Ep. 36: How To Fantasize with A Desire Resorts Playmaker

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Better with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we do. We love work, party, and play in the middle of paradise after 18 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all, but we were so wrong, so wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day.

So come to room 77. Let's play. Hi everybody. Hi Richard.

Hi, you're here, B. You've joined us. You've graced us with your pleasure. Yeah, I don't know what the hell am I doing.

I gotta be honest, we don't know what we're doing either. There is one thing that I wanna get straight before we even start. This episode is dedicated to Chris Allen Berger. We want to say thank you so much.

For all of your support. Everybody out there, we want you to go out and tell him thank you. We can't do it because he's blocked on our Facebook and pretty sure he blocked us, but his name is Chris, not spelled with an H. Chris Berger.

Find him on Facebook. Reach out to him. If you can't find him there, then make sure to go into the Minnesota Public Records and search under criminals. You'll be able to find him there.

Just reach out. Tell him hello and thank you so much. Moving on, I don't have a lot. of sex stories for everybody this week.

Not a lot of sex going on. So if you usually sit in your car or you're going to the gym and you usually masturbate during this, just keep driving. I don't really have much for you. It's been a pretty stressful month.

Tell us about your masturbation, Richard. Yeah, oh, my masturbation. I masturbated last night. Did you?

Why didn't you send a video? Because I usually never send a video to you. That's one that's weird. Usually I never do that.

Get an OnlyFans, Richard, for me, please. I would pay you there. You'd be my only fan literally it would literally make sense. But yeah, I did masturbate last night.

I'm trying to practice and get back into the rhythm of things and trying to become one with myself. I do that by ejaculating all over my belly. I love that you said belly. That's what I do.

We've been having a different kind of fun. I'm gonna use this section here for sort of a recap of some things, namely, number one, people coming in, we call it, we can't go to the resort, so the resort keeps coming to us and we wanna thank all of those amazing people that Coming out and taking us to dinner and just having a lot of fun. We're gonna go into that in a second, but we also want to say thank you to all the people who reached out and told us about their fear of dick breaking. We got 1,000s, 100s, all right, 10s.

We got tens of messages. In the last episode we had talked about my fear of a woman being on top, namely B and her little tiny muscular ass bouncing up and down on me, my penis breaking. So we got, I'd say easy 30 messages and emails talking about, dude, I'm so scared of the exact same thing because I thought I was all alone, and we got so many messages. Guys, unfortunately, that Have broken their penis, yeah, or they knew someone, and women who are scared, that is an actual fear, and like people, women who have no idea that this is even possible.

Well, it is possible, lady, so you know, careful, bring it down a notch. Yeah, it was really funny because some of the girls were like, I didn't know this was a thing, and I'm like, you're my people. Like I didn't really know it was a thing either. And so there are.

People who are identifying with not knowing about this whole thing and then all the guys were like, yeah, or they were one degree of separation away from this thing actually happening in real life. And now you know, and you should be very careful. It's all about the angle, baby. So, uh, what we're gonna do is we're gonna talk to somebody later on because we don't have her now.

We're gonna talk to somebody who is, I don't know if she's a doctor or she works somewhere. I don't know. She reached out. She's like, Hey, uh, I deal with this all the time as a medical person.

Do you want to talk about it? My first instinct is, no, no, I don't. Someone just sent me a message today about it. I was like, I made it through half of your message and just quit because you started to go into way too much detail.

Yeah, so I don't know how well the conversation with her is gonna go. You're gonna pass out and I'm gonna have to take over. I may vomit. Maybe you guys just do it by yourself.

I'll do it with my headphones off. You'll just hold up cards like ask her this, yeah. So then moving on to people who come here and hang out with us. Uh, B, you've been to a couple of dinners, yeah, I love it.

Did you have fun? So much fun. You're really nice people, right? So the last couple that you, I don't think you had dinner with, we had had dinner.

No, hold on, we were invited to a hotel in Playa. Carmen, by the couple who gave us COVID at desire, right? They were the ones who gave us COVID at desire. We also had another couple up there that had COVID.

I don't know if they got COVID at desire, and they were there with another couple who booked through us who did not have COVID, but when they got home, they did in fact get COVID from Desire when they returned home. So the point of the story is a lot of people got COVID at Desire. So the first couple came in and they were like, hey, do you guys wanna spend a night at the Hilton before we go over to Desire, and it's on us, and we're like, Yeah, bring it. So we went down there to meet them and possibly get naked again.

Their plane got delayed and they weren't able to make it in till like midnight. They rolled in, they were really tired, and then we never saw them again. They just sort of vanished. So that never happened.

No sex. No sex for you, Richard. Strike one. Then we have another dinner.

That was the people who got COVID at Desire. That was their first time at the resort, bans. And then the couple that joined them is a couple that we've known for, I think, 4 years now, and they are actually not in the lifestyle, although if there's a couple that I could vote, I wish you were in the lifestyle. I think it would be them.

That's so great. They're so, they're such great people. They are awesome, and I'm so glad that they joined us. Yes, I really am.

I got a free t-shirt. You got a free t-shirt. I got some gum. Yeah, we got lots of gum.

Then no sex, no sex, no sex. No, none. And then the last couple that came in, couples, I should say, it was like a dinner for, I don't know, 27 people, and it's an odd number because B was there. So it's always an, yeah, it's always an odd number.

So they say, Hey, we want a reservation for like 10 people. We go down to this place, what's it called, Meh, That's what it. Looks like in my head I'd say meme, but I don't know how do you spell it M E M meme. Tell our listener about this cool little place, mem.

This place is like this Italian guy. He's the owner and he, he serves you. He talks to you. He's, he's just this happiest guy, and they serve all this fish or something else.

I don't know what the other option is, and it comes on these giant wooden platters that are almost, I don't know, as long as the. Table and they were coming up with these giant swords of food and I'd like to pretend that I was in some sort of Roman, yeah, that's what I feel like it's like you're a gladiator, yeah, and I'm like, uh, give me it's either like that or how they eat on Game of Thrones. They just throw all the food in the center of the table and they're like, just go. And there were people in the restaurant, little by little, our friends, because they are who they are, the clothes start coming off.

