Ep. 89: Trimix Train Wreck; Plus...Spoiler Alert: You’re Ugly

This comes from Gary from Gary, Indiana. He wants to know if you enjoy rimming. Is this giving rimming? Gary's into both.

I'm into both, Gary, and I didn't really know much about it until recently, but I really like it. There's a lot of sensitivity there. I tend to stick my tongue all the way in there like I'm French kissing an asshole. Do you think that that's rimming or at some point becomes tongue anal?

Tongue anal. It's tanal. Yeah, it's totally tanal. If we started using the term, do you want any tanal, it would stick.

I think it would catch on for sure, and it's catchy. I'm already thinking about it. Let's, can we try some tannel tonight? Are you asking?

Yeah, I have to take a shower. No, you're giving it. You have to shower. I'll shower.

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All right, Lauren, we've started. We're back. How are you? I am back.

Yes, you are. How's your day been so far? It's been a pretty just tranquil though, Richard. You go into more specifics.

You sound like you're in like a witness protection program. I know, right? Oh, that wasn't very elaborative. Tell me how your walk was.

How was your walk today with, uh, Muchacho? We ran into a gigantic tejon. Tell people what a tejon is. Oh, a tejon is like the raccoon, but not a raccoon, and they travel in giant packs of 600, um, but 600, yeah, I mean, it's like so many, but this one was a solo.

I felt like he was like an alpha alchi. And find some food and that's what Richard thought. I mean, Richard, oh my God, you just called Muchacho Richard. That's what Muchacho.

Do you know what this does to my brain about the hierarchy of our relationship? Muchachos going crazy and then he jumped onto this construction house like that was the safe spot and I'm thinking the dog can just run right up the stairs. Do you think that a tejon knows what stairs are? A dog can't climb a tree.

Have you ever seen a dog learn how to use a puppy learn how to use stairs? I don't know. You can look it up after this. I promise you they exist.

Yeah, I mean, animals aren't like, they don't really look at and they're like, Oh, that's a nice spiral staircase. It's access to the roof. Everything's like a giant tree. Yeah, I guess.

I think you're giving Tajones a lot more credit for architecture and design. Probably than they than they actually deserve. He could climb up the stairs so fast. Although if I let him off the leash, he probably would have gone to the bottom of the tree and just started barking.

He would because he's a stupid animal. This is the last part of our 24 part series. Don't be an asshole. What not to do, what not to do.

And this what not to do is me, me, what not to do. It's a story of redemption. It doesn't have a redemption. This is not a story.

This is just a slapstick comedy. We went to. Desire. Yes, people, these listeners must think like you guys just do nothing but go to the fucking resorts all the time, and it's so not true, but true we're recording there right now.

People are like, when we ran into them there, they're like, you guys come here all the time. We're like, we really don't. We were literally there using our free nights that I earned from booking travels. If you tell people, you know, I do because I wanna, I wanna tell people this is, it helps us, and I don't think they know that I earn free nights and that helps us go to desire, and that's really great.

So book your trip with me. Say thank you. Say thank you. I really do.

Appreciate it. Thank you. Um, moving on, and let's tell you a story about what you gave me on one of those free nights. So we went to Desire.

This was literally to just decompress. We had really no expectations to do anything there except relax, right? When we got there the first day, we didn't go to the pool or the hot tub the first night, just sort of roamed around. Um, just kind of hung out and just, I think we went to the, do you go to the pool the second day?

I don't even really remember. Yeah, we did. We went to the, we, we went to the quiet pool and then we got chairs at the other one, right, whatever. You don't have to know our schedule.

I think we went to the hot tub once, so we were like, well, let's go to the hot tub because, so we get up there and apparently we're early. This is at Desire RM and if you've never been there, it's a really, really big area. It's, it's the size. Of a pool, but it's not a pool, it's like a big hot tub and there's beds off to one side.

It overlooks the ocean. It's, it's really pretty at this point because people haven't made it up there yet. There's only about 4 or 5 couples in the pool, so I'm like, let's go get, uh, let's go get dirty in the, in the hot tub, not really dirty, but let's go do stuff in the hot tub. So we get up there and immediately get bored and I say I have an idea and I think, you know, whenever I say that to myself.

It never really. It really ends up well. And you're like, what? I was like, I want a fluffy, fluffy big penis, so this is what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna go back to the room and I'm gonna go get the tiniest, tiniest portion. And if you're listening, Trimix Company, it's a million dollar idea. We're gonna talk at the end of this because if you can make a dosage that does this, uh, double your sales. All right, because all I want, I just want a bigger penis.

That's all I want. I want a perpetual fluff, right, as you always say. All right, go do whatever you want, right? Sounds like a good idea to me.

