Ep. 31: How To Sell Your Dirty Panties

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Fed up with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we. We do what we love. Work, party, and play at the Desire resorts. After 16 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all.

We were so wrong. So wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day.

So come to room 77. Let's play. All right, Laura, we have started. Hi, hello, is this thing on?

It's this thing on. Are you here? Hi, hi. Remember me, your husband.

We do a podcast, by the way. Welcome to our little show here. Happy pandemic Day, by the way. You're welcome.

So we wanna start this podcast off. We gotta tell you this one is gonna be a little bit different, not insanely different, but we just wanted to let you know everything that's going on in our lives. So, um, things have changed in the world because of this, this sort of pandemic. You know, there are a lot of podcasts out there.

They all work really, really hard at what they. They do and they all do a phenomenal job. We are not unique, but we are unique in the way that we are people that make all of our money, our entire living off of the lifestyle or people that are on the fringes of the lifestyle, just curious about the lifestyle. All of our income is made by that and we know that everybody is having problems right now.

It's not good for anybody right now, and that is us included. So a lot of people have been checking in on us, a lot of people have been like, what is going on? Are you guys gonna be OK? And no, we're dying.

No, that's not true, but this is what happened to us. Mexico shut down, mostly Cancun yesterday. We had 63,000 people unemployed from this pandemic. So, uh, that includes us.

So if people don't already know, we make money for a different way, and we're gonna try to go through this really quickly so we don't bore everybody to death. Number one, we make a little bit of money off of social media for desire, almost. to pay our utilities. It's not much.

We make our money from commissions when you book your trip to desire. We make our money through tips when we do our art of touching. Yes, when we rub you, and we make our money through Patreon, through the people who send us money for almost no reason whatsoever, which we absolutely love. So, we all know how this ends, right?

Nobody is at the hotel, so those commissions, poof, vanished, better than David Blaine, just gone. The workshops, obviously there's no naked horny people here for us to rub. They don't hand us money. We don't have any money.

That leaves social media and Patreon. Well, as soon as the first person in Wuhan, China who got this virus, they called us and said, Hey, Richard, Lauren, you're fired. I don't know why we were on the top of the list. Not China fired us, but Desire, yeah, Desire.

I mean, it was like the hotel wasn't even empty. And they were like, You're fired. We're like, Wait, what? It was like they took out the book.

Get the protocol for pandemic, and they opened it. They were like, What's number one? Fire Richard and Lauren. They're like, No, surely it's liquidate your assets in the company.

No, it's Richard and Lauren. Call an insurance company or something. Well, I'll meet them and tell them, no, no, no, we don't have time to meet them. Just send them an email and ask them if they're gonna do the workshop for the rest of the week.

And end it with stay safe. So that took away that, that leaves one thing, the Patreon, and that uh has been keeping us going so far and a lot of people have already sort of upped their pledge. We've added some more tiers. Lauren is doing some OnlyFans stuff, so we're just trying to make ends meet however we can.

So. That brings us to what I'm trying to say. I'm sweating when I feel like I'm selling to people, it makes me sweat. It makes me so super uncomfortable.

You've been stressed out for a week about doing this. Well, I know because I feel shitty, but we don't want to let anybody down. Appreciate everybody, so, um. Yeah, I'm still sweating.

I'm sweating. We're doing two separate episodes. They are both brilliant, if I might say so right. No, they're both good.

They both work harmoniously like a nice pair of breasts. They work well together or a good lifestyle couple. They are completely separate. You don't have to listen to one to listen to the other one.

So this one we're putting here, it's a little bit shorter, a little bit shittier, and we're putting, uh, another one up on Patreon for $1. Yeah, and so that one is up there is completely different and it is bigger, it is longer, it is girthier, but proportioned. It's completely shaved. Oh my God, has perfect matching balls.

If you don't want to do that, that's fine. If you don't want to give us a dollar, or you have a friend that's a Patreon, they can download it and steal it for you and just send it to you. That's another way, right? You could do that, pirate it.

