Ep. 39: How To Eat Azz

This podcast contains explicit content, language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adults 18 years of age and older. These thoughts and opinions expressed are not those of any specific employer, group, or individual. Better with the rat race, we decided to sell everything and move to Cancun, Mexico.

Now we do. We love work, party, and play in the middle of paradise after 18 years in the lifestyle we thought we saw it all, but we were so wrong, so wrong. Oh my God, so wrong. Now we want to share the fun that we get to have every day.

So come to room 77. Let's play. All right, well, before we get started, before we officially start, I should say, I wanna do things a little bit differently this time. This episode, which is an amazing fun episode where we talk about sticking tongues in butts and hot bodies and my laziness and some grooming, bald, hairy, otherwise, uh, more butt stuff.

It's just a lot of butt. We want to say that this episode is brought to you by our lovely new patreons who made this butt-eating episode available to you. Lauren, who is responsible for bringing this magic to our listeners' ear? We have John Hops, Gamble on Life, Thad, Sam, Kanye SBC, Hatters fly, Des.

Ray, Michael, belly rubs. Everything is better than cats. Caleb, Brian, Thomas, Ape Drape, Tom, Cat Knight, and Liu Weii. Everything better than cats and belly rubs is a reference from another episode.

Thanks to you. You're gonna make everybody who's listening better at butt eating. Anyway, we started, it started. Yeah, so here we are.

I gotta bring our listener up to speed because I know that there's somebody out there and they're sitting on their floor in front of their radio and they're just, they're just waiting for this to start, and I know what they wanna hear. They wanna hear about Lindsay, Lindsay, the yoga girl that I met at the gym. So much has happened since we haven't spoken to one another. Richard, and tell our listener, if you're just tuning in and you've never listened to this podcast before, last time we were talking about Lindsay, which is a girl that I was obsessed with at the gym.

Now her name's not actually Lindsay, but I tried to do fake yoga for Lindsay to try to impress her. No, you were doing child's pose, right? I was doing child's pose to impress her. Well, it turns out it must have worked.

So since we recorded that, I began to speak to Lindsay in full sentences. We start talking briefly. This is how stories take left turns in our room 77 world for sure. I'm like, hi, how are you?

Nice to meet you. And literally 20 minutes later, I got her a job at a restaurant. So how does that work? I don't know.

After that whole day when I'm in the gym, I'm not really like the person that you talk to. I'm in my headphones and I'm doing my workout and I'm like, fuck off. But, um, her and her boyfriend, they came to say bye to me and I got hugs from both of them. So I went over to you and I was like, so I got hugs.

Did, did you get? Hug. No, I didn't get a hug. I gave her a job.

I still didn't get a hug. So there, I'm just saying, I just, you know, I want to be in full disclosure here. Well, I know, but you're, you're super huggable. And then there's this woman in the neighborhood that I'm also obsessed with.

She is absolutely beautiful, and I see her walking all of the time. She's so hot, but she's also pregnant, so. Oh yeah, it kind of ruins it for me. I mean, I'm super happy that her whole reproductive system is working.

awesome. That's awesome. God bless her for giving life, but better for me if she was barren. Like if she was just walking around hot, not pregnant, that helps my fantasy a little bit more.

Have, would you ever have sex with a pregnant woman? Like how many months? One month. No one knows that one month.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and the only reason I do that, I'd be like, well, I'm not getting you pregnant. I mean, it's just like the best birth control ever. I come all in you.

Now I'm gonna come all over your baby. God, it, it, I can't, I can't believe you just said that. You just said it takes left turns. Oh God, it's making me flop sweat.

So, uh, Anyway, I've been really, really horny lately. There was one video that sort of started it all, one very, very specific video that I saw on Twitter. This was the video. There's this gal and this guy, right, and they're doing sex stuff, right?

She's on her knees and he is quite aggressively face fucking her, right? Yeah, so he, he had his hands on her head, and I mean he's jamming his. His cock down her throat. They, they're pretty good looking people, and it was very hot.

And then he swung her around and then he put his leg up on a table and shoved her face into his ass, and then she started eating his ass. Oh, OK. I that's hot. Yeah, it was really hot, and I thought, why doesn't Lauren eat my ass?

I don't even know if you've ever eaten my ass before. I don't think I have actually. I don't think you have either. How weird is that?