So I go down to the room and I take a tiny, tiny portion. Way, way, way, way less than I would ever take to actually get my dick hard. itsy bitsy, tiny, tiny portion, right? And the thing is you don't ever really know how Trimix is going to affect you.

When you get Trimex, it's almost like you're getting it from a sorcerer. The instructions are like, you inject it and if Jupiter aligns with Mars, then your phallic members shall become full. Why is that? I don't know.

It just sometimes it just has absolutely no, unless you betray the gods of no reason, it may not work for no reason. And it's happened before, like I've done an entire shot, and it's just like, nope, I've done another shot, and it's like, maybe I'm like, what is going on? So this time anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm really, really careful.

I take a tiny, tiny little bit. I make sure I don't want to create an like an embarrassing situation. Famous last words. I'm like, you keep emphasizing tiny tiny bits.

It was, it was just a little bit. I can't even, it's barely enough to waste a syringe on. So I bring up the syringe with me, right, because I don't want to get hard there and walk all the way there with a hard on. I don't want it to happen in between.

I'm very, very calculated in the way I'm doing it. So I bring it up to you and I go to the bathroom that's up. There, do the teeny tiny. I do the tiny tiny shot and then I go over the cubbyholes.

I still love that there's cubbyholes there. By the time it was only a span of 1.5 minute and I can already feel it taking effect. I'm already like, that's odd. Usually this takes way longer than like 3 to 5 minutes, like 3 to 4 minutes or so, and this is taking effect almost, almost immediately.

So now I, I hightail it to the water because I'm fully naked. And I could feel it's like throwing the towel in the coming. You get, well, it's like turning into the hall like you're like. I'm either gonna make it there or I'm gonna look like a guy on the way there that is really turned on by hot tubs.

I'm getting hard as I get closer to the to the jacuzzi. Maybe the bartender was like, he's into me. There wasn't really many other people in there, so it's very possible, I guess, for whatever, maybe the temperature of the water. My dick hits the water and bam, ins I mean instantaneously hard.

And it's rock hard, rock, rock hard. And as the supportive wife, I'm just like, I'm standing there and I'm like, I am so fucking rock hard right now, honey, and I don't know what to do. Because there's only like 3 or 4 couples, right? So there's nowhere to hide.

So if people are playing the game looky loo, there's only 1 guy to look at. That's the guy standing in the middle with a rock-hard penis for no fucking reason whatsoever. So you start like leaving and wandering off. I'm like, do not leave.

I mean, we're gonna, we have to create a scenario for for the hard penis to live in. Exactly. You have to grope me, pretend you love me, do stuff like do dirty stuff like turn me on. I mean, am I, I'm stressed right now, but act like you're turning me on because I am super stressed out.

So you immediately start giving me like lap dance after lap. I had to take my bikini off. That's why I was like, Oh, I still have my bottoms on. So I was like, I'm gonna take my bottoms off and I'll go throw them in the cubby.

You're like, No, don't leave. And I was like, OK, fine. They go on the side of the jacuzzi. Then it's so long and exhausting.

It's like then they just turn into these unenthusiastic lap dances, chewing my gum like a real stripper does. I turned into a real stripper. Because it's really not going anywhere. It's just like a real stripper.

The songs get really short. It's like it's over an hour later. I start coming up with plans. I'm like, I just have to figure out how I'm getting out of this water because I do not want to walk out of here with a raging heart on.

I mean, I know people do it, but we weren't really doing anything. I don't know. I just didn't want to do it. I know some people do it.

It's just you were probably feeling like everyone's gonna know that I injected my penis because that's what, that's how you think, because I'm paranoid, right? I start talking to someone at the bar and he just starts a conversation and then his friend comes up. It's OK for, for a few minutes or for a few seconds, but after like 4 or 5 minutes. And you're holding a conversation.

If you've never been there, when you're in the, the hot tub itself, for those of you who've been there, you're talking about 3 ft of water, so you can be on your knees and fully hide what's going on down there if you're at the bar, you can't be on your knees because your face would be in the bar. So you have to be, you have to be standing up like at bar stool height, right, and the water is dick high and you're, so your water's dick dick high. He approaches while we were ordering a drink, which I was hiding by facing the bar, right? He comes from behind me, sneak attack, starts talking to me.

I go into crouch position. And hope that the conversation ends pretty quickly and it doesn't. And then his friend comes up and then it starts a conversation, but you can't turn and open your body to him because then you're just gonna be like, so you're trying to face the bar and my dick is facing the bar, but my torso is facing him. I've been polite, polite from my shoulders up.

After a while it's just like I, I can't hide this anymore. I mean, at some point you're gonna look at my dick. I know you are. We all do it.