It's upstairs on this palapa, so it's like open. It's open tits start getting flashed. There's something that happens to my body like as many times as I've seen boobs in my life, as soon as a woman flashes. Tits in public.

I stare straight at the floor. You totally did. Like, I'm not here right now. Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed.

Like I don't know how to react. I just turned into this person. Oh my God, is the owner looking? Is the owner looking?

Is the owner looking? Uh, one of the people that we had had dinner with was, is someone who sort of changed our lives in a way. She's just really, really special to us. They both are, yeah, they, they both are.

I was getting to him in a sec. Well, her husband gets really giddy around you. He gets, he gets very, very giddy because he has a huge crush on you. All these people, by the way, who are flashing their tits, not in a lifestyle, which is like one of the things I love about them the most.

I haven't ever done that. You've never flashed your tits anywhere, not in public, that it's not desired. I was literally just at a beach with you on Saturday, and you flashed your tits at me. Yeah.

Oh, now I remember when someone walked by. You waited. You said, Richard, can I take off my top? And I'm like, Go ahead, take off your top.

And then she did, and I again just stare right at the sand. Like, oh my God, I can't believe she just fucking did it. But we were teasing her husband all night because B was sitting next to us and we all know at the table that this guy has a massive penis and we were just teasing B because we're like, you would love his penis. He just gets red.

Yeah, he just gets red and embarrassed, but at one point he was almost like gonna chant, Take it out, take it out, and all the women were trying. To get him to take, take his penis out, and I said there, and I believed this to be true. Women flash their tits all the time, right? You're like, Oh my God, woman just flashed her tit.

The moment a penis comes out, the police show up. It's a very big difference. It is. What's wrong with that?

I don't know. It is a double standard though. I was like, Don't take your penis out, please. But that was a good time and hopefully someday, someday you will get to see his penis.

Yeah, send me the picture you. All right, well, I think they're on Facebook because I just got a message from her that was hiding in, uh, their, their request area. Maybe I will direct him to your Facebook and you guys can private message each other private genital shots of one another, and then I'll send you a video of me masturbating, but you have to pay me 17.99 because that's how much the subscription is. Oh.

I only have one fan. That is just the getting caught up portion. We still have about a week before we tie things up with the podcast, so I still have hope for us. Maybe we'll come out with a sexy story.

Yeah, I mean, we have a couple lunch dinners set up, so we'll see. I just think that this is what I want because there's a lot of people who email us and they're like, Hey, let's go have dinner, right? And I'm like, All right, do they wanna fuck? That's always the, the question that I have in my head, and it's very difficult, right, because a lot of people just ask.

And it's just a name on an email. I have no idea who it is. They know who they're talking to. So if it is your intention, please attach.

Yeah, I would like to have dinner and possibly be kidnapped. Here's our junk to judge us by. Well, not just the junk. I, I don't want a bunch of penis pics and like, here's my vagina.

I'm like, all right, nice vagina. All right, send us pics, but we have to change our strategy a little bit because now that we're not preying on innocent people at the hotel. In our workshop, rape is now out of the question, I guess. Also sad news for Chris Allen Berger, not spelled with an H, who now will have nothing to do.

What's his hob gonna be? I don't know. We had our very own Chris Hansen. Now he's out of work, can't follow us around anymore.

Who knows? Feel sorry for him. So reach out. Tell Chris, Hey man, we feel for you.

Just, you know, don't be alone with him. That's why we're planning our next, our next adventure right now. Lauren, B, and myself are working on something very, very exciting for October. We hope that we'll be able to talk about that soon, or do we talk about it now?

I think we should talk about it later, later, OK, we talk about it later. So exciting for all of you and a giant ball of stress for me. You love it. Now, without further ado, as promised, we brought you the world's leading lady in broken penises.

She is an expert. She's our expert in her field. She is leading. Yeah, I don't know.

She's rising. I was trying to think of another like, like a dick pun, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In her field she is rising, and, uh, God, I can't think of a good pun. Ah, fuck it.

All right, here we are with our lovely friend, Karen. Her name is not Karen, as you probably know. In fact, Karen has been bastardized throughout the United States since I started talking about it. I feel like I was ahead of the curve, but just the wrong curve.

It was just a nasty curve that turned into a horrific thing for all Karens. Across the world, however, this lovely lady reached out to us when we were talking about dick breaking and me being afraid of being on top, under, huh, being underneath, being underneath. I said on top. That's because I was thinking about being on top with this particular lady, uh.

So she reached out. She's incredibly attractive, and she was like, Hey, Richard, I do medical stuff and, uh, I deal with this crap all the time. I was like, Hey lady, I don't really wanna talk about this stuff. And she's like, Well, you're loss.

I'm like, Hey, what's your name? You're kind of hot. And she told me we got to talk and she's like, If you wanna come on the, if you want me to come on the podcast and talk about it, I'd be happy to do it. Wait, wait, wait.

Was I contracted to come on the podcast? You were contracted to come. That was a separate agreement. All right, just clarifying, but we don't need to bring that up.

Let's not talk about that. That's a separate party. I said, yeah, let's do it, but I have to give fair warning to yourself and to the person that's listening that I am incredibly squeamish. So the questions that I'm going to ask, uh, I don't want too much detail, but so just.

To get our, our listeners sort of up to date, you work in the medical field. This is correct? Yes, I'm a registered nurse. OK.

This is something breaking penis or fractured penises or broken swords or whatever you wanna call them. This is something that you have witnessed. Yeah, so I've taken care of patients who have been treated for having a fractured penis. All right, Ari's scared.

Let's just start at the beginning. Wheeled in. This is what I picture in my head. They're being rushed in on a gurney.

The wife is at the side holding the hand. He's screaming, Help me, help me. And you come running to the side. You grasp gently onto that penis, and you say, Stay with me.

Um, I love it. Also, not, not, not usually a wife that's accompanying them to the hospital. OK, prostitute. OK, so in my experience, I've taken care specifically of two fractured penises.