So that's it. So if you want to head on over to Patreon and hear the bigger, longer, better cut of a different podcast actually at patreon.com. Forward slash room 77. And if you are already a Patreon, you get the episode for free.

You don't have to pay a dollar because we love you. Yeah, you're already there, you already have it, it'll be available to you, uh, sooner than actually everybody hears this, and we're just gonna do that until everything goes back to normal and there are horny naked people that come back into our lives and we can rub them and everybody will be happy and everything will be back to normal. That being said, uh, here we are with our special version of the free, not as good episode. Room 77.

All right, Lauren, and here we are sitting here like we've been doing all day in our quarantine every day just staring at the walls. I, I've really started to realize that I miss people. I need it, or else I go into sort of a hole. I'd like to get into that hole.

Here's the thing, and I don't know if you will care. We just passed our 3 year anniversary here in Mexico. Ta da. Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary. So it was March 27th, 2017 that we landed down and then the next day headed for immigration, and here we are. Who knew it would start a pandemic? I'm, I'm not hoarding masks.

I'm not hoarding anything toilet paper. No, I'm not hoarding toilet paper. I'm hoarding my Nicorette gum and if it comes down to it. If we start running low, I'll have to kill you.

I quit first. That's how it works. That's how it works, Lauren. You quit your gum.

You're done with it. You don't get any more gum. That's, that's how it's gonna work. But I'm afraid we're gonna run out of gum.

And when that happens, uh, we can last through April and May, I think. We have what, 4 stories here. The roof is 4 stories. That killed me, that.

kill me. But here we are in the middle of this situation, and this isn't easy for us or anybody out there really who has, you know, a job. And you know, kids that need kids are at home now, educations, little stuff like that. It is especially hard to be on a podcast that is not about disease or the end of the world and really find things to talk about, especially in the, the world of swinging where we are not social distancers.

We need to be social encroachers. We are socially encroaching people at all times. Such a good term, right, so this is what we do, and it has been taken away from us. It's hard on us.

I haven't seen it in the news yet. Pandemic hits swinger community hardest. The last day that we left Desire, we watched the hotel sort of dwindle down and down and down. We came in, you know, we started on a Tuesday.

It was just less so by the time Friday came around. Half of the more than half of the hotel, I think they were down to 20 or 30%, 30%, and we sort of looked at each other and we're like, we're not coming in next week. We just know by Monday it's gonna be 20%, and that's even a high number. Yeah.

And then over the weekend it really trickled, so our last day we were like, fuck it, let's go to the jacuzzi, woo and hang out and have some fun. So we did. We went to the jacuzzi, and I, as I usually do, was the. Starter of all sex and had everyone up on the jacuzzi giving blowjobs like a clock and everybody was going clockwise around till they got to us till they got to us and I'm like pass you gotta pass this cock which sucked.

I know because we're like we can't, we're not allowed, you have to skip over skip. I missed that jacuzzi. I missed getting hard there, slapping on my cock ring and going to the jacuzzi and doing stuff. I don't, I don't know.

How we're gonna make it through this anyway, I'm gonna start selling myself online. I think I'm gonna start selling my worn panties. I don't really know how to do it, but I have a whole bunch that I bought for the gift bags, and I think it's just gonna, I just sell them, put them on. You can choose.

I don't know. Do you want me running in them, sleeping in them, masturbating in them? They're all different prices. They want that dirty ass.

That's what they want, dirty ass. I don't know. I just made that up. Do they, they know, I don't know.

Maybe they do. I don't know anything about it. I don't either, but we can figure it out. But a lot of people ask us what is it like here in Mexico, and, uh, it's the same.

It's the same, just a little bit delayed because Mexico is like, we don't have it. Yeah, we're good. Uh, you need us to go home? All right, cool.

Go home. That is the wonderful thing about the Mexican culture is the lack of drama. Not saying that Americans are dramatic, but we can tend to be dramatic. The vibe is a little bit different, but everything right now as of when we were recording.

This, everything is shut down. Non-essential services, which in this country, however, does include beer. Beer is a non-essential service, so they shut down, believe it or not, the Corona factory that's here. Yeah, it's not making beer anymore because they won't do beer deliveries.