So I just told him I was like, um. If you're wondering, I shot my dick with Trimix. And at this point, I think I was standing behind you and I took my leg and I had it wrapped around your hip. My foot was on the bar stool that are at the bar that you can actually sit on, but I was holding your penis to your body with my, with my calf.

So I was like, Nothing could hold it down. I mean, it was, it was the most awkward position, but I was like standing on one leg with this one leg wrapped around you just trying to have a casual conversation with them, and you're like, all right, I'm just gonna, I know I could have come clean. I come clean, just put my drink on it. There was another couple that we were talking to that I wound up on my knees position and then unconsciously got into like sort of standing position because we wound up like sort of in a deep conversation and I had taken my hard penis and wrapped it underneath my hamstring.

I don't even know that's possible. Like tucking, you're tucking yourself tucking, but with a heart on. Oh my God, it hurts, and I don't even have a penis. Well, yeah, you can't do a full tuck, but you can tuck it down like so it stays down like you just point it down and then tuck.

It under you can't really you can't stand straight up thank God you're in a hot tub so awkward, yeah, because you can sort of be in a weird position, right? So I'm talking to them and then halfway I'm like they can see that I have no penis. Like I'm thinking I'm hiding my heart on, but obviously they're gonna look down and think, why is he hiding his penis under his legs like Silence of the Lambs? It is all of this is just so wrong on so many levels.

It started as a good idea, Richard. It was a great idea, and I just, I'm just like, I'm never gonna do this again. I probably will do it again. So I'm like, well, this is what I want to do then.

I want to get out. We'll get a towel. You're gonna sneak, hand it to me on the way out. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm going to the cubbies.

I'm gonna grab the towel and I'm gonna greet you at the jacuzzi while you get out of the water, not like I have a towel, girl. We're gonna make it more casual. It's gonna be like a, but it's basically what it was, yeah, it was, it was. It was like you were the prince and I was going to get your towel, but we're trying to make it super.

I mean, first time I pitched it, there were rose petal involved. Like you just scattered them for no reason kind of scene. They were like, yeah, yeah, I was like, that's a little over the top rewrite. So then you just come over with a towel, right?

We're gonna do this cool kind of twisty move, and then I was gonna stand up and then just wrap my towel around my waist. By the way, a lot harder than it seemed. Forgive the pun. Well, because it was flapping everywhere and I was trying to stay out of people's face, out of, yeah, I get the towel wrapped around me now, now I'm tucking my penis with the towel and tying it in nightmare situation.

If it falls off because now they're like that's weird like because people wouldn't be like the tip of your penis is sticking out of your towel honestly it was and it's not like if the towel fell off people would be like, oh, that guy's hard. They would be like that guy's really hard. He was literally just talking to two guys at the bar. What the fuck?

Like, he's not just hard, he's like so hard, raging. So didn't you run into someone getting at the stairs? Yeah, someone called me over at the stairs, and I just leaned over. I, what I did is I stopped like 5 ft short so that I could lean way over like what.

So then that leaning motion would keep my dick facing downward. I didn't hear a word he said. How could you? Your mind is so preoccupied.

All I was thinking was when Lauren gets here with the towel, he's my biggest concern to see the hard penis. So how do I get it out without him seeing all of this by the should have thrown like your cup or like ice and be like, oh, look over there create a distraction. Yeah, maybe that's, I don't know, right. Our idea is, well, let's just go over to a bed and use this hard on and fuck because then I have all the excuse in the world, my penis is hard because I'm fucking my beautiful wife, not, in fact, it's chemically induced.

People, why, how did you get, why did you get that idea? Crazy fucking weirdos, because they're all thinking about you. I know, never going to see these people again, by the way. And I, I, and they're not all in their own conversations, but in Richard's mind, in Richard's mind, always, yeah, staring at my penis, not just staring, judging, processing thoughts about it, yeah.

And then they go back to the room and they talk about me maybe even over dinner possibly extended and they tell their friends they write blogs and then I'm folklore. So, and this is, this is the last part. All right, so we go, we go, we're gonna find a bed. Should we go over to the cubbyholes, right, because obviously I'll just walk over to the bed with the towel, pretend that you're turning me on, and then.

It sounds so horrible, right? It's just pretend it was just play act, right? Like, I'm dripping wet, right? We give it like 4 or 5 seconds of you like rubbing me and then I whip the towel off and I'm like, Oh, look what you did to me, baby.

Holy shit, you gave me a raging heart out. They're in the pool going, he's been hard the entire time. So we get over to the uh mind you there's, I don't know, 1415 couples in the oh there were a lot more than that. No there was oh, it's probably like 30 people.

