But sometimes I have hard times getting out of my head and like, no, this is more about penis issues. Oh, I don't have a penis, right? What happens when you're a guy and you sort of have erectile dysfunction, 99% chance it's in your brain, 99% chance it's in your brain. As a doctor, that's what I can tell you.

That's what you read in your abstract, but that is really powerful. Your mind is your biggest sex organ. I learned that in school or maybe on YouTube. I'm not, I'm not sure.

Also they may be the same thing. So, um, and it could fall back the other way. That's what I really want to jinx myself for so long. What happens is you get so anxiety ridden on that ramp up.

It's a snowball of anxiety. You're anticipating having to get it. You remember the last time you had problems and the time before that maybe you had problems. You don't want to let anyone down, flip it and reverse it.

You start to have good experiences. Your mind starts to give yourself positive reinforcement. That's sort of what's been happening on the other side of this, and it's amazing to feel that feeling. Yeah, that's awesome.

However, I still am a premature ejaculator. So yeah, I just nailed that part. So Jeff comes back. Karen's like, Hey, get the things.

Do you got the things? They're like talking mafia talk. Right. And yeah, and, uh, she said, get the things, get the things.

Hey Jeff, did you take care of the thing? Yeah, I took care of the thing, Karen. I told my guy Jeff takes him out of pocket, got 11. It's like what that card game where everyone reaches for the center.

I don't know what that card game is. I wish I had a voice to laugh, but I will tell you this. You look at that condom, you're like, you got one condom here. You got Jeff over here who is new.

He's got a beautiful gal that's willing, that's you, Karen, who's like, uh, I need it. I need it. I need it. And I said, Oh, there's only one.

Who will it be? Me. That's what I said. It will be me.

He said you it simultaneously, did he? I mean, I kind of wanted to see, yeah, he really did want to see that, but I, I was like, me, I'll do it. That's how long it took me. so funny when you are a premature ejaculator stricken with alopecia, alopecia, I don't.

No, I skipped that day. When I was having sex with her, I was trying to do things with my penis. Like I was trying to hit certain spots. Yeah, I was trying.

I again, she seemed to like, yeah, I don't know, trying to do special things with my penis. Now the problem is every time I look down onto her body. There's a certain shot in porn that is sort of the perspective, the POV, as we would say in the biz, it's the POV, the perspective of viewer of the person fucking in porn. It's that guy's torso down in and out, cock in and out.

When I would see it visually, it was so arousing with her belly button piercing, which is extremely sexy, and her beautiful boobs. I was getting too turned on. I was. He needed a blindfold.

No, what I needed was creepy guy. I said I'll just look at creepy guy, right, and he will take my mind right off of this shit, and you will be able to last forever. Now at this point, creepy guy had gotten up and lucky us, he was in the next bed. Out of all the beds, out of all the beds, he decided to choose the bed next to us, right?

So he comes over, he takes his wetsuit off and his sunglasses, and I think, Oh, is it dark enough now? I don't understand why you had them on in the first place, but I'm glad your wetsuit's off. I'm glad your shades are off. What are you doing, by the way, while I'm doing all this?

I mean, you're over there losing your voice. That's all I know. So you think you were mediocre. Mediocre to us it was super sexy and I love when women are just into the, the savage part of sex.

Did I look like I was savaging her? Yeah, I mean, she was savaging you. No, you were, yeah, you were savaging her. Yeah.

The reason I know is because when I was going down and kissing her and making out with her while you were fucking her, they're at one, a couple points where she was like, dug her nails into me. Oh, she was, she was scratching my back. Yeah, so she was enjoying, she's really enjoying that was my part and from my point of view, we were off to the side, her and her husband, me and Jeff, just hands all over each other. We're super just our bodies are wrapped around each other but not fucking, not doing anything, just sort of making out and watching and whispering to each other because we both we're just enjoying the view and it doesn't really happen that often where um the split is perfect down the.

You know what I mean. You know who else had a great view? Creepy guy next to, creepy guy next door. We almost just thought about joining his bed and just all watching you.

Yeah, creepy guy next to us. When I looked over to try to not come, what they did was they had got into a spoon position, not to just cuddle, but like they were watching a movie. No, yes, you didn't he like propped up on his elbow like watching and they were spooning and they were both. Watching like they're watching a movie.