Both of them were men in their 40s who had women in their 20s that were riding on top and got a little too zealous and came down and in the process of coming down, fractured the penis. See, I'm trying to keep, I'm trying to keep it low key for you. I know you are. I'm squirming in my seat a little bit.

He had to pull his headphones off already. All right, so this is a real thing and. Actually happens to be in her 20s. She also happens to be overzealous.

So this is, I feel like I'm making very good life decisions at this point, right? Someone like Lauren here had no idea that this could even happen. I pictured the penis is a giant piece of cartilage, so I didn't really think it would be anything you could break. I thought it was just all in his brain.

So because there's not a bone, it's not a fracture in the way you would think of if you broke an arm or a leg, it's not a bone that breaks. But what What happens is there's two tubes. So if you picture like a garden hose, right? If it's just laying next to your house, it's just laying there.

But when you turn the faucet on, it fills up with water. Same way these two tubes fill up with blood in the penis. So, what happens is if somebody suddenly were to bend the penis abruptly while it's filled, it can cause tears. And the tears in those tubes, just like if you cut a garden hose, would start to let blood seep out, and that's actually what we're dealing with.

Some, sometimes there's a urethra. damage also, which is your pee hole. Sometimes it's just those tubes. I'm already flop sweating.

All right, so first of all, the word urethra, uh, it's not allowed in my pee hole. I understand pee hole may be worse. That, that's, it's not my binocular. I took it out of my lexicon.

It's, it's off limit when that tears, right? Does the penis, does the person know at that moment when it happens? Is it usually there's a popping sound. And, and you'll know, and typically it starts to look like an eggplant, OK, which I'm not against, by the way.

It is the emoji we use most to represent penises, like, not pretty, right? Not, not, not in a pretty way. When they come in, you know, when the, I'm, I'm sure you give out that little, that little sheet with the smiley faces on it and how much pain the pain scale, pain scale, which, which smiley face do they circle? I, I think it's probably the, the sad crying.

Face all the way at the far side. It's not like the, I don't think it's the middle. Like, I don't know, maybe I hurt. I'm pretty sure it's all the way on the, it's not good.

It's really not good. What is their disposition, and I, and I need to split this in two parts. Like, are they doubled over in pain, or is there an embarrassment? We had done, uh, a little bit of a, a segment before about things stuck up anuses.

This isn't a very embarrassing disposition because you're sort of walking through the door like this is how hard. Fuck bro I think, I think so. I think 2, I think one, once you're in severe pain, that's, you don't care. You don't give a shit what like what anybody thinks, or you just want the pain to stop, um, but two, it's usually like a younger chick who is really giving it to you.

So I don't know that it's like shameful to people. They might be high fiving doctors on the way. I don't know. Way to go, bro.

You're an older dude. Maybe they're high fiving her like you broke his shit. I don't know. You're working hard.

The first thing you have to do is inspect it, I guess. So I haven't worked in an emergency department, so I'm gonna kind of speculate based on my side of it. So definitely you're gonna place, uh, you're not gonna like this, OK. Are you, you wanna turn your earphones off, Laura, you listen.

I gotta take my headphones off. You tell me when we're ready. I have to edit'll give them a second edit, edit it anyway. OK.

All right, I'm off. We'd put a catheter in. Oh, you already heard the word. She's watching you.

Catheter, it goes down with pee hole. That's why I don't like it. He used to turn off those commercials late at night that would say catheter that they're always advertising catheters. He would make like change the channel, change the channel.

Do you have problems with your catheter? Fuck off. I'm about to eat dinner. So they'll do that because there's swelling.

So you don't want to obscure, like, obstruct it so that that becomes unsafe. And then if it needs surgical intervention, you go to surgery, and it'll be splinted to kind of keep everything, like wrapped. When I did at the time, I was a surgical nurse. Now I work in an operating room.

And so you have to like check the penis for warmth, because if it's wrapped up too tight, yeah, the best place to test it's with your cheek. It's the most. Sensitive. Wait, wait, wait, you're saying I wasn't supposed to check it with my mouth.

Oh, wait, I mean, what I learned in my nursing school was check it with the cheek, but if it slips into the mouth, that's OK. That's OK too. It's. It's all part of the pain relief plan.

Oh my God, why were you never my nurse? All right, so is it bent? Is it at an angle? Is it, is it deformed in any way?

So if you don't get treatment, it can become deformed because in the healing process. It'll scar incorrectly. So it has to be corrected. But initially, it's just gonna, it's gonna be distorted because of the blood being displaced, because that blood's not gonna have anywhere to go.

So, that's why the ballooning and that kind of purplish color, cause there's blood, but that's it. I mean, they, they can correct it, and then if it's all right, then long term, it should be OK. But you're, you're looking at a break. What's the heal time on that?

I think it's like 4 to 8 weeks total after surgery. Yeah, and the catheter stays in for a while. Oh, sorry. All right, that stays in for a while, skip.

That's the fast forward on TiVo when they're lying there, OK, you did have to check. Yeah, we, you have to check frequently to make sure that there's blood flow frequently. All right, talk. Let's talk about this for a second.

So you walk into the room and they're wearing that little, that little gown that just flips up and you come in and you're like, Hey Jeff, it's me. I'm here to check again. And Jeff is like, Oh, again. Oh my God, I'm having a little bit of pain.

Can you check it? You, you were just here 5 minutes ago. I know, I know, but they said frequently, and I was thinking about you out there, and I'm just a little bit worried. So what do you want me to do, nurse?

It's like, well, first I need you to slowly pull up that gown and show me all of you. So I love that in your man brain that the dude with the broken dick is the one I'm calling. Coming on to at the hospital, were you coming on to the, to the girl who broke it before I came on to the guy who doesn't work anymore? All right, let's just pretend my version is true.

You, you walk in and Jeff is like, that outfit is really cute, and you're like, Yeah, this is like I had to borrow my friend's nurse outfit, and he's like, I can't believe you're still wearing skirts here in 2020. And little nurse hats and thigh highs and thigh highs and you're like, yeah, I had to borrow my friend she's a lot, she's a lot smaller than me, so this one doesn't really fit so I'm a little self-conscious and he's like, don't be, you have nothing to be self-conscious about. And then it's like, Where's your chart? Oh, here it is.