It's not cool because I, I enjoy eating ass. Yeah, I kind of think of it more as a man thing than a woman thing for some reason. Isn't that weird? I don't know what that means.

Like, I always think of, of being a receiver on the ass eating and not really doing it myself. Like you don't ever rim a guy. I mean, you would be the first one I would try it with. Well, I don't know.

Maybe you do it to other guys and you just don't tell you're like, I rim everybody except for you. I could look at a woman and be like, I wanna go down on her. I want to touch her boobies. I wanna fuck her.

I wanna kiss her, but I don't really look at someone and say, I wanna eat that ass. I, it's usually something that just happens like right in the moment. Yeah, I think, but I think there are people that do that that are like, Oh my God, I'd love to just stick my tongue all over her ass. Yeah, I mean, one of the memories that I have back in Los Angeles, we were at that, that swingers' club place with the pool, uh, I can't remember.

Oh yeah, yeah, Frida Bakers. And I was sitting poolside and I remember a girl swam up to me. She started sucking my cock right on the pool side. I thought, this is fun.

Love this place. And then she worked her tongue down to my balls and just 100% tongue in my ass poolside right there. And I was like, I don't know who you are, lady, but you are awesome. That's amazing.

I don't remember that. I do. It sticks in my head and then just at flirty down and dirty, right now this isn't really a rimming story, but it is an asshole story. When we were doing the Nu massage and we were in the, the Nu pool, when we were in there, I think there was 27 people in there.

When we were in there, one person, and I don't know who it was because there were so many hands and limbs everywhere, someone went directly for my butt hole. I think some people are like that. They just, that's where. Their tongue wants to go.

That's their thing. Well, it wasn't her tongue. It was, it was a finger, which was great for the new root pool because you're surrounded by organic lubricant, right? So it's like if you could fit your whole body in there, go ahead, have fun.

This is the place to do it because we're all oiled up and it's organic, yeah, and I thought, oh, you like assholes, which is great because here's mine. So, but you don't wax them. Well, I, I shave it nice and clean. And by the way, anytime that before I have a sexual encounter, I go into the shower, I scrub my asshole, both inside and out.

So I stick soapy water in there and my fingers and I wash it around. I get it as clean as I can possibly get it. If I had a wire brush in the shower, I would use that. But I, just in case I'm with somebody and they're like, I want my tongue in Richard's ass, I want to be comfortable with that person's mouth on.

On my butt, I am basically always douching my asshole. Yeah, I think it is. I think it's good practice. So that day that I saw the video is the day that I fucked you in the office here and I bent you down.

But what happened is once I got to the part where I was gonna swing you around and stick your face in my ass, I didn't do it because I got scared because I wasn't gonna be like, eat my ass. And I hadn't showered because it was, uh, it wasn't planned. Next time will you eat my ass, but I'm afraid you're not gonna like my butthole. I like your butthole.

I don't know if you do. I don't think you, I don't think you're familiar with it. Not familiar. I don't think you're familiar with it.

I'm not that familiar. It's like a town on the outskirts of where. Where you live, like, you know where it is, but you don't, but you don't know it very well. So I don't know if you, if you're familiar with my asshole.

When you feel it, does it feel different and weird to you? Do you ever feel it? Will you feel it now? Yeah, I'll feel it now.

Yeah. All right, come here and feel it. I'll get it. We'll share this microphone, but don't look at it.

All right, here you have to use this mic. I, I can, I can do that. You have to take your pants off. All right, hold on, OK.

Now you just showered, so this is good for me. Good news for me. I'm actually wearing your headphones. Oh, you are.

Yeah. Hold on, let me switch. Yeah, that feels right. Get your wire, your chocolate is in my peanut butter.

Get my mic. All right, now, so I'm nervous because, because I, I don't want you to be like, what is that? I'm gonna go to that's gross. Just gently get familiar with it now.

Listen, I did scrub and shave as you should have, otherwise this would end really quickly. So you're gonna have to bend over a little. No, I don't wanna bend over because I, no, because when I look at yours, it's really pretty looking like it just looks. It's like beep, but my, my, let's just start by touching it.

Let's not look at it, OK? In order to touch it, either I need lotion or no, no, no, I'm gonna have, that's why I'm saying bend over. We're not penetrating me right now. I'm not going to, but I'm just saying in order to spread your lick it or something, I'll spit on it.

Sit. That's so classy, disgusting. All right. By the way, that's how my proctologist does it.