I don't know if you've met Mexicans. It seems pretty fucking essential to me. Yeah, well, did the president say something like he's gonna stop. the sale of liquor.

I think there's hours attached to it where you can only buy in a certain amount of hours, but the beaches are closed, uh, the parks are closed. So the thing is that's a little bit different here is that the entire area that we live in is all tourism. It's all hotels, it's all about people visiting. When it shut down, it shut down.

You were going to the gym. I wasn't. I, I've been running because I'm afraid of germs. Well, the gym's closed now, and the gym was sort of the last place I was holding on to, but that closed about a week ago, and I am trying to work out at home.

This is proof as to why I cannot work out in a home gym, because I will get down, start doing some push-ups or whatever, and then before I know it, I'm watering the plants. I gotta go over there. I need to vacuum. This wouldn't happen in a normal gym.

I wouldn't be doing bench press and then water plants. I wouldn't do that. Well, if you actually had a home gym, no, it wouldn't work for me. Now how, however nice that gym is, it wouldn't work for me.

You still wouldn't. Yeah, I'd find other stuff to do. I'm like, I'm gonna get to that window. That window's been broken.

Let me go get my tools. So what you're doing today. I changed the flat tire in the middle of my workout. I was doing workout.

One of the tires is flat because a tire is always flat in our lives. I go outside, I'm like, I'll change the tire in between sets. Who does that? I came downstairs as I heard that playing music really loud, and when I went downstairs, you don't know where I was doing 33 sets of tire changes.

Well, you do get out of breath doing the tire. I'm old. I love the jogs at night. It helps me clear my mind.

Let the breeze hit me, and I like it at night because it's not freaking hot. That keeps me sane and For us, there's always online stuff to be doing in the podcast and stuff like that. Trying to keep busy. I wanted to make sure the cars were working correctly, which is impossible it seems in Mexico.

So we go to the Kia, I'm sorry, the Tesla dealership. Yes, take the Tesla in for its, for its service. When we went to Kia, the security guy does this thermometer test, takes your temperature, then they will let you bring your car in for service. It was a hovering, a hovering thermometer.

I still, I still bent, bent over. Just hover, point it right at my asshole. Take it from my clean spot. Um, I wish you did that.

I've been having a problem with the, the light thing where you put the directionals on. I've been asking, is that what they're called direction? I don't know. This is the problem.

I've been asking friends, Hey, what do you call this thing? They're like, What? I'm like, the, the directional thing, this thing. They're like, You don't even have a fucking name for it in English, a blinker.

No, the rock. The actual rod. The lever. Can you think of a name for it anyway?

blinker. The actual stick. The blinker. Hit the blinker.

That's what we say in Texas. Every Texan out there, I know that you're gonna be nodding your head. I'm not saying that people don't use the word blinker. I use the word blinker.

I'm saying that we are not in Texas. I have to go to Kia in fucking Mexico and there's no word for blinker. So I have to tell them that this thing here, right, in my really, really bad Spanish, and I just want you to imagine, I, I tell them about the thing and they're like, oh, I can't cover you on the warranty on this because, I don't know, because I was tinkering and I may have changed some things under the hood. I may have voided the warranty.

But here's the point of all of this. There I am. So there was a moment where I was, there were 3 people around me. There was a Mexican gentleman.

And two Mexican ladies standing. We all had masks on and I'm speaking really bad Spanish. And I thought to myself, if I was in, in the past, like 4 years ago, right, and I just said, show me this day, 4 years from now, and it was me in Mexico with gloves on. I have gloves on, everybody's wearing masks, and I'm trying to speak Spanish, telling somebody about a turn signal, I would have said, oh, I dropped acid that day.

Because that can't be possible. OK, so we are stuck here in Cancun and everybody is stuck wherever you are. We decided to reach out to our listener and ask these questions that we usually get to ask at desire. So thank you for letting us bother you during your alone time.