Here it is. I dropped it. And you're like, excuse me, and he's like, it's, it's OK. And he's like, Seriously, I can't get any harder from licking up your skirt right now.

Is it a problem if you check my penis? What it's hard, or does it have to be soft? And you're like, you say, well, let's just check to see what's going on. All right, so then what do you do?

She's, she's laughing. She's a silent laugher, and I could, I could see her on camera laughing right now. I think my band just is too tight. So I'm gonna just sidebar quickly so that everyone listening knows, nurses do not wear anything sexy to work, because my husband constantly tells me that in his mind, he pictures that we are in bras and white miniskirts and pillow fighting all day.

So just, I think most people picture, we haven't worn hats in years. Like, I think people picture us like Halloween. Costumes and that has its place, but honestly, and, and also sidebar, there's a lot of medical people in the lifestyle. Believe me, we've 3 years of, what do you do?

I'm a nurse. What do you do? I'm a doctor. What do you do?

I'm an EMT. I mean, it is, we can't, in fact, this is gonna sound horrible. We had a saying that was always true, which was, find the nurse, find the drugs. Because not that we, yeah, not, but they always had the best drugs because they were like, this is pure, this is, I know where it came from, and we're like, you're a nurse, I trust you, and if it's bad, you're gonna save my life.

Now go back because you're about to check this man's man's penis. Now at this point I'm guessing he's. Already hard. He's already hard because you're like, I'm here to check you.

Well, no, it doesn't work. Remember it doesn't work. It's healing. No, there's a tear.

So where's the blood? How's the blood gonna control that? How can you control that? You want to try to suppress.

You don't want erections while it's how are you doing that in your short skirt, your hoary little outfit? She's not a good intentions nurse. I mean, you reach up his blouse and What do you have to like gently hold it and what, what is his reaction when you're doing that and how long does that process take? They're usually so embarrassed that you have to check it.

Oh yeah, what do they say? It's not that they say anything. They just have that sheepish look of sort of not wanting. To be reminded every few hours that that's why they're there.

This happened to me and there was a nurse there and they checked me. It would be weird if I said, get it, you little whore. That would be weird. It would be a weird, weird reaction.

It would depend on the nurse, as we've talked about, there's a lot in the lifestyle. Now, if I knew it was you, if I saw your name on the chart, I would expect nothing less. I'd be disappointed if I came in and you weren't trying to grab at me and blame it on the drugs. Blame it on the truck.

I'd be like, oh, you're so lucky. Is this the morphine? Oh, you, how did you get so lucky to get this shift in my room? All you get to do is touch my cock all day, you lucky little whore.

That's what I would be saying, you know, I wouldn't be saying that. No, you wouldn't, you would totally be staring down at the blanket like you're not touching it. Like I'm holding my penis, my own penis right now while we talk about this. When I'm on top, I don't bounce ever.

I only grind back and forth like a gliding. I don't bounce because I'm very nervous. Yeah, good for you. I'm glad to hear that.

And by the way, it's better because you get. To hit that clit where you're just sort of grinding up against my fat belly, you know, that's why I gain weight so it's easier for you to grind that. You're welcome. So you get my, my little cock and my, my little belly.

Oh my God, you're really, really selling it before they sign out, do you have to do like an erection test where you like come in with a pole and you're like, All right, I'm just gonna set up this pole and do a little routine for you. Uh, you cannot get discharged until you get an erection. How long are they in the hospital? Are they in there for like 2 days?

Yeah, usually 1 to 2 days. Um, thankfully American medicine is pretty quick moving. Nobody stays long anymore. So yeah, 1 or 2 days.

It's like restaurant tables. We need this shit turned over. That's right. Turn this shit over.

So heal your own place. You're done. Get out. We got your money.

We'll talk to your insurance company next. I would love, I would love a physical for. From you is what I would love if that's at all possible. If you, when, whenever hopefully we get to meet you and you can give me a full physical, that would be awesome.

I don't want you to wear your real uniform. I want you to buy one from Walmart. Uh, now is a good time because Halloween is right around the corner. I would actually be turned on by that.

You would watching her give me a physical. I don't know why, but I would like she has to make you cough and. She has to make sure you're working. She has to see if you can get an erection.

No, I've seen this porn before that, you know, just to see if your nipples work, if you have sensitivity, how limber you are. She has to like bend you over, and I could see her. She's a silent laugher because I'm watching her on. Camera, she's a silent laugher like I am.

All right, thank you so much for doing this. We really appreciate it. Uh, it was so helpful and disgusting at the same time. So hopefully we will get to talk to you again.

Uh, I would, I would love to do this again. All right, we'll talk to y'all in the next one later. Here we all are again. Welcome back.

During this time of sadness and no sex from strangers, one has time to think, you know what I mean? I think it's all the ejaculate that's, that's being saved up in my testicle sack in your groin, in my groin area. That is making my brain open up. All of that pent up energy is making me into sort of a philosopher, really philosophizing about a sexual philosopher.

I came downstairs the other night, not the other night, the other day, day, night, doesn't matter. We don't, we don't open the drapes here. I'm always stuck in my cave, no idea what time it is, but I came downstairs and I said to you, Hey, good morning. I didn't realize you lived with me.

And you were like, good morning, honey. I said, is there any coffee left? And you're like, not for you. And I was like, oh, tea, and you said, fuck off.

They went back up into the office, and I was like, oh, she's in a really good mood this morning. I came downstairs and I said, Hey, Lauren, I had a sex dream last night. You're like, Yeah, what happened? I'm like, I don't know.

I was with this girl and I was touching her vagina, and then I bent her over and I was like, Hey, let's fuck. And then we had to hide from people. I thought that was weird, but I didn't know who it was. The one thing that I told you that always sort of happens to me in my dream is when I go down to feel the vagina on the girl, it doesn't feel like a vagina.

I can't really describe what it feels like. I thought you said it doesn't feel like you can't feel anything. I can't make heads or tails as it's like I have no idea what part is what. It's very hard to explain.

