Ep. 33: AnalAnalAnal - A Play in Three Acts

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Fed up with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now. Now we do what we love. Work, party, and play at the Desire resorts. After 16 years in the lifestyle, we thought we saw it all.

We were so wrong. So wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day.

So come to room 77. Let's play. All right, Lauren, here we are back in the studio. We are live with one another, not with them, just with one another.

We wanted to get this out as quickly as possible because today was our first day back at Desire Resort, Desire RM where we went back and did the workshopy thing over there. It was very exciting. I spent all yesterday losing weight. For today I, I laid out yesterday.

So we went today and we're gonna tell the people what it was like, what the crowd was like, what the vibe was like, all of that stuff. Hopefully we'll save some lives. It's the least we can do. I have a lot of data points that I collected.

I have data points also. I talked to a lot of people. I got some stool samples. I did some soil samples.

Yeah, there was one woman. I just punched her square in the jaw just to see her reaction. Sometimes you have to create a little bit of crazy, and there was some crazy. There was anyway, I was arrested.

I can't I've already lost my voice from laughing all day. So we wake up this morning, I'm super nervous because I realized on the way to work, but I don't know what I'm doing. I haven't done this for 3 months and I haven't even rehearsed once, OK? It's sad.

The last time we had talked to somebody at the hotel, we were like, what is the occupancy there? And they said 30%, which is pretty low. I think the lowest we've ever really been at RM was around 50%, I think that's the lowest we'd we'd ever seen it. We've seen.

Lower at Pearl, but not really at RM. So I think we were expecting about 30%. 30% is about, I'm just gonna do the math in my head, 42 rooms. Carry the one.

No, I really don't know the math. I don't know what 30% of 114 is. Well, it's like basically 100 rooms, so just say 30. Alright, 30 rooms, 30 rooms.

That's not bad. There we go. We drive, we remembered how to get there, so that was a plus. Uh, so usually we go to a little guard shack and then you go in, you give our driver's license, and you drive on.

And get on with your day. But today they did not take your license because license bad. License, no, no touchy touchy nothing. I don't care who you are.

It's like Jeffrey Dahmer on your license. I don't care as long as you don't have a temperature. So you go in and you wash your feet like you're in some sort of Asian bathhouse and walk into the or Jesus, you wash your feet like Jesus, and then you go in and you sanitize your hands and then you sign in, I guess. We get to.

The hotel, lots of parking, so that was good. And, uh, you know, go into the, the lobby and we wear our little masks. There's Kia standing there. If you don't know Kia, Kia is a playmaker that works at Pearl, and she's at RM right now and she squirts some feels like loop to me.

Don't use it as lube though, alcohol loop. And then you go through the door. Well, they took our temperature. Oh, they did.

They took our temperature. I think I was fine. Yeah, you said you were a little bit hot. Yeah, but that was just.

Because of my hotness, so they let me skate on by and off to the gym we go. Now once we get to the gym, we're confronted with, uh, confusion because there's a big billboard up there and it says, stop, stop everything you're doing. And it says, here are the things that you can do. Here are the things that you cannot do, and these are the rules.

A couple of those rules where you have to wear a mask in here and gloves, and you cannot talk or laugh. No, I don't think that was on there. You can only be. 4 people in there and then the last one which scared us, which said make sure to make a reservation 24 hours in advance and we're like what anyway we look in there there are a few fears that I had going in today.

One was my post-COVID body because I don't wanna go. I know you're so overreacting, but I get it. I mean, I get it. And no sun.

I am the color of a Norwegian ballet dancer right now. Like I am such a fair skinned. I look like a vampire. Jesus.

But like one of the good vampires, like a true blood hot one, yeah, and the body thing, but I think, you know, everybody in the world went through COVID. I tried to tell you this yesterday. Exactly. You did, and you're a good wife for doing so.

You did, and you just tuned me out. No, I hear you, and I take that in with love and honesty and trust and unconditional judgment. And I say, you are right, thy wife. I listened to that word, the word of thy wife.

That's why I wash my feet. It all makes sense now. I say, you know, she's right. Everybody is, uh, is a fat fuck right now and pale.

That's how it is. I walk in two of the hottest, most tan, in shape motherfuckers I. I have seen in my life. Oh my God.

So I walk in. This guy looks like he was built in a factory. She's smoking hot and they're working out and I'm like, Motherfucker, couldn't you put somebody out of shape in here so we could commiserate with one another? Thank you.

Hey dude, I know, right? Gotta shed some of these LBs. The COVID-19 pounds. Yeah, I got 19, 20s, 21s.

I got everything. So, uh, we realized, I realize they've met us before. Obviously play the game where I'm like, of course I remember you, but I don't because I don't remember anybody. So I have to make it to you somehow because you're the one that stores the information.

I'm the server, right? You, I have to go back to the server and say, who are these people. But I can't, I can't get you alone because they're the only people there, right? There's no distraction.