OK, so 30 people, no, 30 couples, but 30 couples. OK, so 30 couples in the bed. How many, how many beds are there? Less than that, less than that.

So it's half that, maybe like 15 beds, something like that. So we look over and this is the thing that I hate most. About that place since we've been going to desire and to this day it still makes me insane, is there is, there's a towel on one bed and a flip flop and sunglasses and a sunglasses and a book. There is not one person on a bed, but your shit is sitting on every bed.

Every bed is occupied and Unoccupied at the exact same time. You people, fuck you forever. Fuck you forever. I had a medical emergency and there you are.

You're never gonna use your bed. Yeah, you're not closing a deal in the jacuzzi, and I really needed it and we both did. Yeah, I can't take him back to the room like this. How?

What do I get a wheelchair and wheel him back? You can't walk like this. Could have been great. So, well, I was like, I'll go fucking move that book and the thing to the side table, and you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

There was one, there was like, because they have like couches over there too, and you're like, Well, there's a thing available. There's that's not available. That's not available. All the beds are taken.

You're like, there's one cushion on the sofa, on the sofa. Do you want to fuck on that? And I'm like, and there was a man, the only man sitting, and the only man that was sitting there was sitting opposite to that cushion. And I went over to the cushion.

I was like, you can fuck me here, baby. And he just looks up and he's like, What? So we aborted that. Here's the lesson learned.

Don't do that. Don't, don't recreationally just shoot rimix into your dick and go to the hot tub. Unless you're having sex with people, it doesn't wind up great. I mean, if we had pre-saved a bed with some, a book and some glasses, look, I gotta be honest, I'm probably gonna do it again.

I'm just telling people that a tiny, tiny dose doesn't really work the way you think it would work. It doesn't work in increments like that. It's a light switch. It's either on or it's fucking off.

Yeah, just pretend like it's. Black market stuff like you don't know how it's gonna work. You don't know if it's gonna get really fucked up. Like I said, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna wind up doing this again, of course you are.

So here's what I did is I did a Google search. I didn't do a Google search. I actually went to Taboo Toys and I looked up how to keep your dick in. Oh yeah, so it came up with these chastity belts where you put your dick in and it keeps them in there apparently.

This is a thing. I had no idea. It looked pretty cool. So there's this chastity King, uh, harness you can wear, and you put your dick in there, and it won't let you get hard.

It's pretty cool looking. I've never actually seen a person. I've seen cock rings at the resorts, but I would like to see somebody wear this thing out because that would take some balls. I may do it.

It's pretty cool. It's called a king. Hold on because I saved it. Add to cart.

World Cage male chastity kit and it has a little padlock on it in case your penis is in a bad neighborhood. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what it's for. If I do this right, I just lock it up. It's in a cage.

If you need it open. Here's the key. But what if it starts getting hard in the cage? I don't know what happens.

It busts out like, like the Incredible Hulk. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. But I think this is the whole fetish, right? It's like this whole fear of like, oh my God, I got this rock hard penis and there's cages around.

Oh dear, what do I do? Hey lady, here's a key. Do you want to let the monster out? Oh God, for sure.

This is a great plan actually. I didn't say I get smarter, get more daring. I just get more interesting. I love it.

Um, but if they do want any of these male chastity belts, thank you, Taboo Toys once again for. Saving me and my stupid issues. Where do they go? If you want to get one, go to tabootoys.com.

Use our code room 77, and you'll save 15% off. We put all that in the show notes for you too. I bet you it's a conversation starter. It's called a World cage male chastity kit.

It's clear your dick has got to be scrunched up in there like it's a goldfish in a tiny, tiny bowl, right. Oh God, what if you drop the key at the bottom of the jacuzzi? We gotta go to the police department because I'm not going underneath in the jacuzzi water at desire. No, you're right, it's probably safer at a Mexican police department.

Yeah, and also stop claiming furniture at resorts, vanilla or otherwise. It's gross. Just stop it. Causes stress for everybody.

I, I mean, to have some self-respect, you know what I mean? Let's all share here. It's a community. If I wanna use your bed, uh, let me just use it and your wife.

Maybe read your book. Those are the lessons learned, sir, at the bar. Really sorry you had to see that. This next segment is brought to you by Shivers, but you're gonna learn why you are 20% uglier than you think you are.

We're gonna explain to you why right after this, before we do this next segment, which is all about our minds and our bodies and how beautiful we are and how beautiful we're not, exactly, which we'll explain later. Shivers is here to help us for February and that very special day that we all share on the 14th. What's it called? Valentine's.

Valentine's, that's how you pronounce it. We don't celebrate it because we're Jewish. Shivers already does this. When you embrace the shivers, you make everything 20% better, 20% more likable, 20% more relatable.