That's why I was like, I can't do this either. I'm so glad I had my back to him. Everybody had their back to him at every point except for me. At every point I was the only one looking at him.

It was like he was flirting with me. That's how much he was looking at me. He's trying to say, Do you want in on this spoon? He was in on my, he was in my mind anyway.

I'm trying not to come. First time I pull out, I'm like, Oh, I said that was close. It's close. Then I go at it again.

I'm trying to do magical stuff with my penis. None of it's working, by the way. Like I, I don't know what I thought. I don't know.

Come on, she was loving it. So I'm trying to do stuff that like I saw Russell Brand do in a video or something, yeah, and, uh, so, so the second time I'm like, oh no, no, no, no, no, and she does the Vulcan vagina move. She does it, yeah, she grabs as you're pulling out, yeah, as I'm pulling out, I'm like. Oh my God, I gotta go.

So I pulled my penis out, I ripped the condom off, and I'm like, I gotta come, I gotta come all over you. And you know what she did is she spread it all over herself, and then she took my finger and licked my finger, that dirty, dirty. So now here's the thing that sort of happens to me afterwards. It doesn't really matter who it is, and I don't know how you are, but after I come, I go from porn star, come, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry you just had to have sex with me. I, I apologize really for everything. My existence, 12, that you had to bear that and go through that. I'm so sorry.

I don't know what that is. It's all performance related. Like I know I let you down. Oh, I see what you mean.

It's just vulnerability, really. You're putting yourself up on that, on that place. She's a comer like me. She doesn't really come a lot and we were out in a public space and there were watchers.

And so you don't have any validation, but I am interested in what you said about the anxiety. That's really makes me happy. I know it's so silly, but it makes me happy for you. Oh, thank you.

Yay, divorcing you. No, divorced 51%. Maybe you'll stay in the room. What if I bring the bug to you dead filing for annulment.

After a decade, uh, you're fired and you're divorced. So then, uh, you politely try to leave. You say, Richard, give me the condom. I need the condom.

Where did you put it? Put it on the thing. Where is it? I'm like, I don't know.

And at this moment, it's feeling like the movie Something About Mary when he came. But he didn't know where the cum went, and I'm just sort of like looking around like, where is the condom and she looks at me and she's like, it's not inside of me, is it? I'm like, no, it's not inside of you. Why would it be inside of you?

I've ripped it off. I felt, I ripped it off. You're like, yeah, I saw you. I saw you ripped it off.

She checks her vagina. It's in her vagina. I'm dying. Oh my God.

Oh my fucking God. You fucking she reaches it and she pulls out. This vagina that mind you is stretching like a balloon because of her Vulcan vagina grip and snaps, yeah, snaps back like someone's holding the other end of a my God, I was dying like someone's holding the other end of a rubber band snaps back. I'm like, oh my God.

And her husband's like, yep, she did the pussy grip or whatever he called it. I had a really good time and it was so unexpected and that's what makes it absolutelyexpected. That's what makes it absolutely lovely. So thank you guys for that.

Yeah, you know who you are. You're the one brought us nicotine gum, and I gave you a gift in the form of a used condom inside your vagina. And you and you rejected it and Lauren threw it in the trash. Anyway, first time for that important safety tip, make sure you didn't leave your condom, your used condom inside of her.

From here on out in life now check the bed, the floor. Check the floor. Check her vagina. Oh, here it is.

So many things up here. Heroin, heroin. Oh, I forgot I packed that. All right, you ready?

What room are you in? 60. What room are you in? 36.

What room are you in? 25. What room are you in? 73.

How many people here, raise your hand, are or have been or are sometimes in the lifestyle? My first question is this just for the ladies and maybe one for the guys. Have you ever accidentally left something inside of your vagina? Uh, car keys, wallet?

Never. What if we placed something in the vagina, went to dinner, and then he had the remote control to, that's different. He may have forgotten and then remembered, oh, I need that, whatever that is. Do those little ball thingies, those, do those count?

Did you forget they were in there? Well, I didn't forget, but they were in there for a long time. OK, good enough. All right, Lauren, praise be bitches.