He just spits on it. Yeah, he's like, Richard, the, uh, Vaseline's across the room. Bend over and gonna spit on your asshole. I've been going to him since I was a child.

All right, feel it. Now does it feel weird to you? It doesn't feel weird to you. Now.

What are you trying to do there, because that's like, I'm trying to find it. What do you mean? If it's like that's it right there. That's it.

I'm the perineum or not, right now. How does it feel to you? Does it feel like other assholes feels clean, not, no hair, right? That's good.

Is that something you would stick your tongue in? See, you just had. I don't know if it's my jam, to be honest. All right, I'm gonna try to move.

I'm not hard right now, so we're gonna have to pretend, throw that floppy, pretend my face, yeah, pretend that I'm super hard, and that guy had a much larger cock. So pretend I'm hard and I have like 3 more inches and, uh, my shorts are caught on the wire. It's a technical porn nightmare. All right, so I'm above you now.

Pretend my penis isn't completely flaccid, right, and I'm feeding you, right? No, you don't eat it yet. No, you're supposed to be, uh, sucking my cock suck. Oh yeah, sucking it.

Don't laugh. Yeah, you suck it, and then he did that. Well, I'm on the wrong. You're holding my hair for balance so you can stand on one leg.

I don't think you stay in character. Stay in character, ass eater. All right, now we gotta start over. All right, suck the cock, suck the cock first.

Suck it. Now I'm gonna have to. He turned like this. Now I didn't have all these cords that we're dealing with or a futon.

I'm gonna get it right on the 3rd take. So sucking the cock. Oh yeah, like this, right? And then he turned around.

Oh wow, that's a nice stick your tongue in there. Stick it. Don't make funny sounds. Act like you like it.

Is that what you do? All right. How was that? It was great.

I don't believe you. I mean, I'll tell you why. All right, I'm gonna get my shorts back on and then we're gonna have real talk about ass eating, OK, real talk, because that was not good for me. You didn't enjoy my, I need you to be committed and I didn't feel like you were committed.

I also made weird sounds, which I don't know. Honestly, I wasn't trying to be funny and do that. It's just what I think came out in order for me to stick my tongue out and apply pressure, some sort of pressure behind my tongue. It seemed natural to make that sound.

All right, how would you feel about doing that to a gentleman who had a nice asshole? Would you do it? I mean, yeah, I would recommend that you do it. I think that a man would enjoy that if you're like down there and even if you did it for a second, you'd be like, I take my tongue.

I try to make it like a bullet, right? I'm going down on a girl and then and I just dig it in there as far as it'll it can go. I'm even down for the risk of conjunctivitis. I'm not afraid of little pink eye.

I'm not afraid, but, uh, I think that it's something you should bring into your reparttoi. I just repertoire repertoire, yeah, I think you should bring it in. That's, that's my idea. All right.

You seem very uncomfortable with it. I don't know why this, but it is, I am very uncomfortable. I think it's just because it's not really like, is it something that grosses you out? No, I'm not grossed out by it.

It's just not familiar. It would be like, how do you suck balls because I don't really do that either. Sucking balls on a guy is just like, no, it's fine, but But you, you know, you stick, uh, you stick your tongue up a guy's ass, and he's gonna be like, Yeah baby, that's somebody you should marry. Why don't I just stick my finger in instead, uh, because a tongue makes you a dirty girl.

Yeah, but then your tongue's out of commission for the rest of the playtime. No, it's not. Well then I'm gonna go kiss people. There's no such thing as tongue.

Tongue ass to tongue mouth, it doesn't count like that. Oh, are you sure? I'm positive. Should we ask Doctor Jeff?

We can. We'll try to call him really quick. I gotta be honest though, even though you just showered, I still feel like my face smells like, oh my God, you want to. Your face smells like ass.

It doesn't smell like ass. It smells like sweaty. Uh, you have to learn to love that smell. Oh, I'm not a fan.

Well, I mean, it was awkward. You're slaying 900 cables and you're standing. It wasn't awkward. That was so natural.

No, I think that felt good. It felt good to me. You just need to commit. You need to take that tongue.

Ram it up the ass. You're gonna have to learn to love it. Ram it. All right.

Now we did something a little bit special in this one. We made like a conference call, but like a video conference call. Yeah, it was like an AA session on the naughtiest conference ever of ass eaters. Hello, my name is Richard and I eat ass.