This is great. When I take a shiver, everybody becomes 20% more fuckable, and that's usually, usually the threshold that I need to just put me. Over the edge to be in the yes column. Now, look, I know that you're probably like me, men and women.

Valentine's Day comes along and you're probably like, Oh my God, I just can't. What do I do? Not one more time. Here's the perfect little gift, and they're giving you 20% off everything shivers.

Not only that, remember this if you're married to a pig. Or if you are a pig, or maybe you're both pigs, I don't know, this is gonna make that Valentine's sex 20% easier, 20% hotter. I love it. You don't have to drink a bottle of wine before you lay down with that disgusting turd you call a husband.

You just pop a shivers and get this day over with, and then it's another 365 until you do it again. Oh sweet Jesus. So where do they go? What do they put in and how do they do this?

Well, you put in your penis. I'm talking about the shivers part. You go to shivers.store and at checkout put in our 77 flirt, and that's only for this month, only the month of February. I'm high right now.

All right, now stay tuned and learn why you're actually ugly. All right, Lauren, we are back. Does that mean the red light's on? I'm gonna get one of those.

I say that every time, I think, and we don't need it. I mean, there's, there's no reason to have one. And if you have a red light in your podcast studio, you're a moron. So, uh, we are doing a series.

It's a 24 part series, stuff not to do, the educational series. What did I call it last, last time, um, how not. To what not to do, what not to do. That's what it was.

What not to do. It could be us not doing it, you not to do you us just telling you, don't do that. It could be you doing something stupid. And we say, don't do that.

Here's another thing that I see a lot in the interwebs, and I hear a lot on in the community. And it annoys me. I mean, a lot of things annoy me, but And I actually talked to you about this, and it's one of those things that I see come up often, which is the people in the lifestyle, the swingers that say I can't find anybody to hook up with. I'm looking for somebody of a certain.

Caliber. I don't want to stab them because that sounds really violent. It does. It does, but I definitely want to write a strongly worded letter.

Yeah, yeah, take that strongly worded letter, roll it up really, really tight, and then stab them in the neck with it. Still sounds sort of violent. It's not a knife though. It's a piece of paper, and you're the one that brought up letter, you violent bitch.

Here's what they say. I can't find that person. And what they'll do usually is skate around anything that says, I can't find anybody as hot as me, or I can't find anybody as hot as us. You think they're doing it to keep their partner in an upward, uh, confidence, or do you think it's strictly from the person?

You don't think they're doing it to keep their husband or wife feeling. Good about themselves. Like, well, you're just the hottest babe. I can't find anyone.

It's a mixture of both. It's straight up delusion. However, hear me out, hear me out. You gotta hear me out.

We'll be right back. Lauren. This is from Bikini Addiction. They love you and they love this community.

They know us lifestyle swinger people love variety. Yeah, we do. They have over 200 fabrics. That's like more than 100.

Yeah, you know, as well as I do, like when we're at a party or a resort, you could have 1000 people there as soon as somebody new walks in. Everybody stretches their head and they're like, Well, what do the new ones look like? And they walk over and they stand next to that one. They're like, That's mine.

I like that one. I licked it. They understand that and that's why they've given us 200 choices for you. That's amazing.

Because they live in this community and they understand you and they love you too. Yeah, when you get the customs, they come in a purple package. So this is how, how successful the custom bikini purple package is at Bikini Addiction. They sent me a complaint letter.

I'm gonna read this complaint letter verbatim. Dear Bikini Addiction, every time the UPS guy shows up. With one of your purple packages, I get an erection. It's causing confusion with Steve or Scott.

His name starts with an S. Anyway, he's hot and we did sleep with him. It's great sex, 10 out of 10. But now Steve Scott buys my wife custom bikinis every week.

Bikini Addiction, your purple packages are making my package purple. I need a break. Please cut Steve or Scott off. Even Steve Scott knows options matter.

Tell these people, where do they get these options. Bikini Addiction customs.com, and there's a password to get into the website because it's only for the true addicts. The password I will put down in the show notes, and if you want to save, you have to join our Patreon. That is the only way to save on Bikini Addiction customs.

Use our link. Down in the show notes, we will get credit and thank you for supporting us. Thank you for understanding us, Bikini Addiction. Now, I'm not here to tell you to stop doing it.

You should think you're a smoke show. You really, really should. Everyone should, because I believe that this is a delusion that we all suffer from. Everyone in life.

This is outside of the lifestyle, inside of the lifestyle. We all think we are hotter than we actually. I, I don't care who you are and that that attitude, that belief system, that delusion, if you will, it's a wonderful delusion that belief system, that delusion extends out to your significant other. It just does.