So, first question, where are you stuck? Which room are you quarantining in the most? The bedroom, the living room, unless we're talking about growing up sexy time, and in that case, unfortunately, we still have kiddos that try to sneak in our beds, so our closet has probably seen more action than Pornhub. I just hide in the bathroom, the bathroom.

I'm in the bedroom most of the time because that's where I work remotely is playing PlayStation. We believe hoarding is a very personal thing, so what are you hoarding? Hoarding beer. Suddenly got thrown into homeschooling, so beer has become a staple in our house.

It's even more valuable than eggs at this point. Lots of loot. We're wishing that we might have hoarded a little more toilet paper. I'm secretly hoarding Costco protein bars because there's a 2 hour freaking lineup now, which they actually let first responders go to the front of the line.

Which to me is so wrong. How much of a douchebag would I be if I pulled up my badge and said, Excuse me, firefighter coming through? I'm like, let the family who's struggling to make ends meet go up front. I'm still lucky enough to have a job.

So what do you think? Don't you think we deserve a bailout? Don't you think swingers have been hit the hardest here? I do feel like the pandemic has hit swingers the hardest, but when you have to be 6 ft apart, it's really hard to get that.

Job done. If somebody could touch me from 6 ft away, I've got to try it just for signs. We came back from desire all horned up and excited and to start a new lifestyle, and it got cut short. I think it has hit us in a different way as swingers.

Hard to have sex with other people when you can't be in 6 ft of them. My boat's not that big. I don't think anybody says, thank God. And if it is, then good for them.

Our LS life has taken. a huge hit. So we have been practicing every day at least twice a day, wearing wigs and talking in different accents so that I can pretend I'm with a variety of men. Double neck tit bully.

OK, so we're thinking about selling Lauren's panties for some extra cash. Would you buy them? And if so, which ones would you buy? Would you buy?

A panties she ran in, B, that she slept in, C, that she masturbated in, or D, just dirty ass flavor. Would not buy Lauren's dirty panties, but I am up for bartering. If I did have to pick one, masturbated in. Ran in, the sweatier the better.

Can we just get like dirty like as in sexy, because if it smells like funky, I'm gonna know. Yes, OK, just send them to us and you know, we'll take a big sniff and go, OK, I wonder what that was. Depends on the level of masturbation. You don't want dirty ass panties.

I do want dirty ass panties, just no skid marks. I want them, I won't masturbated in. Beer is not an essential service here, so they cut it off. What do you think would happen if Trump cut off the beer supply to Americans?

I think he'd never get a fucking vote again. It's a staple. Again, what we're hoarding. There would be an army of mullet militia.

That would rise up. I'd get my damn rifle. There there would be a riot. Complete pandemonium.

I think they would try to come to Canada for our buck of beer. Is it actually even beer though in America? That's true. It's pretty watered down.

If Justin Trudeau did this, it would be absolute pandemonium. Very accurate. This time the Senate would actually convict him. This time he would actually be forced out of office.

If that would happen, it would go something like this. Remember, this is a very active. Accurate representation of all Canadians. Z Gui, I was out hunting last night.

I saw 3 deer, 1 together and 2 alone. Then I came home and I had 2 eggs side by each for breakfast. I turned on the CBC and Trudeau says, no more beer. I said, Tabernac, Z, they get rid of hockey Night in Canada and now they say no beer.

John Gi, put on your rubber boots, grab your hockey sticks, and pack some poutine. We are going to Ottawa to overthrow the government. Alright, so we were digging around for a bunch of stuff for this episode. Being that we have no one to talk to or to intermingle with, we went back and we we have all this crap that's usually left over, just leftovers, and we leave them out for so many different reasons.

Some of them are a little negative, some of them are sometimes just Out of context, right? Where we tell a tiny story. I guess that's how Lauren works. Yeah, and they just usually just get deleted or sometimes we put them up on Patreon, but because we are scouring around for material, we are gonna go over some of the things that were in the recycle bin.

I love it and uh we're gonna recycle them. Earth friendly earth friendly podcasters here. So this first bit is you sometimes as soon as we sit down and we start recording, you sometimes just start telling me these random stories and it helps me relax. It helps you relax and every once in a while I'll just press record because I want the world to hear what I listen to.