Oh my God, I'm so excited. Blessed be the day. That means that Handmaid's Tale is back, and that's what we are here to talk about. I'm just kidding.

We're in our non-review. That show really gets me in touch with my feminine side. I am so girl power during that show. Are you really?

Oh yeah, I wanna fight for the girl army. Oh, that's awesome. What about the valet dude? Yeah, I don't like him.

You don't. Well, I don't think. He just, he just doesn't talk much. Sultry look.

Yeah, he does a lot of staring. Yeah, he has sultry eyes. That's all he does. If you don't know what we're talking about, it doesn't doesn't matter because we're moving on.

Probably not gonna have a lot of stuff for this month's episode because you successfully lost your voice for about a week and a half, and I had to handle everything. You had to do two lingham classes. I had to teach everything. I had to talk more than I already talk now, which brings up another subject for me I have to talk about because some dill weed left a review on.

iTunes and I don't really, I really don't read the reviews that much because, listen, I don't know if you know this, but I come from an entertainment background. If you read the bad ones, you have to believe the good ones. If you believe yours, you have to believe others. You have to believe all the reviews out there.

You can't put the negative ones on a separate sort of category. And to be fair, we used to get an email that said the review every time one came out, so it's kind of hard not to read it. But anyway, this dill hole wrote something to the effect of, what an obnoxious asshole that guy. Is God, let the doctor talk.

You have a doctor on your, on your show, and you don't even let him talk. And this is always an insecurity of mine, right? Because I am really about a keeping the show going and comedy. Oh, I am about comedy too.

However, my comedy is not as strong as yours. Well, that's, that's, I think that's subjective. Well, sometimes what happens when we're recording is you're talking and I start listening and you've said that to me before. You're like, you can't listen.

Well, this is what people don't know. This is why I want to reach out to that. Dickhead, and I don't mean that in a bad way. He's a bag of dicks.

Yeah, he's a bag of dicks. People don't know that when you go on the mic or you stand in front of people or a camera is pointed at you, not a camera, camera, a video camera, you freeze up. So a lot of me talking is me talking because you still a year later get incredibly nervous when you're talking. I know right now my hands are flop sweating, palms are sweating.

Mom's spaghetti. Don't get me started on Eminem. If Eminem. I was here I think off topic.

This is why I have to keep talking all the time. If anybody was ever wondering why is Richard such an, what did he call me again, obnoxious. I don't know. I think he might have said obnoxious.

I don't know. I don't even know if it's a he. It could have been a she, right? You're assuming.

I don't know. The only way we can fix this, people or person out there is flood those reviews with good reviews and drown that bastard out. All right. Oh my God, yeah, so we had a lot of workshops.

They were all wonderful. They're all good, but I had to do a lot of them. By the, by the last one that I had to do all by myself, I got so stressed because I'm a baby. I walked out of the workshop.

I walked into the bathroom to wash my hands. I looked in the mirror and bam, I got hit with a migraine. I, I did get a congested ear. I still can't hear out of my right ear.

Ears full of problems, Richard. I not laryngitis though. I have to say that mine is worse. I think mine's worse just because, because it's yours.

All right, so this is what I wanted to talk about. In the last episode, I believe, I think we had said people tend to think. that we are just sort of always hooking up with people. We're not super swingers.

We actually are the opposite and refer to ourselves as the worst swingers ever. Well, that I still believe, but I'm talking about just sheer numbers, the quantity of, like, people think they're always going there, go there, eat, work out, have sex with strangers, and go home. Sometimes I even think that the management thinks that. Maybe they do.

But we said that is not true. This is what usually happens in my life. I attest something that is not true. And then I go and I do the exact fucking opposite.

I mean, you and I just went on some sort of odd tear, just whore tear. We went to whore town every single school night. Didn't matter. We're like, let's do it.

Barely any drinking at all, right? It wasn't even hanging out. It was just like, let's do this. Let's go.

Yeah, it was fun. It was a lot of fun, but it's got to stop. And this is what I've learned. This is what I want to talk about to you on your uncomfortable couch.