Anyway, we don't have gloves. Uh, they're not wearing masks. No one's following the rules anyway. And we asked them about it and they're like, no, just whatever, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't seem like everybody really cares. So I'm waiting at any moment for somebody to walk through the door and be like, hey, guy without the gloves, get out. I can barely work out because I'm just looking at them like, what's the point? They say, you know, we'll see you guys later at the pool.

We say, OK, great. They leave. So I, I do what I always do is I walk over to you and I say, how do we know them? And then my server looks up the information and says this is how we know them.

Now this guy before had started flirt flirting with you in the gym. This is months ago, right? I remember watching him flirt with you and get hard in his pants. I was like, did he just get hard like talking to her, flirting with her?

All right, now go over to him and really start flirting with her. So then you go over and you start flirting. With him like really hard and he's so hard in his pants like working out I thought I fucking love this I love it it's the greatest place ever ever right anyway that's how we knew him. I'm like oh that's that guy.

Yeah, I was like, remember that guy went up and I was like, lift those weights, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, so that's that. So we head on over to the pool. It's time now we have to go to the pool and, uh, awesome, there's no one there.

So so many chairs. There's so many chairs. The first thing I see is Kia and Charlie. Now, if you don't know Charlie, Charlie also works at Pearl as a playmaker.

Playmaker Charlie, playmaker Kia are playing Cornhole together. I'm like, well, this isn't a good sign. Well, there's no one at the pool. For them to playmate for we say hi to them.

No no hugging, no touching, no smiling, no happy. And then we start to disrobe to get into the pool, maybe get some sun. And the first thing I hear from behind me out of Charlie's mouth is, Oh my God, Richard, you're so pale. Awesome.

Thank you for that. That made me feel super awesome. So then I spent the rest of my day just twirling around on the pool like a rotisserie chicken trying to get as much sun as as I can. We talked to all the guests under 10 minutes.

That's how long it took. So the occupancy was actually closer to under 20% from what we heard, but last week was torn to shreds by the storm. So it, it was, it was a lose-lose anyway. The storm just killed everything last week.

The Sargassian barrier was down. It was a little bit seaweedy. I got really excited to see the employees that I missed, right? So the staff is wearing masks and all of their equipment, and Africa, who is a server over at RM, has on a mask, and they have to wear full-on face shields, yeah, like, uh, they're welding, yeah, like they're welding, but with like silly Fisher Price, yeah, yeah, yeah, like a welding, like if it was welding theme night.

Yes, totally. That's what they would wear. So that takes a little getting used to. Like they're sort of in a welding costume and you're naked and you can't see anyone's face.

Like it takes away the smile and stuff. Yeah, it takes away the smile, the expressions. Once somebody's in a mask and a face mask and you're naked, you immediately feel like a lab experiment. Oh my God, that's how you feel.

So everybody around. You is sort of in masks and everything and you're sort of, it's just it's an odd feeling, you have to get used to it like a clipboard's gonna come out at any time, right? How are you feeling now? How are you feeling now?

All right, I'm gonna inject you with 3 ccs. Tell me how you're feeling now. On the other side of that is the guests were unfazed. No one is wearing a mask.

No one is social distancing. No one is giving a fuck. There are zero fucks given on the guests side. Well, there's no.

Requirement really on the guest side. So the people have to understand that, you know, the staff has to cover their ass. These are government laws and government rules they have to abide by. That's the conditions in which they have to open.

So the governor comes by, which they call the president here, and they check everything and they make sure everything is open and to code and, and all of that stuff. They have to follow these regulations. Relations and on the other side of it, the company itself is trying to protect their employees because they do not want to be responsible if some dirty American comes and gets their employees sick because then that makes things worse, not only for the hotel but internationally. It's so cross border, yeah, then things start, start going upside down.

All right, move on to food really quickly. So no more buffet. Now. I love a good buffet.

I love it. I really do. And I used to get the same thing every day. I go in, I would get my salad.

I'd get a little salad, and a yum yum, yum, yum, yum. None of that, no more of that, Richard. Good news is there's still tables and chairs, so that's still. In in the procedure loving it right, so you still have a place to sit and a place to set your food down.

There's still silverware. There's still silverware, paper napkin. That's something you gotta get used to. I mean, here we at home we only use cloth napkins, so we'll, we'll deal with it.

Different fabric every day. Today's satin. And, uh, yeah, so you gotta order off a menu. Now, once they had said there's gonna be some sort of weird QR code where you pointed at the menu and then it came up as a hologram in front of your face and you ordered, I don't know what they were talking about.

Yeah, Tupac was there cooking your food for you. I don't know what the hell they were talking about, uh, but that did not happen. It was just an actual fucking cardboard menu. And you say, I want.

This and I want that and then they bring it to you. So fancy. I do miss the buffet, yeah, for just time saving alone. We're just, we're not huge like, let's dine.

We're in and out. I just want to shove food in my mouth. I gotta get back out there, get to work, yeah. So, uh, we had a lot of time today.