Like I can feel. Sort of the lips, but I know in my brain I'm looking for the clit, as we all do, but I can't ever find it. But that's one of the things that always happens in my sex dreams. Do you have sex dreams?

Not a lot, but do you, have you ever had a sex dream? Work with me here. Oh yeah, I have before. OK.

What do you have anything that recurs in your sex dreams? People like Eminem. I can't believe you have sex. With Eminem, yeah, but we never actually get to the next part.

It's always like it's right there, but then it's like doesn't really happen. And then I had one with like Snoop Dogg was in it, and then I had one with like at Dre's studio, and like everyone was smoking weed, and my sex dreams are weird. It's not like it's ever one person and I'm gonna have sex with them unless it's Eminem. So your dreams take place at a Grammy's party.

Yeah, do you have sex dreams? Yeah, I do actually. I was gonna ask, can women have wet dreams? Is it possible?

I mean, I guess, right? Yeah, for sure, because I, I, I remember sometimes I wake up when I'm coming, but I, I've never touched myself to see if I'm wet. Wait, hold on. You wake up in the middle of an orgasm?

Yeah, shut up. Fuck up. Is that true? Yeah, I haven't had a dream where I've orgasmed since I was probably 15 years old.

Yeah, like I've heard about men, but I didn't actually know if women, can we have them? Well, I guess we can because I did. Hold on. Have you ever had an orgasm in your sleep?

Um, I think I've had one and then woke up afterwards. I've never awakened myself with one. I don't know like how big it was or if it was just like that point where you're like I'm about to have one, yeah, like maybe it was more like that and then you calm down and then you wake up and you're like, oh, it's kind of tense down there now. I've had dreams where I can see it visually and I'm coming like a fire hose.

It's awesome coming all over everything wow, this is a dream. I'm spraying it everywhere. I'm writing my name when I wake up. Like the Sahara Desert, just dry, nothing happened.

So do you wake up? You don't check yourself, No, no, no, I, I never touched myself to see if I was wet. I bet you were so wet, dripping. I don't know, because I already had the orgasm, so I was like, OK, I can go back to sleep, or maybe because I'm very used to being wet, and now I cannot feel it.

Are you wet a lot of the day? Hold on, let me turn off. Oh my God, really? Hold on, I gotta turn my microphone towards you.

Hold on one second. This is the most uncomfortable position I've ever been in, I know. OK, same for me. Now you're walking down the street.

Oh, no, no, no, you're having a coffee somewhere at a little cafe, maybe in Paris. You're just sitting in the chair having a coffee. You're sitting there, you're a little wet. Well, you start, you're thinking.

You're like, I'm kind of horny right now. You start thinking about sex. You're in that cafe. You're wet.

Yeah, I, I can't like I can get wet really easily just by thinking of stuff. You can, yeah, like touch. I find that so. Sexy.

Were you wet at all at any point today? I think at this very moment after thinking about the OnlyFans with you, me masturbating. So last night, let me just give you this vision. I was in a chair.

I started stroking myself and my cock got so big. I was so horned up last night that it felt like it was gonna fucking explode, so I had to grip onto it so fucking. Hard and spread my legs. My toes were curling.

I was yanking so fucking hard up and down the entire shaft, up and down, over and over. I was doing it so hard that I started sweating, and when I came, I shot all over my chest. It hit the bottom of my chin and started dripping down my body. I was out of breath.

I could have fell asleep right there. Are you a little bit wet? Yeah, a little bit. You wanna touch?

Can I test? This is like checking the oil in my car. She doesn't have a dipstick, so he's reaching over and she is, oh my god, holy shit, taste it, you. Mm that's a good year.

That is a good year. That's pretty fucking amazing, right? That's good acting, Richard, yeah, because none of that stuff I talked about happened now. Can you get wet, Lauren, just by sitting around?

All right, so you're in a place. Can you get wet outside of my home? Yeah, I don't know if I could do it just from thought. I would have to be like either reading something or texting or something.

I would. Have to have like a something to keep me really present like because my mind wanders too fast. I'd be like oh and oh my God, bread bread is very sexy that's me. I'm a golden retriever.

first porn I start watching it's bakery porn. It's the first stuff I go to. Men feel that in the same way as like feeling their their cock starting to grow a little bit like blood starts to go to that area. The thing with guys though, sometimes you're like, why is it happening right now?

This makes no sense. I'm watching MASH. Like it could be no reason for it whatsoever. Your body's just like, hey, remember me?

Yeah, that's funny. Do you ever get wet for no reason? No, no, no, I have to be thinking of something. No, these guys are just.

Disgusting. That's so funny. Why do our bodies function so differently? I don't know.

Because like you wake up with a heart on. Like, I don't wake up with like a swollen clit. I think that would be really odd. But why you wake up without thinking about it because you're relaxed.

So it's like the blood has its own agenda. But you have that nerve, right? We don't have that. I, I think there's, there's two different kinds.

I mean, with a man and your penis and it getting hard at night is your body is always. Running little self checks on itself, it's true. If you look it up, I'm not kidding, this is, I'm a doctor, but one of the things that the male body does is it sort of runs through little system checks, and one of those system checks is an erection, and it is the first thing that they will ask you, I'm sorry, I will ask you as a doctor when you come in with erectile dysfunction, is, do you have an erection when you when you wake up in the morning, because that is a sign. Uh, that something is wrong if you're not waking up in the morning, and it's weird.

The morning would, it's a weird kind of erection. It is, yeah, it's a, it's a different erection. I mean, it's great. Love it.

Does it feel like an arm where it's just not attached to anything? It's not as sensitive. It's like you're really hard, but there's no sexual attachment to it. That doesn't mean I can't just start jerking off at that point.

So that's my only chance for me to rape you in the morning. I would do it in the morning. Just do me a favor. Brush your teeth and bring me some mouthwash because that is probably one of my biggest things about morning sex that stops me is, is bad breath.

I agree with that. You do all right, so you just come in with a little spit cup of mouthwash and just come and sit on my cock and then just ride me and then I'll turn you over. I'll start fucking you from behind, slapping that ass, trying to get you wet again. I'm watching her face just like she's like nodding and then it keeps going slower and slower motion.