It's still horribly uncomfortable. Um, I don't know, we had like, I think 4 couples within 2 weeks or so, and maybe that's not a high number for somebody, but that was a high number for us, right? The first couple that this had started with was a couple that came to the resort. We had already sort of known them once, and they had sent emails about basically just being with us and, and we were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean you guys are great, we like you, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then when we get there, you on the drive home one night after talking to them, said, yeah, and you know, their first time. I'd never been with another couple and I was like, wait, wait, what? Yeah, I didn't know that either. It was just kind of came out in the pool one day.

So I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we established this after the last time that we were the first for somebody doing bad things to good people. I don't want to be that person anymore, right? I don't want to be that person that's like, hey, so you want to learn the lifestyle and I'm gonna teach you. I'm the exact opposite.

I'm like, go have somebody else make your mistakes with somebody else because we are. We're a lot in my perspective. Yeah, I agree. We are a lot, and maybe sometimes it's like the small things we kind of skip over because we're like, and fast forward, but that's what I mean by a lot.

Like we're like fast and furious, right? Like we're on a time schedule. I got 22 minutes for you, Fast and Furious. Let's go.

So then the next time we're with them and we can tell that they really want to, so I say to them straight up, I sit them down on a bed and I say, Look, Lauren just told me you two have never been with another couple. No, we have not. We were going to, that you guys would be the perfect one, right? We're like, yeah, no, I don't really want to do that.

So we have like a talk with them for like an hour. Like, you know, you just have to be sure. I was like, what are your fantasies? And both of them were sort of like, I don't know.

I was like, Well, what are you into? She's like, I don't know. What are you into? I don't know.

We're like, this is a disaster. You have no direction. It's kind of nice to have a little pre-plan. Anyway, to not complicate issues, we go to their room and get naked.

He said, Oh, OK, let's just try it. I know, because I sit there and I'm like, um, it's kind of sexy now. And I get there. I'm like, Well, this is what we're gonna do.

We're just not gonna do much, OK? We're just gonna start slow because I don't want to be a part of anything going off the rails. Yeah, well, no, I'm just, I'm not gonna go through any of the details, but what I am gonna say is we were out of our fucking league. Now, you have to hit the right word here because when you say you're out of your fucking league, we're out of our fucking league.

Meaning they fucked so much better than us. Again, I'm like, I literally have so much more experience at this than they do, and they are kicking our asses. Yeah, I, I feel like maybe we need a refresher course or something. No, I'm never gonna be good.

I, I, I had looked over at one point. First of all, they were fine with everything, anything they wanted. Yeah, do it, do it. I don't care.

Do it. Afterwards they even wanted us to stay for more. I'm like, I'm out, Jeff. I can't, I can't keep up with you freaks.

So here I am in a situation like I could learn stuff from you. How embarrassing is that? Yeah, yeah, it's, we're embarrassing. It is.

We're embarrassing. I, I don't really want to, um, admit it, but I shy away. We're horrible at this. We hook up with another couple, so you know, if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again.

Another couple, hang out with them for a while. Now this one was easy peasy. I'm like we're doing this. It was basically like this is the opposite of what we just were with.

Are we gonna do this? Yeah, let's do it. Walked into the room, took my pants off, and started to go. But again, in the middle of it watching him, I'm like, what am I doing?

I can't do this. I can't do that. I, I'm just, I'm, these people are so good at sex. There's not just cardio-wise because that's another part of it, that's a whole issue that I do not have down.

Yeah, I don't really feel great about my No, you suck as bad as I do. So then one of the last couples, again, this happens straight out of the workshop. Come out of the workshop, meet these two freaks, go over to a chair, start talking to them. We're not even supposed to stay tonight, and they're like, Hey, you wanna?

And we're like, Yeah, let's go. I mean, that night was amazing. It was really, really hot. But here's the thing, uh, there was one point I, I was having the sex with her, right?

And I'm always doing the same thing. I'm looking down wondering how horrible is this for you. It's such a, I know, most guys, I would imagine, are thinking, I'm a fucking god. Look at me go and just thinking about what's happening in your own body.

You're thinking about the other person. Yeah, I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. By the way, I said sorry to every single person after sex.

It's so attractive. I'm looking down at her. I said to her I'm. Out of breath, which again, very sexy to say to a woman who's who you're having sex with, Hey lady, I'm winded.