We got some sun and, uh, we went into the ocean because you love the ocean. God, it was so good. I peed in the ocean for like the first time in my life, not the first time, maybe like the second time. I have a hard time peeing in the ocean.

I don't know why. Like I was laughing so hard. I, I was like, Let's go. And you're like, Well, I haven't peed yet.

And I'm like, why not? You said, because I'm standing too close. Why did I pee on you? I, why would I sit there and be like, Yeah, stock market's really failing today.

Also, I'm pissing right now. Well, because one, I was upstream from you or upwave, and then I'm like, let's go, and so then I swim away. Well, it's very unnatural to just sit there and piss yourself. It's just a very unnatural.

You called me back. Everything in your body is like, no, you cannot just allow your bladder to empty right now. You cannot. This is, this doesn't feel right, Richard.

Keep the urine inside of yourself. I was laughing so hard I started coughing, which is a sign of COVID, so it did not go anyway. I gave my urine back to Mother Earth, and we ventured back to the pool. I almost, uh, adopted a crab.

Apparently there's a lot of orphaned crabs that are running around the resort. This is what I hear. This is just a rumor. Uh, Cici's bar was closed.

A lot of stuff happened today. They are opening the disco. The jacuzzi hot tub is still open. As far as the guests go, it is once you pass the threshold of the lobby, it's, yeah, it's same, same.

It's free game. It's whatever you wanna do. No one's. Going to say, hey, put your mask on, or hey, you are not 6 ft apart.

Like none of that is happening. If you decide to go there early while things are still sort of ramping up, the biggest thing that you will have to contend with is possibly being lonely. Like if you like a lot of people there right now at this moment in June, there's not a lot of people there. So that's basically it, but everything is about the same.

It's just very difficult. to capture a vibe when there is no one there. You can usually walk into that place and say, it's a good crowd. Uh, it's not a great crowd that's there right now, or it's a reserved crowd, or it's a wild crowd.

There is no sense of crowd right now. Yeah, no, and I, and I talked to a couple of people and I said, why did you not cancel a trip? Why are you here? And they said, you know what, I just needed to get out of the house and it didn't matter to me like.

I wasn't looking for the world's biggest party. I just wanted to come to Desire. It's my happy place. I just want to be here in the sun, drink.

They were, everyone was just kind of kissing on their partner and stuff, which is wonderful. 00 yeah, I was sort of jealous. In fact, we may actually go there and stay and use some of our free nights while it's empty. I know that sounds crazy, but uh, we live here and, uh, we do what we want.

So, uh, affiliates, yeah, thank you affiliates for those, those points. So that is about it. Anybody who wants to know more, oh, that is not about it. Uh, so we go to our workshop, we set up our workshop, we wait for people to arrive standing by the door, and then I hear somebody.

But they're not coming to the workshop and then we wait some more. I see a shadow by the door. I'm gonna go answer it. Just my eyes playing tricks on me.

No one's coming, so no one came. So the first time in 3 years that we had a workshop and no one came. I mean, let's face it, there's 12 people there. I mean, if the entire resort decided to go to the workshop, there still would have been, yeah, so, uh, I think there was about 8 people, 8 people.

People at the pool, I think there was maybe 12 to 14 people there, but nobody's ever there at the exact same time. It's usually about 8 people, you know, if 1% of that came, that's not even a full couple. That's not, that's like a person, huh? I'm gonna do the math in my head here.

What did I say? How much percent? 1% of 8 people is. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

That's 4, no, that's 8, that's 4 couples, right? So 1% of 4 couples would be 25%, a penis, 25%. So that would be, uh, lower torso of one of the people, and then the rest stays in the room. Honestly, that's all we need really.

That's the best part, yeah, I just need your vagina yoni. Keep the rest of you in the room. I don't care and bring your tip money. Shove it in your vagina.

I'll go in there and get it. Uh, that's about it. Signing off, uh, next in in a day or two, we're gonna do some anal stuff. But we still have to do it.

That's, that'll be next. Alright, Lauren, this is going to be the most commercially commercial episode like we've ever had because we're listening to all the Patreons and we always mention desire, book through your box. Go to our website and play with your box. And then there's Bikini Addiction.

I mean, there's so much spread all over and now we have a sponsor. An actual sponsor, a paying sponsor, somebody who's actually paying us to say shit. This is big time. Yeah, this is, this is big time.

So, uh, yeah, so they call and they're like, Listen guys, we think you're super special. We want. You to promote alt playground exclusively you to do this. What is it?

Tell me about it. They say it's a website where you meet other hoary people. I said, I'm into that. They said, I know.

That's why we called you. I said, just me. And they said, well, maybe a few of your podcasting friends. Like how many?

1 or 2? Hm, maybe like all of them. So anyway, this is what they did. All Playground was originally a site that was sort of regionally, and they're taking their website and they're going nationally with it, and they launched June 1st.

Uh, we are a part of it along with some other podcasters out there. I don't know all of them off the top of my head. Well, I'm sure if they're involved, then they're fantastic. We're thankful that we have this opportunity.