Uh, so Richard. Thank you. Thank you. Watch the crosstalk.

So we went to Patreon and we did a Zoom call. It was fun, right? It's always nice getting to hang out. People turn their cameras on or off and seeing some of those faces that we get to hang out with.

Yeah, we got to see everybody and talk to them almost as if we were in the same room and no one got COVID. So it all worked out. These are some of the highlights. The, the whole thing is up over there.

To our Zoomer, our Patreon Zoomer, do you feel like it's first base? Hell no. It's not. The first time I ate ass, she freaked out.

She freaked out. Yeah, I feel like that's a natural reaction for a lot of women. As soon as you go in there, they're like, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no one warned me this was gonna happen.

No one told me there's a lot of preparation that needs to happen. I need to be verbally warned. There needs to be a summons. Like a lot of things have to happen.

All right, give, let me hear from somebody else who likes eating butt. I don't want to use your name. Yeah, I think we mutually do, or at least that. Yes, mhm.

Do you remember your first time? I'm, I'm, I'm certain it was me. I, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna bet it was too. You look like an ass eater.

Do you remember being like, do I like this? Do I not like this, or like, do you remember a feeling? It caught me off guard, I think, cause obviously we didn't say, hey, this is gonna happen now, but um, I, I know I enjoyed it because I, it's something that I want to keep happening, right. Um, it's just a different sensation.

It's just a whole different region and just a different feeling, so it's nice. I like it, but you know, you do have to make sure you take care of yourself and no one wants to go down on a dirty ass. No one, no one, no one. All right, talk to me.

Why have you never tried this, at least I am the, that is the wrong hole. Like it's just, all right, first of all, you sound very familiar. Second of all, it is not the wrong hole. They're all the right holes.

I mean, has any One tried and you stopped them. Yes, you did. Did you stop them? How did you?

Oh, I probably slid halfway off the bed and reached around and, you know, gave a little whack on the head, like not my thing. So it's just something you're not even interested in it, not even remotely. All right. And Mr.

D, if I brought in. If I brought in, let's say, a twenty-something Brazilian model who was like, yeah, alright, so yeah, you'd be open to it, right? Or would it be something that you're like, that's just something I'm just not, I'm not comfortable with. Who waxes his asshole?

has me has me do it. Oh my God, I love the two of you. Will you, will you wax? Yeah, step one, I just ask.

I would, I will wax your asshole, but I will also strap you down with our bed straps because I have a feeling you might like, yeah, I am not great. I am not great whiplash me in accident. How do you shave your asshole? I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I'll tell you how very, very carefully, very carefully, yes, a very carefully, right?

You start from the inside and work your way outwards, but you just, you have to squat in the shower like you're in a Korean bath. Yeah, so you squat down and then you start from the inside and go, go out, right? And uh, you could involve a mirror if you wanna be precise, but when you're a master asshole shaver like I am, you know, feel your way, yeah, you can just feel your way around there, yeah, uh, you guys know what I'm talking about, right guys? So like in the winter, he like wants like a wild woman, like grow it all out.

Oh, that's funny. And then in the summer, he's like, you could be a dolphin. I don't care. I feel like there's maybe men out there now, maybe even women, but I feel like there's men out there who miss a little bit of the pubic hair because it is so common now for women to shave everything off, but there's definitely men out there who love a little bit of hair, or maybe.

A lot of hair. And now I feel like they would get ostracized if they said, I like a really hairy woman. I feel like that is, they would be afraid to say that. Do you like a hairy woman?

Everything, I mean, the variety of it's awesome. I mean, sometimes she'll go, especially during the wintertime, right, a little less. I mean, it's groomed, don't get me wrong, but you know, there's braid hair and cool. Put them on top undercarriage clean.

There you go. And then during the summertime it's, I mean, it, it's, it's different. It's just like any other hairdo. Different cool sometimes hairdo.

She's got a fade right now. Would you feel weird because Lauren brought this up on the podcast. Is it weird to then go asshole tongue to mouth? 00, ATM.

ATM, yeah, ATM. That's what we call it, ATM. You mean like eating ass and then like yeah like let's say, yeah, let's say I was eating your ass. I was like, oh yeah, you love this in your ass, and then I kiss you.

How do you feel about that? I turn into a huge whore when I'm having sex. So like me right now not having sex, I'm like, yeah, that's a little dirty, but during sex I'd probably be like, yeah, get over here, give me that like, oh my gosh, because I'm turned on me is a complete like I don't know that bitch. And there you have it.