Do you have a recurring dream? Like, is there something always the same in your sex dream? No, not really. You're at a Grammy party.

I know. I'm like, I'm, I can't find the vagina and B's like, I run in orgies all over the world. Lately, what have you been dreaming about, um, sex on a swing. Tell me about that.

Like a sex swing, yeah, like a sex swing. Do you want to know that fantasy? Yes, OK, so I like when guys are kind of territorial. So I have this fantasy where I'm on a swing.

I cannot move my arms or anything. So are you, tell me how you are on the sex swing. Are you like spread? No, it's like my arms.

are tied up and my legs are back like kind of doggy style but with my arms but you're up but you're suspended. Yeah, I'm suspended. Your legs are sort of in the stirrups if they will, and your arms are tied up and you're sort of dangling in the air. There's two guys in the room.

OK, go on. They are both fighting to fuck me now. Are they physically fighting, like punching one another? No retards.

One is behind me and the other one is in front of me. OK, so one is behind you and he's like, I'm taking that pussy. And then the guy in front of you is like, Give me that fucking pussy, dude. Yeah, but they are trying to fight like in a way that who is doing it better?

Oh, like you can't fuck her like this. Bang bang. Oh, I'm making her. You can't make her feel like this.

Yeah. And the other person, and the other dude's like, Hey bro, I'm so busy. I'm so. I'm so stressed, bro.

I'm just a little Italian, bro. I'm so stressed and I'm so busy. I don't have time to please her, bro. So is uh oh my God.

It's and they're judging you based on your response that you're wrong, how loud you're going. How does the other guy get to, does he, does he like push him out of the way? He's like, fuck out of there. Let me get some of that.

No, he is in the front because I'm never right in her fantasy, Richard. I have no room to, to create here at all because, you know. I have sensitive nipples. You have very sensitive nipples.

So if I can remind our listener, B likes her nipples being squeezed, pinched, bit when she's getting off. The more you do with her nipples, the better. All right, so go on. So you're hanging there like a piece of beef, basically is how I'm looking at it.

You're just a. So he's in front of you. He's making you suck his cock. The other guy's fucking you.

So how does, how does the other guy get you up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's focused on my, on your boob, on my boob, and the other one is fucking me already. What he's doing is he's telling me like you are not allowed to come with him.

You have to wait, and he just keeps teasing, and he's like, You are mine and you're gonna come with me. And I'm like, OK, so you're like, Don't you come now. Don't you come. You're not allowed to come, you little bitch.

You're not allowed to come. I'm gonna come with you. How does the, hey, I would like to try some of that pussy. How does the other guy get in there?

I picture them spinning around on the chain, sort of yanking the chain. That's how I would picture. That's how you picture it. I was doing a little more fossy West Side Story.

Maybe a jete pot of beret bounce off. Maybe there's a little dance involved, but maybe not. Maybe not. Oh my God.

All right, so maybe you're ruining my fantasy. So what? Bob Fosse not in a fantasy. What is wrong with you people?

Do they get into maybe like a push? You get a, yeah, like he's holding me from the upper body, feeling me and telling me you cannot come. You're gonna come with me and at the same time taking care of me and what I like my lips, my neck, you're everything. He's just doing that stuff because he knows he knows already and the other guy won't move.

He would just keep fucking me the whole time and then all that stress situation between the two of them, yeah, I didn't know that was possible. And do they kill one another. Like, like a praying mantis, do they eat you afterwards? What happens?

How does it end? Do they leave you there just hanging? OK, bye. No, I never got to that, to the end of the story.

I don't know how to finish that fantasy. I would need help for that. Someone out there would love to help you with the ending of that story. No, I'm happy that you shared that.

It's amazing to me. I'm turned on. You are, yeah, yeah. That's sort of right up your alley.

Oh, it's so right. I mean that plus a bunch of mirrors, and you, you'd be, you'd be super happy. When we were writing the submission workshop, I was getting really turned on. Like that stuff really turns me on.

I get really, you know, I, I don't know if there are men who have nocturnal emissions. Is that right? Nocturnal emissions? I don't know.

It sounds like something that California would cap. Does sound more like something you have to do when you register your car, but I don't know if adult males come in their sleep anymore. I know I don't. It's just air.

So maybe you do and you just don't know because it's just air. Yeah, one time I looked at my penis and it yawned. That's how. Now, is this, when did this, I'm gonna end on this because I gotta go.

When did this particular fantasy start? Has this been something that you've always gone to in your head? No, I've been having a lot of fantasies after I've, once I liberate myself in a sexual way, yeah, my fantasy for me is that. Really for me, which is weird.

Really, no, it's like if it was my fantasy, my fantasy would be like Lauren's where you are in that chair, and then there's like 9 more guys, so you're watching, yeah, and doing, and but there's like 9 guys all over just gang banging and a big loaf of bread. What you said bread. You like bread. I was saying that.

Does it ever happen in your fantasy where someone starts beatboxing and you drop bombs? I just dropped some new lines. Do you just, do you guys just start getting into like a rap battle? I've never been like a naked rap battle.

Does that ever happen? Maybe Lauren is gonna have a fantasy like mine on the swing, but they're having a battle. Yeah, but it's a rap battle. It's a weird.

Ice tea comes in. What are you doing here? You haven't been in the rap game in ages, man. LL Cool J, aren't you an actor now?

He's like, yeah, with iced tea. Yeah, but you remember my jam. Ladies love, I have to be here. Like I wanna be inside that dream just for a second with a bunch of mirrors and some fresh bread, and some fresh bread.

You think I need to be analyzed. You kidding me? You're a psychopath. Hey Lauren, we're back.

Yes, Richard, we are. I don't know what we're back to, but not a lot. Did you enjoy that thunderstorm that just came through? I, I did, except for as soon as I left the office, it's like I realized, oh shit, I forgot our house leaks everywhere.

So then I'm like running down the stairs and putting all the towels where they go in their spots. Yeah, this house, when it rains, is a little like a sinking submarine. So it's like as soon as it starts to rain, we're like, batten the hatches, bring it down, get the buckets out. It's quite a fucking life.