Opportunity to put some money in our pocket and the site is great. We looked at it. We looked around a little bit. It's really easy.

It's friendly. It's not confusing, which is something that really bothers me. Yeah, get in, get out. So go check out al playground.net.

It's got that, that tricky one at the end, not.com.net. Don't go on the other altplayground.com. You'll never be seen again. That's.

Yeah, that's what I've heard. Do not log into that one. You need the dark. Yeah, first question is, what's your mother's maiden name?

You should be suspicious. So, uh, yeah, so we went on here and we went around a little bit. We have it on the screen now. It's clean.

I like it. I am actually into this couple that is on the screen right now. What is the name of that couple, Lauren, that I'm looking at? Phoenix married couple.

Oh, I thought it was Phoenix MD couple. Like they were doctors like me. Maybe they are, and maybe they're married doctors. Yeah, let's creep on them for a while.

They are from a place in Massachusetts that I cannot pronounce, so that's, that's where they are. They're somewhere in Massachusetts, and they're interested in everything, which, which I'm into. Now. I'm gonna click on this little camera here, which is their photos.

Oh nice. Yeah, check out those, those legs, huh? I'm gonna rub some oil on that leg, put it between my legs, and I'm gonna slide around on it. Yeah, I'd like to slide around on her and now going to him, he's got my, my pre-COVID-19 body.

It makes me a little angry. Look at those nipples. Yeah, he's got good nipples. Oh man, look, look, he's got the, the crazy marks in his, in his waist with a six pack.

I don't know what hotel they're staying at in this one. That looks fun. Yeah, I wish I was at that. They give zero fucks, this couple, and I love it.

Now I don't know where this is either, but, uh, yeah, she was definitely the life of the party, so. What are their names again? I'm gonna go back to the view profile, and you don't have to. It's right there in the purple bar, Richard.

Phoenix married or doctors or MD couple. We have creeped on you. If you want to be creeped on by us, go to altplayground.net. Maybe we'll creep on you next.

Now we gotta send them. An email and be like, hey, we creeped on you. What is our profile, Richard? Uh, we have a podcast profile so we can creep extra long.

Yeah, I don't know what rights it gives us, but go sign up there. Use promo code room 77, which will get you absolutely nothing, nothing at all. Alright, so last time we had so many Patreons, we could not get to all of them. So we are going to squeeze them all in.

We thought we'd be able to make it up, but we got even more, so now we got doubled up on the names. So I'm sorry we have to do these shoutouts, but we're gonna space them out through our commercially commercial commercialized podcast episode 33 by Mennon. You're not even gonna notice they're there, they're gonna go right by really, really quickly and then we're gonna get over them and then we're never gonna hear of them again. But the Patreons won't know they're there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're just gonna take a quick pause for monogamous marriage, Mr. and Mrs. Barry McCochner, that name's not real, Mickey and Bertittas, Mr.

Wise, Mr. and Mrs. Culture. Mrs.

2 new 2 MN Mueller, Mueller NNL name, which is really original. Nick and Vicky, Norse, Asian, RNL. I know those letters, monogamous marriage and Scott Mclovin both gave us $100 this month. Thank you so much.

We really, really appreciate it. All right, Lauren. I'm already laughing. This is the beginning of the three-part series called Anal, anal, anal.

Let's get anal. We talked about before that we are going back and we need all of you open because everybody is getting into this post-COVID openness, right? That's what it is. Yeah, we're going from being restricted to everybody, all the leaves are brown orgies, and it's just gonna be the 60s all over again.

I'm ready, right, so. What we wanted to accomplish was opening you up not only as a person but also anally, just your heart and your heart, your mind and your anus. Yeah, we haven't actually done the anus sex in quite a long time, to say the least, to say the least. It's been a while.

Yeah, I haven't even used my butt plugs that I had to wash them because. They were so dusty. We're gonna dust them off today. Today is the day, and we even broke out the Betamax video camera, and we are gonna record a little bit of this for the Patreon folk over there and some other places where we can show.

So we are going to put this on the naughty place. First we're going to talk about a little bit about the anal cavity. Part one sounds boring as fuck, but we're gonna insert the anal probe, the anal plug, if you will, just to get you a little bit open for, uh, segment two, which is fucking your ass. I love it.

So then we're, we're gonna on camera. Uh, I don't know yet. I don't know. It depends, you know, the director hasn't decided.

We'll see if I look at that bird. Are you fucking kidding me right now? It was really beautiful. It was orange.

He just turned into me, but it was really pretty. I don't know if we're doing that on video yet, but we're definitely gonna record something, right, right. And then. Post ass fuck segment three is me crying in a corner.

Yes, hopefully. I mean that would make really good TV. OK, so now that you said you have to do it, it's just the last wedding, the last shot is just you in a shower rocking, rocking with water pouring down over you. Right, and it cuts to me just eating a sandwich.