I'm winded. So she's like, Lay down. I'll get on top of you. I'm, I'm like, All right.

Somehow at this point, after being winded, every single person in that room was on top of my body. All of your weight. I couldn't fucking breathe. Like I thought you were all gonna finish, and it was like, oh my God, Richard's dead.

We suffocated him, but again, such a hot experience, right, with two people. But I, I don't think we're good. I don't think we're anywhere near good. Well, the point of that is people stop thinking that we're great.

We're not. That's not my point. My point is just to be honest, I, I, I don't think we're good at all. Yeah, but people think we're super swingers.

That's their perception. The reality is we're not way worse. Yeah, reality is our cardio is way less, you know what I am. Taken out of that situation in a positive way was those sweet kisses.

Oh, her kisses. Oh my God. Well, remember you came out. I was already kissing her in the, in the jacuzzi, and I like looked at you and I was like, she is an amazing kisser.

At that point I was like, whatever, yeah, whatever. She's a great kisser. Holy shit. I mean, the best kisser ever in the world.

I don't think, yeah, I don't think anyone will ever beat her, to be honest. This is if women's panties could kiss, that's how I would picture. They would, they would make out with like French lingerie. I mean, yeah, that's how they would kiss if they could.

All right, back on track. There's too much stuff to remember. That's, I'm sorry, this particular segment is fucking all over the place. I know my laryngitis messed it up.

So here's the thing, we go on this whore tear, and at the same time that we're going on this whore tear, you are going through something kind of personal. Now I know we joke around about a lot of stuff on this podcast. We, we take everything very. Very lightly, but this is something that I don't take very, very lightly.

I wanted to bring it up. You are still in fact going through some things with your parents, about your parents knowing about this lifestyle, where you work, what you do, and it has come up. You were honest and you opened up to them and sort of told them. It's really hard living in that world and having that sort of gnawing at you at the back in the back of your head.

Yeah, well, it's just hard because. We don't have a split life. There's nothing that I can really talk about. You could talk about other stuff with them, but they have decided to take it in a direction that is very unsupportive, and I don't, I'm not going to sit here and make jokes about your mom or your family or anything like that.

I, I think it's disrespectful, but I will say, so our listener knows, they're very religious. They, they live their life in a very certain way, and It's not easy to, to expect them to wrap their brains around brains around it, which is why I've never said anything, which is fine. OK, now I'm going to spread this out and I don't want you to think that I'm talking about just your, your mom or your parents as a whole, because this is where my issue comes in. When you start bringing religion and you start bringing in morals and different things into this world, I start to have A really, really big problem with it.

Because of what part exactly? Because of the judgment part. I don't believe anybody should tell anyone how to live their lives, not only how to live their lives, what they should feel guilty about, should or should not be feeling, what is right and what is morally wrong to them based on their belief system, Their views, their standards. We have a very simple rule in life.

Don't hurt yourself. Don't hurt other people. If you could just live by that, simple, just stay on your side of the street and shut the fuck up. I wanna know from you, because we didn't really go into it that much, how are you feeling right now?

Because what I saw after you got off the phone with them again, I just see pain. My first instinct when I see your face in pain is to kill. Someone this becomes very difficult when it's your parents. How do you deal with that?

How do you, let's be very clear, I live a life of if people say things to me like if my father or my brother said that's disgusting, I am the type of person that would say, great, it's disgusting. My disgusting has nothing to do with your disgusting. Well, I might not ever talk to you again. Great, if you don't want to talk to me.

Because you think it's disgusting. I can't control that. That's completely up to you. I've lived a life of doing what makes me happy my entire life.

There's something that you are, your morals and your heart are always looking for the, the good direction. It's not like you're just very self-centered and you're like, fine, don't talk to me. I'll move on with my own life. You're actually to a fault sometimes more concerned about other people.

This is how I get screwed all the time. I think people like me. I think they're genuine, and then, oh, they just, oh, they just, they just wanted to use me. Yeah.