I don't know who that bitch is either, but she's super attractive. If you wanna see the full version, head over to patreon.com/room77. Ladies, gentlemen, come to Richard and Lauren. We're gonna start practicing eating ass.

So next time you're with us, make sure you come with a, a clean asshole, or we'll put you in the shower. Yeah, we'll put you in the shower until you clean up, and then we'll be like, we're gonna eat your asshole and happy ass eating. Lauren, what have you been up to this month? This month I've been working out so hard that I got addicted to, it's called C light here in Mexico.

What is C light? Sea light is basically crystal Light, but it's in Mexico it's called Sea light, right? Well, that's how you avoid copyright infringement. You are addicted to a powder substance.

Yeah, that doesn't sound so good. I should say you're addicted to another powdered substance. Now Lauren has never done cocaine in the daytime. Ever, uh, ever, that is true.

It does it come in different flavors? I'm all lime. You're lime, lime. It doesn't hurt your nostrils.

Oh, you're actually, you're mixing it, yeah. Although I did have someone at the gym tell me that he's, he snorted pre-workout before. I'm like, holy, that is some hardcore working out. He was a medical doctor.

I don't know why a doctor would tell us to do that. Speaking of our. Weird addictions. Tell us, Lauren, about bikini Addiction.

So, we love Bikini Addiction. I really do. Go check out their swimsuits. They have swimsuits.

They have hats, and the best of all, the bikini binder, which I love so much, and I'm about to reorganize all of my bikinis in the bikini binders. They're sitting there on my bed in a giant pile. Bikini Addiction.com. Use our promo code room 77 and you get 15% off and we get some money too.

Yay. And if you book a trip. Through us anywhere you wanna go and get a free bikini. Terms and conditions apply.

And thank you again to the patrons. This podcast isn't possible without your support. If you're not a supporter yet, please consider where they go. Patreon.com/room77.

OK, we have so much more to tell this person, uh, because we had, we had such a huge weekend. I'm gonna list the things travel, beaches, uh, sex, drugs. Drinking, a little bit of ass eating, paying fines. Uh, so it was a very heavy weekend, but it's just way too much to talk about in this one.

It's way, way too much. So we're gonna have to keep it for the next one. But, uh, these things take time to put together, believe it or not, because we have to go out and do the shit that wastes a lot of time. And then we have to record it, the shit that we did and do all the other stuff like sell shit so that we can keep doing more shit.

Uh, so speaking of selling stuff, please everyone come to Antigua with us. If this isn't a success, then we quit life. It's, uh, we call it sexploration because we want all of our room 77 peeps, like whether you're vanilla, whether you're thinking about stuff, whether you're in your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, your 60s, come and all mingle together. Like we want everyone to just come and explore together and what better place to do that than brand new.

New brand new beaches that we've never been before. You can go to events 77.com or our website room 77 Life. July 11th to July 18th, and it's our first time. Maybe we're gonna learn stuff together.

We really want the non-judgmental, free, wonderful atmosphere, sort of like, uh, Woodstock with no mud. Just come hang out with us. You know us. We'll be there.

We'll be doing the workshops and we'll. drinking together and being on the beach together, we can have sand fights. Oh, sand fights. That's almost better than gasoline fights.

Listen, there's, it's just gonna be nakedness and fun. It's gonna be a little, hopefully a little like the scene in Boogie Nights by the pool. Or if that scares you a little bit, then it's gonna be more like the scene in Eyes Wide Shut. And if that That scares you, then it's gonna be more like the scene in 50 Shades of Grey.

And if you hated that movie, then it's gonna be more like Star Wars but sexier. So it's gonna be all of those things. What was the one theme night we came up with this weekend? Zero fucks.

0 fucks given. We're gonna have a 0 fucks given theme night. Yeah, all right. Right, Lauren, that is it.

I have to go deal with the shame and dirtiness that I feel from this weekend. While you go to the store, I'm going to a church and I'm gonna go to confession and talk about all of the things that I may or may not have done this weekend to my body. I had a dream last night that my penis was chasing me with a stick. And that must mean something.

My penis is a lot faster than it looks. Probably been doing naughty gym. And that about does it for us. For more information, visit us at room 77life.com.

Thanks for stopping by room 77. We had a blast. Now get your clothes and get out.