Yeah, I totally would. But if we're gonna attempt, because we really have to get this project airtight done, we have to get it on board. I mean, not to mention that Doctor Jeff's coming in town, and I'm gonna be anally prepared to do some anal, right? And we need to practice because you have to be ready if that airtight.

situation arises or it presents itself. You need to be all holes go, no holes barred, no holes blocked. Oh, I see you're doing a little lay on homonym. I don't even know what a homonym is homonym or honeman.

Remember when we first met and I broke your homonym? Yeah, sure. I love when you laugh on the microphone. It's really funny.

Let's begin. What, what, what do we bring here today? Let's show the folks at home what we brought. Well, we started off with, I brought two different ones.

Well, can you pick them up and hold them? Oh, like Vanna White. Yeah, OK. But Vanna White circa 1990.

OK, so we're going with Platinum loop because of course there's none other, not that they're sponsoring us, but it would be a damn good place for a sponsor. And then we have both of these were gifted. To me, actually, this one is, uh, like, I don't really know, it's a silicone. Let me describe what you're, what you're holding up really quick.

So the first one here is sort of a purplish silicone butt plug which has a handle on the end in case I wanna use you like a carry-on and bring you onto a plane. I just carry you like a suitcase. Well, what I like about this one is that once it goes in, the stem of it still has a bit of width to it, which is. Kind of the point, right?

And then you have like the more decorative option. OK, so the second one we have here that sort of looks like an ace of spades. It's completely silver, right? What is that stainless surgical steel?

I'm sure it is. That was gifted to us by our friend Perry and Jamie, who we sent us a care package. What does it have on the bottom there? All right, on the bottom there it says, what does it say?

Good girl. That's just irony. That's what that is. There's nothing sexier.

Which one do you think is better to prepare for the anus sex? Do you think the silicone one or the silver one? The silver I'm gonna go with the smaller one, which is, I think the smaller of the two is gonna be the silicone one, although the tip is bigger. The widest point is definitely bigger on the good girl one circumference.

wise, if you look at it this way, it's definitely, yeah, I'm gonna go with silicone in the instructions in the anal handbook. How long do you leave that in before I penetrate you? Oh, it's like 20 to 30 minutes. So 20 to 30 minutes.

Yeah, it's not like you wear it all day. I mean, a lot of people do, but does it say I just saw the bird, by the way. It was very distracting. Was it the?

Yes, really beautiful, really beautiful. It really we live in a jungle. Does it say anything in the anal handbook of how long to leave it in? Like 20 minutes?

Does it say that do not leave it in over 3 hours, baste it, and then stick it back in for its purpose, right? You leave it in for 20 to 30 minutes. Now, pleasure wise, you could sort of leave it in however. Long you want, yeah, I would just say, uh, don't go to sleep in your butt plug.

When is the last time you wore a butt plug? I don't even know. I literally had to go and find these. OK, let's get started.

All right, first step is we, we chose. That's the first step, right, the weapon of choice. And then you have a problem, I guess the second step is for you to prepare mentally. I've admitted I have a problem.

So yeah, so lube it up. 3 would be to lube it up, I think that's, yeah, all right, let's start the process. Yeah, you're not gonna. All right, well, do you wanna just pause here and then we'll come back so you can get into position?

Well, no, I'll just lube it up. Oh, you're gonna, what about, OK, and then you can keep talking. All right, so she's putting the lube directly on. It looks a lot like putting ketchup on a hot dog.

I'm gonna spin it, stroke it. It's very hot. You don't think that you should lube yourself up a little bit? Yeah, I should, OK, but I don't know if I should do that on camera.

Is that really sexy? Like, why don't you put lube on my ass? That's more sexy. I can do that, but we do have, we have to pause, OK.

And then I'll come over and get on all fours on the futon, the uncomfortable futon. You put lube on my ass. OK, OK. All right, here we go.

Segment two of our three-part series, anal, anal, anal. We are in position. Sort of we're in lubing position. Step 3.

This may be the best episode we ever did. This is fantastic. No, does it make your uncomfortable futon feel better? Does it make what uncomfortable futon?

How does this feel? Everything feels good. I love when you touch me. Yeah, that's your vagina though.

This is your vagina just so we have everything straight. This is your perineum. Well, that's my vagina. That's actually my hole.

In my defense, there's clothes on still, so I'm doing this over the clothes, and then here I imagine in this area I'm gonna, you're gonna feel a little bit of pressure. That's your butt hole. No, it's my perineum. I.

All right, well, I, once I take these off, it's gonna be way more obvious. Why are you waiting? I was just trying to, you know, seduce you, I guess. Just hurry up and take it off already.

All right. Do you want me to lift up your leg? No, just leave them like that. Yes, OK, now I can clearly see.

I can clearly see the vagina here. OK. I would have been an amazing gynecologist. I nared by.

I can tell it looks beautiful. Looks amazing. This is your vagina here. These are the outer lips.

If I spread this open, I can see the inner lips. Oh, look at those. Nice. Now here's the perineum, which is what we were talking about earlier, right?