So when it comes to stuff like this, it's like, um, I don't know, you're always, you always do have a positive outlook on it. I just wanted to say that part because it sounds like you're, you know, doing the Italian thing where it's like, all right, you're dead to me then, which I've been known to do, but this is more about you. Like, what, how do you reconcile. Those feelings inside of yourself with your family or with anyone really when someone is looking at you in a way where you're like, no, no, no, no, you don't understand what you're talking about you're not well informed enough to even speak of it.

Well, you, they didn't ask any questions, so that kind of, that kind of hurt my, my feelings evidently they looked it up and listened to something. I don't know what it was. Hi mom. God, I hope they're not listening to this.

But they wouldn't tell me what it was. They didn't ask me any questions. They just, they just really spit out judgment. It's not something that I've not had before.

I mean, it's, I obviously didn't tell them years and years ago because I knew that they wouldn't understand it. And I even asked them, I said, you don't have to, right? Exactly. But I am very close to my parents, so I wanted to.

Say, hey, we're working on this project. I would prefer that you never ever listen to it because it contains some details. So that really the biggest part for me that I'm trying to settle with right now is the fact that I asked them to do something and they didn't. The judgment part, I really battle back with empathy because what do you mean by empathy?

Like I give them empathy for not understanding or Uh, asking questions or, or trying to grow in any way or wrap open the mindset or anything. It's like, so you feel sorry for them in a sense. I don't feel sorry for them. No, I treat them with, with an empathy that is, I wish you took the time to grow and embrace something or learn something or just ask questions, even.

If you come to the same judgment. So when it comes at me rapid fire without anything to back it up or any pre-conversation or anything before that, it's like, well, that's out of the gate. You didn't even spend any time to inquire and then make a judgment. So what you're saying is, is you didn't even, you weren't even really faced with somebody who said, Are you happy?

I didn't get to go to trial. Right you will, right, you had a military tribunal is what you, OK, sure, sure, love military. You didn't have anybody who said or asked, Are you happy? Are you afraid?

Are you troubled? It was more, I'm gonna jump to the worst possible conclusion based on my perception of what I think without asking any questions. And then I'm gonna take that perception and I'm gonna judge you for it with no information and never even asking you any questions. Yeah, and to me that.

It's a closed-minded mentality that I not grew up with, but it's just not even in my home per se. It's all around the world. It's something that, you know, we end up talking about, we as a general community talk about a lot is like, why are we so outcasted? I can't bring it up at work.

I can't do because I'll be fired. We talk about it a lot in the pool or we'll run into different people or people we have dinner with or whatever, and that are already in the lifestyle and they're like, Yeah, you literally have to not give a shit about what other people think to really truly embrace this lifestyle and live in it without something running around in the back of your mind. But a little bit easier when people are not putting themselves out there as much. So we, our faces are out there, our names are out there.

We're we have videos and sexy this and a and a podcast, and we are choosing to be out there more than others. My hats go off honestly to the other podcasters or anybody out there who isn't, who doesn't even have a podcast, but they are sort of in the lifestyle world or in the swinger community or whatever you wanna call it and do show their faces. Hats off to them because it's not easy. The ones who can't do it, we understand why you can't do it because you can't do it.

And then there's the one that claims he's out, but he's not because his face isn't anywhere. So that's just a hypocritical fuck. We have a factor of, uh. Is it called where you're a public figure so people can point to us and connect us to family.

There is that extra factor in there. We are less anonymous than most, right to the family members, right, because if Jeff down the street knows he can't necessarily connect you to somebody else, but with us we are very easily connected in a way, I guess it's just for me, um, this is who I am. I have spent many years getting Honest with who I am and had things happen in the past where that have definitely shaped who I am, um, sexually and stuff. And for me, I, I am happy exactly where I am at this moment.

But does it affect you now differently than it did a year ago? It affects my day to day. Well, yeah, of course I'm processing it because I love my parents like you love your parents. No, I get that.

But does it affect you? Like, do you go through moments where you are like, oh my God, I am disgusting. Um, do you have those thoughts? Yeah, so what do you do with them though?

Um, that's my side of the street though. But are you able to compartmentalize that? Yeah, let's talk about compartmentalize it. I got like a crown in it in a healthy way.

Yeah, um, yeah, because I, I really use that, that rule of thumb where it's like your side of the street, my side of the street. That's something that's always. Helped me decide and manage my emotions or how to deal with them. And I know that I'm doing good and helping people because I feel the energy around me.