Sorry in advance. So this is a great example of something that Lauren will tell me at really any point of the day. You remember when I said I burned your eggs this morning? Yes, I do.

So I was getting the shells out, right, to throw in the trash can, and I scooped up a tiny. I mean this whole breakfast sounds like a disaster, but so I just went to go get the Advil. The lizard made it. Oh, he's alive.

Great news. Yeah, it's a news flash. I'm sorry your eggs sucked all day, all day. I've been worried about the gecko that I immediately forgot about right after you told me.

I was like, I, I don't, I don't care. No, it's like a whole deal because then he got on my finger and he wouldn't leave because he was like, oh, I'm so stressed out. All right, well, glad you took, took care of that. Do you know what happened to the gecko?

No, you haven't seen it since. Did it wind up in my eggs? That bacon that you thought was so yummy? No, I'm sure he found a nice little place to hide.

He's living on a farm. Uh, this next one is, we were with this couple over at RM. This didn't make it in the podcast. It just sounded too negative at the time, but again, we don't have much material.

Not negative now. Good enough now, and we're describing this guy who came out of nowhere and he approached the couple that we were talking to and we were so thrown off by it that we wound up talking about it in that podcast whenever this was. I don't know, this is what happened. I don't know who he was.

He literally told the worst joke I have ever heard anyone say in my life. The reaction was like everybody's head sort of cocked to the side like a puppy that was trying to understand a command. So he comes up to our friend, beautiful, gorgeous woman, and he says, how do you know when a woman has an orgasm? And the punch line is, who cares?

Now, now you're not laughing at that joke. You're laughing at the situation because that demands a reaction of what? Why would you say that? A, B, why would you say it to a woman?

That's a joke you tell another guy on a golf course somewhere where there's not a woman in earshot, locker rooms with Jeff. That was an awkward thing and I don't even know why I'm bringing it up. It still sticks in my mind. I remember waking up the next day going, who would say that?

Alright, and this one is about me again. These are all about me rambling about something insane. Remember when I used to always play? I played water volleyball every day, and then they changed the time on me, fucked up my whole world.

I was, I really did enjoy doing that with you. Now, if you've never been to Desire before, at certain times of the day they do different activities. I don't even know what time they do it. 3:30.

Yeah, so they do beach volleyball, pool volleyball, and mostly everybody's hammered and not playing well. And if you miss your serve, you can flap your penis around, you get another serve. If you're a ladies, you can shake your boobies, you get another. It's all fun, but I still feel like there's still a sense of sportsmanship that needs to go on.

It's a good way to keep the naked people entertained, but also, if you're in it, be in it to win it. You are. This is me talking about what kind of an athlete I am when it comes to pool volleyball, that desire with the tiniest tiniest little ball. Plus, when I play volleyball, it's a whole thing that goes on inside of my body.

It's very odd. Can you tell me about this thing? Maybe. OK, so I'm there right now.

I'm not a very athletic person, but I do have coordination. I have, I have pretty good eye-hand coordination. I do not. I was born with it, so it's always when I'm playing that volley.

Volleyball game, that stupid water, water volleyball game. I just want to be a mix of fun but kind of impressive, but not a douchebag and not loud or anything, so I just sort of, I wind up in a very odd place where like I don't really talk. I try to, I don't know, but I get a little bit competitive inside and uh. Talk a little bit of shit just to make people laugh, but, well, maybe that's their angle you make, you do make people laugh because you're never quiet playing volleyball.

But let me ask you something. When, when you see me playing as a spectator, how do I look? You're good, but not great. Well, no, because you make mistakes like I do.

I don't think I, I make any mistakes. I think that I'm maybe just making those mistakes to level the playing field for everyone. Alright, Lauren, that's about it. So if they want to hear more of this crap and they want to pay a dollar, where do they go?

They go to patreon.com/room77 or you can always go to our website at room77life.com and click on podcast. We have all the episodes there and we'll have a link for the girthy one. If you are already a Patreon, it'll already be free. Don't worry about it, you're taken care of, and here is a little taste of what it is.