And then here is the anus. Now can you feel that? That's the big winner. Yeah.

Can you feel that? I can now I gotta be honest with you, a lot smaller than I thought it was. I'm telling you that's why, that's why I hide the butt plugs. This looks beautiful, honestly, I would do a pay per view.

We could probably start a whole channel just on your butt hole. That's how beautiful it is. I still wanna bleach it, OK, but it looks beautiful. So I have the lube here.

All right, I'm just gonna start with all of it. It's the whole bottle. You have to save some for the actual anal part. You have to put, put your spread my legs.

Can you use like more slutty talk? Yes, spread your legs. OK, spread your legs. All right, this is an uncomfortable foods.

I know. 0000, look at that. It looks beautiful. What are you?

00, can you feel it? Yeah. All right, it's stripping. It's going all down.

Oh, I got some on your calf. That's for later. Just a little reserve. All right, now I'm just gonna press here.

Just press. Can you feel that? All right, can you feel the tip of my finger? OK, I'm not going inside just yet, but I'm just gonna tease it a little bit.

Just like, hey, I'm here. It's all good. We're all friends. We're just talking.

I need some, some slow music. Just sing to yourself in your head. All right, now that's just the tip of my finger. Can you feel that?

Oh, can you talk slutty to me, please? That's so good, baby. Well, I just wanted to make sure you're OK. Every time you laugh, your butt hole clenches up.

It's like coughing. Yeah, so every time you, you laugh, it gets tighter. All right, I'm gonna do a little more lube, and then do you want me to do the insertion also? Why not?

So, all right, I gotta go grab it. I'll be right back. I can grab it for you. All right, why don't you get it for me?

I have it in my hand. And we're going to start the insertion process. Yeah, but I want you to make it less surgical and more slutty, please. No, no, I don't want to know what my oxygen levels are.

I just want to be slutty and you put it in there. Yes, can you feel it on the brim of your asshole. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, I'm going to.

Take that ass. I'm going to take it. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh yeah, I'm going to ease it in a little bit at a time.

Maybe stick your thumb in my vagina. You can do that. OK. Oh yeah.

Oh. Yeah, do you feel it? Yeah, it's good. Now we have to wait 20 minutes.

Yeah, I want more. I don't have any more of it. That's, you're at the end. No, it's not.

You're lying. I swear it's all the way in. Is it really? I could put the handle inside of you.

No, God, no, I didn't. I'm afraid you're gonna laugh and it's gonna shoot out of your ass. And hit me in the face. I'm holding it in every time you laugh.

Like, like I'm putting my, my thumb in a dam. You can't show up to work because you broke it. What happened to your face? I got shot in the face by an anal plug.

Is it really all the way in? It's all the way in. Well then, you need to tell me I'm a good girl, even though I'm not using that good girl. You are a good girl.

This is an amazing. You should get a picture of this. Uh, I'm gonna get our camera person to come and get a picture of this to frame it, and then we're gonna wait 20 minutes, and then we're gonna, we're gonna fuck your ass, OK. Here we are moving further into segment two where Lauren is opened up and ready to go and I mount her.

Oh my Taking it out, throw it on the floor like it's a, yeah, more lube, never enough lube. Oh yeah, so. Open. Oh my God.

Open you up, huh? I am. OK. That's the next word.

Come down. That's my thumb. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

Uh, Oh God. Mm mm. Oh, God, yes. Uh, uh.

Go, you can go harder. Yeah. Oh yeah. Um, yeah.

Oh God, yeah. 00. Oh God, yeah, you are. Ah Oh God.

What does it feel like? Is it tight? Yeah, it's tight. Alright, so, uh, here we are, segment three.

This is like post-game. So, uh, I'll just say this as casually as I can. I just fucked your ass. Now I had some problems in the beginning.

I had a torn Achilles. And uh I had chosen and I don't think this part was being recorded, I had chosen to fuck you first well yeah I mean who wouldn't you do you get, you know, you get hard you gotta get really hard to get in that tight tight tight ass of mine, yeah, and I just wanna get, you know, get you excited like right? I would like, yeah, absolutely it's only the kind thing to do and I appreciate that. Yeah, Daddy's coming for that other hole that's.

That's what I'm saying. I'm gonna fuck your vagina just to let you know what your asshole's in for. I just wanna make your asshole jealous at this point what it's not getting, you know what I mean? But what happened was I got so excited.

I pre-came so much that I thought that I may have came, came, but it felt weird because I was like, pre-com, I don't know. Did I just come? So I couldn't tell if I came, yeah, all in this disgusting. I just blessed it, really.

I mean, it's better now. After that I started to spin a little bit because I wasn't quite sure if I came, but I didn't come. I don't know what was happening, but anyway, you were like, do it now. So then I stuck it in your hiney hole.

You took out the butt plug and threw it on the floor like you were mad at it. Well, I don't need it anymore. Listen, your job is done. In my defense, I was not fully engorged, right?