The problem isn't believing that you're hotter than anybody else. It's when you don't realize that everyone else is walking around with that same exact delusion that you have. I'm absolutely sure I'm hotter than I think. No, you think you're hotter than you are.

I'm 100% sure I think I'm hotter than I actually am. I know this because I say it to myself. Multiple times per day this is the truth. It is true because there are some times where I'll see myself in a photo or I'll see myself in the mirror and I'll be like, I look pretty good.

I'm like, you're not though. But there is a level of delusion that can be positive, and, and that is where, you know, our confidence steps in in the lifestyle world where we do, you know, we do go to the gym to, to work out and be hotter, and it feels good to be naked and feel like you look hot, and there's nothing wrong with having that. Little bit of extra thinking that you're a 9 or a 10 when maybe you're not. It's healthy.

Keep it up, people. One of the things that I see on the social medias, which is ruin the world. Actually, I hear, probably hear it more often is we don't hook up a lot because we're really picky or where do I find Attractive couples. Where are all the hot couples?

Where are all the hot couples? Yeah, I hear that in travel too. We usually give the same answer back, which is go to Costco, find all the, find all the hot couples. That's your, that's your slice of, of the lifestyle, slice of America, slice.

Yeah, I mean, what do you think you're looking for? Like what, what did you expect? Did you, it's a community. It's not an elite community.

We don't have specifications. You could be in it. It's just a profile page. But anyway, but, but people get really worked up now.

There are people that in the lifestyle take insult to when people that they feel are not as good. Looking as them or in there, let's rate them, right? OK, let's just call them, uh, an 8.5 couple or a 9 couple. Yeah, so an 8, a couple that's an 8 gets approached by a 5, and the 8 couple that's an 8 is insulted that they were approached.

Yeah, it's not cool. You agree that that happens, right? Yeah, absolutely. OK.

People tell us everything. So why do you think that that happens? Are you ever insulted? No, I mean, I, I talk to everybody.

I think I don't really know who they are until I talk to them. No, but, but I used to judge people by their covers for sure. You're getting ahead of yourself here, sister. Sorry.

There's a couple that comes up to you and you full on know based on physical that you are not. Not going to now or ever going to lay down with them, but they hit on you. They, they hit on you. But I don't necessarily know what they want.

They could just be talking to me for something else. Lauren, we want to take you back to the room. Oh, that's very clear, Richard. They're very forward.

Oh, yeah, so forward. So this is what we've gathered so far. OK. They're very forward and they're not very pretty.

That's all you know so far. OK. Do you get insulted? That they're talking to you.

No, would take it that I'm approachable, not as like an insult, right? You, you got to give people a little bit of grace when another couple flirts with you. You don't immediately think, Oh, who do they think they are flirting with me? I'll tell you who they think they are.

They are people with self-esteem. If you're looking for somebody with low self-esteem, then you're in the wrong community. But we're picky. Oh.

Oh, you're, you're picky. Oh, you're picky, and we're not, we're not picky. We're all picky. But here's the thing, being picky doesn't mean that you're better.

For me, looks play a role, but it's how you talk, how you laugh, how you carry yourself. Those are the things that actually sealed the deal. Do you look at me. Me, like you look at yourself, you're making a mistake.

They do. They look at you in a high, exactly. That's my point. They look at you in a high regard, just like they look at themselves in a high regard.

You're the one who's viewing them in a lesser regard. Exactly. You're the asshole. Right, absolutely.

And, and, and we're talking about people as couples most of the time. It's like sometimes you'll find a confident partner, and those are the ones who don't normally last, yeah, as a team, yeah, as a team, you're very confident they make it, they make a confident team. Yeah, absolutely. On that note, there's the other thing you get.

Well, the couples are mismatched. Yeah, it happens all the time. And the truth is it does happen all the time where one is attractive, one is not attractive to you, where you say, well, we're kind of into her, but we're not into him, or we're kind of into him, we're not really into her. Look, it happens all the time, and that's where the whole, and we've gone over it a million times, the whole take one for the team thing is bullshit.

It's just a horrible thing. To say we're really picky. We can't find any couples, couples that are matched. And I always think the same thing, which is, why do you think you're matched?

Well, just stop, stop looking at it as two individuals. Look at it as a couple and say you're not as a couple attracted to them as a couple. It's just not a match. It's just not a match.

Right, it's like if you were getting, you had to go to the store and you had to get, what are we buying? Tell me something, name anything. Go oranges and toilet paper. We had to get oranges and toilet paper.