Such is life as we sit here on this beautiful day, we again, I'm happy to announce, are big losers. We had, uh, one more lunch where we could have possibly had some, I don't know, sexual interactions, if you will, some naked time and failed. I blame this all on Chris Allen Berger, but nothing is happening. Nothing.

I feel like we need to do like a cleansing or something. Maybe we need to rub some sage on each other on our genitals. Oh, that sounds hot. Why didn't we say that to the couple?

Will you rub some sage on my genitals? We're having some strikeout problems. This is when, when we had talked about this before, toys are very important to sort of help your sex life along, especially in times like now. Where you need outside stimulation other than your husband to ramp it up a little bit.

It's not like you have to go away and lock yourself in a vein. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying, but it keeps things a little spicier. We had talked about you not having any toys. You, you are incredibly deficient in the sex toy arena.

It's like, hey, bring out your box of toys. You're like, Box. I don't have a box. I have like a manila envelope.

Keep it in. It's in a baggie. That's all I have. You're terrible at it.

I'm like, I just want you to go out and buy some sex toys for the love of God. I would love to see you come, uh, packages here. What is it? Uh, it's my new vibrating double-sided dildo.

Great. But that never happens. You're always like, boring shit in the mail. I don't see more boring shit in the.

I only want packages that are sex toys. So we were talking about this on another episode in the podcast. We were like, we have no toys, and out of nowhere someone had emailed us, I can't quite remember. I think it was an email, and said, Hey, we do sex toys.

This is what we do. And I hear you don't really have any. Here you're lacking in that department. We emailed back, go on.

They were like, look, we would like to send you a gift certificate or just a credit so that you can get some sex toys. And we're like, Well, that sounds lovely. OK. And so that we did that was they sent us the website which is called Liquoricelove.com.

You got on the website and you're like, this is fucking awesome. I'm scrolling through and on the very first page it's, it's sort of a gallery. It's just very big images. It's really nice to go through.

So I made you sit down with me and I'm so. Anal retentive that I love that everything is, it's kind of one of three colors, right? It's in a category. It's categorized like it's in its own little places.

It's color coordinated. It's what I love. Like the toys are either white, black, or pink. Everything is just pretty.

The way they've done it is very pretty. So I just wanted to sit and I started just flipping through. It was like going to a nice boutique in LA versus going to the thrift store and hoping you find something. Good.

And I know you. I know that your attention span isn't the greatest for this type of thing. So to keep your interest, it had to be different in, in some way. It has the big players obviously in the, in the sex toys like your Lilo and stuff like that, but it also had these sort of unknown or less well known, which I love, the, the smaller designers.

They were just so, it was so well curated that it just really kept my interest, unlike me. I am, I am not well curated. If you don't know Lauren, she gets very obsessed about certain things. It could be a stupid video game, a website, or something.

She becomes obsessed with Liquoricelove.com. She's always on there, and I start looking at it with her, and she's like, it's an amazing website. Now I want everything, everything, even like the gold plated things. I'm like, honey, $12,000.

We're not getting that one. I know, but how fucking awesome. Yeah, it's cool that they have it anyway. We email back and we're like, this is amazing, like, because usually you do.

You go on those other websites and it's sort of equivalent to shopping at a Costco website for sex toys or eBay or eBay. It's just all over the place. I can't look at it. Just stock photos.

You see the same dildo shot and everything. This one makes you feel sexy, right? It does. It makes you feel sexy and then it's got like they have cool articles and it's just, it feels like I fit with it, right?

Like it's my jam. So we email, uh, Liquorice Love back and we're like, hey, your site is awesome. We just wanna thank you so much because we're super appreciative and I don't know why people give us stuff all the time, but thank you. And they were like, You're very welcome.

And what do you want, and you're interested, maybe we can do stuff together. And we were like, we would fucking love to do something together. So now we're not only huge fans of theirs, but we're sort of partnered up with them, Liquorice Love. We ordered stuff from their website.

Now, do you think this will make, make up for all our failures that we had? Well, I think it's definitely gonna be fun for us. I like swinging, but I still like. Doing stuff in bed with you.

I just think it's fun to try new things if it's other people or if it's just with us, that's fun too. And when I went to Liquorice Love, I was thinking, let's look at the couple's toys and try something that we don't have already. That's how I found that vibrator for both of us. I'm excited about two of the three items.

Which one? Well, I'm not really super excited about the cool nipple. Furry nipple. The furry nipple covers.

No, you're excited for your nippies, nippies. That's what they're called, nippies. Yeah, they're so adorable, and all I could think about was just how pretty. I understand, but probably not going to be a part of those sexually.

Well, why not? I mean, I'll see them, but I can't wear them rub them on your balls. Maybe they'll feel good. You're right.

You don't know what I've got it planned once I put those things on. They reminded me of, you remember those body pow. that we used to use in Hollywood. That's what it looked like was the top of it.

And so it's like a feather fur ball with a tiny bow, and I just said that's me. Yeah, it's very your style. It's very up your alley. I know you love that kind of stuff.

I do. I, I, I get it. Well, I am more excited about my vibrator, the overdrive. That's what it's called.

Now. You wrap this apparatus around your penis and balls, and which won't be hard, by the way. I hope you got the right size and then it vibrates right so it's vibrating my junk which is already exciting and I think perineum, yeah, it hits the perineum too it's black. I imagine Batman wears this one that's what it looks like.

Absolutely. I'm sure he does. It may actually already be on his tool belt. I don't know.

Then you put it on and it vibrates and then when I'm deep inside of you, like 3.5 inches. Starts vibrating, starts vibrating the crap out of you, yeah, rubs my clit, and then, yeah, and then we would just sit there in a tantric zen trance going uh. That's how I hope it's gonna be. It's gonna feel so good.

I'm gonna come in 3.5 seconds. That's what's gonna happen. We also got some classic love balls. I don't know if they are going inside of me or you.

I think they're for we don't know. I think I think they're for you, but maybe I'm just saying the last time you had any sort of thing like that, when you leave the house, I, I, I maybe I use them. You don't know. It doesn't matter.

