Logically, there are so many reasons why we should have stayed far away from the lifestyle. We were already completely happy with our marriage and our sex life. We were in our 40’s and had been married for over 20 years. Being virginal high school sweethearts when we first got together, neither previously having sex with anyone else, made us nervous about reaching out to others. Turns out, all of those are exactly the reasons why the lifestyle was perfect for us, so we jumped in first with a little exhibitionism and bisexuality.
Started with Exhibitionism:
Our origin story occurred over several years. It started when we visited a sex club while abroad. With complete anonymity on our side, we thought it would be fun to do something totally wild and out of character. We loved how it made us feel! The atmosphere, the people we chatted with, and surprisingly, the ability to be naked around others was so exciting! Deciding not to play ‘WITH’ others, however we loved playing ‘IN FRONT OF’ others. Not expecting to have public sex we were shocked how easy exhibitionism was for us and spent several years just doing that. We would find clubs when we traveled and even took a trip to Desire, all without playing with others…until we did.
First Bisexual Encounter:
One night it just happened. There may have been some alcohol involved. We were having sex in a room full of other people, also having sex, when a beautiful woman came over and politely asked if she could join us. Actually, she asked if she could sit on my face, but that is beside the point. My husband was shocked and excited to hear me say yes for the first time. I am bisexual. While I’ve always known it, I was in denial for a long time. When I admitted my bisexuality to my husband several years into our marriage, he said he already knew and that it was about time I finally admitted it to myself. So, when I touched that beautiful woman, it was like a part of me woke up for the first time. We haven’t turned back.
After countless discussions figuring out our rules, needs, and wants, we started a Kasidie profile and booked our next Desire trip. The rules have remained the same for 2 years: we are soft swap only. I don’t see that rule changing for us. Mostly, because we don’t want to lose the fact that we have only had sex with each other. But there are oh-so many other fun and sexy things we can do. It’s all about making connections and finding ways to all experience pleasure together. I believe being soft swap has actually forced us to be even more inventive and intimate in our play than if the end goal was having sex with other people. We also only play in the same room. Being a team and staying connected is important to us.
Learning to Date Again:
Dating and flirting were challenging to say the least. Neither of us had ever been in the dating pool before. We certainly fumbled a bit at first. But it was so much fun sitting in our hot tub together scrolling through couple profiles and deciding who we like and who we…um, don’t. We worked as a team as we nervously prepped for dates and laughed at ourselves while trying to figure out how to flirt and navigate who will make the first move. Because we were high school sweethearts, we never got to experience those things. Better late than never! Learning new skills together is always great for a couple looking to liven things up after many years of marriage.
Our new hobby may not be what most would choose, but it has truly brought us closer together over the last 2 years. And we haven’t experienced any jealousy or tension because we started this adventure with a rock solid foundation. It took us decades to get to this level of comfort with our sexuality. I don’t know how long we will stay in this lifestyle. But while we are here we are enjoying some of the best times, best laughs, best friendships, and best sex of our lives.