Yeah, they seem very mismatched. OK, no, one thing, one thing, I was just like, why did I go to the store for oranges and toilet paper? We have a kinky night coming up, Richard. Why do I feel like that orange is going in my butt?

Name one thing. I go to, it can't be oranges. It can't be toilet paper. I'm gonna rap about it.

Tell me, dog food, dog food. I don't know if I could do it with dog food. I can't. I can't do it with cereal either.

I need to do it with yogurt, butter. Harry Mack says, Harry Mack says no food, and I feel like I'm gonna take Harry Mack's rule. I'm gonna say no food, no animals, no food, no animals. Name one thing I'm going to the store to shop for clothing.

All right, clothing. Can we, can you be more specific? Shoes. Let's do shoes.

If I don't edit all that out. We walk into the store. We're looking for a pair of shoes for you, huh, boots. I swear to God I'm gonna kill you and it's gonna be recorded and I'm gonna hand it to the police.

So they take me away. And I can live in peace All right, we go to the store. We're looking for shoes. Most of the shoes we see up there, one shoe's red, one shoe's blue, the other shoe's yellow, the other shoe's green.

Every pair, every pair. That's crazy. It's so crazy. What store is this?

It's the, it's the, it's the, we're super hot store, yeah. And then we're like, Well, this is false advertising. They said we're super hot, and the girl in there is. Like, no, we're the super hot store.

And you're like, but your shoes don't match. And she's like, Yeah, but that's what we are. This is the store. This is what we do.

The styles are super hot. But we're like, Well, can we mix and match the shoes? And she's like, I mean, you can ask the other shoes, but I don't think that's really going to be possible because we tie the shoes together. So it just doesn't usually work out well.

Sometimes you can get a third shoe that was left in the back like a unicorn slipper, but the thing is, is you're looking at it as like, and then you walk out of there and you go, we couldn't find a good pair of shoes. You don't say all of those left feet were horrible, right? No left. Oh.

But you know what I mean? So you just say we couldn't find a good pair of shoes. Attraction is subjective. It doesn't mean that that's an unattractive person.

It was just unattractive to the two of you. You can't, you don't just put a label on them, right? But to the spouse, they're the most attractive person in the whole world, right? Now, what you want to say in private, obviously you guys say in private, you say, I didn't like this or I didn't like that.

But when you start saying it to other people and you start saying it online, it's vitriol, it's mean, it's horrible, it's just, it's, it's just disgusting. Doesn't make you look the best for sure if you want to try and better yourself for the saying certain things to your spouse is your spouse is one thing, you know, I didn't like his blank. That hairy vagina was here, here's the deal, by the way, you could be hot AF you got full bush. We're not going on that topic.

I know, but I need to finish the sentence. You got full bush. I'm probably still gonna fuck you. No, I'm just kidding.

I'm probably not. I'm probably not. I'm probably not gonna touch you. Yeah, yeah, I'll probably still let you blow me.

But with your pants on. Um, I forget even where I was on such a, we didn't find a good pair of shoes, and you can say whatever you want to your spouse, but just when you're online and as you start spreading that, that viral stuff, it's infectious to other people and it's not about the self-confidence. So you believe in that delusion, right? Yeah, I don't disagree with the lifestyle people having a healthy.

Delusion of this nature where we think we're a little bit better than we are. I mean, I definitely have the age dysmorphia where I think I still look like I'm 30 and damn. I think it's OK. I think it's healthy.

If you're gonna say what not to do, I would say live in, live in that high confidence area. Just don't have a view of the people approaching you and use it to either fill your ego more and have the people who are. Maybe not as hot as you think you are approaching you, bring you down. Just don't give weight to either one of them.

It does feel good when someone really attractive is flirting with you. It's how most women succeed in business. That's great, Richard. No, but it feels good.

It feels good for anybody, absolutely. However, stop saying that there's nobody out there for you, and there's, there's, I'm gonna quit the life. I'm gonna quit, but it's what I hear. I'm just gonna quit.

It's just. You then quit because you're missing the fucking point. Yeah, I think everyone thinks the point is to play with people and that's a point, but there's so much about the lifestyle that you will miss. Yeah, remember this, we all think we're kind of hot in our own mind.

Respect that delusion. Just respect it. Embrace that it's absurd, laugh about it because at the end of the day, this entire thing is kind of fucking ridiculous. If this moved you in any way, please reach out to us.

Please include a photo of all angles, correct lighting. We will rate you. We will get back to you based on your photos. All right, Lauren, we're back.

I am here to tell you dysmorphia is, is a real thing. Of course it is. I don't have it. But my penis does.

A penis invades my eyes and does stuff. Sometimes it makes it bigger than it is. Sometimes it makes it smaller than it is. Most of the time smaller, but I did.