So you didn't really feel all of me. Now, lucky for you, I'm hung like a light switch, so. So I'm like, is it in yet? Yeah, so you were like, this is, this is a vacation compared to what was in there.

Oh my God, you're so mean to yourself. So on your end, on my back end, how did you feel? How was it? Because I got surprised when I started, and by the way, we video recorded this, so if you wanna take a look at it, head over to Patreon or our, well, it won't be on Patreon, but oh yeah, it won't.

It's gonna be on our on our back end website. It'll be on our website, uh. You can see me doing your ass before we talk about your ass. You're very tall.

I am. I have, I have long legs and, uh, I would say we're almost the same height within an inch, right? Yeah, I mean, so in that position it gets very, very difficult to not only fuck in that position, but I don't know if you know this, when you're in that position, the asshole is above the vagina, so I have to be even taller. I gotta get 1 inch higher.

Sorry, because I was thinking I was like we do this vaginally. Why is this not working? And you're like, spread your legs, spread your legs, spread your legs, and here I am like doing the splits on a looped up ceramic tile floor. Really, really sexy.

That inch made a lot of difference, made a lot of difference. That's really funny. I didn't even think about that. Yeah, this is why it should be doggy style in, in a bed.

I wanted to go full recording. Like you want to do something on the microphone. I'm like, let's just do it. I'm not backing down.

If you throw me a challenge, I'm there, you know. I'll say yes. I mean, but at one point, then you turned, you were like, do me harder. Fuck me harder.

Did it hurt at all? No, it didn't hurt. No. Were you getting pleasure out of it?

Yes, really? I mean, I wish there was another cock in my vagina, but, well, unfortunately our cameraman is a camerawoman, is a camerawoman, so I should have put a vibrator in there right next time. But do you think that you could have a cock and And a penis in there at the same time. Yeah, I mean, definitely the butt plug helped a lot.

It was like it ejects itself when it's done. It's kind of it's a 2.0. It got upgraded. It totally is.

I had my little shorts on. It's like popped out like, oh my God, it it's like an Easy bake oven. Ding, it's ready. It totally was.

So I was like, well, I'm ready, and it felt tight. It's not like the butt plug was bigger than your penis, so that I, I mean, it still felt. Really tight when you're in there, but that stingy thing where I'm always like, Yes, stick it in my ass, and then I'm like, get it out. Did you didn't feel stingy at all?

Yeah, I'm really proud of you. I think you took it really well. Now, is there a point that you would be a person where you're just like, Hey, I need you to fuck my ass. Like, do you, do you feel that urge already, because I get a little hard for me just thinking about it while you saying I need you to fuck my ass.

I wouldn't do it. How I've done it in the past where I'm like, yeah, stick it in my ass. Yeah, definitely if I'm in the mood for it, I'll go secretly put my butt plug in and then maybe just throw it out there in like 20 minutes. Like I really want you to fuck my ass.

So I would say a success and as we end segment three of our three-part series anal, anal, anal, all we need now is 2 more penises, right, for airtight, but we are a little bit closer. Absolutely we are. I mean, we're, I'm definitely DP ready and you know that's, you know, I feel like we could get that done in July and then I don't know, maybe Project Airtight is August airtight. I don't know.

Maybe that's a good name for it, by the way, doing a takeover. Project Airtight August. Well, listen, Lauren, thank you so much for stopping by. You're welcome and letting me use your ass.

You're welcome. I appreciate it. Yeah, it was good for me too. Wink Oh, you know who that reminds me of?

R and D, Randy, M, Red, and G, Robin, Rommy and Everett, Roscoe, Sam and Mel, Scott and Karen, Scott Mclovin, Scott of Liz and Mark, which is my favorite, Sean, Steph and Cal, Stefan, DiGiorgio, Stu, T and W, Trevor, Try some, they couple, 1212, Venmo, John, know you, love you, WNC Wayne. Alright, so this next section is a little bit of the interview that's over on the Patreon side of things, which are our friends Jeff and Karen who came to the resort. They booked through us and they came to Desire, having never done anything in the lifestyle. So they came for the first time, uh, they talk about their experience there and then they talk about their first experience and first experiences are our favorite stories.

We, we get so excited. We just get. Really, really excited. I get giddy and since this episode is called anal, anal, anal, uh, play in 3 acts, we wanted to just put in a little bit of a piece that is not over there on the Patreon side of getting into a little bit of anal talk.

And if you want to see, film the entire segment, anal, anal, anal, where we do the butt plug and we do the sex and that is all over at Patreon. We will have to wait to see you in uh October, which is so far away. You're gonna be doing double anal by October, I imagine. It's all going so fast.

Just get that anal plug in there now. Start loosening that stuff up. Oh my God, you're such a horrible influence it ready. I'm just saying, keep your eye.

Options open. Anal is fun. Who's to say she doesn't have one in right now? She could.

Wow. Do they have ones with jewels on the outside. They're heavy. That's what I hear.