So we will add to your collection, and we're gonna keep adding to the collection thanks to Liquorice Love and hopefully keep adding and adding until we are a liquorice Love distribution factory. That's what I wanted to be. Piles and piles of boxes that just say licorice love. It just looks like a warehouse fulfillment center.

Do you do fulfillment for licorice love? And I say no, this is just love fucking toys, cashed in my savings, everything that I had for retirement. I invested in liquorice love toys. That's what I did.

Now that we are biblically involved with them, I guess, I mean, using the toys by proxy, we're kind of having sex with them while we're in bed with liquorice. Love and I think there is no better people to be in bed with than people that have an unlimited supply of cool fucking toys. Yeah, so thank you, Liquorice love. You will hear that word from us in the future.

We appreciate all of that stuff. I know my penis is gonna appreciate it as well. I will. I'm excited.

Thank you, Liquorice love. We will talk about how they worked out on the next episode. Meanwhile, do you want to go play right now? We can pull out your box of toy.

Thanks, babe. Alright, Lauren, I know, I'm sorry to report that we have officially failed on all levels. We had one more chance, but this was not really our fault. After 18 years of being in this lifestyle, there is still one thing that is fail-proof, and that is flakes.

Flakes, man. It's just like, oh my God, we're so excited to see you, we're so we wanna be there, oh my God. We're gonna do cricket, cricket, cricket. Where did they go?

The thing that, that I think all of us in the lifestyle don't love, it's when, you know, we weren't planning our day around this, but you definitely keep a section open and that particular night we had the possibility that we were going to dinner and we were like, you know what, let's not, that's because they could text and say we're coming down. And you just hear nothing after I don't know 12 fucking emails. Your whole thing was like responding responding that left us sexless. So we will just get the toys from Liquorice Love and we'll just play with each other or I'll play with myself.

No, we're playing together. Tell somebody to come down here and have sex with us. Damn it, it's enough already. I'm also gonna get a sage.

Oh, sage, we do. Put that in the cart. OK. All right.

Now, last time I had said last but not least, why do we put the Patreons last? They should go first. So I'm putting them first this time. The Patreons, the lovely people that just support us and send us money for almost no reason whatsoever, just to take care of us, really.

Something God knows Chris Allenberger won't do. So who are the people that we want to thank this month, Lauren? We actually have 36 patreons in episode 36. I thought that was kind of, that's cool.

Yeah, Tinky and Peter, James B. Jeff, Brad, Cameron, Chitown team, Leon Slade, Mandias, Boblo, Nick, NG 4536, Ali, Bud. Samantha, Phillip, Storm and Seth, Motley Crue, Jason, Eric, Sherry Baby, and Superman, Ace, Tom and Laurie, David, Tom, Bernard, Luis, Argyle Socks, Shannon Milf, Brandy, Joquilo, I messed that one up. Blaze, Mr.

Glaze, my mom doesn't listen anyway, John Ho and Greg. And just to let you know, because of all that support, we were finally able to save enough money that if Chris Allenberger does get arrested again, we can bail him out. See, it's not all about buying Teslas and having sex with more than 3 couples per week. It's about giving back to the community, even if you are an utter sociopath with nothing but hate in your heart.

And remember that if you are planning a trip to desire or temptation, you can still use Lauren's box. It is there waiting wet and ready. You can also put keto and breathless and uh some of the cruises as well. So yeah.

And it's usually cheaper, right? Yeah, we're a little bit cheaper if you're going in a small group, if you have 5 couples or more, you get a better rate. So come by and visit my box. It welcomes everyone and reach out to Chris Allenberger, see if he's staying at the hotel at the same time.

Bring your taser. All right, now this time, last but definitely not least, what are you addicted to this month, Lauren? I'm addicted to Mentos, the fresh maker. Yeah, it is the Fresh maker.

You know, I'm addicted to Mentos and I have to put them in the freezer. This is my new jam. It's my new candy because otherwise I go through the pack in like 0.5 seconds, but when you freeze them, they kind of melts in your mouth, and then you get a little chew on. So I don't know if you know this, but I used to do a little bit of acting, uh, when I was an actor in New York City and Hollywood.

What almost won an Emmy. That's not really true. As friends wanted to do a Mentos commercial. So did I.

Why did you want to do a Mentos commercial? Just wanted to be in them because I felt like they were iconic. They were so stupid that we wanted to be in one just to be like we were in a Mentos commercial. Absolutely.

I am addicted to my beard. I've never had a beard before. It looks so good. I can't stop touching it and grooming it, so I'm a little addicted to it, and sometimes I just.

Look in the mirror and I stare at it. So, and I've become fond of it. I wanna look rugged. I do, and I want some tattoos now to kind of go with the beard.

That just seems like a lot of commitment. I don't know if women really like it, and some of it is gray and some of it is a little not there, and it doesn't really exist. Do you think that maybe my beard is the reason that no one is having sex with us? Oh my God, I'm just thinking maybe that's the reason.

It's quite possible. Maybe you should go from beard to just mustache and see how that rolls. I think that's the best idea you've ever had. I'm gonna try it for a while.

Do it. Handlebar. No. All right, well, that is what we are addicted to, Lauren.

Tell them about bikini addiction. So speaking of addictions, bikini addiction kindly gives us bikinis to give away to people. Book 5 nights or more to desire a temptation. If you guys want to click on my box, book 5 nights or more, we will send you a code with a bikini.

You can go pick out any of their 3 styles if you want to let your cheeks hang out and get some sun, dazzle them with crystals, then come book with us, yeah. And if you want to see those bikinis, go over to Instagram, look at Bee, look at Lauren and See their sexy high knees and their sexy boobies and I don't know why I'm talking like a 12 year old. Yeah, if you want 10% off, go use room 77 and put it in the promo code box and that's at bikiniaddiction.com. Their box.

That's their box. You don't have to click on my box. You know who doesn't let you in their box? Chris Berger.

Let's pray for him. Let us pray. All right, everybody, we'll see you next time. And that about does it for us.

For more information, visit us at room 77life.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.