I walked around for a long time and I was on, I thought that I had a large penis, and then I found out you don't have a large penis, and then I had to live with that. I walked around the locker room like swinging my dick like I had, like I had something to show, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think that was a mistake and I'm embarrassed now and now I live in shame. Do you have anything on your body that you thought, Oh, I have a really good blank, and then you're like, Oh, maybe it's not.

Yeah, I think I thought my butt was good and your butt is good. Don't you pick your, your, your best, your best asset and say it's not good. Shut up. I'm gonna cut you off right now.

Stop it. I wanted it more. I thought it was more roundy, but it's not. I don't even know what that means.

Listen, this is what I'm gonna ask you instead. And when you're in the locker room with women, do they flash their vaginas? Like, do they just walk around and just sort of flash their vaginas like, I know that woman's showing her vagina to me. No, because I mean, what we would have to spend a lot of time bending down to really see the vagina.

So it's not like it's on the front of our bodies like our tits are. I'm just wondering in the female locker room if there's any vagina version of dick swinging. Is there tick tit wagging, or like, do they like swing their shoulders and they go in circles all the time? No, really.

Do, do, do, do larger breasted women, women, do larger breasted women, do they walk around more in the locker? Room flaunting their big tatas. They need almost two towels, and they'll just put one towel on one tip and one on the other just to dry them and be like how scientific experimental conversation here, Lauren, when women are in the locker room, young pretty women with pillows in the locker room and they're walking around boiled up. Your locker room is so much hotter than ours is.

Do they swing their titties around? They don't. Not at all. You don't ever notice that.

They don't ever. No one ever flaunts their stuff. I used to be the only person that would wear my towel like a man around my waist, and everyone else wore their towel up above their boobs, tucked under their shoulders, and I was like, why do you women do that? But then I realized I was like.

They want to show off. They didn't even want to show their boobs to no and like what kind of locker room is this, ladies? Boring one, a boring one exactly. Like why not just let them out and let them swing out?

It would be so much more fun. Everyone was so shy. So when you're in a ladies' locker room and you're in a steam room, it's women's only. Does a woman, oh, does a woman, you can't, your mind's already racing what's happening in this women's tea room.

Hold on. Is there a woman across from you that just gently starts to spread her legs a little bit? A little bit too much. Does that ever happen?

Never, not even a little bit. No, I mean, you barely, like you don't even acknowledge really that people are in there with you. You're just like, so the male equivalent to the creepy guy that's in the steam room and the creepy guy that's in the sauna, that does not exist in the woman's world. Like you've never walked into a steam room and been like, that woman's fingering herself.

No, I wish it was. I mean, I do too. I wish you were telling me. I mean, I kind of wish you were lying to me right now.

Well, I tried at the beginning and you. You cut me off. No, I don't want you to lie to me. The only time I've ever seen women really open and showing parts of their body that you may not have wanted to see is in Asian baths when I was in Asia and even in LA when we would go to the Asian spas.

I mean, everything is free game there. They're wrestling. What were they doing? I mean, it's just your tits are out, you're squatting, you're splashing your vagina.

You're working on their glutes. I mean, that squatting weight. Per se, but just like, you know, like a shower, half shower. I don't know, it was, yeah, there was really like no towels needed.

It was very, very open. Yeah, I think the difference, I think men immediately go, I'm naked. Let's fuck something, and women are like, I'm naked. Don't look at me.

Yeah, yeah, it's sad. This is the problem with society. We need to change this. Well, I'm gonna start a women's spa that's like slut spa or something.

Well, well, how am I gonna go to that spa? Well, it'll be like a women's spa, but it'll all be glass. The men can sit outside and look. Step right up and don't be shy.

It's called a strip club. But sat with a sauna. And then you can give them dollars. You're opening a strip club.

Do you want to go to the champagne sauna, sauna, but it's a sauna. It's a fucking strip club. Thank you for, for reinventing the wheel. I appreciate that.

I look forward to your grand opening. Thank you. Good luck on getting the. Location scouting now the whore spa, the slut spa made of glass, slut sauna, yeah, slut spa made of glass.

Yep, we don't serve liquor. No, no, no, it's a brilliant idea. Yeah, yeah, I think it'll go over well. All right.

Tell them about Sin. Sin is uh 50% sold out. Tell them that. In October, we'll be on the island of Isla Mujeres.

So come join us in paradise. It's 50% sold out already. If you want more information, go to room 77life.com and And check the show notes for that link. It starts on October 11th through the 16th.

We are going to have a lot of stuff there, including a small presentation. If you're interested, you want to get in on the bottom floor of the slut spa. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to go leave a positive review. or for more information, go to room 77life.com.

Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.