I don't have one, but that's what I hear. I don't know why you don't have an anal plug with a tail. I know I would really like it. You rock that.

I would probably wear it more if I had it. There was an accessory part of it. Why don't you get one? We'll bring you one.

OK. You're walking. Let me ask this because I really, I don't know the answer to this question. If you're walking and let's say you're walking around the pool and there's someone who doesn't know, like maybe a staff member because they feel pretty close to you, and they pull that tail out, do you shit yourself?

Would they be able to pull it out by giving a little tug in my head as you explained that they definitely shit themselves in my, in my head. Does that happen? Well, I Listen, he's the one who wanted to sell my panties with skid marks. He is obsessed with assholes.

If you cannot tell, I'm not obsessed. Oh, he's obsessed. He loves it. If he could have any fetish, it would be for someone who was a liar.

Shut up. Shut up. He's asked to mouth all the way. Such a, I do the editing.

I'm cutting all of this shit out so you can just keep talking. I will. It's gonna happen probably for the best. No, but I just wanna know if you pull it out, do you have explosive diarrhea?

But I don't think they would just be able to pull it out by getting, yeah, you shouldn't be able to just pull it out because it's got that. I mean, it shrinks down to quite a stem. I think you pull it and you're gonna pull that person towards you a little bit. I, I agree with you.

It's not that I have a fascination with it. My fear would be like, if I had it in, that would be my fear. Like while I was putting it in, I would do a little PowerPoint in my head of like, what if someone pulls this out and then I do dukey all over the place when it happened, and then you run and hide and you never go to desire again. No, I would just shoot myself in the face right then and there, right then and there.

I just walk into the ocean and never come out. All right, Lauren, what are you into this month? This month I'm addicted to my whiteboard, your whiteboard that I finally got. It took you 30 episodes to get a whiteboard.

Finally had way too many things that were going on that I finally broke. I was like, I need a whiteboard. It's been sitting, yeah, but it's here. You got your whiteboard.

I am addicted to daily dose of internet. I can't. Stop hearing hello everyone, this is your daily dose of the internet. I, this guy, that was a really good impression.

This guy is like, I mean, he's just addictive. I mean when I say I watched hours and hours and hours of these videos that he puts up, his voice is so soothing. There were points where I wanted to jump off of the 4th story, just go up to the roof, get naked, and just Jesus Christ it down to the bottom. Right, just arms wide, boom, gone.

And I put on daily dose of internet. It calms me right down. And you, you have listened to hours and hours and hours, so much so that I would turn, I'm like, I turn over, go to sleep, and you're still watching and I'm like, OK, you need to stop, like turn it off. No, you can't because he, he picks the greatest stuff ever, and his voice is so soothing.

I love him so much. And then he ends the, the videos every single time in the exact same way. Hope to see you guys real soon. Later.

I can't even do it justice. That is what I am addicted to this month. So, speaking of addiction, tell these people about Bikini Addiction. We love Bikini Addiction.

Come get your free bikini by booking 5 nights through us, through my box and get a free bikini from Bikini Addiction.com or just go there, buy something, use promo code room 77. We get a piece of the pie. You support us by supporting your breast with bikini. Thank you for pointing the breasts out.

We always like when we focus in on that. Uh, go check it out. Uh, they're really hot if you want to see them in action. Go to Lauren's Instagram and check out her half naked photos.

77 podcast. All right, Lauren, that is about it. I think we did it. I know we did it because I felt it.

I think we've answered a lot of questions while at the same time creating a lot more confusion. That's our MO, Richard. Yeah, so remember, if you wanna come and visit us at Desire, make sure to go to room 77 Life and visit Lauren's box. Go click on that.

We hope to see you soon. Hey, we told you this was gonna be a very commercially commercial episode. So who are the last of the Patreons that we have to thank? I just have to mention Gray, I K A J and S, Jeff and Brenda, Jamie, Jane, Jay, Jason, Jason D, Jim, Jim and Pam, Joseph, JP.

And Jay, Karen, Karen, Katie, Kev Meister, Kaya Nu, Kuba, Eleanor, Leo, Lisa, and Chris, Lomas, M 7, Adam SS, April and Scott, April P, BJ Steele, Roscoe, Boris and Natasha, Bows and Roses, Brad, Brian and Andrea, see the Yankee, Chris and Karen, Cliff, couple Denoor, damn it, Juanita, David, and Casey, Esther, fit to be tied again, Gene and V. Oh, some really great names in there. But still, my winner is Scott of Liz and Mark. We wanna say thank you so much to all those patrons, you helped us out so much, we really, really appreciate it.

In fact, we were able to save up so much money. I was finally able to put a snorkel on the Tesla, which was not cheap because it's not a combustible engine. And a special thanks to Bagels and Benzedrine, who's battling a little bit of something right now, and we just hope that we made you smile. All right, so that's the end of this podcast.

Hope you guys enjoy and I'll see you guys very, very soon. Later. And that about does it for us. For more information, photos, or to contact us, go to room 77 podcast.com.

Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.