I feel the, I see the smiles, I read stories that people take time to write us about. And I know that I'm contributing to my, not universe, but Like, what is it, what am I trying to say? I'm, you're contributing to your community, yeah, I guess. But even if you took that out of it, by whose rules are we dealing with here?

I would never say to somebody, oh, you're in a married monogamous relationship, a straight married couple, I, I assume. Well, that's, that's fucking boring and wrong. You shouldn't be living like that. Like that mentality would be like, well, who's to say who can do, can't do whatever they want.

I know this goes a lot deeper on religious levels and laws and there's a lot of hurtful, angry people out there that shape the minds unconsciously of everybody in this world. But do you ever break it down? Do you ever look at it? Are you able to look at it in a way that I view it, which is, there is no.

Look, there's no set of rules. There is nobody who tells me what I can and cannot do. And furthermore, what is right and what is wrong. Why does it come back in this particular lifestyle, in this particular world, when it comes to sex and it comes to sexual things, the ingredient is sex.

That's what it is. But what is that? Is that religion? Yeah, I guess.

I mean, there's never any question. Asked about, I mean, they call it, you know, consensual non-monogamy, but I mean, I still feel monogamous. I just happen to get thrills from sex. My heart is sacred.

My heart is yours. What if you want to dress up in women's clothes? Disgusting. Depends on what you're wearing actually.

Then I'm gonna judge you. I just, I don't know, I just view the sex in the lifestyle as something completely different. It has nothing to do with my marriage except that we do it together as something that's pleasing to us that we agree to do together. So where do you go from here?

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I, you know, I would prefer them to ask me. Questions, I guess.

But when you feel like there's a judgment that's already been made or a conclusion that's already been made, it's hard to change that. I'm not a quitter. I'm not going to just hang up the phone and never pick it up again, because I love them, you know, I want them to understand where I'm coming from, and that, you know, this is the path. That my life took, the things that um were dealt to me in my life is where I ended up here.

And that's shaped my thought process. What sex is to you may be something else, and that's fine. But there's nothing in the Bible even that says they talk about it in terms of lusting after your neighbor and covet the neighbor, and, you know, you're not supposed to lust. It's one of those.

Seven deadly sins or whatever, but I don't know. I just don't see it that way. I don't see the lifestyle that way. I see it as fun.

Like if you want to go out and dance and grind on someone's leg, I wouldn't equate that to religion or marriage, but it's still the same sin, right? I mean, it's the same sin. It's just to a level now. Now you're putting levels of clothes, sin, lust, level one.

There's no sinless level 8. It makes me crazy, and I will just say this. I know you and I think you are. You are amazing and wonderful, and I love you.

I love you. And nothing anybody, even your parents ever say to you will ever change that, ever. In my eyes And it hurts me to see you in pain. And I will do anything, anything.

So that you are not in pain. I just wanna thank you for just being so brave and so amazing and so strong, and you are way stronger than me, and I know that you think that that's not true, but you are. You are way stronger than me. Like in the movies when they're like, I'll go leave my wife, OK, so I would say take my wife.

She's, she'll be good, and she's good with stronger than I am. Take her. I'll I'll never make, I'll never make it. Um, so I love you dearly, baby, and, uh, I hope everybody that's listening hears this and knows how incredibly amazing you are and how difficult it can be dealing with something like this.

Um, I think that the whole part of this podcast is just to help people who are thinking about stuff and they don't know. And I mean, not that we know anything, but just to hear people talk about it openly is just, you know. This is something that this is where I am right now and it's gonna, I'm going to grow from it and hopefully our relationship with my, meaning my parents' relationship will grow from it too. I mean, they're really amazing people.

They don't, they don't quit either. So I, it's just the beginning of the process. We'll see where it goes, you know. Well, anyway, I'd like to close up.

I think the funniest segment we've ever done, it's the segment where we cry. We're done. It's so light. I'm gonna go around, guys, while you're in the middle of doing crazy stuff with couples, right, are you thinking in your head more of which porn star, falling star?

Porn star, porn star, really? Porn star, falling star? Oh definitely porn star, porn star. He's a porn star.