I like the life where you just stay in your underwear 24/7. I'm not against wearing a diaper, I gotta be honest. I'm just saying that. Well, and I thought about this, do I wanna live in a household where it's just free masturbation, like, hi honey, I'm home, and then I just start masturbating.

How long were you up there before you noticed there was a gaggle of construction workers two houses down? How long? 20 minutes. Maybe like 10 or 15 oblivious.

If I, if I struck the taser on someone, in my mind they're going down, right? But in reality I'm gonna hit them and they're gonna go, Ow, they're just gonna get angry. What the fuck? That's annoying.

Give me your money. The other day I walked into the room and you were lying flat on your stomach. I kissed your butt and I was like, and I just snuck a peek. Your asshole was just looking at me, just.

You don't like yours. You know how they check for bombs under cars, take a mirror and just put it under myself. I'm gonna investigate it tonight then off mic. I would not advise it.

No, no, no, no, this was like a male thong that I may or may not have ordered online. And then went right from my to the trash. Well, I cannot fill these out. It was like a tax form, can't fill those out either.

So just not for me, where the entire hotel sort of congregates to your villa, like the stuff that's going on in there, like you were doing eye masks and masturbating at the same time with a bunch of women. Oh my God. In a line in our kings in the bed, and this is like 11, noon, and one of my other friends was just like, Oh my God, I love masturbating and I'll put my little eye gel eye masks on. And I'm like, Wait, what?

What the fuck? And I turned to her and we're sitting here. I'm like, why are we not doing this right fucking now? All right, we want to thank our new patrons and the people who upped their pledges.

Who are they? Lauren. So thanks to new with Tags, Colorado Cali kids, Joe, Charles, H and B, Jacob, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Double Date Nation, Room 77 Hat Guy, Pierre, Richard is my sex god, Chris and Jen, Corey, C and D, move the iPad, Keanu, Jim, Justin, Hertz, 1438, and Toby, Randy, M and B, and Chuck. Norris, and then special thanks to John for just sending us money through Venmo for no reason, which is what I'm all about.

So thank you guys so much. You are the ones that are responsible for buying us our Tesla that has the biohazard filter in it and you're keeping us alive because we're living in it now. So thank you for that. If you are planning to book or rebook your trip to desire, remember to do it through our website, hit Lauren's box, she loves getting her box hit, just tap on it, tug it, tease it.

Please book through there. We get a commission and it helps us live. And if you did book your trip, you want to change it, just let me know. I will take care of all that for you.

We like to work hard for our money. Lastly, what are you addicted to this month? I'm addicted to iced tea. Like I can't with the heat.

I cannot. Can you put it down? Stop making the ice sounds in the I can't. I'm not addicted.

I'm constantly drinking and it's so good. I know you're addicted to it because you keep offering it to me no matter what I say. I'm like, Alright, I'm hot. Do you want some tea?

No. I don't, I don't want tea. Hey honey, I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed.

Do you want some tea? No, I don't want your tea. Alright, I'm gonna watch a little TV. How about some tea with that?

It's so refreshing. I am addicted to this month, I am addicted to John Mulaney, the comedian. Yeah, I don't know why when I'm feeling stressed, I watch his stand-up and he calms me down. Maybe because he's more neurotic than I am, but I can't get enough of him.

Speaking of addiction. About bikini addiction, Lauren. So if you're addicted to bikinis like me, head over to bikiniaddiction.com or go to our website, go to my Instagram, go to Twitter. We have links up.

Get a referral link. Use promo code room 77 and get 10% off your order of hot bikinis. Let that ass hang out. You also get a free bikini with your vacation.

If you book through our website delivered by Lauren. That's not true. You don't deliver it. They deliver it to you, right?

They do. Uh, I just made that up. I think it's FedEx doesn't matter. It gets there.

Alright, that's about it. I have to go. I don't know what to do. Look for material for next month.

And that about does it for us. For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com. Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast.

Now get your clothes and get out.