Falling star, you're with me. Yay. How many couples in one week would it take for you to say, I need to slow the fuck down one or more? How many couples in one week?

Somewhere between 1 and 12. You did 10 in a week. Jesus, did you get an award, a badge after that happened? Did you question just anything?

Like my sanity, your sanity. Are we in fact sluts? Did you feel any guilt whatsoever? None, none whatsoever.

Good, good for you. How many in one week, my dear, would you consider that's a little too much. We need therapy. My mom's not listening, right?

No, I don't think she is. I would say 232 or 3. Could you, could you pick a number if you had to pick a number? What room 60 said?

I think probably 23. All right, you, my little angel, no one can see this right now, but I'm talking to a nun. How many for you in one week would be like, I need to go to church. Can I plead the fifth?

So 5 people, that's what I heard. All right, that is it. Blessed be the day. That is episode 21.

Our podcast is now legal to drink in the United States. That's, I think that's how it works. I love it. I love it.

Nothing left except a Malibu strings. Don't look them up on your work computer. All right, first, I wanna thank the affiliates. Yeah, every time you guys book through us, we, we seriously appreciate it so much.

I, I still get excited. It has really changed our lives, and I'm gonna tell you how, because as you know, Lauren and I, we work off of tips, straight off the tips. We would go to work and stress out so much and whether you know it or not, you've lifted just a little bit of weight off of our shoulders for those jack-offs that leave and don't tip. Anything.

It's just, it doesn't hurt quite as much anymore. So we wanna thank you so much and please keep doing it. If you wanna come to Desire, you can click through our website. It doesn't cost you anything.

We get the credit, we get 10% from your booking, and that is it. And studies have shown, Laura, and this is true, people that book through us have a 37% happier time and a shinier coat. It's true. I didn't even read that anywhere.

I didn't just take a fact that I read off of anything and, and just glue it. To a statistic that involves us. I didn't do that at all. Why would you?

Thank you guys and thank you, honey, for being so supportive while I'm sort of going through this new step, this new stage. I don't know. I wouldn't be able to do it if you weren't near me, supporting me, helping me. I love you.

I'm sorry I made you cry. I wasn't crying. I wasn't, while I was crying, but I wasn't crying that. I was thinking about that bad review that we got on iTunes.

That's what was making me cry, wasn't you, but I love you, baby. And to our Patreons, thank you so much. We have a few more. I'm gonna also send out the stuff that we cut out of this one and some videos that go along with it with some other crap that, that happened to us.

So thank you for that. Do we have new Patreons? New Patreons. Thank you, Chris, Jane, L, Tom and Laurie, Helene, Nanaka, Alex and Madison, Pierre, Marie and Carl, Lita and D Town, 2001.

Thank you so much. Much guys, we really, really appreciate it. Makes a huge difference. Remember, when you do sign up for Patreon and you do want to support us, you can use any name you want.

So challenge on to you because Lauren has to read it. I'll shout out whatever I guess. That is the rule. You, whatever it says, you have to thank it.

I need to shop for hats, I think, because people bring me hats and I appreciate it. I really do, but they bring me hats that say like one friend brought me like. A Yankees cap. Did I talk about this already?

I don't know. A Yankees cap. One person brought me a a FDNY hat. Now I got a hat from, uh, a minor league baseball team.

It always starts conversations that I don't really know how to have because you're not from there. I swear I talked about this. Was it just somebody in the pool? I don't remember.

If I did, I apologize, but they're like, Oh, you're a fireman. I'm like, No, I'm not a fireman. Fucking rub naked people. Oh, Yankees fan.

No, I don't even, uh, that's what keeps happening now. I, I get this guy gives me a minor league team. I'm like, well, no one will know what that is in the pool. Yeah, these people are crazy.

They follow everything. They're reading everything on my body. It's all there is. Jesus Christ.

So I gotta get new hats, hats that say, don't ask me anything. That's what it's gonna say. That's what my hat says. This hat means nothing to me or you.

Look away, avert your eyes. All right, I have to go. I'm serious because I can't stop laughing. I love you and uh I will talk to you the next time we have to record something.

OK, bye bye. And that about does it for us. For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77.

We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.